Luisa
Dry, so dry… my tongue feels like sandpaper. Something is down my throat, scratching at the walls of it. Thirsty. I’m so thirsty I could drink an entire river.
My eyes are shut and I can’t seem to open them. Where am I? I hear whispering voices, a constant beeping coming from something beside me. I want to open my eyes, but they’re so heavy, like they’ve been glued together. Voices are getting closer. There’s a female, male, and… and… Hawke! Oh God, Hawke. Am I alive? My brain is so fuzzy. I remember being shot, but that’s it. Am I at the hospital?
My hand warms when I feel someone give it a squeeze. “Honey, it’s Dad. You wake up now, you hear. We love you and we’re all here waiting for you to open your eyes.”
Daddy! Daddy! I want to yell but can’t seem to get the words out. I keep drifting and floating—blackness, total blackness takes over me, and I’m out again.
“I love you, Luisa. God, wake up, babe, I need to know you’re okay. I’m so sorry, so goddamn sorry that I didn’t protect you. Just wake up for me, baby.”
Hawke. I feel something wet on my hands. Are those tears? Hawke is crying? I want so badly to tell him I’m okay, but the words won’t leave my lips, and I’m too damn tired to open my mouth and speak. Water, I need water…. It’s the last thing I remember before I’m taken back under.
“Honey, it’s Mom. I’m here. You just wake up, now. Please honey, open your beautiful eyes, let me see that you’re okay. Please,” she sobs.
“Gail, don’t cry, she shouldn’t hear you cry.”
Daddy, Daddy, I’m here. I’m alive. Tired so tired. Beep, beep, beep. Darkness.
“Luisa, it’s me, Jasmine.” I can hear her crying as she continues. “You’re an aunty. Wake up, Lu. God, please wake up. You were so brave. If it wasn’t for you, Jack wouldn’t be here. That’s right, Lu, I had my baby,” she says, laughing and crying all at the same time. “I had a boy, we named him Jack, after my father. He’s doing well, but he’s so tiny, Lu. He was born twelve weeks early, so they have him in an incubator to help him breathe. Quill and I only get to cuddle him once a day. The doctors said he’ll be okay, he just needs a little help to get a start out in life. Oh, Lu, please wake up.” I hear Jasmine giggle. “You should see all his hair, Lu, black hair like his father. We can’t make out his eyes yet, but I love him so much, and I can’t wait for you to meet him. So get up, you hear me? I need you beside me. I need my best friend.” I hear her start to cry again, and she squeezes my hand.
“Babe, dry those tears, she’s going to be fine.”
“But… but what if she’s not, Quill? What if she doesn’t wake up? It’s my fault she got shot.”
“Shush, baby.” Quill? Quill is here?
“Don’t blame yourself, Luisa is a strong woman. She made her choice, and I’m so thankful she did. She saved Jack,” Quill explains. I hear Jasmine cry again.
“I know you’re right, it’s just… she looks so pale. Why won’t she wake up, goddamn it?” Tears… more tears. Jasmine, I’m okay. Jasmine, Jasmine. Tired, so tired. Then darkness again.
Beep, beep, beep. Why won’t someone shut that off?
“It’s been eight days now, goddamn it. Eight days. Why hasn’t she woken up yet?” Hawke, Hawke I’m here, I’m here. Please, why won’t my words come out?
There’s another voice but I can’t hear what they’re saying, their words spoken so low.
“I don’t give a shit, doc. Do something. This can’t be good for the baby.”
Baby? He must be confused. Darkness. I’m so tired.
Beep, beep, beep. That sound, someone shut off that sound! I feel different. My senses are stronger, I can hear better, smell better. I try and move my right hand, and I’m able to slowly move my fingers a little. I feel cool material beneath them, and then repeat the same movement with my left hand this time. Something is clipped to my finger, though, and it’s annoying me. I want to rip it off but don’t have the strength. Slowly and steadily my eyes flutter open. So bright. So bright it’s blinding me. I quickly close them. Come on, you can do this. I try a second time, and this time when I open them, I keep them open. I begin to cough uncontrollably. There’s something stuck in my throat.
“Luisa? Oh my God, you’re awake. Sit tight, honey, I’m going to go and get the nurse.” I hear my mom run to the door and open it, screaming for the nurse, and then yelling, “She’s awake!”
