CRAIG
“What are you doing?” I ask Ava. I find her in the canteen, scrubbing large silver dishes like they did something to her.
When she sees me she smiles. “Just giving back.” She says with a grin. Goody fucking two shoes.
“That’s nice.” She turns around now and slowly peels off the yellow wash gloves. I don’t want her to, I think they are as sexy as hell.
“You really think me washing pots is nice?” I’m feeling a trick question coming on and I don’t want to play.
“I think you’re sexy.”
She laughs as I reach her, and she playfully swipes me with the gloves. “Nah this is punishment.” She rolls her eyes and now I have to listen when I honestly don’t give a fuck.
I bury my head in her neck. “You smell good.” She pushes me away with barely no force, I allow it.
“Stop Craig. What if someone walks in?” Even though she is saying no, I know she’s loving it.
“Will we let them watch?” She laughs again and bites her lip.
“Tonight?” She asks, and I hesitate. Why? I’m not sure. She sees the hesitation. “Is there someone else?” Here comes the crazies.
“Of course not. You’re the hottest woman in here.” I say along with a kiss to her cheek that has her smiling again. It’s like flipping a switch with her. “I’ll check in later.” I tell her and quickly leave before she can question me any further. I don’t want to give her an answer because then I would have to know what the fuck was wrong with me. I never turn down sex. EVER.
“There’s something wrong with me.” Rose doesn’t look up from her desk as I speak. She continues typing away on her computer. I haven’t seen Rose wearing glasses before so now they look funny on her.
“You don’t have an appointment, Craig.” She stops and pushes the glasses on top of her head. My shoulders tense as she holds out an appointment card to me that I can fill in.
“Are you fucking serious?” I have never come here outside my assigned times and she turns me away the moment I actually want her help.
“First, watch your language. Second, same rules apply to everyone.” Her eyebrows inch upwards as I take a pen off her desk, fill in the card and sit down while handing it to her. She takes it and shakes her head. I’m not sure now what to say as she closes the door I had left open. When she sits back down, she widens her hands. “Go ahead what do you think is wrong with you?”
I rub my jaw now, not sure but fuck it. “I got offered sex and refused it.”
Rose clears her throat as I pull my leg up onto my other one and hold it.
“First, there is a strict no contact rule in place in this facility.” She pauses and lets that sink in. “You want to tell me who made this offer?”
I grin at Rose. “No.” I answer, and she shifts in her seat.
“I can’t help you, Craig. You’re coming into my office with unclean hands.” She pushes back on her glasses and returns to the computer.
“I thought you were meant to help me.” The glasses come off again as she stares at me.
“Not with rule breaking. With your addiction. If you want to talk about that, we can.”
“I’ve been clean for a year.” I say through clenched teeth. A fucking daily struggle to stay away from drugs, but shit like this right here would push any man over the edge.
“Yes you have.” I hear the unspoken question. Then why am I still here at this facility.
I stand, seeing this conversation is pointless. It’s a bit like the rest of life; when you need someone the most, everyone scatters.
Bunch of bastards.
“I actually wanted to speak to you about your incident report.” Changing the subject, I turn back to her while shoving my hands in my pockets.
“Yeah.” I wait and she points at the chair. “It says that you were injured from a collision with a broken bench in the garden.”
I nod as I sit down. “That’s what I wrote.” I say.
“We found the broken bench.” I just nod. Of course she found the bench, I smashed it to bits. It was a bit excessive but once I got started it was hard to stop.
“It’s very hard to believe that a cut that high and of that depth was caused from the bench. Also the cut itself was very neat for a jagged piece of wood.”
I shrug. “Not sure what you want me to say. I got lucky that the cut was neat.”
“The truth would be nice.” Rose exhales loudly. Not going to happen.
“Why was it is so concerning that you didn’t want to have sex?”
