Chapter 13
Kilo
Worry had consumed Kilo throughout the morning. He had simply been unable to shake the gnawing feeling that something was terribly wrong.
Logically, he tried to reassure himself. Jules had said he was feeling fine. He’d agreed to the doctor’s appointment without argument, and over the last few days he’d even appeared to be doing better. But the future had always been hazy for Kilo. There was always something lurking around the corner, waiting to steal his happiness.
Every time he felt like he was nearing a place where he could be content with his life, something always happened to shatter that illusion and leave him picking up the pieces. It had happened time and time again. Given how well things had been going lately, he was long overdue for some sort of turmoil to stir things up.
Kilo tried to focus on his work, but he was too distracted to get anything done properly. Twice he loaded the wrong size paper into the printing machines and ran off a series of business cards that were the size of yard signs. He finally gave up on that and moved on to some design work he’d been putting off, but he just couldn’t seem to get the hang of the process. His hands were shaky, his thoughts were a mess, and apparently one of the feet had snapped off his keyboard, causing it to wobble incessantly as he worked.
Eventually he gave up and poured all of his nervous energy into cleaning. Sweeping the floor, cleaning the printers, dusting, washing the windows, and even tackling the single bathroom he had for personal use. The cleaning session had been long overdue and, thankfully, it was something that didn’t require a lot of detailed thought. He could just work and allow his mind to retreat to an empty place.
At least until the front door opened and Jules rushed inside. The Omega was panting for breath, his cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were wide. For a brief moment, Kilo couldn’t tell if he was upset or excited.
“I’m pregnant!” Jules blurted, throwing his arms out wide and moving in for a hug.
The announcement echoed in Kilo’s ears and made his blood run cold. His throat tightened and he backed away from Jules, holding the broom in both hands between them to prevent any attempt at another hug.
“Y-you’re what?” asked Kilo, silently praying that he’d misheard.
Jules’s expression immediately fell. He was clearly disappointed by Kilo’s reaction to his “good news.” The Omega blinked a few times, as if trying to recover his thoughts before repeating his statement. “I’m pregnant.”
“No,” said Kilo, shaking his head. “Why? Why would you do this to me?” he breathed, letting the broom fall from his hands and clatter to the floor as he backed up against the desk. “We talked about this, Jules. You said you didn’t care about getting pregnant anymore. You said you’d be okay with helping me raise India. Was all of that a lie?”
Jules’s eyes grew wide and he took several steps back. “I don’t...Kilo...of course that wasn’t a lie. I don’t understand why you’re acting this way. I’m pregnant with our baby.”
“No, you’re not, Jules.” Kilo felt as if he’d been gutted. He clutched the edge of the counter. “You can’t be pregnant with our baby. It’s impossible. Utterly impossible.”
The expression of joy on the Omega’s face quickly faded and he looked as if he was trying to come up with something to say.
“So, who’s the father?” demanded Kilo, somehow managing to find his feet and harden himself to the torrent of emotional pain that had begun to tear through him. “Or do you even know? The sperm banks keep everything anonymous, so it’s likely you have no idea who’s kid you’ve got in there. Is that what you did? Did you make that decision on your own? However you got this way, it’s a betrayal. Cheating or lying. Which is it?”
“It’s yours, Kilo...” insisted Jules.
The tone of his voice stung Kilo even more deeply. “How can you keep lying to me like this? Did you honestly think I was stupid enough to just accept it without question?” He choked back the anger and pain, grasping the counter in a white-knuckled grip. He steeled himself as he continued. “I want you out of the house by the time I get home.”
Jules looked away, avoiding Kilo’s gaze. He didn’t even try to protest. Why would he? What was the point when they both knew that he was lying?
Slowly, the Omega turned and left the shop.
Kilo swallowed hard and quickly locked the front door and switched off the “Open” sign. He felt as if all the energy had been sapped from his body. Stumbling through the door to his small office, he sank to the floor in the darkened interior and allowed the first tears to begin rolling down his cheeks.