She comes running back in with my dad, and Jasmine by her side as well. “Oh, thank God,” my mom cries, leaning in and kissing me on my forehead, tears rolling down her face. I want to hug her back, but I can’t. I can’t move. I have all these wires hanging off me.
“Excuse me ma’am, if you can just step back for me so I can check her vitals.”
My mom does as she’s asked and steps back. “Yes, of course.” Her hair, usually perfect, is tied in a messy bun, and her face is clear of any makeup, dark smudges under her eyes making her look so tired. Jasmine is standing at the end of the bed with my father, and they both have tears in their eyes. I search around for Hawke, but I don’t see him.
Just as the nurse is about to shove some torch in my face to check my eyes, he comes rushing into the room, only stopping when he reaches the side of my bed. He looks tired, so tired. He has more scruff around his face, bags under his eyes, their usual bright blue shade now dull. His shirt is creased, and his hair looks oily and messy. Hawke looks the picture of exhaustion.
“Babe, you’re awake.” His eyes crease at the edges and fill with tears. He grips my hand, his warmth traveling through me. I want to smile and tell him I love him but I can’t, and then he breaks down. He falls to his knees and rests his head on the bed, all the while kissing and cupping my hand in his. He cries. The sound of his tears breaks me in two. He’s broken. I want to run my hand over his head and tell him it’s going to be okay, but I can’t do that either. This damn thing in my throat is stopping me from talking.
“Sir!” the nurse says, and Hawke’s head snaps up to look at her. She smiles at him. “Can you please give me a minute, let me take this tube out of her mouth and check her vitals.” Hawke stands, sniffling as he does. He wipes his tears away and leans down and kisses my forehead, then looks up at the nurse and nods for her to continue on.
Once the tube is removed, I whisper, “Water.”
The nurse quickly turns and pours some water into a glass on the bedside table, placing a straw in it. “Here, honey, just small sips.”
She pushes the straw against my lips, and I open my mouth and slowly suck some in. I begin to cough, and slouch when pain shoots through my side.
Hawke is over to me in seconds, and pushes my hair off my face. His look of concern has my heart so full of love for him, and I smile. “Here,” he says taking the water out of the nurse’s hands. “I’ll do it.”
I smile warmly at him, and croak out, “Thank you.”
He replies with a smile, and places the straw in front of me again. “Here, do you want more?” I lean a little forward and sip on the straw again, enjoying the coolness that travels down my throat. It feels like it’s on fire.
“Thank you,” I repeat, and my voice comes out all scratchy.
The nurse continues to check my pupils and blood pressure, then explains that everything is looking great. Hawke straightens and folds his arms, looking as if he’s going to hit something.
“Are you okay?” I clear my throat, trying to get it to sound normal. I reach my hand out to him, and he instantly takes it.
The nurse interrupts. “I’m going to page Dr. Salvator, to let him know you’re awake. We’re so glad you woke up, honey,” Nurse Betty says. Well, that’s what her badge says anyway.
“Thank you,” I reply and watch her head out the door.
My eyes land on my mom, and she comes running over to my bed, crying. “Oh, thank God.” She hugs me and I cradle her head, letting her tears fall. “We thought we lost you. We thought….”
“It’s okay, Mom,” I whisper.
My dad joins her, and leans down and kisses me on my cheek before cupping it in his warm, familiar hand. “You’re fine now, baby girl. Your mom and I will take care of you. We’re gonna fly you back down with us to Tennessee where you belong.”
My eyes widen and I instantly snap my head over to where Hawke is standing. His jaw is clenched, I can see he’s holding back. I look back at my father and smile. “There’s no need, Dad, I’ll be fine here with Hawke.”
My dad looks over at Hawke, then back at me. “You can’t be serious about that man over there,” he states pointing his finger at Hawke. “He’s the reason you’re in this bed. Now, you’re gonna come home with us, where we can take care of you. It’s about time you left New York and came home. There’s nothing for you here.”
“But Dad,” I cry. “I love him.”
He shakes his head. “He’s a thug, sweetheart, you deserve better.” My dad narrows his eyes at Hawke.