So we are circling right back to the start. I raise my hands. “Unclean hands?” I question and she leans back in the chair without speaking. “I’ve never refused it before and I don’t know. I feel weird.” I hold up a hand before Rose can speak. “I mean like I’d refuse fat chicks or ugly ones. But if I’m attracted to someone I would never refuse.”
“There is so much wrong with what you are saying, Craig.”
“Right.” She was finally hearing me. She was getting it.
“Judging people on their appearance is shallow and frankly cruel. That is a part of you, you should assess before worrying about your sexual encounters, which I must reinstate are strictly prohibited in this facility.” Rose seriously needs to tell her staff that.
“I’ll start working on that right now.” I slap my leg before I stand.
“In our next session, you can let me know how you get on, not judging people.” Mother fucking Teresa. There is no way she didn’t judge half of the crazy fuckers in this place. She just didn’t have the guts to admit it. People who were all sweet were normally the worst.
After I leave Rose, the worst therapist in the world, I find Ethan and Michael having a powwow outside.
“Behind it all she’s very gentle.”
“What puke are you spewing?” I ask Michael as I light a cigarette.
“We’re talking about Michelle.” Ethan supplies the information and I snort. They don’t continue their conversation but watch me as I blow smoke into the air.
We are huddled near the bench that I took all of my anger out on. I smile at my handiwork.
“What? Nothing to say?” Ethan tilts his head as he looks at me and I find myself shrugging, before taking another drag of my cigarette. Ethan is back to himself, it took him a few days to get over his mother’s visit. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with Craig?” Ethan asks with real suspicion in his eyes.
Now Michael chimes in before bending at the waist and hooting with laughter. “Did Laura turn you down? I know you’re trying to bang her.” I want to punch him in the face; I hate how he is speaking about Laura. Instead of punching him I flick my cigarette at him and watch as it burns a hole in his top.
“What the…” He jumps back while patting his top. His finger jabs at the hole several times.
Moron.
“What did you do that for?” His face has turned red and I find myself shrugging again. I didn’t like how he spoke about Laura, but I wasn’t letting those words pass my lips.
“You know tomorrow night is movie night.” Ethan says to cover up the awkwardness. It works.
Michael’s top is forgotten as he sticks out his tongue and rubs his hands together. “I love me some easy pickings.”
“Really I didn’t see any action coming from your seat last month.” Ethan says, and I smile. Michael is all talk and no action at all. He would repel Quasimodo’s mother. He wouldn’t be that horrendous looking if he got laser treatment on his skin, maybe a few sunbeds, loose a few pounds. If someone like a professional did his hair and dressed him, he might have a chance then…if you also taped his mouth shut.
“When you can’t get even get Michelle, you got to call it quits, man.” I tell him and Ethan laughs.
“Harsh.” Ethan adds while still smiling.
“I don’t see you with any titty.” Michael wheels his anger on Ethan and I watch Ethan tense.
“There’s no one I like.” He says while his cheeks redden. The sideward glance he shoots at me has me narrowing my eyes.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I say to both of them.
“I think Ethan has a man crush on you.” Michael says, and I grin.
“Of course he fucking does. Look at me.” I strike a pose and the tension leaves Ethan’s body. “I know I feature in all your fantasies too, Michael.”
“Fuck you, I’m not gay.” The words brings the atmosphere down. I know Ethan is gay. I’ve known it from the start. But as long as he doesn’t pull any moves on me, I’m cool with him.
“That you should be grateful about. You have the tiniest chance with the female species but none with the male.” Ethan bumps the fist I hold out to him, and Michael, being a pussy, storms off.
I light another cigarette as Ethan shuffles beside me. I know he’s building up to saying something. I’d prefer he didn’t. “I’m not gay.”
I feel disappointment and I really shouldn’t give a fuck, but I do. “That’s cool. It’s also cool if you are.” I tell this to the sky.
“Yeah well I’m not.” I look at Ethan now but he’s facing away from me.
“Okay.” That’s all I say, and he nods before going back inside.