We hopped back into the Range Rover as Connor searched for hotels on his GPS. “If you’re looking for luxury, then I suggest the Athenuem Suite Hotel.”
He looked over at me and smiled. “Funny, that’s what my GPS is telling me. I can reserve the Presidential Suite right here online.” He did just that and then took hold of my hand. “Where do you want to go?”
I brought his hand to my lips and gently kissed it. “I need to go visit my mom and dad’s graves. It’s not too far.”
He punched the address in his GPS and we headed toward the cemetery. I asked if we could make a quick stop at the flower shop so that I could pick up some flowers.
We arrived at the cemetery. I directed Connor where to park to make it easier to get to their graves. We got out of the car. I took his hand and led him to where my parents were buried. The air was brisk for the end of September. I remembered warmer days this time of year. We walked to the graves of my mother and father that sat side by side.
“My father made sure to buy the plot next to where my mother was buried because that way they could be together forever. He loved my mother very much, and he considered her his soul mate. When she died, a part of him died with her.”
Connor knelt beside me and kissed me on the head. “That’s beautiful.”
I put the flowers on my mother’s grave first and then my father’s. Connor got up. “I’m going to give you some privacy,” he said as he walked a few feet away.
I sat down on the grass and placed my hands on each of their graves. “Hi, Mom, hi, Dad. I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I’ve visited you last. A lot has changed in the past year. I moved to New York and started selling my paintings in a small art gallery. I met an incredible guy there, in fact, he’s here with me now. I know you’d like him, Daddy. He’s sweet, charming, kind, really sexy, and I believe he would do anything for me.”
I leaned in closer to their graves and whispered, “I love him, Mom and Dad. For the first time in my life, I’m truly in love. We’re leaving Michigan tomorrow, so I wanted to stop by to say hi and let you know I’m doing well.” Tears swelled in my eyes.
Connor walked over and put his hands on my shoulders.
“I love both of you very much and I miss you.” He helped me up as I took in a deep breath and composed myself.
Connor took me in his arms and held me. “You’re far too young to have experienced so much death, Ellery. It hurts me to know what you’ve been through.”
My chest started to tighten and panic began to settle in. I needed to tell him my secret, but I was too scared about how he was going to react. I couldn’t lose him, not now. I loved him too much.
He stood with me and stared at my parents’ grave. “I can’t even imagine losing my parents, especially at such a young age. You amaze me with your strength, Ellery, because I don’t know if I could have made it through if I was in your place.”
I let go of him and bent down to pull some weeds that were surrounding the grave area. “That’s something you decide whether or not you’re going to do. You can move on and try to live your life as normal as possible, or you can make the decision to let go of life and let sorrow consume you. I’m a big believer of fate, and I believe God took my dad so his pain and suffering could stop, and he could be with my mother again.”
He stroked my hair and ran his finger along my cheek. “You’re amazing. I don’t know what I did to deserve to have you in my life.”
I kissed his cool lips and smiled as we walked back to the Range Rover and headed for the hotel.
We arrived at the hotel and took the elevator up to the Grand Room. I was getting used to this Presidential Suite thing. Connor went to the fireplace and turned it on. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. “You feel so good,” I said as I took in his scent.
“Not as good as you feel, baby,” he whispered as he buried his nose in my head.
“Dance with me,” I said.
A beautiful smile graced his face. “I would love to dance with you, but let me put on some music first.”
He walked over to the small stereo that sat on a table by the window. He walked back to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. We held each other and slowly moved to the soft melody coming from the radio. He stared into my eyes as he leaned in and brushed my lips with his. My hands moved up and down his back as our soft kiss turned passionate, and we gently made love by the fire. We lay there, staring at each other, our naked bodies wrapped in a blanket.
“Are you hungry?” he asked as he kissed my shoulder.
“Yes. I’m hungry for you.” I smirked.
He smiled as he stroked my cheek with his soft fingers. “I’m always hungry for you, but we’ll eventually have to eat real food. I hate to break it to you, baby, but we can’t survive on sex alone.”
He started to tickle me as I laughed and tried to grab his hands. He finally stopped when I said ouch because my eye started to hurt. He softly kissed my stitches before getting up and ordering room service.
It wasn’t too long before room service was delivered as we got up and got dressed. “Are you feeling okay, Elle? You look a little pale.”
“I’m fine, sweetie. I’m just tired, and I think I have you to blame for that.”
He flashed me his sexy smile. “If I recall, you were the one who did all the work.”
I blushed as I got up from my seat and held out my hand. “Would you care to join me for a hot bath, Mr. Black?”
