Chapter 15
Kilo
Days dragged by more slowly than Kilo would’ve liked. He buried himself in his work, trying his best to forget the emotional implosion that had rocked his entire life.
India had been hit hard by Jules’s absence. She’d taken to throwing her food off her high chair and eating only the barest amount. Her tantrums during daycare drop-off were getting out of hand and it had gotten to the point where he was forced to bring her with him to the shop. He knew that giving into her demands probably wasn’t the best decision, but he didn’t have the energy to fight her on this. Especially when he knew a large part of it was due to Jules’s absence.
She wasn’t the only one who was missing his presence around the house. Kilo could hardly bear to be home anymore. Everything from the way he’d stacked the plates in the cupboard to the way the cushions were arranged on the sofa served as little reminders of him. At first, Kilo had been tempted to undo it all and return everything to the way it had been before Jules had joined them.
Now, however, he clung to those little snippets of him like a starving man desperate for scraps of food.
It was all he had left of Jules. All that was left after his vile accusations had chased the Omega away.
As he finished up with his last customer of the day, his cell phone rang. It was Dr. Spencer’s office, the oncologist responsible for Kilo’s cancer treatment. He silently swore to himself as he answered the call. He already knew what this was about.
“Hello, this is Marie from Doctor Spencer’s office. I’m calling for Kilo Winter,” the pleasant receptionist immediately began as soon as he answered.
“This is Kilo.”
“I was just calling to check in on you since you missed the appointment that was scheduled for this afternoon. Dr. Spencer would like to go over the results of your most recent scan with you and evaluate your progress,” she informed him.
“Yeah, that was my fault. I’ve been so busy lately that I completely spaced,” Kilo lied. It wasn’t a lie that he’d forgotten, but they didn’t need to know his entire sob story.
“Are you able to schedule another appointment?” she asked, without missing a beat.
“Yeah, definitely; what do you have open?”
“We’ve had a cancellation and there’s an opening tomorrow morning at eight o’clock,” she said. “If that doesn’t work for you then the next opening isn’t going to be until next week.”
“I’ll take it,” said Kilo, eagerly. He didn’t like the thought of putting off the appointment any longer. While his scans had repeatedly turned up clear, he wasn’t willing to risk any more delay than necessary.
“Okay, I’ll put you on the schedule to see Doctor Spencer first thing in the morning,” she confirmed. “Please be here fifteen minutes early to help with the check-in process.”
“Right, got it,” said Kilo.
“Good; see you tomorrow.” A moment later, the line went dead and Kilo took a deep breath.
The scans were always a little nerve-racking for him, but at least it gave him something to keep his mind off things. There were no outgoing orders tomorrow, so he could close the shop and have Mr. Cairns watch India while he was at his appointment. Afterwards, he’d take her to the park or something. She needed to get out and have some fun just as much as he did.
The next morning arrived more quickly than Kilo had anticipated and he caught himself rushing through his morning routine just to get out the door on time. More than once, he wished Jules had been there to help him dress India, or get breakfast started, but more than that...he would’ve just liked to wake up to see Jules’s face smiling back at him. His good morning kisses had always set the tone for the day and allowed Kilo to face whatever was coming his way with a smile on his face.
As soon as Mr. Cairns arrived, Kilo was out the door and on his way to his appointment.
Early morning traffic was already beginning to grow congested along the main street through town. He swore under his breath. Jules would’ve reminded him to avoid the main roads and take the shortcut through the historical district. It seemed he was lost without his Omega in more ways than one.
He managed to get to Doctor Spencer’s office ten minutes early. While he was technically a little late, he forced himself to brush it off. He’d made it mostly on time and there was nothing more he could do about it.
Sitting around in the waiting room, waiting for his name to be called, gave him more time to think than he would’ve liked. Kilo’s thoughts were incessantly drawn back to how nervous he’d been during his last scan. Jules had been there waiting for him when it was over and had done everything in his power to help cheer him up. It was hard to believe that was just a week ago now.
He shouldn’t have reacted so strongly to Jules’s news. Whatever the Omega’s intentions had been, Kilo had allowed himself to be harder on him than the situation truly warranted. If Jules truly had cheated on him, even if it was with donor sperm, then he should have at least given him a chance to talk things through. He shouldn’t have flown off the handle so abruptly.
