---

After everything Zach did I know it’s better to tell the truth wherever possible, no matter how difficult it might be; the only exception is when you need to protect people. This is why, so far, I haven’t told Will about Alison. But even though I still can’t tell him exactly who she is, or what she’s said to me about Zach, that’s as far as I want the lie to stretch.

So now, as I sit in the car outside Alison’s house while she packs some things, I call Will and tell him what I can.

‘I don’t understand,’ he says. ‘This woman is a client of yours? And you’re letting her stay in your house? That’s just crazy, Mia. I think it’s a huge mistake.’

I still can’t completely trust Alison, but those bruises didn’t look self-inflicted. And by keeping her close I will be able to observe her, try and figure out if she’s telling the truth about what happened that night, or if she really is delusional.

‘She’s not exactly a stranger,’ I say to Will. ‘She used to know Zach. And she remembered I was a counsellor so she came to me for help. I can’t tell you the details but I need to keep her safe from her partner. She’s not ready to be on her own, Will, so this is the only option to get her away from him. Surely you can understand that?’

There is silence, followed by a heavy sigh. ‘Not really. All I understand is that it’s asking for trouble. I don’t like this, Mia. It sounds… dangerous. You hardly know her, even if Zach did. And then there’s her husband—’

‘Partner. They’re not married.’

‘Well, either way, this is really not a good idea. Surely there’s somewhere else she can go? She must have family. Friends. Or if not, can’t she stay in a hotel or something?’

I tell him she hasn’t mentioned anyone she could stay with and assure him I’m in no danger at all, but I know this won’t put his mind at rest. ‘I can’t just dump her in a hotel, Will. And she’s the one in danger, not me. I can’t turn my back on her, can I?’

He sighs. ‘No, I suppose you can’t. That’s not who you are. I do understand, I just hope you know what you’re doing. Please be careful.’

‘I will. Stop worrying. Everything will be fine.’

But he’s not convinced. ‘I’d feel better if I could meet her. Maybe I could come over after work tonight?’

‘I don’t know, Will. She might not be up to that. But I’ll see. I’ve got to rush home and pack a few things for Freya before Megan’s mum drops her home. Pam and Graham are coming to pick her up this evening so she can stay with them for a few days.’

‘Oh,’ says Will. ‘I didn’t realise that was happening.’

‘It wasn’t arranged until just now,’ I say, but I don’t elaborate on the reason. He’ll worry even more if he hears me say I don’t want Freya around Alison. ‘It’s best for everyone,’ I add, when he doesn’t respond.

‘I really don’t like this, Mia. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’

‘She needs my help, Will. I’ve got no choice. If you knew what she’d been through…’

‘Just be careful, okay?’

Before we say goodbye I promise to speak to Alison about him coming over this evening.

Just as I put my phone down there’s a loud tap on the window. I haven’t even noticed Alison appear so it’s a shock to see her face staring back at me.

‘Is it still okay?’ she asks, as I open the door to help her with her bags. On the pavement are two large weekend bags and a small suitcase – far too much for a few nights. Despite the heat, my body shivers, but if feels as though I’m shaking on the inside. What am I doing?

‘Of course. Come on, let’s get going in case Dominic comes back.’

---

‘It’s funny being here like this,’ Alison says, when we get to my house. ‘I’ve imagined what the rest of your house might look like but it’s not what I expected.’

Her words set me on edge but I try to give her the benefit of the doubt. She’s just making small talk to fill the strange void between us. Neither of us spoke much in the car on the way here, but I told her not to mind my silence, that I just needed to focus on driving. But in the quiet I wondered if she’d changed her mind and was already planning how to tell me she wanted to go back to Dominic. To the life she claimed she was desperate to leave behind her.

‘Are you okay? I know this is a big step for you.’ I’ve got to do my best to put her at ease, to let her see she is safer here with me, even though I can’t let her stay too long. But I can help her find her way forward, without the man who’s abusing her.

‘It’s a bit weird. But thank you, Mia. This must be strange for you, too.’

‘I can’t lie about that. It’s not something I ever thought I’d end up doing.’