“I would love to, Miss Lane, just not too hot. I don’t want you passing out.”
I snickered as we walked to the large, marbled bathroom.
The bathtub was large enough for four people. Connor started the water and got in as I removed my robe and twisted my hair up so it didn’t get wet.
“Damn, you’re so sexy.” He smiled as I walked towards the tub.
“Not as sexy as you are.” I smiled as I slid into the tub and leaned my back against his firm chest. He put his arms around me, and we lay there, taking in the warmth of the water and the softness of our wet skin. He softly kissed my neck. “I love it when you wear your hair up.”
“Is that so?” I smiled as he continued to plant small, delicate kisses down my neck.
“You have no idea how bad I wanted you the night of the charity event. I did everything I could to restrain myself and not take you in the bathroom to have my way with you.”
I lightly rubbed his arm with my finger. “I wish you would have.”
“No, you don’t. I would have been too rough, and I might have scared you off.”
“You can never scare me off.”
I turned my head so that I was facing him. “Infinity is forever, and that’s what you are to me. You are my forever, Mr. Black.”
He kissed my lips. “There’s no limit to what I wouldn’t do for you. Just ask, and it will be done, no matter the sacrifice.”
I traced his lips with my fingers. “Those are the most beautiful words that anyone has ever said to me.”
“They’re true, every last word,” he whispered as our lips met one last time before we headed off to bed.
***
The next morning, Connor and I were drinking coffee in the room when a text message from Kyle came through.
“Elle, I heard you were in town. Where are you staying? I need to see you; it’s important.”
I sighed as I read it.
“Who’s it from?” Connor asked.
“Kyle says he needs to see me. He says it’s important, and he wants to know where we’re staying.”
“Tell him then, obviously he needs to see you about something.” Connor seemed calm about it, but I had a terrible feeling.
I messaged Kyle back and told him which hotel I was at, wondering what the hell he was doing in Michigan. Connor and I got dressed and finished packing our things to head back to New York. Before long, there was a knock at the door. I walked over and opened it.
“Hi, Kyle. Come in.” I glared at him.
“Hey, Elle.” He walked in and froze when he saw Connor come from the bedroom. Kyle looked at me. “I didn’t know he was here with you.”
“Hey, Kyle.” Connor waved to him.
Kyle gave a small hello and looked at me. “Ellery, I need to speak with you in private.”
“If you have something to say, you can say it in front of Connor.”
Kyle looked sternly at me. “I don’t think you’d want him to hear this.”
My stomach tied itself in knots, and I started to get extremely nervous.
“Kyle, what is it? Spit it out, for fuck's sake. We’re heading back to New York in a little while, and I don’t have time for games.”
He looked at Connor, who started to walk towards the bedroom. “I’ll give you two some privacy.”
Kyle nodded and turned to look at me. “I made a terrible mistake, Elle. I never should have left you.”
I gasped because that was totally unexpected. “It’s a little too late. You did what you did, and I moved on, and so did you.”
“No, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I didn’t move on. Hell, I dated a few girls, but none of them are you. I love you, baby. We had four fucking years together. You can’t just throw that away.”
Rage started to take over my body. How dare he tell me that I threw our relationship away when he was the one who packed up and left? My voice became uncontrollably loud.
“I can’t throw that away? You’re the one who fucking walked out on me, leaving me alone because you needed space, and now you come back here to our hometown and expect me to take you back?!”
Connor heard me yelling and emerged from the bedroom.
“I was scared, Elle. I ran because I was scared. Now I realize what a screw up I am, and I want you. I want us back for as long as we can be.”
I pointed my finger at him. “Get the hell out of here, Kyle!”
His eyes turned cold as he looked over at Connor. “Does he know, Elle? Did you tell him?”
Connor walked over and looked at me. “Tell me what?”
I stared at Kyle with pleading eyes. “Kyle, please leave. Please, for both our sakes.”
His eyes grew wider. “You didn’t tell him?”
“Kyle, stop, please,” I begged.
Connor turned to Kyle. “What hasn’t she told me?”
Tears filled my eyes as Kyle began to speak.
“I’m sorry, Elle.” He looked at Connor and proceeded to talk. “She has cancer, and she refuses to go and get treatments. She’s just going to let herself die. That’s why I left her. I couldn’t sit there and watch her die.”
The tears were flowing freely down my face as Connor looked at me with a horrified look on his face. “Ellery, is that true?”
Kyle turned around. “I’m sorry, Elle,” he said as he shook his head and walked out the door.
