The days passed slowly as I threw myself into my paintings. One night, I was putting the final touches on my painting, and I was on my fourth glass of wine when I decided I was going to call Connor. I missed him, and I missed hearing his voice, and I wasn’t sure if we were even still together. I hit Connor’s name on my phone and sat nervously as it rang. After the third ring, it went to voicemail. I was just going to hang up, but as soon as the beep sounded, I left him a message. “Hi Connor, it’s Elle. I just called to see how you’re doing and how things are going. I guess you’re busy, so I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.”
I poured another glass of wine and took a sip. I didn’t expect him to call me back. When my phone started ringing and Connor’s name appeared on my screen, my stomach twisted itself up, and my heart started racing. “Hello?” I answered.
His voice was deep and low. “Hey, Elle, I just got your message.”
Hearing his voice made me feel less alone. I grabbed my wine and climbed on the bed.
“Hi, Connor. I was just wondering how you were doing.”
“I’m okay. How are you?”
“I’m okay. I was just finishing up a new painting.”
“I’m sure it’s beautiful.”
I smiled. “I could take a picture and send it to you if you want.”
“That would be great, thanks. I’d like to see it.”
I decided to go for it and try to carry on a normal, full-on conversation.
“So, what have you been up to?” I asked, not fully aware if I wanted to know the answer.
“Not much, really. I’ve been working a lot. What have you been up to?” he asked.
“Nothing, really. I’ve been doing a lot of painting.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m okay, I guess.” What I really wanted to say was that I was feeling like fucking shit because I missed him so much.
“I’m sorry, Elle, but I have to get going. Cassidy and Camden are in the city, and I’m taking them to dinner. They should be here any minute.”
“Oh ok. Please tell Cassidy that I said hi, and give Camden a big hug for me.”
“I sure will, Elle. Thanks for calling.”
“Sure, no problem. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, Connor.”
“Bye, Elle.”
I held the phone to my chest, closed my eyes, and took in a deep breath.
***
A couple of days went by, and I didn’t hear from Connor, so I took it as my cue that we were over. I figured since I made the first move that he’d contact me again. He obviously moved on, so maybe I needed to try to do the same. Drinking had become a daily routine for me lately. Downing a bottle of wine every night before bed helped me sleep.
I walked to the local store where I took my VHS tape that my mother put in the safety deposit box and had it converted to a DVD. The minute I got home, I put it in my DVD player and sat on the couch. My eyes filled with tears when she appeared on the screen. She was more beautiful than I remembered her. Her long, blonde hair was like mine, and we shared the same eyes. No wonder why my dad drank so much; I was the spitting image of my mother, and he was reminded of her every time he looked at me.
“Happy eighteenth birthday, angel! I’m sorry I can’t be there with you physically, but I am with you spiritually. You’re all grown up now, and you’ll be heading off to college soon. Make sure you go somewhere you can stay on campus because I want you to have the full college experience like I did. I wish I could have watched you grow up, but God had other plans for me. Once college is finished, you’ll get a fantastic job, meet a wonderful man, get married, and have children of your own. Please follow my advice and do it exactly in that order. I know being raised without a mom was tough on you, Ellery, but I know you’re a strong woman, and you can handle anything that’s thrown your way. You deserve only the best, my sweet girl, and don’t you ever forget it. I’ll be with you and guide you through the rest of your life. Remember, there’s nothing more beautiful and peaceful than the sunset setting over the blue ocean waters. Live your life in peace, baby girl, and remember that I will always love you.”
I sobbed as I watched her say goodbye. If there was a time I ever needed Connor, it was right now. I picked up my phone and dialed his number; I just needed to hear his voice. He didn’t answer and, this time, I didn’t leave a message.
I called Mason and asked him if he and Landon wanted to go to a club. I desperately needed to get out of this damn apartment and forget about my life for a night. Mason loved the idea, but said it would only be the two of us because Landon wasn’t feeling well. I put on my short black skirt, a black and white color-block halter top, which showed off my cleavage, and my high black boots. I curled my hair and put on more makeup than I usually wore. I wanted to look and feel sexy, even if it was for just one night.
