Luisa
Grabbing my phone I sit on my bed and dial Jasmine’s number, needing my best friend right now.
Jasmine picks up on the first ring.
“Hey, you. How’s your hangover?” she asks giggling.
“Hey, Jazz. It’s not bad considering.”
“What’s up, Lu? You sound different.”
I sniffle, trying to hold back my tears, not wanting to upset my best friend. But I can’t, I can’t hold them in. Right now, I feel as if Hawke has ripped my heart out.
“Lu? What’s going on? Are you okay? Talk to me.”
I reach for a tissue on a side table, and dry the tears that have escaped my eyes.
“Where are you?” I ask noticing there’s noise in the background.
“I’m at the clubhouse. I slept here last night. Quill wanted to be here in the morning and wouldn’t let me go home alone, even though I told him it’s no big deal. But you know how alpha he is.”
“Yeah,” I whisper and smile, understanding exactly what she means. I envy what Jasmine and Quill have. Their love is so strong that when they’re together, you can slice a knife through the sexual tension. They’re made for each other and I can’t wait till their wedding day. I only wish I could have what they have with Hawke. I’m not saying I want to get married now, I just need to know where I stand, and if I do have a future with him.
“Why don’t you come down here? Hawke’s here, they just stepped into church.”
“No!” I cry out, and place my hand on my beating chest. “I mean, he doesn’t need to know that I’m on the phone to you.”
“What’s going on, Lu? You’re scaring me.” I can hear rising panic in Jasmine’s voice.
I sigh. “Oh, Jazz. I need to talk to you.”
“Sure, Lu, you know you can always count on me. Do you want me to come over?”
“No, it’s fine,” I reply, pushing myself back against my bed pillows. “I just need to ask you something.”
“Sure, go ahead. Wait, let me go to Quill’s room where I’ll have some privacy.”
I hear Jasmine’s footsteps, and then a door slamming shut.
“Okay, shoot. What’s up?”
“Well, you know last night, how Hawke didn’t turn up to Beats with Quill?”
“Yeah, he was doing something for the club.”
“Yeah, well that’s what he said, but this morning I heard him whispering on the phone to Quill. I listened in and heard him tell Quill that he’ll tell me about Josie in his own time.” I take a deep breath and continue. “Then when he was in the shower his phone received a message, and I couldn’t help but check it. It was from this Josie person, thanking him for last night, saying that it means a lot to her to know he still cares. Jazz, she said she will always love him,” I whisper hoarsely, and tears begin to roll down my face. I can’t help but cry out my despair.
Jasmine is silent so I look at the display on my phone, checking if we’re still connected. “Jazz, are you still there?”
Her voice is quiet when she replies, “I’m here, Lu.”
“Well, what do you think? Am I going crazy?”
Silence again.
“Jasmine? Please, I need my best friend right now.”
I hear her shuffling. “I’m sure it’s all a misunderstanding, Lu,” she finally says. “I think you should ask him about it.”
“I can’t. How am I supposed to bring it up when I shouldn’t have been reading his messages?”
“Look, I’m telling you this because you are my best friend,” she says on a sigh.
“You know something, don’t you?” I ask, feeling my breath escape me.
Silence once again.
“Jazz?”
“I promised him I would let him tell you.”
A lump forms in my throat and it burns. I place my hand over my chest, trying to calm down, but at the same time I’m so scared of what Jasmine knows.
“Jasmine, please, you need to tell me. Is he cheating on me.?” I cry out. “I can’t go through this again, you saw what I went through with Russell. I can’t… I just can’t….” I start to sob, unable to hold it in any longer.
“Oh, Lu, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. And I could kick Hawke in the balls for not telling you about his past, but all I can say is that you have nothing to worry about. He loves you.”
“He loves me?” I shout. “How do I know he loves me, Jazz? The man has never used those words. Those three little words that I so desperately need to hear.” I begin to cry again, and my hands tremble as I hold the phone to my ear. I feel like I can’t get any air into my lungs. The possibility of being betrayed again is tearing me apart.
“Lu, please don’t cry. I promise everything will be okay. I’m coming to see you. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
I don’t reply, I can’t. I just keep crying, and let the phone drop to the bed. I’m so hurt right now. He told Jasmine, told my best friend about his past, but he doesn’t trust me enough to tell me. Oh God, what if he is cheating on me? I gave him my all last night, and even though he didn’t say he loved me, the way his body made me feel—wanted and needed—I didn’t need the words. But now, sitting here, knowing he was with another woman last night is killing me. My heart aches and I can’t stop crying.
I can hear Jasmine on the phone yelling, “Lu! Are you there? Lu?” Then I hear our call disconnect. I know she will be here soon.
I replay the message from Hawke’s phone in my head. Who is this Josie? Is it his ex-girlfriend? Every time I’ve tried to bring up Hawke’s past with him, he changes the subject.
Why doesn’t he want to tell me anything? What is he hiding?