Chapter 8
Jules
The air was warm and a gentle breeze was blowing. The branches of the large oak tree swayed overhead and the leaves rustled softly.
“Pup...pup...pup...” India repeated over and over as she stood on the edge of the picnic blanket, watching a dog chase a frisbee nearby.
“That’s a doggy,” said Jules, smiling at her as she turned slowly and looked back at him with a quizzical expression on her face.
“Dog...dog...doggy...” She bounced a little as she talked, before dropping to her rear and sitting on the blanket. “That one,” she said, pointing to the dog as it did a rather athletic backflip and caught the frisbee out of the air.
“Yes, that one’s a doggy.” Jules dug into the bag they had brought along with her toys. “Like this,” he said as he pulled out her stuffed dog. “Doggy.” He held it up and pretended to make it bark.
India screwed up her face and shook her head. “No,” she said adamantly. “Not that one. That one.” She once again pointed to the dog chasing the frisbee.
“What about that one? What makes him special?” Jules wasn’t sure she understood him, but he figured he might as well give her the benefit of the doubt. He’d spent the last two weeks filling every free moment of his time with India and Kilo, and her cleverness had taken him by surprise quite a few times.
Like the fact that she was perfectly capable of climbing in and out of her playpen unassisted, but would only do so when no one was around to see her. He’d left one of her storybooks sitting on the couch when he went to help Kilo set the table for dinner one night. When he’d come back, she’d been quietly turning the pages in her playpen. Kilo still insisted that he must’ve left it on the table where she could reach, but Jules knew the truth and he swore never to underestimate her again.
“How are my two favorite people?” asked Kilo as he approached the blanket carrying an ice cream cone in each hand.
“Doggy, doggy, Daddy...that one,” announced India, climbing to her feet as quickly as she possibly could. She darted towards him and grabbed hold of his leg as he reached the edge of the blanket.
“What’s going on with you?” Kilo chuckled as he tried to disentangle himself from her grasp.
“Doggy, Daddy, woof, woof.” She began to make her best imitation of the barking sound Jules had made.
“Are you teaching my daughter to bark?” teased Kilo as Jules scooped her up and gave him a chance to sit down.
“That wasn’t my intention,” protested Jules, leaning back to steer clear of India’s flailing arms and legs. She wasn’t interested in being restrained right now.
“No, no...doggy! That one.” India freed herself from Jules’s grasp as quickly as possible and pointed towards the dog as it made another incredible catch.
“Oh, you were watching the doggy.” Kilo nodded in understanding. “He’s pretty talented.”
“She’s been staring at him ever since they started throwing that frisbee,” explained Jules, gratefully taking his ice cream cone from Kilo. It was mint chocolate chip, his absolute favorite flavor combination.
“Why don’t you grab your doggy?” suggested Kilo, pointing to the stuffed dog that was sitting, forgotten, near the middle of the blanket.
India cast a withering glare at the toy. “Not that doggy. That one,” she insisted as she once again pointed at the frisbee dog.
“I have never seen her this insistent about something before,” said Kilo, chuckling softly. “What do you want, sweetheart? I don’t understand.”
“That one!” shouted India, dropping back on her rear. “That doggy!”
“I think your daughter is trying to tell you that she wants a dog,” said Jules with a laugh.
“Oh hell no,” said Kilo, shaking his head. “She’s too young to even pretend to clean up after it. There’s no way. The house is empty all day. The carpets are still pristine, somehow. Both that dog and I would be miserable.”
“Doggy...” said India, as if she could understand exactly what her father was saying.
Kilo’s expression fell, and for a moment, he looked like he was actually considering giving in.
“India, why don’t you come have a bite?” suggested Jules. He’d seen this tactic far too many times to let it fool him. All she needed was a little distraction and she’d forget all about her dog obsession.
“Bite?” She turned her head towards him as soon as the word left his mouth.
“Yeah, come here and try some.” Jules shifted slightly and held the ice cream cone at an angle towards her.
She slowly climbed to her feet and toddled towards him. The threat of tears was still visible in her eyes, but her curiosity had clearly been aroused by his invitation. After a moment of hesitation, she reached for the cone.
“A bite, India,” Jules reminded her, slowly pulling the cone out of her reach. Giving her a cone of her own was sure to result in a mess far beyond anything they’d witnessed to date.
“Bite...bite...bite,” she chattered, clearly intrigued by the strangely colored treat in Jules’s hands.
He tentatively held it towards her again, and this time she took a little bite from the side, getting ice cream on her nose in the process.
India’s expression was confused at first. From what Kilo had said, she’d never actually had ice cream before. That, of course, was exactly the reason for the entire trip to the park that afternoon.
After a moment, her eyes grew wide and a big happy grin spread across her lips.
“Ice cream,” said Jules, holding up the ice cream cone.
“Scream,” India immediately parroted as she reached for the cone once more.
“Nuh-uh. Bite; remember?”
“Bite,” she repeated and dropped her hands. She took another bite and shivered with delight.
As she savored her second bite of ice cream, Jules became aware of Kilo staring at him. He blushed as he met the Alpha’s gaze. “What are you staring at?”
