---

A loud noise wakes me and I shoot up, jumping out of bed before I realise it’s Alison dropping something in the bathroom. I hear her humming to herself, something tuneless that sounds like it’s coming from a child’s mouth.

It’s 8 a.m. and this is the first I’ve seen or heard of her since our conversation by my car at university. Fuming that she hasn’t had the decency to explain herself, I rush to the bathroom, still in my pyjamas. I won’t spare her the dignity of a knock – I’m going to unlock it from the outside, something I don’t even think she knows is possible, otherwise I’m sure she would have asked the landlady to change the lock.

‘What are you doing?’ she squeals, when I burst in on her. She’s not even in the shower but is about to start brushing her teeth.

‘What the hell happened to you yesterday?’

She squeezes toothpaste onto her brush. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Oh, come on! You told me you’d be home at seven and said you wanted to talk. What was the point if you weren’t going to be home? What kind of stupid game are you playing here, Alison?’

She spins around. ‘Josie, what are you talking about? I didn’t even see you yesterday.’

This girl is bat-shit crazy. ‘Why are you lying? You were waiting for me in the uni car park in the afternoon, you said you wanted to talk.’

‘Oh, Josie, you must have had too much to drink or something. I wasn’t even at uni yesterday. I didn’t have any lectures so I spent the day and night with an old school friend.’ She dabs her mouth with her towel. ‘I really have no idea what you’re talking about. Anyway, why would I wait for you in the uni car park when I can just catch up with you here?’

The smirk on her face warns me there’s no point protesting. This is one of her weird games and there is nothing I can do. ‘You’re right,’ I say. ‘I must be mistaken.’ I turn to walk out.

‘I hope you enjoyed your evening, Josie.’

I don’t even bother to respond.

---

‘I think my flatmate knows about us.’

‘Whoa, Josie, hold it right there! What do you mean us?’ Zach looks around nervously before closing his office door.

‘I mean that you were at my flat yesterday.’

‘How do you know? Has she said something?’

‘She hasn’t said anything but I just know. She’s been acting strangely. I mean, even stranger than usual. That noise we heard must have been her.’

Zach sits down at his desk and starts chewing his pen while he stares at me. ‘Look, I know the two of you don’t get on but maybe you should just try to make an effort with her. I could really do without gossip being spread around. That could be dangerous, Josie. You know that, don’t you?’

He’s right. It’s not fair on him that he gets dragged into my fight with Alison, especially when he really hasn’t done anything. ‘I’ll sort it, okay?’

But the frown remains on Zach’s face. ‘Please do. Look, I see you as a friend now, Josie, I think we share a lot of common ground and that’s rare, but you do know—’

‘I know, Zach.’ I don’t need him to spell out to me how we will never be anything more than that.

‘Then please can you make your peace with her.’

‘I have to go,’ I say, and I turn quickly because I don’t know whether I’m angry or upset.

---

Alison is curled up on the sofa reading a book when I get home. She sits up straighter when I come in – on guard, just as I am whenever we come into contact with each other.

‘Can we talk?’ I say, trying to make my voice soft. I know I can sound quite harsh sometimes – abrasive, even – and I don’t want to put her on edge. I need to defuse this situation. Zach is right, he doesn’t deserve malicious gossip to be spread about him when he’s done nothing but try to help me.

‘What is it?’ she says, putting down her book and sliding her legs off the sofa.

There’s something different about her. I was too caught up to notice it this morning but I’m sure it was there then too. She’s more confident now. Not the passive quiet girl she has been since I’ve known her. And it’s because she has something to hang over me, to suffocate me with whenever she wants.

I sit down next to her, forcing myself to see this through even though I can’t find any part of her to like. ‘Can we please try to sort things out? I don’t know about you but I could really do without the arguing and tension between us. We’ve got enough to worry about with exams and assignments and stuff. If it’s my fault then I’m sorry, but surely there’s a way we can work things out?’ I refrain from adding that this is exactly what she pretended to want as well. I must keep my anger under control.

She scrunches her nose and stares at me. ‘And what’s brought this on, Josie? You can’t stand the sight of me usually so I’m surprised you’re here, grovelling for my friendship.’

‘Wait a minute, Alison, I said nothing about friendship. I’m just trying to make things… amicable. We don’t have to be best buddies, but let’s just try to be civil to each other.’

She ignores every word I’ve said. ‘I’ve got friends, Josie. Plenty of them back home. I don’t actually need any more. I’m sorry but friendship just doesn’t work that way. You can’t force it. We just don’t like each other, do we? There’s nothing we can do about that.’

I’m too shocked to speak. Shocked she’s coming out with this, that she’s being so assertive and sure of herself. So what’s changed? It’s because she saw Zach here, it must be. She really has got one over on me now.

‘Anyway,’ she continues, ‘you seem to be doing a good job of making new friends yourself.’

‘And what does that mean?’ I can no longer keep the anger from my voice, even though this is exactly what she wants.

‘I have to go,’ she says, brushing past me on her way out.

---

The bar is noisy and crowded tonight and it’s just what I need to drown everyone and everything out. My little brother isn’t safe, Zach is practically washing his hands of me, and the girl I have to live with is borderline psychotic. I let out a raucous laugh because the only other option is to cry, and I won’t let that happen.

