The next morning, I rolled over and opened my eyes, staring at the empty bed next to me. I reached over to grab my phone from the nightstand and turned it on. I wasn’t supposed to be back from Michigan yet, but I gave strict instructions to Valerie not to bother me unless someone was dying. I knew my company would be in good hands with Phil, my vice president. A text message from Ashlyn came through. Shit, I can’t deal with her, especially now.
“Connor, I know you’re out of town, but I was hoping we could get together when you come back. I need you so bad, and I miss our friendship.”
I need to get her out of town for a while. I didn’t even want to hear her voice, let alone look at her. I called Howie from our Florida office and told him to find her something to do for a couple of weeks. He said that one of their assistants just quit, and they needed someone to temporarily fill in until they replaced her. I told him she’d be there tomorrow. I got out of bed and dialed Paul.
“Connor, how’s your road trip going?” he asked.
“Paul, I need you to do something for me. Howie called. Apparently, one of their assistants just quit, and I want you to send Ashlyn there for a couple of weeks to fill in. Have the plane fueled and send her on her way.”
“Ok, why the urgency?” he asked.
“The urgency is that Howie needs an assistant right away.”
“I got it, Connor. I’ll call her now and put her on the plane,” Paul said before he hung up.
I threw my phone on the bed and walked to the bathroom. I splashed some cool water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and swollen. I also needed to shave, but I didn’t feel like it. I walked back to my phone and dialed Dr. Peters. I needed to see him right away.
“Connor? I’m surprised to hear from you,” he answered.
“I need to see you right away, it’s urgent.”
“Is everything alright?”
“No, it’s not, and that’s why I need to see you immediately.”
“Can you come to my office around noon?”
“Dr. Peters, I don’t think you understand. I’ll pay you triple your fee if you’ll see me within an hour.”
“Fine, Connor. I’ll see you in an hour.”
I threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and then headed downstairs. My phone rang, and as I looked at it, Ashlyn’s name appeared. Damn her.
“Yeah, what is it, Ashlyn?” I answered.
“Why the hell are you sending me to Florida?!” she spat.
“Calm down, Ashlyn. It’s only for a couple of weeks. One of the assistants quit, and they need someone to fill in right away. You’re the first person I thought of because you’ve worked with them on other projects. Howie’s excited to have you.”
“Are you trying to get rid of me? Because if you are, Connor, so help me…”
I needed to remain calm because she was pissing me off, and I wasn’t in the mood for this.
“Ashlyn, listen to me, pack your suitcase, get on the company plane, go to Florida, and when you get back, we’ll go out. It will be your choice, and we’ll do whatever you want to do.”
There was a moment of silence on the other end. “Fine, Connor, but you better be ready for me when I get back because we have a lot of making up to do,” she spoke.
“Yep; have a safe trip, Ashlyn,” I said as I hung up.
I quickly dialed Howie. “Howie, change of plans; I want you to keep Ashlyn on board for a month, and I don’t want her back in New York until I say.”
I need her out of the way and out of my life while I figured out what direction my life was heading. The pain in my heart was still there, and Ellery was still on my mind. I missed her already, and I wondered if she was ok. I heard footsteps enter the kitchen, and I turned around to see Denny standing there. I ran my hand through my hair as I looked at him.
“She told me everything, Connor,” he said.
I sighed. “I can’t talk about this right now, Denny. I have an appointment that I have to get to. Let’s have dinner tonight.”
“Dinner sounds good. Do you need me to drive you to your appointment?” he asked.
“No, I’m driving myself. Let’s meet at The Pier around 6:30 pm,” I said as I grabbed my keys and headed towards the elevator. As the doors opened, I stopped and turned to Denny.
“How was she?” I asked, not knowing if I really wanted to know the answer.
Denny looked at me sympathetically before he responded. “She was a total mess, Connor. How did you think she was going to be?” I shook my head and stepped on the elevator. I rubbed my forehead as the doors shut, and Denny stood there looking at me.
***
“I thought you were on a road trip to Michigan?” Dr. Peters asked as I walked into his office.
“Let’s just say that the trip got cut short,” I replied as I stood in front of his large office window.
“Judging by the way you look and the way you’re talking, something bad must’ve happened. Sit down, and let’s talk about it.”
“I don’t want to sit down; I’m fine standing here.” I took in a deep breath, “Ellery dropped a bomb on me.”
“Continue,” he said.
“She has cancer, and she’s known about it before we even met. She didn’t tell me, and she’s refusing to get treatment, so she’s just going to let herself die and to hell with everyone and anyone who loves her.”
“What did you do when you found out?” he asked.
I turned around and looked at him. “I yelled and said some really nasty things to her, then stormed out. I put her on plane back here while I drove back alone. There was no way I could be alone with her in a car for 10 hours.”
