Hawke
Josie can barely stand when I reach to help her out of the front seat of her car, and she stumbles into my arms. I hold her around her waist, and ask for the password for the apartment gates when we reach them. She looks up at me lazily. “It’s the same.” I nod and dial 0412, the anniversary date of when we first met.
The gate opens and I walk Josie through and slam it behind us. Walking up the apartment building’s steps, I practically have to drag her up each one. Once we’re finally in front of her door, I grab keys from her bag I’d shoved over her shoulder, and unlock it.
When we enter there’s light glowing from a lampshade in the lounge room, and I walk her down the hall to her bedroom.
Opening the door, flashbacks of the last time I was in here run through my mind, the image of Josie and her lover fucking on the bed displaying before me. I grind my teeth to try and rid the painful vision, taking a long and steady breath.
I pick Josie up in my arms and carry her to the bathroom, placing her in the shower recess. “What are you doing?” she squeals as I turn the cold water on, hoping it will shock her out of her high.
“Shit,” she gasps as the water cascades down her body, drenching her clothes and making them stick to her delicate frame. I turn to walk away, but I’m stopped in my tracks when she grabs onto my arm, keeping me beside her. I squeeze my eyes shut before turning around to face her again.
I swallow hard when I see her eyes are hooded with desire. She’s so beautiful; she’s always been beautiful. She’s skinnier than I remember but still gorgeous as hell, and the way her doe eyes are pleading with mine to what? Fuck her? No fucking way! That look and her hot body may have gotten me to fuck her in the past, but things are different now. I love someone else. Love? Fuck! I just used the L word.
Luisa loves me for me and is beautiful on the inside and out. Unlike the woman who is standing here before me.
Her hands shoot forward and she pulls on my cut, bringing me in closer to her wet body and forcing my chest to rub up against her breasts. I can feel her hard nipples against my torso, begging for me to stroke them through her skimpy top.
“I want you, Hawke. Please take me, here and now,” she whispers in my ear as her tongue reaches out to lick the shell of it. I can feel her warm breath fan my cheek. Her tongue continues a path down the side of my cheek to my neck, where she licks and sucks. Her hands slide up the inside of my shirt where she runs her nails down my abs, then lets them linger at the button on my jeans.
I exhale loudly; the woman has a fucking nerve. She looks up at me, droplets of water sprinkling her eyelashes. She looks beautiful, almost angelic. Her lips are swollen with need and I hold my breath as her hand slides into my jeans and cups my cock.
“Fuck!” I grunt, and feel myself getting hard.
I grab her face between my hands and kiss her solidly. She moans into my mouth and her familiar taste comes flooding back. She tightens her hand on my shaft and begins to stroke it through my boxers. I rip her shirt off easily and cup her breasts through her bra, toying with her nipples.
Fuck, I can’t fucking do this. I don’t want her, I want Luisa. Just as she’s about to unzip my jeans I pull back, breathing heavily.
“Why did you stop?” she asks, breathless.
I shake my head. “I don’t want this, I have a woman. This cannot happen again.”
Josie smiles and looks down at my groin. “I’d say you’re lying, and that you want this really bad.”
I adjust my cock, still semi-hard, and narrow my eyes at her. “No! I don’t want this. A man can’t help it if he gets hard from a woman rubbing his cock,” I growl. “The only reason I’m here is because I wanted to see you home safe and… what the fuck are you doing?” She unzips her skirt, and it sinks to the shower floor.
“I’m getting naked, isn’t that what you do when you have a shower?”
My eyes move back up to her white G-string, and I spin around and walk out of the bathroom, trying to get my mind back in order. I sink down onto her bed and run my hands through my long hair. It’s a little wet from the shower. I’m pissed at myself for giving in to her. Luisa, think of Luisa. She is your world. Don’t fuck this up! I get up from the bed and begin pacing the bedroom floor, my gut twisting in knots from having kissed Josie. She’s always had this hold on me and I need to get the fuck out of here, but not before I find out what the hell is going on with her.
I hear the shower stop, and a few minutes later Josie walks out of the bathroom, her hair wet and falling around her shoulders, a white towel wrapped around her body.
“Oh,” she says, her eyes wide. “You’re still here.”
“Yes, I’m still fucking here,” I growl, walking toward her. She steps back when she sees the anger evident in my face, and falls back against the wall, clutching the front of her towel to her chest.
“What the fuck are you doing stripping at Black Panthers, Josie? And getting high? Tell me!” I demand, as I grab hold of her wrist, pulling her arm toward me and running my fingers over the needle marks there.
Tears pool in her eyes and she turns her face to the side, unable to look at me. I grab her chin with force, making her look back at me. “Tell me now, Josie,” I demand, “or so help me God, I will force it out of you.”
“Fine!” she yells. “I’ll tell you, but it’s not a pretty story.” She hangs her head in defeat.
