Twenty-Two         

The next day wasn’t much better. I fell into my pretend roll no matter how hard I tried to snap out of it. It just seemed to be easier than really dealing with my real feelings. It was a challenge, but by the end of the week I felt more like myself and I knew my friends could see the difference too.

        We were all heading out Friday after closing the shop. Everyone had their own plans and I was destined to head back to the apartment alone. Again. For the first time all week I didn’t want to be alone. I had taken the time to dress up today and I was in the mood to have a good time. Maybe have fun for a change.

        “Saw!” I called as she was climbing into her car.

        She paused for a moment before turning to face me. “What’s up, babe?”

        “We should go out. Hit a club or something. Maybe go dancing.” I sounded bubbly and it was annoying to my own ears.

        She looked surprised for a brief moment before her face fell. “I’m sorry, Freya. I have plans already.”

        “Oh!” I said, my brow furrowing. “That’s okay. Maybe tomorrow or something.”

        “Yea. Tomorrow.” She looked uncertain, but I just smiled at her and started to climb into my car.

        “I’ll go with you,” Jensen called from behind me.

        I turned to face him not masking the shock on my face. “Really?”

        “Of course, luv,” he said, smiling.

        “You don’t have to do that. I’m sure you have plans,” I tried to give him an out, but he looked determined.

        “I don’t have any.”

        “Oh. Okay, then.” I tried to look excited, but I had a feeling this was a bad idea. “We’ll take your car if that’s okay. I’m sure you know all the best clubs in town.”

        He took me to The Hall, and I was a little disappointed. I had wanted to go somewhere new, but this place would do. They had tequila and a dance floor, so it would serve its purpose and as soon as we were inside I made a beeline to the bar ordering two shots of tequila. Both were for me. If I was going to have a good time tonight, I was going to need something to help me loosen up.

        “You look like a woman on a mission,” Jensen chuckled beside me. He held his hand up for the bartender, then order a beer.

        “A mission to have fun,” I said, slamming down the second empty shot glass. “I’m hitting the dance floor, you coming?”

        He just shook his head, and I shrugged, walking away from him. I threw my hands in the air and let my body move to the music; letting go. I closed my eyes and moved with the bodies around me for once not pretending. Just being me. I cleared my head, refusing to think about anything other than the music and it was nice.

        When I could no longer breath, I went back to the bar for another shot and was surprised to find Jensen still standing there. Alone. I figured he would have found someone to entertain him by now.

        “You just going to stand there?” I asked, signaling the bartender. “Why don’t you find a pretty little thing to dance with? We’re supposed to be having fun.”

        “You looked like you were having fun out there,” He said, ignoring my questions.

        “I was,” I smiled and for once it wasn’t forced.

        “What can I get you?” The bartender asked, tapping the counter in front of me.

        “Tequila,” I said, tossing a bill on the bar. He picked it up and poured my drink, then disappeared down the bar. I took the shot and slammed the glass on the counter.

        “Well, I’m headed back out. You coming?” I asked, but he just shook his head again. And again I shrugged and made my way to the dance floor.

        As soon as I hit the dance floor, someone pressed against me, moving with my body. I didn’t know who this stranger was, but I leaned against him letting him take the lead. He ground his hips against my bottom and rubbed his hands down my waist and back up. I closed my eyes and just let my body to all the work.

        I pulled back to turn around, but when I did the guy was gone. I heard someone shout and the crowd parted. Jensen had the guy on the ground and was hitting him repeatedly in the face. I rushed forward, shouting Jensen’s name. I grabbed his arm just as he was about to land another blow. He wiped his head around to glare at me.

        “What the fuck is going on here?” Someone growled behind me. I turned to find the goliath they called a bouncer looming over me. He grabbed my elbow and motioned for Jensen to get up. To my surprise Jensen did without protest. The guy led us to the door and I tried to hide my embarrassment. I couldn’t believe he had just gotten us kicked out of the club. Who does that? “You know better, Jensen. Though I can guess why you did it.”         

        The guy looked me over as he led us to the exit. I jerked my arm out of his hold and crossed my arms across my chest. I stomped out of the club and into the parking lot. When we were almost to the car, I swirled on Jensen.