‘Well, Zach would say you’re doing the right thing, wouldn’t he? He seemed like a good man.’

The shock of her bringing up his name in this way renders me speechless. But I can’t let myself forget that Zach is part of the reason I want her to stay.

‘Oh, I’m sorry. I… That was a bit insensitive,’ she says. ‘I just meant that from the few minutes I spoke to him I really picked up a vibe that he was a decent man. He’d understand you wanting to help someone, wouldn’t he?’

I nod, but inside I’m conflicted, wondering whether I’ve done the right thing, one minute convinced I haven’t and the next certain I have no other choice. And then I remember the bruises all over her body and it reaffirms that I’ve got to see this through. Not only do I need to protect Alison – if she’s telling the truth – but I also need to determine what she knows about Zach. If anything.

---

It’s almost 8 p.m. by the time Pam and Graham collect Freya. She was a bit surprised when I told her she was going to spend a few extra days with them, but she soon got carried away with the excitement of being away from home. I’m sure being able to curl up with Socks all night was a big pull.

And now I am alone in my house with Alison.

‘Your daughter seems a lovely girl,’ she says, as soon as I’ve seen them all off.

I nod. ‘I’m very blessed to have her.’

‘She looks like Zach, doesn’t she? She’s got his light hair and eyes.’

‘Yes, she’s always looked more like him than me.’ Something I found hard in the months following Zach’s suicide, his mirror image constantly looking up at me.

Alison follows me into the kitchen. ‘I can’t imagine having children. I mean, I’d love to one day, but I can’t see it for myself yet. I actually don’t think I’d be a very good mum.’

‘Well, that’s understandable. You’re still young. It’s not unusual that at your age you can’t see how a baby or child would fit into your life.’

She chuckles. ‘Young. That’s all relative, though, isn’t it? I remember feeling old at twenty-one.’

Twenty-one. The age Josie Carpenter was when she met Zach. The age Alison was when the two girls lived together. I shudder.

‘Well, believe me, Alison, you’re not old. And even if you feel it at twenty-six, when you get to thirty, you’ll wish you hadn’t wasted time feeling that way.’

She stares at me for a moment. ‘You are so right. That’s the trouble with life, isn’t it? It’s so hard to get the right perspective on things.’

I turn away and begin searching for something to cook us for dinner. It feels odd talking to this woman – with twelve years and a whole lot more than age between us – as if we are close friends. She is still a stranger to me, even though Zach has bonded us together.

‘That’s true, but we need to try and stay positive,’ I say. ‘As much as we can.’ I pull out a packet of pasta. ‘Will this be okay for dinner? I can make Bolognese?’

‘Oh, thanks, Mia, but I’m really not hungry. It’s been a hard day.’

I study her thin frame and pale skin. ‘You need to eat something, Alison.’

‘I don’t have a big appetite. The problem is I cook things for Dominic and he complains so much it ends up being wasted, and then I don’t feel like eating mine. So I usually make myself a sandwich when he’s gone to bed.’

‘It’s not going to be like that for you any more. Okay? We’re going to have some food and then we need to talk about your next steps.’

‘I know.’ She sighs and looks around the house. ‘It just feels so good to be here. Away from him, like I’m in a different world. I just want to take it all in.’

Her choice of words worries me. Take it all in. My house? My life? I’ve got to be careful here. Always on my guard, and one step ahead of her.

Despite saying she wasn’t hungry, Alison wolfs down the food I place in front of her and hardly says a word in between mouthfuls. I barely touch mine because I’m still not comfortable with any of this. We are both avoiding mentioning Zach, and what led Alison to me in the first place. I know why I’m reluctant to talk about it, but I’m not sure why she is. It was only the other day she was begging me to help her prove Dominic harmed Josie.

‘Do you know Dominic’s ex-wife, Elaine?’ I ask, my sudden question almost causing Alison to choke.

She stops eating and puts down her fork. ‘I’ve met her a couple of times. Why?’

‘I just wondered if you know what kind of person she is? What their marriage was like?’

