Luisa
It’s been three days. Three days of not speaking to Hawke or seeing him. He’s tried to call me several times a day, turned up on my doorstep which I refused to acknowledge. It’s Wednesday and I’m at Je t’aime, Jasmine’s florist shop, putting together a bouquet for a funeral. I have to say, this floral arrangement suits my mood right now.
Other than feeling like a truck has run over my heart, I love being here. I love working at Je t’aime. I thank my lucky stars Jasmine contacted me a couple years back to leave my home in Tennessee and come work for her. Jasmine herself left Tennessee five years ago, wanting to make something of herself, and from as far back as I can remember she’s loved flowers. She studied at NYU to get her MBA, and continued on to gain her qualification in floristry. She’d saved all her money over the years and used it to open Je t’aime. I’m so proud of her accomplishments, at such a young age she has so much. Even after surviving her divorce with Nic, she still held it together, and continued to grow the floral boutique by incorporating a café into the premises as well.
“Looks like you need a coffee, you’ve been staring at that ribbon for the last ten minutes.”
I look up and see Ricky standing there, a cup of coffee in his hand. I smile at him warmly and happily accept it. “Thanks, Ricky. I sure could use some caffeine right now.” I haven’t been sleeping well the last couple of nights since Hawke confessed he kissed Josie. It’s all been a bit much to handle. But I’m trying to get myself together so I can at least talk to him about it.
Ricky has been working for Je t’aime the past few months. He had a thing for Jasmine until Quill saw him trying to make moves on her at a fundraiser the Blood Brothers had organized. Quill made sure Ricky’s hands would never touch Jasmine again, even though Quill and Jasmine had been broken up at the time. It made no difference to Quill. He’s so dominant and protective over Jasmine, but he loves her, and she loves him. Quill agreed that Ricky could keep his job, but if he got word that Ricky ever tried to make a move on Jasmine again, he would be losing more than his job. So since then Ricky has been all professional around his boss, but he and I still like to joke and catch up.
“You wanna talk about it?” Ricky asks, staring at me with a concerned look on his face.
I shake my head and sigh. “Thanks, Ricky, but right now I don’t think I have the energy to.”
Ricky places his hands in his jean pockets and I can’t help but notice how attractive he looks today. He has dark hair that wisps over his forehead, and has a habit of flicking it back and out of his eyes. His eyes are so dark that sometimes when I stare into them, I swear he can read my every thought. The fact that each morning we have ladies swooning over him as he makes their coffee is just a hint of how hot he is. I need a life. But unfortunately, he’s not my type. My type is a biker with blond long hair, sun-kissed skin, and full lips.
“That’s okay. Well, you know where I am if you need to talk.” Ricky’s warm smile reaches his eyes.
“Thanks, Ricky,” I say returning his smile, and turn around to place the completed bouquet behind me. I hear the chime of the door opening, announcing a customer has walked into the shop. I told Jasmine to take the rest of the week off, so I’m in charge while she’s away. She gets married in a couple of days and needs to get everything organized. We’re flying out to Tennessee on Thursday so they can get married at her parents’ ranch. It’s been a dream of Jasmine’s since she was a little girl, and Quill is making sure that her dream comes true. We’ve had to hire a temporary florist from an agency to keep the store open, as Hailey, one of our regular florists, is also coming along to the wedding. Hailey is a casual employee and close friend, been with us over a year now, and we love having her help. She’s really good at what she does and doesn’t mind working extra shifts when we need her.
I turn around to give the customer who entered the store my attention.
“How can I….” I freeze mid-sentence. There standing before me is Hawke. His hair is messy from his helmet, and his usually scruffy jaw is almost a beard. His eyes, usually a startling blue, seem dull. Even though he looks exactly how I feel, I can’t help but travel my gaze over him, taking in his full lips, his muscled biceps covered in tatts, and the way his jeans fit him snugly.
“Can we talk?” Hawke asks placing his hands on the counter in front of me, and my eyes snap up to meet his. The look of uncertainty on his face causes my breath to hitch. I’ve never seen Hawke this way, in a mess and so unsure of himself. His scent of sandalwood stirs my senses and goose bumps cover my body. It’s as if it’s attuned with his and knows he’s close.
“Hawke, I don’t think—”
He raises a palm to me, indicating he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. “Please, Lu, just give me five minutes.”
Inhaling a deep breath, I glance around the store and see there’s no one here except Ricky, who’s trying very hard not to look our way.
“Please,” he whispers. “I deserve five minutes.”
His husky voice hits me in the pit of my stomach, and I cave in. “Sure, five minutes, and that’s it,” I say trying very hard to control my high-pitched voice. He nods once then steps back, allowing me to walk around the counter and lead him to a table in the café part of the shop.
“Can I get you anything?” Ricky asks Hawke as he approaches us, order pad in hand.