Mason whistled as I opened the door. “Look at you, sexy kitten.”
I smiled and twirled around. “You like?”
“Like? I love, and you may just totally turn gay men straight.”
I smacked him on the arm, grabbed my purse, and left for the club. We were in the cab and my phone started to ring; it was Connor. I didn’t answer. I wasn’t going to think about him tonight.
We walked into the club, and I pulled Mason straight to the bar. “Line up four tequila shots with lime!” I shouted to the bartender. He lined up four shot glasses, each with a lime in front of it, and some salt. I licked the salt, downed the shot, and sucked the lime. “Hell, yeah!” I yelled.
“Your turn!” I yelled at Mason. We both did two shots each and then hit the dance floor. It was packed and there was a lot of bumping and grinding going on. I danced like I never had before. Tonight was about me and having some fun for the first time in a long time. After dancing for a while, we headed back to the bar. “Line ‘em up! This time, eight tequila shots,” I said. Mason was all for it as we slammed them down together. I slammed six, and he could only do two. The room was starting to spin, but I was feeling good. The floor was thumping beneath our feet as I dragged Mason back to the dance floor. I was enjoying the music as we were moving back and forth against each other when I felt someone grinding up against my body. I turned around to this sexy-looking man who was trying to talk to me.
“Hey, I’m Chris, and you are one beautiful woman.”
I smiled as I danced with him, swaying my hips from side to side as he grabbed my waist. He turned me around so my ass was up against his erection. I wasn’t paying attention. I was too drunk to care. I was watching Mason a few feet away from me, dancing with some random girl when I felt his hands take a tighter grab on my hips. I moved my hands up and down his arms, taking in his muscular form as I moved my body up and down his. I turned around and came to a complete stand still when it was no longer Chris at my side; it was Connor. His eyes were enraged as he looked at me.
“Let’s go now!” he ordered. My heart started racing and I started to sweat. What the hell was he doing here and why?
“What the fuck are you doing here, Connor?”
“Why don’t you tell me that, Ellery?!” His voice was angry.
“I’m having fun.”
“You look like a total slut on this dance floor, and thank God I was here or who knows what that asshole would have done to you.”
I jerked my arm out of his grip and headed towards the bar. I held two fingers up to the bartender as he put two shots of tequila in front of me. Connor weaved in and out of the crowd, coming after me. I downed one shot and picked up the next glass as Connor grabbed it from my hand. “You’re drunk, and we’re leaving. Let’s go.” He threw some money on the bar and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the bar with Mason following behind.
“Let go of me, Connor Black!” I screamed as I tried to get out from his grip. I was resisting so much that he picked me up and carried me to the cab, kicking and screaming all the way.
“Ellery, knock it off or so help me.”
“So help you what, Connor?!” I yelled as he put me in the cab and climbed in next to me. I looked at him as he stared straight ahead.
“You have no right!” I said.
His angry eyes turned to me. “I have no right? What the hell do you think you were doing in there? Were you trying to get yourself raped? Look at you, and the way you’re dressed. You’re just asking for it.”
I started hitting his chest. “Fuck you, Connor!”
Mason grabbed my arms as Connor grabbed hold of my wrists, trying to calm me down. The cab pulled up to the apartment building. Connor and Mason got out as I sat there with my arms folded.
“Get out of the cab, now!” he yelled. I glared at him and then flipped him off.
“Real mature, Ellery,” he said as he leaned into the cab and dragged me out of it. He threw me over his shoulder, carried me straight to the bedroom, and threw me on the bed. I watched him pace back and forth across the room, running his hands through his perfectly tousled hair.
“I can’t believe you, Ellery. I came here tonight to surprise you, and I find you dry humping some guy in a club, drunk off your ass. What the hell were you thinking?”
I sat up on the bed. “I was having fun instead of being cooped up in this apartment, crying over you every damn day!”
He stopped and looked at me. “Do you think this has been easy for me?”
I put my hand over my mouth and ran to the bathroom. I leaned over the toilet as the alcohol made its way up my throat. Connor walked up behind me and held my hair back with one hand while he rubbed my back with the other. He got me a warm cloth and wiped my mouth as he helped me up off the floor.
