---

‘I need to speak to you. It’s important.’

Zach sighs into the phone, but at least he’s answered my call. ‘Josie, I’m really sorry but you shouldn’t be calling me. If you need to talk to me about uni work then of course I will, but you really have to see me after lectures. Or in my office.’ His voice is too formal; he sounds nothing like the Zach I’ve come to know.

But I’ve been expecting him to say something like this so I’m fully prepared. ‘It’s not about uni, it’s about my little brother. I think… I’m worried something might happen to him.’ I tell him about Liv turning up in London and asking to see me. And that I’ve spent a restless night churning over her comments, and her veiled threat, and this morning I still don’t know what to do.

Zach pauses for so long I think he might have cut me off, but then he finally speaks. His voice is warmer this time, but there is still a three-foot wall between us. ‘Josie, I’m so sorry to hear that, but you really need to go to the police again. I just don’t know what else I can do to help.’

He doesn’t realise what it’s taken for me to approach him with this. I hate the fact that I’m turning to him for help. Again. It’s not me, but I’m desperate and I’ll do what I have to for Kieren. ‘I’ve spoken to the police already,’ I tell him. ‘But there’s not much they can do. I just need to… talk it through with someone.’ I don’t need to explain this any further; Zach knows I can count the people I know in London on one hand, and none of them are anywhere close to being friends.

‘Where are you?’ he says, after another long pause.

‘Outside the library, I’ve just parked up.’ I’m about to ask him where he is but then a child cries out in the background, yelling something that sounds like no. He’s at home. With his family. There is no way he can, or will, come to me.

‘D’you know what? Just forget it. I shouldn’t have called you.’ I disconnect the call and throw my phone on the passenger seat of the car, not caring when it bounces and lands on the floor. I won’t beg for Zach’s friendship or anything else, I’ll find a way to help Kieren by myself.

I roll down the window, reach into the glove compartment for my cigarettes and pull out the packet of Marlboro Lights, desperate for a nicotine fix to ease my anxiety. But as I take one out and lift it to my lips, I think of Liv last night, the lines around her mouth and the permanent smell of smoke she tries to mask with cheap perfume. I scrunch the packet and hurl it through the window into the bin that by chance is not too far from the car. My perfect aim is a small, meaningless victory.

My day of lectures passes slowly and I struggle to take anything in. I scribble down a few words but have no idea what they mean. All I can think of is my brother, and the monster he has to live with. Maybe she hasn’t turned on him yet, but sooner or later she will. Hatred and bitterness are in her blood, the core of who she is.

At least now I know the name of the man who threatened me. Richard. The same person Kieren mentioned was taking him to McDonald’s. I’ve already told the police officer I was dealing with, the one with the kind voice, so now at least they can speak to him. It shouldn’t be too hard to find a cousin of Johnny’s called Richard. Ha, I don’t think Liv knew what she was giving away when she said his name, she was too busy revelling in her threats. She’s such a fool.

It’s a relief when my last lecture is finally over. I make my way to the car park, with no plan for what I’ll do this evening. I don’t have a shift at the coffee shop and somehow I’m up to date with my coursework, so there is nothing but an empty night looming ahead. But I won’t drink a drop this evening; I need a clear head to work out how I will get Kieren away from Liv – sooner than I thought I’d have to.

I approach my car and see a woman standing by it. For a fleeting moment I think it must be Liv, come to have another go at persuading me, but I soon realise it’s Alison.

‘Can we talk?’ she says, as I reach the car. She can barely bring herself to look at me, staring towards the library instead.

‘What is it?’ I can’t help being abrupt –I don’t trust this girl and she gives me the creeps – but I’m intrigued to know why she’s waiting for me at my car.

‘Um, will you be home tonight?’ She drops her eyes to the ground.

‘Why are you asking?’

‘I… I think we need to talk. Properly this time, no arguing or anything.’

This is not what I expected her to say. ‘What, you mean you’ll actually listen to me? About Aaron? About everything?’

She nods and flicks her hair out of her face. ‘Let’s just clear the air, Josie. We’re both stuck in that flat together until summer, and that’s a long way off. So what do you think?’

I study her face, a poker face I have no chance of reading, and decide to trust her this once. There is too much going on in my life; I already have too many enemies to make another one out of the person I have to live with. And compared to Liv, Johnny and Richard, Alison is harmless.

‘Okay, let’s talk tonight.’

‘I’ll be home around seven,’ she says, and flashes a thin smile before scurrying off.