“Don’t give a fuck. I want to know.”
She pushes me back, hands on my chest, and moves to her bed. She takes a seat on the edge of it.
Not trusting myself, I stay where I am and lean against the wall she just vacated.
Tears begin to fall down her cheeks and I try to rein in my anger. She finally looks up at me. “When you left, I was broken, Reece.”
“Hawke!” I say sternly.
“What?”
“I said, Hawke. Call me Hawke, Josie. I’m not Reece to you anymore.”
She sighs and twists her wet hair into a bun on top of her head, doing some fancy shit that makes it stay in place.
“Hawke,” she agrees and nods once. “Right. Well as I was saying, when you left I felt like I couldn’t go on. I know I cheated on you, Hawke, but you have to know I did it to get your attention. I didn’t matter to you anymore. The only thing that did was your club.” The word “club” spits out of her mouth like venom.
I push myself off the wall and get up in her face. “Don’t you dare try to blame me for your cheating, sweetheart. That shit’s on you,” I say pointing my finger in her face.
“I know that now,” she confides, reaching up and holding my finger, and I pull it away out of reach. “I was depressed,” she continues. “I couldn’t sleep, life was worthless to me, Hawke.” Tears continue to fall down her face. “So, one night I couldn’t take the pain anymore, and I went downtown where I knew dealers were selling on the streets. I took my first hit that night and frickin’ loved it. It took all the sadness away. I felt numb. All my pain vanished.”
She rubs her hands down her thighs and clasps them together in her lap. “Eventually, I lost my job. I started to turn up late to work, and left early so I could get my next hit. Until one day my boss called me into his office and fired me for my tardiness. That’s when I found Black Panthers. I was searching for a job in the newspaper, and there was an ad saying they were looking for dancers. I love to dance. When I was young, my mother sent me to dancing classes from the age of four. Well, not that kind of dancing, but it sure helped that I had experience. So, I auditioned and I got the job on the spot. The drugs give me the confidence to get my clothes off. And so here I am,” she says waving her arms around her bedroom.
“Josie, you need to stop the drugs. You don’t need them,” I say forcefully, kneeling in front of her. I scratch my scruffy jaw—I’ve let it grow out lately—and can’t for the life of me understand why I give a shit what Josie does with her own life. I guess this woman once meant something to me, so I can’t handle the fact she’s hurting herself. And the fact that I might be the one to blame doesn’t sit very well on me.
“You don’t know what I need, Hawke. You weren’t there. The drugs saved me. If I didn’t have them who knows what I would have done.”
I raise my eyebrows, not believing she honestly thinks the drugs are good for her.
“Josie, I’m only saying this because there was a time that I loved you.”
Josie closes her eyes, and tears roll down her face onto her trembling lips. I lean forward and swipe them away with my thumb. Her eyes snap open and I move my hand away, realizing I’m unconsciously touching her once again.
I get up from the floor. I need to get the fuck out of here.
“Where are you going?” Josie asks, looking frantic.
“I’m leaving,” I reply. “I’ve been here long enough, I have shit to do.”
She gets up off her bed and places her hands on her hips. “You have shit to do, or someone to do?”
No fucking way does she have the right to ask me that question.
“That’s none of your business, Josie. But if you must know. Yes, I have a woman, someone who loves me for me. She’s not trying to change me into someone that I’m not.”
Her face turns red, and before she can say another word, I growl, “Don’t. I got you home safe, now the rest is up to you, Josie. You need to get your life together, you’re better than that.” My phone vibrates and when I check it, it’s a message from Tracker letting me know he just dropped off my bike. Thank fuck! Great timing.
I give Josie one last stare, letting her know I’m serious, and then turn toward the doorway to her bedroom.
“Does she make you feel good, like I used to?” Her words have me coming to a standstill, and I rest one of my hands on the side of the door. I can hear her steps behind me, then her heat against my back. “Does she have you screaming out her name as you come deep inside of her?” she whispers against my ear. Her hands trail up my back and I sink my head forward, my body trying to fight with my screaming brain. “I can make you feel good again, Hawke. Just give me a chance to prove it to you.”
I shake my head. “No, Josie.” I walk into the hallway and turn to face her. “And yes, she does. I come so fucking hard that I don’t know where my cock begins and ends with her,” I state, then smile as I see her mouth gape open.
Turning around and heading to the front door, I slam it behind me and walk to my bike, pissed that I let her get to me. I need to keep my fucking distance. I helped her tonight, now it’s on her. I need to stop feeling guilty about her doing drugs. She said it was our breakup that drew her to it but that can’t be on me. I’m not to blame, she made her choices. With that decision made, I straddle my Harley and start up the engine, needing to be balls deep in my woman.
I ride fast to Luisa’s apartment, hoping to God she’s home and in bed waiting for me. She’s my everything, and I need to prove that to myself and her tonight.