I was walking down the street, not knowing exactly where I was going, thinking about my conversation with the priest, when I stopped in front of Pizzapopolous. My stomach tied itself in knots as I stared through the window, remembering how I made Connor eat pizza with his hands. I smiled softly as I stepped into the Starbucks that was next door. The aroma of coffee was making me salivate as I ordered a mocha latte. I took my latte and sat at a table towards the back. I looked at the time on my phone. It was already two o’clock. I dialed the phone number that kept consistently calling me for the past four months.
“Good afternoon. Dr. Taub’s office. How may I help you?” the perky voice on the other end spoke.
“Hi, this is Ellery Lane. I need to make an appointment to see Dr. Taub.”
“Oh okay. Well, the first appointment I have is on November fifth at three o’clock.”
I sighed. “Do you realize that it’s September thirtieth and November fifth is very far away?”
“Sorry, but that’s his first available appointment.”
I was now starting to get agitated. “May I please talk to Dr. Taub?”
“I’m sorry, but he’s with a patient right now. May I take a message for him?”
Once again, I sighed. “Yes, tell him Ellery Lane called, and that I’m ready. He’ll know what I mean.” I hung up before she could say anything else.
I put my phone on the table as I looked up and had a near heart attack when I saw Connor walk through the door. He looked rough—like he hadn’t slept in days. He wore dark jeans and my favorite gray T-shirt that defined his muscular chest. A few days’ worth of stubble sat upon his face. His hair was tousled in a different way, but he still looked perfect and hot as hell. I panicked. I didn’t want him to see me, so I did the only thing I could; I hid under the table.
The place was packed with people conversing and studying, so the chances of anyone seeing me under the table were slim, with the exception of Dr. Hottie, who knelt down and peered his head under the table.
“You okay down there, Ellery?”
I waved my hand to shoo him out of the way so that I could see when Connor left.
“I’m hiding from him,” I mumbled, pointing to the line.
“I’ve got this.” He winked.
Henry stood up, walked over to Connor, and shook his hand. He kept him talking until Connor got his coffee and then patted him on the shoulder as he walked out the door. I got up off the floor and sat back in my chair. Henry walked over and sat across from me.
“Thank you. I owe you one.”
He smiled and took a sip of his coffee. “Nah, now we’re even.”
I cocked my head to the side and raised one eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
He chuckled. “If you wouldn’t have needed stitches that day you came to the hospital, I never would have met Peyton.”
I pursed my lips together. “You really like her, don’t you?”
The grin on his face was priceless. “I do, and I know it’s soon, but I’m going to ask her to move in with me.”
“I know she’s crazy about you. I’m glad my injury brought you two together.” I smiled.
He leaned over the table and brought his hand above my eye. “I must say, I did an exceptional job with those stitches.” He smiled. “I have to go; I have rounds at the hospital. I’ll talk you soon, Ellery.” I waved goodbye as he walked out the door.
My phone, face down on the table, started to ring. My imagination went wild with the hopes that maybe it was Connor. I picked it up and looked at it. It was Dr. Taub’s number.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Ellery, it’s Dr. Taub. I’m glad you called. I want you to come in for some blood work tomorrow morning. After I get the results, we’ll go ahead and schedule the chemotherapy. I’m happy you changed your mind.”
I wanted to throw the phone at the wall because I wasn’t looking forward to going through that again.
“Me too, Dr. Taub. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I sighed and took a sip of my latte.
When I got home later that day, Peyton told me that Henry was taking her somewhere special for dinner. I was truly happy for her and that someone was finally worthy of her heart, even if my own was shattered beyond repair.
“Guess what else?” She jumped up and down. “Henry asked me to fly to Colorado tomorrow to meet his parents.”
I looked at her, put on my happy face, and jumped up and down with her. I didn’t want to ruin her trip by telling her I was going to be starting chemo soon, so I didn’t tell her about the phone call from Dr. Taub.
“Are you going to be all right, sweetie?” She pouted.
I waved my hand in front of my face and walked over to the sink. “I’ll be fine. I’m going to lose myself in my paintings, so don’t worry about me.”
She hugged me tight. “Okay. I have to go home and pack. We’ll be gone for two weeks, so if you need anything or you just want to talk, you better call me, Ellery Rose Lane. Do you understand me?” She grabbed her coat and opened the door.
“Peyton,” I called.
“Yeah?” She turned and looked at me.
“I’m really happy for you. Go have fun and keep in touch,” I spoke with a fake happiness.
“Thanks, Elle. I will. I love you!” she yelled as she shut the door.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for her, I was. I was just feeling sorry for myself because I screwed things up with Connor. How could I be so stupid? What the hell was I thinking? I knew what I had to do and the first step was to apologize to him.
***
I called a cab and stepped out into the brisk night air. I had the cab driver drop me off at the soup kitchen; I wanted to volunteer one last time before I started chemo. Once I started, I couldn’t be around groups of people, especially the homeless with their colds and illnesses. I volunteered for a couple of hours and told Julius what was going on.
“Oh, Elle, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, Julius. I’ve been through it before and beat it, and I can do it again.”
He high-fived me. “That’s my girl! I know you will, and if you need anything, anything at all, you call me or anyone here, and we’ll be by your side in a flash.”
“Thanks, Julius, I will, and tell your wife that I said hi.” He flashed me a smile and nodded his head.
I walked to the next block to a tattoo parlor where my friend Jack worked. “Why, if it isn’t Ellery Lane. It’s good to see you, sweetheart,” Jack said as he walked over and bear-hugged me. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How’s Pey?”
“Hey, Jack. She’s good.”
He stared at me and twisted his face. “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours? Are you thinking about a tat, Elle?”
I bit down on my bottom lip. “Yep, I sure am.”
“Come sit over here. Let me finish her up and then you’re next.” He winked.
The girl sitting in the chair was getting a tattoo of angel wings on her left shoulder with the inscription “Forever Yours.” I looked at her. “Nice tattoo.”
She smiled over at me. “Thanks. It’s for my boyfriend. Tomorrow’s his birthday, and this is my way of letting him know that I’m forever his and no one else can have me.”
I looked into her eighteen-year-old eyes. “Wow, forever, huh?”
She giggled. “Yeah, he said that we’ll be together forever.”
Jack looked at me and rolled his eyes. I had to keep myself from laughing. He finished her tattoo and gestured for me to sit in the chair. “What do you want and where do you want it, Elle?”
I held out both my wrists. I pointed to my left scar. “I want ‘CONNOR’ on this one, and the infinity symbol on this one.” I pointed to my right. “Make sure the scars are totally covered.”
Jack looked at me and frowned. “Who’s Connor?”
“It’s a long story.” I shook my head.
“It’s going to hurt, Elle. You do realize that, right?”
“I know it will Jack. Let’s just get it over with.” Nothing could hurt me as bad as I was already hurting.