Eighteen

I was on my third shot and feeling pretty good when a hand landed on my shoulder. I looked up to find Jensen staring down at me.

“Time to go, luv,” he said, pulling me from my chair.

“What?” I groaned, swaying. “But I haven’t had enough drinks yet.

“You’ve had enough. Anymore and you’ll have a nasty hangover in the morning.” His words were rough around the edges, which made his accent thicker. It was seriously hot.

“If you say so,” I slurred, letting him pull me out of the room. I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder.

Holding each other up, we made it across the hall without incident, but as we pushed through our apartment door my foot caught on something and I tripped. We landed in heap on the floor just inside the door.

“Ow!” I giggled, rolling onto him. His chest rumbled with his own laughter.

“All right, luv?” He asked, looking up at me.

“Someone asking you if you’re okay shouldn’t sound so sexy.” I hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but my brain to mouth filter seemed to be broken. “Why can’t I find a guy like you? You’re so sweet and caring. Alex is just… I don’t know. I don’t like Alex.”

“You’ll find someone better than me. Someone better than that wanker Alex,” he mumbled, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Yeah right. A guy like you wouldn't look twice at me. I’m nothing special,” I snorted, then frowned because, damn, it was true.

“You can’t honestly believe that, luv.” His face had hardened and he narrowed his eyes.

I shrugged because I did believe that. “You don’t look twice at me.”

“You’re right. I don’t look twice at you,” he said and I looked away, but he lifted it back up so I would look at him. “I don’t look twice at you because I never stop looking you. I can’t stop looking at you. You’re so amazing and I’d be the luckiest bloke in the world if I could land a woman like you. You’re so fucking special.”

Those were the kind of words every woman wanted to hear and coming from Jensen, they meant even more to me. It meant that I wasn’t the only one who had feelings and I wasn’t crazy. There was something between us and it was a relief to know he felt the same.

He was staring at me intently and I was lost in those brilliant green eyes. I wasn’t sure how to respond after a bomb like that, but I could imagine the look on my face was more than enough. He was my best friend and I was being to think I might be a little in love with him.

The thought hit me like a freight train and I scrambled to my feet, eager to put a little distance between us. I couldn’t feel like that towards him. He was my best friend. My best friend! Feelings like that would destroy a friendship and I couldn’t let that happen.

I hurried into the kitchen and grabbed two glasses from the cabinet, filling them with water straight from the tap. He had followed me, so I held a glass out to him as I picked the other one up. Once he took it, I drained my glass. When my glass was empty, I sat it back on the counter and headed around the bar.

Just as I was passing Jensen he spoke.

“Tell me, luv. What did you mean this morning?”

I turned wide eyes on him. “W-what?”

For the second morning in a roll I woke from having really hot, borderline inappropriate dreams about my incredibly sexy roommate. This dream was a little different from the first. Mostly because it was a little blurry around the edges, but with all the naked and fun goodness that left me panting for more.

I rolled to my side, rubbing my legs together and moaning into the pillow. Begging for sleep to drag me back under. I wasn’t ready to stop dreaming yet.

“Stop that, luv,” a groggy voice, mumbled.

My eyes snapped open, and I sucked in a sharp breath, hoping like hell I was still dreaming. The level of panic I felt said otherwise. I tried to swallow it back, but when Jensen shifted taking the covers with him and revealing my naked body underneath, I freaked out.

“Oh God!” I shrieked, flying from the bed as if it were on fire. I dragged the covers with me, wrapping them around me for cover as I stared in horror at my best friend.

Jensen sat up giving me a confused look, then looked down to discover his own nudeness. He scrambled from the bed, trying to cover himself with his hand. It was such as shame I was in a panic. This would be the opportune time to appreciate his entire body.

“Bloody hell!” He bent picking up his discarded underwear from the floor, pulling them on.

“What did we do?!” I clutched the covers to my chest and tried to recall the events of the night before. It didn’t take long for everything to come roaring back. I covered my mouth in horror. “Oh, God!”

Jensen held out a cautioning hand. “Freya. It’s okay.” He sounded so calm which made my nerves stand on end. There was nothing okay about this.

“Okay? Okay! Are you crazy? Jensen, we had sex! That is not okay. I have a boyfriend!” My eyes widen at that revelation. “Oh my God! I have a boyfriend! I cheated on Alex! I’m a cheater!”

My stomach heaved and I had to swallow back the bile that rose in the back of my throat. I closed my eyes willing the tears away. Now was not the time to turn into an emotional mess. I needed to get my head on straight and sort this out rationally.

Jensen hurried around the bed, putting his hands on my shoulder, forcing me to meet his eyes.

“Look, luv. This changes nothing. It was an honest mistake from one to many drinks. It happens.”

“It doesn't happen to me!” This is why I never drank. Nothing good ever comes from a night of drinking.

“It will be fine. It meant nothing.” I looked into his perfect green eyes and wanted nothing more than to punch him in the nose. That was not something you say to someone you spent the night having sex with.

I bit back my anger and shook my head. I needed space and if that meant agreeing with him, then so be it.

“Yeah. Sure. You’re right. It was a mistake.” My voice sounded dead, but it was the perfect reflection to how I felt inside when I said those words.

Dead.

From what I remembered of the night before it felt more than right. I knew for a fact it wasn’t a mistake on my part and right then I decided that I didn’t regret sleeping with him. The only regret I had was cheating on Alex.  