She’s like a mouse or some other little creature, I think as I watch her leave, her red hair flying away from her shoulders. Maybe I’ve been too hard on her.

I’m back in the car and starting up the engine when my phone beeps. Hoping it’s Zach, I scoop it up and stare at the screen, but of course it’s not him. It’s a text from Liv: a photo of Kieren smiling into the camera, Liv’s red nail-polished hand on his left shoulder.

---

The flat is freezing when I get home. At first I think the boiler must be broken but it seems to be fine when I check it. I check the radiators and find that all of them have been turned off – except Alison’s. Unlike the rest of the flat, her room is cosy and warm. It doesn’t take a genius to work out she’s done this on purpose – but why? It’s nothing to do with saving on heating bills as everything is included in our rent. And if she’s trying to screw with me in this pathetic way then why did she insist on us having a chat this evening? Unless she did it before deciding to make peace with me. But I don’t have time to dwell on her strange behaviour: there are more important things to worry about.

I turn all the radiators back on and, wrapping myself in my thickest, longest cardigan, I curl up on the sofa and stare at the picture of Kieren on my phone. He looks happy enough, but that witch’s hand on his shoulder, like a claw, is sending a clear message: she doesn’t care what happens to her son, it’s more important to her that Johnny is out of prison.

Across the room I notice a full bottle of gin on the bookshelf. It’s not mine; I never leave anything in communal places since my USB stick was taken, and I’ve never known Alison to drink. Confused, I decide to question her about it later.

My phone beeps again and this time I’m not so quick to check it, expecting it to be another picture of Kieren, or at least an abusive message from Liv.

But it’s Zach. And he’s telling me he’s outside my flat.

‘What are you doing here?’ I ask, opening the door to him. Under any other circumstances I’d be pleased to see him – no, more than pleased – but not after the way he’s been giving me the cold shoulder since he took me to the police station.

‘Are you alone?’ he says, peering behind me. He seems anxious; I’ve never seen him like this before.

‘Yeah. Why? What’s going on, Zach?’ I check my watch. It’s only ten to six, so there’s at least an hour until Alison gets home for our chat.

Zach stands as still as a rock, both hands thrust into his pockets.

‘Do you want to come in, then?’ I move back to let him through, still not sure why he’s turned up like this.

‘I shouldn’t be here, I really shouldn’t. But I had to come. To… you know… check you’re okay.’

‘Then bloody come in, won’t you?’ I grab his arm and pull him inside. And once again we are no longer lecturer and student, but two people who like each other, despite the circumstances we’re in.

He laughs and frees his hands from his pockets. ‘I feel sorry for the man you end up marrying,’ he says. But there is sadness in his smile.

‘Why are you here, Zach? You’ve made it clear you don’t want anything to do with me—’

‘Of course I do. You’re my student, Josie, and that comes first. Above any personal issues I might be struggling with.’

I keep hold of his arm and lead him to the sofa. ‘Zach, you’ve got to stop talking in riddles. Tell me exactly what you mean.’

He sits down and shakes his head. ‘I don’t know, Josie. But I couldn’t let you down. You needed me earlier and I turned my back on you. I’m sorry for that, it was inexcusable. None of this is your fault. You can’t help… being you.’

‘There you go again with those bloody riddles! Please, just stop. Start talking straight. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.’

He buries his head in his hands. ‘I love my wife, Josie. I really do love her. She’s this amazing, selfless woman who is just there for everyone and anyone. I really can’t fault her. I mean, she’s a huge perfectionist and it’s a bit infuriating at times, but that’s a small thing to live with. And she’s a great mum to Freya. And Freya, well, she’s just this amazing little thing that we both created. Yeah, sure, she’s hard work, but I’ve said it before: there’s no such thing as perfection.’

It should be hard for me to hear all this, but somehow it’s not. It’s giving me a glimpse of the private Zach. The man he doesn’t want me to see. And it’s hard to feel resentment when I know his wife came before me. Plus, there’s a reason he’s here with me now, and I can’t help but feel excited by that. By him just being in my flat.

I sit on the floor and lean against the sofa. Once again the gin bottle catches my eye, but I ignore it. ‘It sounds like you’re really happy, Zach, so I don’t understand why you seem so… I don’t know. So something.’

‘Ha, look at us! We’re both writers and neither of us can find the word to sum me up.’ Zach sinks to the floor so we’re side by side. ‘Sometimes when you say things out loud it brings them to life and makes them real. Things you’ve kept in your head. I mean, they’re safe in your head, they can’t hurt anyone, but once you’ve said them, well, that’s it. Chaos. Destruction. People get hurt.’