‘She seemed… very assertive. Like she knew exactly what she wanted. But it’s hard to tell when you only have a few moments to make a judgement, isn’t it? And as for their marriage, Dominic never talks about it. He refuses to. Says the past should be left in the past. What he probably means is that it’s none of my business. Why do you ask, Mia? Do you know her?’

‘No. But I’m just wondering if he abused her too.’ I agree with Alison about Elaine. She didn’t strike me as the type to be walked over – in fact, if anything, she appeared to be the kind of woman who would demand control, although outward confidence can mask many things.

Alison picks up her fork again and stares at a piece of pasta speared on the end of it. ‘I don’t think he did – Elaine was probably too controlling to let him. But he wouldn’t tell me, would he? And people change, don’t they? Maybe he wasn’t always an abusive man. Or maybe… maybe I just brought it out of him.’

‘Listen to me, Alison. It’s never the fault of the person being abused. Never.’

‘I know.’ She puts down her fork. ‘I just never thought I’d end up in an abusive relationship.’

‘No one ever does. But now you know you’re in one you can make some changes.’

Alison laughs. ‘You just can’t stop being a counsellor, can you? But you’re right. Everything you say is always so… sensible. I can’t fault any of it. Thank you again for everything you’re doing for me. But…’ She pauses. ‘There’s one thing I can’t understand.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Don’t you want to know the truth about why your husband is dead?’

‘Yes, but I need evidence. I’ve been through too much already for it all to come to nothing. I’ve spent five years believing Zach betrayed me, and worse, that he most likely murdered that girl, so unless there is proof to show me otherwise, I can’t rake it all up again. I’ve just about come to terms with what happened and I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing. I can’t do that to myself, or Freya.’

‘But that photo on Dominic’s computer. You even said yourself there was no way to explain it.’

‘I meant I couldn’t think of a way. That doesn’t mean one doesn’t exist. I need more than that, Alison. And I know you said you spoke to Zach and you trusted him from that short conversation, but I can’t just go off your instincts. I hope you understand that. Just because Zach might have loved me doesn’t mean he couldn’t have hurt me. Or Josie Carpenter.’

There is a long silence as she takes in what I’ve said. I can sense her disappointment. I’m not saying what she wants to hear, and she can’t understand why I’m not dropping everything to search for evidence. Because I know what happened. I know it in my bones, in every inch of my skin. In every part of me. But she will never understand that.

‘Alison, if there’s something – anything at all – that can prove Zach didn’t do it, then I will be the happiest woman alive. And I will go straight to the police. But I just don’t know how you think I can help find this evidence.’

Again, I sense the disappointment emanating from her. ‘If you help me, I’m sure we can do it. I know Dominic is involved somehow, Mia.’

With her words, things are gradually becoming clearer. This isn’t about Zach at all. Alison’s so desperate for a way to get Dominic out of her life that she badly wants him to be guilty. So badly that the truth doesn’t seem to matter, and it won’t stop her.

‘I think there’s only one thing we can do, Alison. We need to go to the police with that photo at the same time as we report what Dominic’s done to you. That’s the only help I can offer.’

Minutes pass and I have no idea how she will respond to this. When it comes, her answer is a surprise. ‘Okay, you’re probably right. I do need to show that photo to the police. But are you ready for that? For everything it will bring up? They may very well reopen the investigation.’

I nod. I’ve thought of nothing else since she showed it to me. Since she came to that first appointment. ‘We’ve got no choice, Alison. I think both of us need answers. But you’ve also got to be willing to tell them the truth about being there that night and talking to Zach. Are you ready for that?’

This silences her and I know her mind must be flashing through a hundred different scenarios. ‘Yes,’ she says eventually. ‘I’ll do whatever I have to do.’

Pleased that she seems to be making good progress, I ask if I can see the photo again. I was too stunned when she first showed it to me to take it all in, but looking at it again is something I need to do, even though I don’t expect it to provide me with any answers.

Alison goes to the hall to get her bag. When she comes back she’s already scrolling through the phone, but there’s a frown on her face.

‘What’s the matter? Have you heard from Dominic? What’s he saying?’

She shakes her head. ‘No, it’s not that. It’s the video – it’s gone. It’s disappeared, Mia!’