“Ellery, is that true?!” Connor screamed.
I flinched and nodded my head. “Yes, it’s true.”
He clenched his fists and tightened his jaw. “You’ve known your cancer was back even before I met you, but you still hid it from me after everything we’ve been through? What kind of person are you?!”
I’d never seen or experienced such rage and anger in a person like the one standing in front of me. His eyes turned dark as he looked at me with shame and disgust.
“Please, Connor, let me explain.”
“Explain what? What’s left to explain? Were you just going to tell me one day you were dying? And why the fuck aren’t you getting any treatment?”
“Please, calm down, Connor,” I pleaded.
“Calm down? You expect me to be calm when I just found out that the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with is dying? I don’t want to hear anything from you. You make me sick, Ellery. I can’t do this. I can’t even look at you.” He turned towards the bedroom. I ran after him and grabbed his arm.
“Please, Connor, don’t do this. Let me explain.”
He jerked his arm away, and I fell back onto the floor. He turned and looked at me. His voice now calm but pained. “Your dizzy spells and your tiredness; it’s all part of the cancer. You’re getting worse, and you knew it, but you still didn’t tell me. I bared my soul to you. I told you things nobody in this world knows. I shared myself with you. How could you do that to me, Ellery?” His eyes filled with tears as he turned to the bedroom and slammed the door.
My heart shattered, and I started to shake. I sat on the ground in shock at how quickly my life had just changed. An hour later, he threw open the door and came out with his suitcase, walking past me.
“Connor, wait, please,” I said as I jumped up.
He turned around and pointed at me. “Stay away from me. I booked a flight for you back to New York. It leaves in two hours, so compose yourself and be ready. I’m driving back by myself. I can’t stand to look at you right now, let alone ride in a car with you for ten hours.”
I covered my mouth with my hand as he opened the door and stormed out. I fell to my knees. It felt like the wind had just been knocked out of me. I couldn’t breathe, and I begged God to take me right then and there. He was gone. He left me just like everyone else in my life.
I got up from the floor and somehow managed to call the desk, telling them I needed a car to take me to the airport. I stumbled to the bathroom and looked in the mirror at the black streaks of mascara that stained my face. I took a washcloth and wiped them away. I didn’t need water. My tears were enough to soak the washcloth. I put on my sunglasses to hide my red swollen eyes and headed to the lobby with my suitcase. I was unsteady and still shaking.
The car was waiting for me as the driver took my suitcase and opened the door. All I kept thinking was had I told him the truth from the start, maybe things would have been different. I was to blame for his pain, and I hated myself for that. He didn’t deserve this. I knew he could forgive me, if he would let me explain why I didn’t tell him.
As I sat in the airport, I dialed his number. It went straight to voicemail. My flight was called, and I boarded the plane. I couldn’t think about anything but Connor and how I felt like I had just killed him. Who am I? I searched deep in my soul for that answer. The only thing that came to mind was a cold-hearted bitch that was selfish and only thought of herself.
I never should have let the relationship with Connor get that far. I knew it was wrong, but he made me feel things that I’d never felt before, and he loved me. I never felt love from anyone in my life, not my dad, and certainly not Kyle. Our relationship was out of convenience. There were times I knew Kyle cheated on me, but I chose not to say anything because I was afraid to be alone. I spent my whole life alone. Don’t get me wrong, I did love Kyle, but I was never in love with him.
***
I arrived back in New York and was walking out of the airport when I saw Denny standing next to the limo. I stopped as he walked over to me, hugged me, and then took my suitcase. I tried so hard not to cry, but my eyes didn’t listen. I sobbed and sobbed in the back of the limo while Denny drove me home.
“I’m so sorry, Miss Lane.”
“What did he tell you?” I sniffed.
“He told me that he won’t be seeing you anymore and that I needed to pick you up from the airport and drive you home.”
“He didn’t tell you why?”
“No, Miss Lane, he didn’t.”
I guessed I was going to be the one to tell him. He deserved to know the truth.
“I’m sick, Denny. I have cancer. Connor left me because I didn’t tell him.” I started sobbing again.
He pulled up to my apartment and followed me inside with my suitcase. I turned to him as he hugged me.
“Miss Lane, he’ll come around.”
I shook my head. “Not this time, Denny. It’s too late.”
He took my hand and handed me a piece of paper. “This is my phone number. I want you to call me if you need anything, and don’t worry, I won’t tell Mr. Black.”
I looked at the paper and hugged him as we said goodbye. I shut the door behind him and looked around my apartment. It was a representation of how I felt: dark, lonely, and small.