I glance back at Hawke, surprised he’s not telling my father to shut the hell up. He just keeps his gaze focused on me. I look back to my parents. “I want to be alone, please.”
My dad nods at me and straightens. “All right, sweetie,” my mom says in agreeance. “We’ll just be outside if you need us.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I don’t miss the pissed-off look she gives my father as they walk away.
Once they’ve gone Jasmine quickly runs up and hugs me. “Ah, ow.”
“Oh shit, sorry, Lu.” Her eyes are filled with tears, her face showing how scared she was for me. Quill walks in and smiles at me when he reaches Jasmine.
“How’s… how’s the baby?” I ask, fear running through me as I look at her now flattened stomach. Then my eyes lift to hers, and all I see is happiness there.
“We had a boy,” she says excitedly, and I watch as Quill steps closer and rests his hand on her shoulder.
“A boy?” I repeat excitedly. I cover my mouth with my hand, shocked that she’s already had the baby. The memory of her telling me this news comes back to me, and I whisper, “Jack.”
“Yes, that’s right, Lu, we called him Jack.”
“After your father….”
“Yes, that’s right. You mean you heard me?”
I raise my hand to my temple, feeling a little dizzy all of a sudden.
Jasmine quickly jumps up off the bed, and Hawke moves her aside to lean over me. “Luisa, you okay? Talk to me, baby.”
“I… I just feel a little dizzy, that’s all.”
“I’m gonna go get the doctor.” Hawke moves to leave, and that’s when a doctor comes walking into my room. He’s tall, quite thin, with black hair and kind blue eyes.
“Glad you could join us,” he says jokingly as he checks my pupils. “I’m Dr. Salvator, how do you feel, Luisa? You have been in a coma for ten days,” he explains as he sits down on the bed beside me.
My eyes widen. “Ten days?”
“That’s right. We operated on you right away. You lost a lot of blood from the gunshot, but luckily it didn’t do more damage, other than hitting an artery that is, which we were successful in fixing.”
Gunshot? I remember being shot. The memories come flooding back. A man was holding a gun to my head, when suddenly Hawke shot him… and then the man standing behind Hawke shot me, and that’s all I remember. The pain, and Hawke hovering over me before I blacked out.
“I’m… ah… feeling a little dizzy,” I admit as I touch my forehead again.
“That’s normal, Luisa. Your body has been through a lot, it will pass. What you do need is plenty of rest. Now, how is your pain on a scale from one to ten?”
I think about his question. “Seven.”
“Hmm, I’ll organise for a nurse to bring you some pain relief.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
“The pleasure is all mine, I’m just glad to see you’re awake. Now, rest up, you need to get your strength back.” I nod at him as he gets up off the bed, Hawke immediately moving into the space where Dr. Salvator was only seconds ago.
“I meant what I said, Reece, she needs rest. Don’t stay too long,” the doctor says sternly.
Hawke turns to face him and growls. ”I’m staying here, just like the other ten nights. I’m not leaving her.”
Dr. Salvator looks over to me.
“It’s okay,” I assure him.
“I’ll give you some privacy then.”
Jasmine and Quill wave goodbye as well. “We’ll leave you guys alone.”
A nurse walks in with my pain relief, and I swallow it with no hesitation. She checks the machines attached to me once more before leaving again.
Once everyone has left the room, Hawke looks down at me. “Alone at last,” he says, his smile taking my breath away. He reaches and swipes his thumb across my bottom lip. “You scared the shit out of me, Lu.” I swallow hard trying to clear the lump in my throat. I could have died, never seen his face again. Tears threaten to fall, and one does escape. Hawke immediately wipes it away with his thumb. He leans in and whispers, “I love you, don’t you ever leave me again.” He kisses my lips briefly, then pulls back. “You rest. We have a lot to talk about, but right now, you need to get some sleep.”
He starts to get up from the bed, and I shoot my hand out to his. “Please, don’t leave me, stay with me,” I beg.
His eyes soften and he cups my cheek. “I won’t ever leave you.” He makes himself comfortable on the bed beside me, and rolls on his side. He tucks his arm under my head and rests his chin there. “Sleep now, babe. I’ll be here when you wake up.” Feeling his warmth, my eyes start to flutter closed.