“I can understand that. Just a few days ago you told me you were just friends taking a simple road trip. Did you sleep with her?”
I walked over to the chair across from him and sat down. “Yes, we slept together, and I wish we wouldn’t have because it wouldn’t be this hard.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered if you slept with her or not. You’re in love with this woman, and don’t you dare try to deny it,” he said as he pointed his finger at me.
“You’re right; I’m in love with her. I gave myself to her after I promised I would never give myself emotionally to any woman, and she took what I gave her, and then ripped it to pieces. How do I ever get over the fact that she lied and hid a huge secret from me?”
I got up from the chair because the more I thought and talked about it, the angrier I became. “I told her about Amanda and everything that happened. I told her about how I use women for sex and then throw them away.”
He took off his glasses and looked at me. “Was that before or after you slept with her?”
“Before I slept with her; why the hell does it matter when I told her?”
“You told Ellery what kind of man you are, and you warned her. You told her about your past, which you’ve never shared with anyone besides me, and she still wanted you. She obviously loved you enough and saw something inside you to continue the relationship.”
“Damn it, Dr. Peters. This is different; I’m not dying!” I snapped.
“I’m not defending what she did was right, Connor. She should have told you from the beginning about her illness, but she had her reasons; just like you had your reasons for keeping quiet about your past. Please tell me you told her about Ashlyn.”
I started to pace back and forth across the room. “No, I didn’t tell her about Ashlyn. She kept asking me, but I kept putting it off. I wasn’t ready to tell her yet.”
“Interesting,” Dr. Peters said as he rubbed his chin. “You weren’t ready to tell her about Ashlyn, and she wasn’t ready to tell you about her illness. You two have some serious issues to work out.”
“We have nothing to work out. We’re not together anymore. I just want the pain to stop so I can move on with my life.”
“Pain is a part of loving someone, and it’s something that just doesn’t go away. I don’t believe you’ve given up on her. I know her secret hurt you, and I know you’re in a lot of pain, but I think the two of you can work through this. My professional opinion is that you and Ellery need each other in more ways than one. This is the first girl since Amanda that you’ve let into your life. Have you stopped to ask yourself why that is? Why Ellery Lane? Of all the women you’ve seen and been with over the past 12 years, you chose her. You saw something rare and special in her, and you couldn’t stay away. Her keeping this secret from you is a big deal, and I’m not condoning it, but I wouldn’t let it completely ruin you. Take some time to think about it. Your emotions will go through different stages. Right now, you’re hurting pretty bad, next, you’ll be angry, but that’s ok. Be angry, Connor, because you’ll never begin to heal if you’re not. Just don’t let it cloud your judgment or consume you.”
He walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “You’ll be ok. Time heals all wounds, and you need to give it time.”
I nodded my head and walked out of his office. He was right; I needed time to think, but my head was so clouded that I didn’t want to think about anything besides going to a bar and drinking my troubles away. I looked at my watch, and it was only 2:00 pm.
I headed back to the penthouse and grabbed my gym bag. As I was heading towards the door, Claire walked in.
“Connor? I didn’t expect you back for a few more days,” she said.
“There was a change of plans, Claire,” I said as I stepped in the elevator.
“Do you want me to cook for you tonight?!” she yelled from across the hall.
“No, I’m dining out tonight,” I said as the elevator doors shut.
***
The gym was crowded more than usual today. I changed into my workout clothes, put my iPod on, and jumped on the treadmill. The treadmill I was on was facing the window that looked out onto the streets of New York City. Guns N’ Roses was playing on my iPod as I ran fast. I was doing ok until their song ‘November Rain’ began to play. I should have played the next song, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn it off. The lyrics reminded me of Ellery and our situation. I needed to keep it together for fuck sake; I’m in a public place. As I was running and staring at the crowds of people walking down the street, I saw her. She stopped in front of the window and pulled out her phone from her purse. She looked like I did, broken and pained. She was still beautiful, and it hurt to see her. She started walking down the street again, and I wanted to run after her, but I couldn’t. I needed space and time, and so did she.
I wanted to do some laps around the pool by myself, so I paid the manager a great deal of money to close the pool for a couple of hours. I did a few laps and sat in the water while I tried to catch my breath. I loved to swim. The water was a place of escape for me. I felt like I could put myself in a different place when I was in the water. The last time I played with Collin was in the water at the beach. That was one week before he died. I think about him almost every day. I sit and wonder what it would be like if we ran Black Enterprises together. I know my life would be different with him around. When I was down or got in trouble for something, he’d always say, “Chin up, Connor. Tomorrow’s another day.” I didn’t think about it that night I was with Ellery at the beach, but being near the water made me feel closer to Collin because it was the one thing he loved so much. I decided to do just one last lap around the pool as it was almost time to meet Denny for dinner.