‘What’s so funny?’ Vanessa says. It’s just the two of us at the moment but I’m sure others will join us through the evening. That’s how it works with Vanessa. She just invites everyone out and whoever turns up, turns up. She doesn’t really care who she drinks with, as long as she’s out somewhere having fun. I don’t even think she’d care if she was here alone.

‘Life is what’s funny,’ I say, but she doesn’t get it and stares at me blankly.

‘Well, whatever it is, I think we need another drink. My round.’ She trots off to the bar and leans right over it to order our drinks. It’s obvious she fancies the barman but he clearly isn’t interested. Vanessa’s an attractive girl but she’s way too needy, and a trainee alcoholic on top of that.

Isn’t that a bit hypocritical coming from you, Josie? I shut that voice down and finish the remaining vodka in my glass. I won’t be like Liv, I can take it or leave it. Yeah, that’s what they all believe.

‘That guy’s staring at you,’ Vanessa says, placing our drinks on the table.

This is the last thing I need, but I turn to see who she’s talking about, just so I can be ready to shoot him down if he tries to approach me. But I know this guy. It’s Aaron – the sleaze Alison is still hung up on. Why else would she still be holding what happened against me?

‘Oh God, I know him. He’s a piece of shit.’ I crane to see who he’s with, expecting it to be a girl, but there are two guys sitting with him.

‘He looks all right to me,’ Vanessa says, raising her glass at him and putting on a flirty smile that doesn’t quite work.

‘Stop it.’ I pull her arm down and half her Malibu and Coke sloshes onto both of us and the back of her seat.

‘Oops,’ she says. ‘I’d better get another one!’

‘How about finishing what’s in that one first? I’ll get you another one later. It’s still early, isn’t it?’

She settles back down and stares at Aaron. ‘So what’s the deal with him? No good in bed?’ She seems to find this hilarious and throws her head back against the chair, soaking her hair in the alcohol we’ve just spilt.

I can’t deal with Vanessa’s nonsense right now. It was a terrible idea to come here, and now Sleazy Aaron is staring at me, probably plotting some kind of payback, just as everyone else seems to be. ‘Is anyone else meeting us tonight, Vanessa?’ I need someone – anyone – to dilute her out.

She shrugs. ‘Oh, probably, who knows,’ she says, and swigs so much of her drink that half of it pours back out of her mouth.

And in her I see my reflection. This is me when I’ve had too much and no longer care. It’s not attractive, but I keep ending up here anyway. I need to stop. As soon as someone else arrives to keep an eye on Vanessa, I’m out of here.

‘Come on, girl, it’s your round,’ Vanessa says, finishing her drink and slamming it down on the table. ‘You’re a bit slow today.’

I’m relieved to escape to the bar, but the whole time I’m ordering our drinks I can feel Aaron watching me. I turn around and he’s staring at me, scowling. I flash him a smile and turn back to get the drinks. Mine is just Coke this time.

Thankfully, when I get back to Vanessa, three of her friends are now crowded round the table. I’ve met them before but can only remember that one of the girls might be called Holly. But looking at her now, I’m sure I’ve got that wrong. I’ve had far too much to drink but I want to sober up now.

Just to prove you’re not like Liv? Who are you kidding?

I hang around for a few minutes, and once they’re all engrossed in conversation I make my getaway. None of them notice.

‘Leaving already?’ Aaron grabs my arm as I pass his table.

I yank my arm away. ‘Get the hell off me!’

He holds his hands up. ‘All right, calm down. Just being friendly.’

‘Sure you are,’ I say. ‘We all know how good you are at being a friend.’ I spit the last word at him.

I’m about to keep walking when I have an idea. Although Alison was weird before Aaron came on the scene, there’s no doubt her true hatred of me springs from the way he left the flat that night, which she still thinks is my fault. Now is my chance to try to put that right.

Without explaining myself I sit next to Aaron, ignoring the sleazy smiles from his friends. ‘So I’ll tell you what I’ll do, Aaron. I’ll give you a chance to put something right, prove you do actually have a shred of decency in you.’

The smile disappears from his face and I take pleasure in how easily I’ve insulted him. ‘And what would that be then? As if I didn’t know.’

‘Alison needs to know the truth. That evening you were at our flat I was only trying to stand up for her, to protect her. You know it, and I know it. In fact, she’s the only person who doesn’t. So I need you to tell her the truth. You said you were friends before so why would you treat her so badly?’

Aaron stares at me and grabs his bottle of beer. For a second I think he’s going to smash it across my face and I flinch back. But he only takes a sip, and thankfully doesn’t notice my reaction.

‘Look, I can’t be bothered with that shit. I’m done with Alison. She’s… Let’s just say she’s not all there.’

Again, despite everything Alison’s done, and her animosity towards me, I can’t help but feel protective towards her. ‘She’s fine. And she trusted you, so don’t be a piece of shit, Aaron.’

He doesn’t answer for ages, and I can tell he’s searching for something clever to say, glancing at his friends for inspiration or support – or anything, really – before finally speaking. ‘Okay, whatever. I’ll call her some time.’

That’s it. He’s given in. That was easier than I thought. I spring up, only too happy to get away from him and this place. ‘Make it some time soon, Aaron.’

But as I walk to the bus stop I wonder if I’ve done the right thing after all. Or have I just made things a whole lot worse for myself?