Twenty

Without waiting for him to answer, I fled the room.  I heard him call after me, but I didn’t stop.

I couldn’t.

Mack was sitting behind the desk when I reached it and he looked up, his brow furrowing.

“Hey. What’s up?” He asked, standing.

“Um, I need to cut out early. I, um...” I looked around, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Okay. Don’t worry about it. We’ll see you tomorrow,” he smiled.

I picked my bags off the floor and sprinted to the door. I didn’t have any idea where to go and I knew going home was out because Jensen would just find me there or he would send Saw there to check on me and I need to be alone. I decided on driving around for a while, hoping to find somewhere to go while I was out. I only made it a few blocks when the perfect place hit me and I was only a few blocks away.

Parking quickly, I hurried into the building. As soon as I entered the building, I felt like I could breathe again. There was something about being surrounded by books that calmed me. I put my phone on vibrate and sent Saw a quick message to let her know I was fin and would be home later.

I hardly had my phone back into my pocket when buzzed.

Saw: Freya!

Saw: What is going on?! Jensen is losing it and you disappear. Now he’s not saying anything.

        

         I didn’t want to get into it with her right now, but I knew she would be persistent and I hated making her worry. It would be better to just get this over with now.

         Me: It’s nothing I didn’t know would happen.

        Saw: What’s that supposed to mean?

        Me: I said some stupid stuff. You know, typical me. I made everything awkward. Just give some time and then we’ll talk okay?

        Saw: Promise?

        Me: Promise.

        Saw: Fine. Text me soon.

         I returned my phone back to my pocket and headed down the nearest stack. I really wasn’t looking for anything just needed something to distract me for a while. Or maybe looking for a place to be alone for a while.

        When I came across an empty, dust collected aisle I didn’t hesitate to walk down it. I doubted anyone had been down it in a while considered the level on dust that coated the books. I needed peace and this seemed like the perfect place.

        I sat down in the middle of the aisle, leaning against the shelf. I couldn’t believe I was in this situation. I was an idiot. He was messed up over a broken relationship and wasn’t ready to get over it. And from the looks of it he never wanted to either. I should’ve stayed away from him.

        My leg was on fire and itched under my leggings and I reached down to rub at it before thinking better of it. I jerked my hand back and close my eyes trying to block it all out. Maybe I could just sit here until this whole thing blew over.

        My phone buzzed in my pocket and I suppressed a groan and pulled it out of my pocket.

         Jensen: I’ll understand if you want me to move out.

         My breath caught and I struggled to keep it together. The thought of kicking him out made my heart hurt. No, I didn’t want him to move out. He was still my best friend, and I wanted to be around him. I needed to be around him.

        

         Me: No. Of course I don’t want you to move out. Don’t be ridiculous.

        Jensen: I’m so sorry, luv.

        

        I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath before answering.

         Me: Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you told me how you felt. Let’s pretend that I never said anything and just go back to how things were. You’re my best friend, Jensen. I can’t lose that.

        

         I meant every word though it felt like I was tearing my heart out and burning it.

         Jensen: If that’s what you want, luv.

        Me: It is.

        Jensen: Come home now, luv.

        Me: Maybe in a bit.

        Jensen: Where are you? I can keep you company.

        Me: Someplace magical. I’ll be fine. See you later.

         I say my phone beside me with the screen facing down. He didn’t reply and I figured he was giving me the space I asked for. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes letting the quiet was over me. It was comforting; the silence. It was something I had grow used to before I moved here and the one thing I miss about being in Kentucky.

        It wasn’t ten minutes later when someone sat down beside me and I didn’t need to open my eyes to know who it was. With a sigh, I leaned my head to rest on his shoulder and he reached out taking my hand in to his.

        “How did you find me?” I murmured.

        “Really, luv? A magical place? I only needed on guess.” He chuckled and squeezed my hand.

        “I wanted to be alone.”

        “You’re my best friend too, luv.”

        “I’m beginning to hate that those words.”

        I sat up straighter and put some distance between us. The last thing I needed was to be close to him. It would only make it worse.

        “I’m sorry.” I knew that he was, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted my feelings to disappear as fast as they occurred, but the reality of it was, things weren’t that easy.

        “It’s fine. I am fine. I will deal with it.” Pushing to my feet, I stood and dusted my bottom off, then offered him my hand.

        I pulled, stepping back until he was standing, too. Moving around him, I led us out of the aisle. The library workers shot us nasty looks as we emerged. No doubt they thought we were up to no good. Little did they know I was just getting my heart broken.

        The cold air wrapped around me like an icy blanket and I had to wrap my arms around me for comfort. That’s what I get for not grabbing my jacket in my haste to escape.  

        “I’ll see you at the apartment,” I said, walking to my car.

        “I’ll race you,” he called running for his GTO.