LAURA
Craig looks like the deer he drew in art class. I want to tell him it’s fine we can skip him. But Olivia calls him again and he blinks. I’m still raw from being so honest and I’m scared because I don’t know what Craig is thinking.
He stands which isn’t necessary but maybe it’s easier, He stuffs his hands in pockets and looks around the group. There is a foreign look in his eyes before he speaks.
“This has always been easy for me, speaking with you guys, I’ve been at this for over a year, and I’ve never been honest.”
Well this wasn’t good.
I find my gaze pulled towards Olivia. Her lips have thinned out and I don’t blame her. A year trying to help someone who was never honest has got to sting. I want to reach for him and tell him to stop but he’s so caught up in what he wants to say that I fold my hands in my lap and decide I will just help him when this session is over.
“Lies are easy for me, because I have a great memory.” Another deep inhale from around the room.
Oh Craig stop.
“But I don’t want to lie anymore.” My heart slams against my chest as Craig looks at me. “Because of you, because I want to be the man you see.” My lip is trembling and I bite it.
“I want to be everything you need. I hope you always look at me the way you are now.” My hands tremble slightly and I feel like I’ve stepped into a twilight zone, Craig is saying these things to me, about me, in front of everyone.
“I don’t have five things to say, I’ve like hundreds, so to sum it up Laura. You are fucking perfect to me.” He rubs his jaw with his hand and it’s like the class that had disappeared only seconds ago returns for him and he’s so aware.
“Kiss her.” Michelle shouts and it shatters the tension, a laugh bubbles up my throat as Craig raises an eyebrow at me, a stupid grin on his face.
“That was very nice Craig. Minus the lies you have told and the fact you can’t have a relationship with another resident, but very nice.” Olivia doesn’t sound pissed as I might have expected her to be, instead she sounds happy. When Craig sits down his hand finds mine, and he squeezes it.
I look at him and his eyes sparkle with joy.
I love you. I think to myself, I let that emotion into my eyes and smile. We don’t hold hands much longer, one final squeeze from Craig has him releasing me. We still need to obey the rules, when someone is looking.
When Maria and Michael exchange their five things about each other I zone out. I focus on the drum of Craig’s leg and the heat that radiates from his body. His smell is intoxicating. It’s a mixture that I wouldn’t normally find pleasant but it’s all Craig. His cologne, the undercurrent of smoke, the mint from his breath, and the smell after clothes come out of a tumble dryer. It’s all that mixed together and I inhale it.
When class ends Craig entwines our fingers again and he’s marching quickly out of the room. I’m seriously confused. “Craig where are we going?” I ask, he glances at me with a grin, but doesn’t say. He moves me quickly down the corridor tightening us together as we pass other residents until he opens the door that leads outside.
It’s fresh and cold outside and my t-shirt doesn’t do anything to battle off the soft wind that carries the cold with it. Craig reaches the large oak tree that I often sit under and pulls me around it, so no one can see us. I don’t get to inhale before his lips are on mine, the bark of the tree presses in my back while Craig entwines both our hands. His body folds into mine, the heat penetrating my clothes. My veins start to burn as I release his hands and grip his wide shoulders. I need more.
I can feel his growth and it’s causing a pool of wetness between my legs. His free hand travels under my t-shirt, and I suck in my stomach immediately at the contact. His knuckles graze my ribs and I can feel every hair on my body stand to attention. His tongue darts into my mouth, the cold of his tongue ring against the heat of his month has me pushing my body towards him and away from the tree. We slam back into the tree and Craig moans. When he breaks the kiss I’m seriously struggling to take in air. His hand rests on my ribs.
“You’re driving me crazy.” He sounds breathless too and I’m glad I’m affecting him as much as he is affecting me. After he removes his hand he gives me a soft kiss while still looking at me. There is something about the kiss that makes me want to cry. It’s open and vulnerable and a reminder that we’re are two damaged people who are opening up to each other. To me we are braver then most.