Hawke takes a seat opposite me, and his eyes don’t leave mine when he replies, “Piss off.”
Looking up at Ricky I try to apologize with my eyes, and he seems to understand, nodding once before walking back behind the counter.
“That wasn’t very nice. Ricky was just doing his job.”
Hawkes frowns. “I don’t give a fuck, I’m here to see you. I don’t like that fucker.”
“Hawke!”
“Will you just be quiet for two minutes, please?”
I twist my hands in my lap, waiting to hear what he has to say. I’m so nervous and don’t know why. I don’t know if there’s anything he can say right now to make me forgive him. I feel like I’ve been blindsided, the fact that he kissed another woman before he came to my apartment and made love to me is something I couldn’t ever fathom happening. I thought we were in a good place, thought if I gave him my all he would realize how good we are together, and want a future with me. What’s wrong with me? Why do men keep letting me down and cheating on me?
I feel my eyes prickle with tears and Hawke leans over and cups my cheek. I flinch and move away from his touch, seeing hurt in his eyes as he sits back in his seat again. He’s hurting too.
My heart beats a thousand miles an hour, and my palms are sweaty as I place them on top of the table, linking my fingers together.
“What did you want to talk about, Hawke?” My voice sounds more confident than I actually feel, and I brace myself for what he’s about to say.
“Lu, I miss you.”
And just like that a tear escapes. I quickly swipe it away.
“Babe, I love you,” he continues.
Rage fills me, my sadness easily replaced with anger. “You love me?” I cry out. “You. Love. Me?” I repeat the words, spitting them out like venom.
“Babe, I do.” Hawke reaches his hand over to mine, squeezing it.
“You sure have a funny way of showing it,” I reply and remove my hand from his.
Hawke runs a hand down the back of his neck and growls. “Fuck, I don’t know how to do this, Lu. You have to believe me, I never meant to hurt you. That kiss was nothing to me. I stopped it.”
“I don’t want to hear this, Hawke. I don’t want to hear the details of how your lips were on another woman, and not just some woman, your ex.”
“I know I fucked up. I do. I shouldn’t have been with her that night, but when I saw my ex-fiancée shooting up, I couldn’t just walk away. I had to see her home.”
“Wait, what?” I ask, surprised. “Did you just say your ex-fiancée?”
Hawke’s face changes when he realizes he may have just said a little too much, and I get up from my seat with every intention of walking away. But I’m stopped when he grabs my arm, keeping me still. Getting up from his seat, he grasps my shoulders, holding me captive. I can’t look at him. I keep my eyes focused on the floor as hurt and pain sweep through me. “Lu, please look at me.”
I slowly move my eyes up to meet his, glaring at him. I shove his hands off me, then pull my hand back and slap him hard across the face. Shock blankets his features, and I can feel my hand tingle with the hard contact of the hit. Angry tears roll down my cheeks and I roughly swipe them away. I won’t let him break me.
“You asshole. You were engaged and you never thought to tell me?” I cry.
Hawke’s hand covers his cheek, now turning a light shade of pink, and he clenches his jaw.
“Get out. Get out now!” I yell pointing to the front door of the shop. “I want you to leave, Hawke. Get out while I try and deal with all this.”
Hawke’s eyes plead with me but I ignore him. I can’t deal with this newfound information. Hawke was engaged before? He was going to marry her? I don’t know why it hurts so much to know that he was going to give himself in this way to another woman. Maybe because I know she could be the reason for him holding back from me.
“I’ll go,” Hawks says looking defeated. “But I won’t give up. I won’t give up on us, Lu. I may have been engaged before, but I’m so fucking glad I never married her, because the way I felt about her is nothing compared to how I feel about you. I love you, Lu. And if you can’t love me back after all this, then I don’t deserve you.”
He leans in and kisses the top of my head, then walks away from me. I stand there staring at the closed door he just slammed behind him, my heart sinking at the thought this may be the end of us.
“Uh, are you okay?”
I quickly wipe away my tears and turn to face Ricky, at the same time forcing a smile. “Sure, I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine,” Ricky states, his gaze running over my face.
“Just drop it.” When those unnecessarily harsh words leave my mouth, I instantly regret them. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bark at you. I just need some space right now.”
Just as Ricky is about to respond, the door to the store opens again. This time it’s a customer. Saved by the bell. I smile at the elderly lady. “I’ll be right with you.”
Walking out toward the back of the store, I stare at myself in the mirror of the small staff bathroom. A sinking feeling within hits me hard. My mind travels back to Hawke’s words and I catch myself on another sob. I need to get out front. Pull yourself together Lu, at least till work is over.
I take in a huge breath, then dab my cheeks with some tissues and head out to my customer, determined to get through the rest of the day without any more tears.