Up until that point, their life together had been practically idyllic. Now that they were apart, the only thing that Kilo could focus on anymore was how much better everything would be if Jules was there.
He was called back to the examination room a few minutes later and told to wait for Doctor Spencer.
When dealing with something as nefarious as cancer, there was always the chance it could come back. Every six months, he went in for another scan to keep an eye on things and had a meeting with Doctor Spencer to discuss how everything looked. The past several appointments had been short and sweet. A simple meet and greet, a confirmation that everything was still clear, and a promise to meet again in six months.
Kilo had to mentally reassure himself that this time would be no different. Still, he caught himself wishing that Jules was by his side.
“Hello, Kilo. Good to see you again,” said Doctor Spencer with a grin as he entered the room and took up post on a chair across from Kilo.
“You too, Doctor,” said Kilo with a nod. “I hope that smile of yours means everything’s looking good.”
“Indeed it does.” Doctor Spencer turned to his computer screen and pulled up Kilo’s most recent scans. “Everything on these scans looks absolutely clean as a whistle. A couple more like these and we might start spacing these visits out a bit more.”
“That’s great news,” said Kilo, nodding his head and smiling. Relief flooded through him, but with it came a new concern. A question that tickled at the back of his mind and refused to be ignored.
“So I guess we’ll follow this routine and meet again in six months,” said Doctor Spencer, typing a few notes into the computer screen. “Seems like these appointments of ours keep getting shorter and shorter.” He chuckled and looked Kilo in the eye. “Unless you’ve got any questions or concerns, you’re free to go. I’ll have someone from the scheduling department call you to set up a date for your next scan.”
“I actually do have a question,” said Kilo, sitting up a little straighter and taking a deep breath.
“Of course; fire away.”
“Are you absolutely certain that I’m infertile?” The gears in Kilo’s mind were spinning. He had to know for sure.
“Almost certainly,” said Doctor Spencer. “I’m afraid sperm are rather delicate little individuals. They don’t tend to handle that sort of intense therapy very well.” He looked back at the screen. “I remember we ordered a test for you after something...an accident at the sperm bank, correct? You wanted to be certain there was no chance of replacing the lost samples.” He brought up another file and nodded to himself for a moment. “The results of that test were pretty conclusive. There is no chance that you’re going to get someone pregnant.”
“But that was over two years ago now,” said Kilo, clutching the arms of his chair and frowning. He couldn’t let this go. He owed it to Jules to pursue this line of questioning as far as possible. “Is there any way that things might have changed?”
The doctor sighed and turned fully towards Kilo. “There is a possibility that you could potentially regenerate healthy sperm. However, I want to temper any excitement with a warning. The chances are slim, and even if you are, your sperm count is almost certainly never going to be what it was originally.”
“But there’s a possibility?”
“There is. I can order the tests if you’d like so we can find out for sure.” Doctor Spencer turned back to his computer screen and began punching in some notes.
An hour later, Kilo was walking out of the doctor’s office with a flood of new emotions crowding together in his chest. The semen analysis had been ordered, the sample had been delivered, and now the only thing he could do was wait for the results.
As he climbed into the driver’s seat of his car, he took a deep shuddering breath as his thoughts began to click into place.
If the tests showed that he was indeed infertile, it meant that Jules’s baby wasn’t his. At that point, armed with that knowledge, he could approach Jules from a place of forgiveness. He realized now that it didn’t matter whose baby it was. All that really mattered was that he desperately needed Jules back in his life. He was lost without his Omega, and he was willing to do almost anything to bring him back into his life.
However, if the tests came back with even the slightest hint of fertility...Kilo was prepared to grovel, to beg Jules to forgive him for being such a raging asshole. He knew that he’d overreacted and he was going to apologize for that, no matter the outcome. But if Jules was right and the baby really was his, then that changed everything. His only hope of earning the Omega’s trust again would be to prove that he truly was sincere in his apology.
Either way, he was going to get Jules back.
The very thought sent an electric tingle of excitement through his veins. It took everything in him to keep from rushing off to find Jules right then and there. They’d been apart for so long that he could barely stand it anymore. He was miserable, and the worst thing about it was that he knew it was all his fault. All of this could’ve been avoided if he’d just kept his anger and pain in check.
Clutching the steering wheel in both hands, Kilo took a deep breath. Once the test results came in, he would stop at nothing to try and make things up to his Omega.