“Let’s get you in your pajamas and into bed. You have your injections tomorrow.” He took my nightshirt out of my drawer, and I grabbed it out of his hands.
“Let me help you,” he calmly said.
“I don’t need your help. I can do it myself.” I undressed as he watched me. I slipped on my nightshirt and climbed into bed. He left the room, and I heard the TV turn on. He slept on the couch.
***
The next morning, I stumbled out of bed and walked towards the kitchen. Connor was standing there, leaning up against the counter and waiting for the coffee to brew, looking as sexy as ever.
“Good morning. You look like shit.”
I frowned as my head was pounding. “Yeah, well, we all can’t look as perfect as you.”
He grinned as he handed me a cup of coffee. “Do I get a hug?” he asked as he held his arms out.
I walked past him. “Sluts don’t give hugs.”
He rolled his eyes and sat at the table while I went into the bedroom to get dressed.
***
We arrived at the hospital in silence. I walked a few feet ahead of him and heard him say, “I don’t understand why you’re so mad.”
“You called me a slut, Connor.”
“I said you looked like a slut, Elle.”
I shook my head. “Same thing, you idiot.”
We reached the office and the nurse took us promptly to the room. I changed into the thin gown and sat on the bed, waiting for Dr. Murphy.
“Are you even going to look at me?” he asked.
“I’m so mad at you, Connor Black, I could scream.”
He walked over to me and tried to take my hand, but I pulled away. “If you think I’m going to apologize, then you’re in for a surprise because I’m not. What you did last night was unacceptable and immature.”
I looked straight into his eyes. “At least I didn’t take the guy home and fuck him like you do with random strangers!”
He turned away. “Why did I even bother coming here?”
“I don’t know, Connor. Why the hell did you?”
Dr. Murphy walked in and looked at us. She could feel the tension in the room. “Hello, Ellery, Mr. Black.” She smiled.
We said hello as she flipped through my chart. She walked over and put her hand on my knee. “Are you ready for this?”
I looked at her with sadness in my eyes. “Let’s just get it over with.”
I laid myself down on my side, and Connor sat on the edge of the bed, facing me. I pointed to the chair. “You. Go sit over there.” He sighed and shook his head as he sat in the chair.
“Okay, Ellery. Here’s the first injection.”
The prick of my skin was the easy part. My body started to burn from the inside. I clenched the sheet of the bed with my fists as my knuckles turned white. I wouldn’t look at Connor, even though I wanted him to hold me. I was stubborn, and I wanted to do this on my own. As soon as the second injection pierced my skin, I let out a cry of pain as my body felt like a raging fire that couldn’t be extinguished. Fuck it. I needed him. I held out my hand and looked at him, and he was by my side in an instant. I clutched his shirt as hard as I could as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.
“You are the most stubborn person that I’ve ever met.”
I cried into his chest as Dr. Murphy injected me with the last injection. She patted my arm and walked out the door.
***
I walked into the apartment and laid myself on the couch.
“Are you going to be comfortable there?”
I didn’t say anything. I was still mad at him, but I wasn’t sure at this point why. He knelt down in front of me, his piercing green eyes looking into mine.
“Would it be okay if I gave you a kiss? I’ve really missed those lips.”
In all honesty, who could resist him, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t try. I clamped my mouth shut, and he laughed. He ran his finger softly over my mouth and up my cheek. He leaned into me and softly brushed his lips against my mouth. It didn’t take long before I gave in and my lips joined his. My lips parted so that his tongue had access to my whole mouth. The kiss was light and soft. He broke our kiss and looked at me. He didn’t say anything at first; he just stared at me.
“I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, Ellery, and no matter what we’ve been through, or are going to go through, nothing will ever change the way I feel.”
Tears started to swell in my eyes as I cupped his face in my hands. “I love you too, and I’m sorry, again.”
“I think we’re going to spend our lives apologizing to each other.” He laughed.
I sat up, letting him sit next to me. He pulled me onto him so my head was resting in his lap. He gently stroked my hair as I fell asleep.