I feel sorry for him in this moment. He was right when he said that I am free in a way he can never be. ‘How about if I say it? Then you don’t have to agree or disagree or anything, it’s just out there.’

He stares at me, obviously finding it hard to claim responsibility for any of this. But I continue anyway because it needs to be said, and it doesn’t matter who says it. ‘You’ve got feelings for me. And you’re a bit disgusted with yourself. You’re a decent man and you don’t ever want to cheat on your wife. But it’s tearing you up a bit and I just won’t go away. Even though you avoid me as much as possible, I’m still in your head and I’m not shifting. Am I right?’

Zach doesn’t respond, of course he doesn’t, but sadness darkens his eyes. He reaches over and takes my hand, giving it a brief squeeze before quickly letting go. ‘So what’s going on with your brother? I think you should tell me all about it.’

By the time I’ve finished, we’ve managed to move on from the conversation we had only moments ago – or at least we’re both pretending we have. ‘Do you really think she’d harm your brother?’ Zach says.

I tell him that he’d only have to meet Liv for a few minutes to know there’s evil inside her.

‘Can you call social services?’

‘They already know about her. Which is probably why she’s been on her best behaviour lately. But they can’t watch her all the time, can they? Anything could happen. She’ll just wait until they lose interest in her.’

Zach takes my hand but quickly drops it again. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says, looking away.

There’s no point making a big deal of his subconscious gesture. ‘You’re probably wondering why she would seem to be okay with Kieren when she couldn’t stand the sight of me.’

Zach turns to me again, probably grateful I’ve not mentioned what just happened. ‘Nothing in life surprises me,’ he says. ‘There are no limits to what people are capable of.’

‘She had Kieren when she was older, more prepared for a baby perhaps. And he’s a boy. I don’t know, but I think that’s the key thing. She can’t be jealous of him for being younger, or smarter, or prettier. And she can’t feel that he’s ruined her life when according to her, I’d already done that.’

‘Josie, you’ve told me before you don’t know who your father was, but what about Kieren’s?’

‘Liv was actually seeing him for a while. He seemed okay at first and was all right to me. And when Kieren was first born he seemed happy to be a father. But then he left, like they all did when they realised what she was like, and he never once tried to see Kieren. Not then anyway, and I don’t think he has in the last few years either. I heard he went to live in Spain, but I don’t know how true that is. Other than my old neighbour, I’m just not connected to anyone in Brighton any more, thank God. Except for Kieren. And I can’t leave him with her, Zach, I just can’t.’

‘Josie, you’ve got to be careful. Let’s both have a think about this and see what we can come up with. There’s got to be an answer.’

I don’t tell him that I’ve done little else but think about it and so far have come up with nothing. ‘Thanks, Zach,’ I say instead. ‘I know you’re putting a lot on the line to help me.’

‘I haven’t done anything wrong, Josie.’

But it sounds as though he’s trying to convince himself of that.

‘But we’re kind of involved on a personal level now, aren’t we? Isn’t that frowned upon by the uni?’

‘Yes, probably. I can’t say now that I’m just helping you with academic issues. That’s one thing, but this… I don’t know what this is. All I know is I can’t turn my back on you.’

‘You shouldn’t risk your job for me.’

He shrugs and tries to laugh, but I can tell it’s forced. ‘Sod it. If that happened there’d be even more motivation for me to finish my book.’

From out in the hallway something clicks and I freeze. Alison must be home early, and the last thing we need is for her to find Zach here – she’ll love exploiting that.

‘What was that?’ Zach whispers, jumping up and grabbing his coat. ‘Well, I’m glad I could help,’ he says, winking. ‘Remember to hand it in on time.’

But when we head into the hallway there is no sign of Alison or anyone else. I check her room and it’s empty, as are the kitchen and bathroom.

‘Weird,’ I mutter.

‘Must have been the neighbours we heard,’ Zach says.

But I know it wasn’t. Alison was here, I’m sure of that. I don’t mention this to Zach, though, as I see him out. He doesn’t need anything more pushing him away. Though our connection is strong, our friendship is hanging by a thread.

After he leaves, I sit at the kitchen table with my laptop, researching everything I can about social services and whether or not I can push them to do anything about Liv. I’m so engrossed in the words that I barely come up for air.

And when I notice the time, it’s eight fifteen, but there’s still no sign of Alison.