        “What the fuck is your problem?” I screamed in face.

        “Oh, come on, Freya! That was practically fucking you right there on the dance floor.” He yelled right back.

        I gaped at him, then recovered. “What do you care?!”

        “You still have a boyfriend, remember? If I let that go on any longer you might have been leaving with him.”

        I threw my hands in the arm in anger. “What the fuck ever. What does it matter anyway? I already cheated on him. God knows I don't even like him. What does it matter if I have a little fun?” Something crossed his face and I understood. “This has nothing to do with me having a boyfriend. It matters because you don’t want me to be with him. Basically you don’t want me, but you don't want anyone else too either.”

        “That’s… Damn it, Freya. That’s not it at all.” He denied it, but I knew it was the truth. It had been written all over his face.

        “That’s so messed up, Jensen. It’s like you want me to be miserable. Because that’s what I am. I am miserable. I’m trying so fucking hard every day to let this go, but still hold on to being your best friend. But you are the one that’s not letting it go. You have to chose, Jensen. You have to decide if I worth it or not. You said you couldn’t do it again and if you are sticking to that, then you have to let me go. I can’t do this anymore. I want you so much it hurts. So please, decide.” Tears clouded my vision and I rubbed at my eyes trying to wipe away any rogue tears.

        “Freya.” He stepped towards me, reaching for me, but I could see he wouldn’t decide and I knew that if he did, it would not be me.

        I turned my back on him and headed to the car. “Just take me home, Jensen.”

        As soon as we were at the apartment, I rushed inside and locked myself in my room. I didn’t want to see Jensen or talk to him. Instead, I took the time to make a new plan. A plan that would only get me through the weekend.

        I was going to spend the weekend with my parents.

        I grabbed my laptop and booked me an early flight to St. Louis for the next morning, making sure I had enough time to go meet up with Alex and set things straight with him. It was now or never and it had to be done. I just hoped he would understand.

        The next thing I did was text Mack and explain that I would be taking the next few days off. I explained that I needed some time away to take care of myself and that I was sorry for such as short noticed, and that it was so late. He replied pretty quickly. Letting me know he understood and to have a good time.

        Lastly, I was going to get lost in a book for a while. I had been locked away long enough for Jensen to have gone to bed by now, so I risked a trip to the living room to get my book of the coffee table. I grabbed my book and when I turned around I almost jumped out of my skin.

        “Jesus!” I shrieked, clutching my book to my chest.

        “I believe we’ve been through this once before, luv. I’m Jensen. Though I can understand how the long hair and beard can confuse you.”

He smirked at me, but just I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Ha. Ha.” I went to step passed him, but he moved in front of me, blocking my way.

        “Just a moment, luv. I want to apologize for my behavior tonight. It was uncalled for.”

        I was so taken by surprise that I didn’t take the time to consider my response.

“It’s fine. I’m fine.”

        “You say that so much that I don’t think it’s a word anymore.”

        I rolled my eyes and moved around him. This time he let me. I was halfway down the hall when he called for me.

        “Freya?”

        I turned to him. “Yea?”

        “Look at me,” he murmured.

        I couldn’t hide my confused look. “I am looking at you.”

        “No, you’re not,” he said his voice pained. “You haven’t looked at me in weeks.”

        “That’s not true.” And it wasn’t true. I looked at him more than I would like to admit. Granted, it was mostly when I knew he wasn’t looking.

        “Your eyes might be on me, but you’re looking right through me. You promised that things would be the same. You said that we could go back to the way things were.”

        “Well, it turns out that was easier said than done,” I laughed, but there was no humor behind it. “It’s easier for me this way.”

        “How is it easier?”

        “Because if I pretend that I don’t care, then maybe I won’t. It’s easier than holding on to the fact that you don't want me because of some girl that messed you up. It’s easier than thinking about how you held onto that pain rather than trust me.”

        “Freya,” he mumbled.

“I’m pretty tired. I’ll see you in the morning.”

        “Yeah, okay.”

        I turned on my heel and walked into my bedroom, closing the door. I in a took a deep breath, wiping away the tears that had spilled over. Tossing my book onto my bedside table, I crawled into bed. There was no way that book would hold my attention now. I just hoped that sleep would come quick.