I stepped around Jensen, pulling the covers along with me. His expression had closed off when I said it was a mistake and it wasn’t something I wanted to get into right now. I looked away from him and moved towards the bathroom.

“It’s fine. We are fine and no one has to know this happened. Nothing happened.” I stopped inside the bathroom door, looking over my shoulder at him. “You’re my best friend and this changes nothing.” I stepped further into the bathroom and shut the door behind me before he could see the first tear fall.

“It didn’t mean anything,” I whispered, sinking to the floor. I stuffed the blanket into my mouth to muffle the sobs that were spilling out of me.

As much as I wish it were true, I knew better. This meant everything and as much as didn’t want it to it changed everything. I wasn’t sure there would be any going back from this. How was I supposed to pretend that I hadn’t just had the best night of my life with Jensen and that I wasn’t in love with my best friend?  

After I managed to pull myself together, I showered and when I peeked out of the bathroom I found my bedroom empty. I didn’t waste any time rushing to my closet and pulling whatever I touched out. I didn’t pay much attention to what I put on, I just knew I needed to get out of here.

I had to give myself a mini pep talk before I could work up the nerve to leave my room. I decided that acting indifferent would be the best approach and if I pretended like nothing happened, then maybe he wouldn’t make this awkward.

I found my phone on the bar in the kitchen and found that I had missed several calls and texts last night from Alex. Guilt clawed at my stomach and I had to force it down. With a deep breath I opened the first text and my stomach sank.

Alex: Hanging out with Saw? What a load of crap. You could at least do me the favor and not lie to me. We both know you ditched me for Jensen. Again. I bet he even managed to get you to bed this time.

The rest were a series of ‘Where are you’ and ‘call me’. My stomach heave as I replayed the last text in my head. I turned on my heel and raced for my bathroom, making it just in time. I dry heaved into the toilet and wished for death.

“What’s wrong, luv?” He rushed into the bathroom and kneeled beside me. When he reached out to rub my back I moved away from him. I scrambled to my feet, grabbing a hand towel off the sink and wiping my face. I turned to Jensen and narrowed my eyes.

“Did you get me drunk so I would sleep with you?” I demanded. My plan to pretend like it never happened vanished in a flash.

“Sorry?” He actually looked offended.

“You heard me.”

He straightened his shoulder and stared down at me. “You see, I don't think I did, Freya because it sounded like you were implying that I got you drunk just to get you in bed, but I’m certain you misspoke.” Anger burned in his eyes, but I wasn’t backing down. I refused to be made a fool of.

I squared my shoulder and matched his glare. “Then, why is Alex so sure you are after that? He even texted me this morning saying you probably got me into bed last night. I can’t even deny it because he’s right! But what makes me wonder is why he is so sure? He had to have heard it from somewhere.”

“I haven’t the slightest clue. Maybe because he is so insecure in himself that he’s jealous of me being around you,” he growled. He took a step towards me until we were toe to toe. “But I’ll tell you this. That may be how he gets woman to bed, but I assure you, luv, every women I have ever been with was consensual. That includes you. But what I want to know is why you would believe I would do such a thing.”

Hurt and disbelief flashed in his eyes and my anger flamed out. This wasn’t like me. I wasn’t thinking rational at all and it wasn’t fair to him. We hadn’t even been awake an hour and things were already going to shit.

I ran an aggravated hand through my wet hair and looked away from him. “It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done and we are both at fault here.”

“You didn’t answer my question. I want to know why you think so little of me.” From his tone, I could see he wouldn’t let this go.

“I don’t think so little of you and I don’t think you would do something like that. Especially not to me. I’m just freaking out, okay? How do I deal with this? What do I do, Jensen? I’ve only been awake an hour and I feel like I’m suffocating from the weight of what we did.”

I hadn’t meant to be so forthcoming, but once I started I couldn’t stop. Tears formed in my eyes and my emotions were all over the place. I was close to losing it and the way Jensen’s face had softened wasn’t helping. The last thing I needed right now was his sympathy. What I needed was someone to help me be strong or the guilt would consume me.

He reached for me, but I shrunk away. “I don’t think that would be the best idea.”

“Freya,” Jensen started, but was interrupted by my phone ringing.

I pulled it out of my pocket and Alex’s face stared back at me. Without looking at Jensen, I moved around him to the door.

“I have to take this.” I walked out the door and down the hall and out the front door.

“Hello,” I answered as the door shut behind me.

“Freya! Thank God you answered,” he breathed.

“Yeah, well, I almost didn’t after all your texts,” I snapped, taking a seat outside the door.

“I know. I’m sorry and I didn’t mean any of that. I’m such a jealous fool and I know you’d never sleep with Jensen. Please forgive me.” He was begging and I felt horrible.

Guilt washed over me and I had to swallow back a sob. I felt horrible for what I had done to him and I felt even worse because I wasn’t going to own up to it. I was too much of a coward. He was right when he said I was dumb. I was so dumb that I fell into bed with my best friend and cheated on this nice guy who seemed to really like me.

“It’s okay,” I said. The guilt of it all made it easy for me to forgive him.

“Let me make it up to you,” he begged. “I’ll take you to lunch.” I didn’t want to go, but it was a way to avoid Jensen.

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’ll be there in ten.” The line went dead.