He’d told himself multiple times not to get involved with dating. He’d warned himself over and over again that there was no faster road to heartbreak. But he’d fallen hard and fast for Jules. He’d ignored all of those warnings, and now he was sitting on the floor of his office, in the dark, rummaging through his desk drawer for an old bottle of whiskey that his father had given him.
As soon as he found it, he slumped back against a filing cabinet and took a deep shuddering breath.
The worst part about the entire thing was just how desperately he had wanted it to be true. Jules had agreed to give up his chance to have children in order to be with Kilo, but that didn’t mean that Kilo didn’t still dream about it sometimes. Having a child with Jules would have satisfied that deep, primal desire within him to soothe his Omega’s biological clock.
He knew that Jules was probably aware of it. They’d spent so much time together over the last few months that he was sure to have noticed.
There was the possibility that Jules even thought he was doing the right thing when he went and got himself pregnant. He could have had the best intentions in the world, but it didn’t change the fact that he’d cheated on Kilo. Even if it was artificial insemination via a sperm donor. They’d set up boundaries and Kilo had made it clear that he wasn’t comfortable with that sort of thing. Jules had violated that trust anyway.
There was no way their relationship could survive that sort of flagrant abuse of trust. Even if it was well intentioned.
Kilo took a big swig from the whiskey bottle, coughing a little as the burning liquid slid down his throat.
His thoughts turned towards India and his chest tightened in agony. She’d grown so close to Jules over the last two months. There was no way she would understand when “Daddy” wasn’t there to read to her before bed that night. Her attachment to him had made Kilo’s life feel whole before, but now it only brought with it the promise of pain. He’d have to pick her up from daycare himself tonight and go back to their old evening routine.
Jules’s betrayal had done more than just upset the balance of Kilo’s life. It had upset India’s as well. It would take time for her to readjust to their old life. The empty house with just the two of them.
The very thought of going home and not finding Jules waiting for him made him sob in pain. Kilo glanced at the whiskey bottle and shook his head. It was still nearly half full, but he was determined to finish it. If he had to, he could call Mr. Cairns to help him with India tonight. The elderly Omega would understand and would hopefully be able to help return some sense of normalcy to their little household.
He took another big swig of whiskey and looked up at the ceiling overhead. He hated this. Feeling this helpless, this broken. He was a grown man, and here he was, weeping over a guy in the dark.
By the time he polished off the bottle, he was already ten minutes late to pick up India. He knew he needed to pick himself up and deal with his emotions like a responsible adult. Unfortunately, he also knew that he was in no state to drive or go anywhere near the daycare. The scent of whiskey, sweat, and tears clung to him like a pungent cologne, and would doubtless cause people to look at him oddly.
He dug out his phone and quickly called up Mr. Cairns and asked if he would be willing to pick up India from daycare. Of course, Mr. Cairns agreed without asking questions. He could always be relied on to help out in a pinch.
Kilo dragged himself up off the floor and tossed the empty whiskey bottle in the trash can. Looking around his office one last time, he dried his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt and made his way back out into the main area of the shop. The sun was setting and the world outside was growing dark.
He could feel the influence of the alcohol swirling around him like a cloak of invulnerability against the pain. It would stave off the final effects of Jules’s betrayal at least long enough for him to get home. The only side effect was that he was going to have to walk back.
Taking a deep breath, he closed down the shop and stepped outside. The cool evening air blew past him and he allowed its refreshing embrace to sweep past his puffy, tearstained face. A walk would do him good, allow him to clear his head and work through the alcohol in his system before he got home and had to revert to his role of parent and guardian.
Once more, his thoughts turned towards the mantra that he’d repeatedly ignored. Dating was painful and hardly worth the trouble. Everything that had happened with Jules, the pain that he’d endured and that would continue to gnaw at him for a while longer, could have been avoided if he’d just kept it in his pants. He’d opened himself up to this pain. He’d allowed himself to believe that Jules would be able to keep his promise.
He knew better now.