“I just...watching you two together. It’s really nice,” said Kilo, before taking a bite of his chocolate ice cream. He paused for a moment and looked up at the branches overhead. “The way you’ve bonded with her is better than pretty much anything I could’ve hoped for.”
Jules smiled softly and looked back at India, who had turned and picked up her stuffed dog from the ground. It was true that he had connected with India more deeply than he could’ve thought possible. Being around her, taking care of her, soothed something deep inside him. There were days when he almost couldn’t feel the incessant ticking of his biological clock.
He was certain that he loved her as deeply as if she were his own daughter. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for her. He got a sense that, on some level, she reciprocated his feelings. Maybe not to the same extent, but she accepted him unquestioningly and seemed happy with his presence in her life.
Yet, despite all of that, his desire to have children of his own had only grown in intensity. It no longer manifested in a jealous haze every time he saw someone else’s children, but there were still times when he would find himself standing in the baby section of the grocery store for no reason whatsoever. More than once, he’d caught himself looking at paternity wear online and imagining himself wearing them. He’d even sized up the spare room in Kilo’s house for a crib one afternoon.
Things were only made worse by the fact that their relationship was still somewhat undefined. They saw each other every single day now, spent afternoons and most evenings together, but nothing was really official.
He hated the thought of being one of “those” Omegas. The kind that immediately demanded a ring as soon as they got an Alpha on the hook. He’d always sworn he would never be that way. Yet, with each passing day, he found himself yearning for some sort of deeper commitment from Kilo. Something, anything, to tell him which direction they were moving. Something that would let him think of himself as more than just Kilo’s lover. He wanted to be a family.
“Daddy, scream,” said India, as soon as she caught sight of Kilo’s ice cream cone. She immediately approached him with her mouth wide open.
“What do you say?” asked Kilo, inclining his head to one side as she drew near.
“Bite,” said India without hesitation.
Jules began laughing despite himself, which caused India to giggle, even though she had no idea what was so funny.
“What do you say?” Kilo repeated, struggling to keep a straight face while Jules tried to get his laughter under control.
“Please?” she asked a little uncertainly.
“Good girl.” Kilo lowered his ice cream cone and let her take a bite.
She looked thoughtful as she chewed at the sweet treat and chocolate dribbled down her chin. After a moment, she frowned and turned back towards Jules.
“Bite? Please?” she said before opening her mouth.
“Haha, looks like I win,” said Jules as he held the ice cream steady for her.
“It’s just because she tried yours first,” insisted Kilo. “This means nothing.”
“Whatever; I won the bet. You’re doing the dishes tonight.” Jules grinned as India took another bite of ice cream.
“Ow...” India said softly as she dropped onto her rear and pressed her small hands to her head. “Daddy...ow...” she whimpered softly.
“Well at least I didn’t give her a brain freeze,” countered Kilo, playfully sticking out his tongue before patting India’s back with his free hand. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’ll feel better in a minute.”
Before Jules could reply, his cell phone rang. It was the custom ringtone he’d set for Jasper. His brother’s due date was any day now and everyone in their family was on high alert. He immediately answered the call.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked as he lifted the phone to his ear.
“Jasper’s gone into labor.” It was Tony, Jasper’s Alpha. “We’re heading to the hospital now.”
“Have you called anyone else?” asked Jules, his heart immediately jumping into his throat as he climbed to his feet.
“Not yet; he said to call you first,” Tony explained.
“Okay, yeah...don’t worry. Just get him to the hospital. I’ll call Mom and everyone else and meet you guys there.” Jules looked from the ice cream cone in his hand over to where Kilo was sitting on the blanket, soothing India’s brain freeze. His thoughts were flying by at a million miles a minute and he wasn’t sure what he needed to do first.
“Thanks, Jules. He said you’d know what to do. I really appreciate it. See you there.” Tony ended the call abruptly.
Jules slowly lowered his phone and stared at the screen as he tried to process his next course of action.
“Jules?” Kilo prompted gently. “Hey, Jules, what’s happening? Do you need a ride?”
“Um, yeah...” Jules slowly dragged himself back to reality. “It’s happening. Um, Jasper that is. He’s in labor. They’re going to the hospital. I need to call everyone. I need to get there. I need to, um...I need...” He cast his gaze about, trying to find something, though he wasn’t quite sure what he was looking for. He’d thought he’d be able to handle this better, but his nerves were suddenly on edge. It wasn’t like he was the one that was in labor or anything. He needed to stay calm and do his part. Somehow that thought only frustrated him more.
“Okay, hey...” Kilo climbed to his feet and closed the distance between them. “Hey, look at me,” he coaxed as he laid a hand on Jules’s shoulder. “Right now, what you’re gonna do is keep an eye on India and call your family while I throw these away. Okay?” He gingerly took the ice cream cone from Jules’s hand. “If they’re heading to the hospital from Jasper’s house, it’ll take them a couple minutes to get there. We’re closer so we’ve got a little bit of time.”
“Right, right...” Jules nodded slowly and sat back down on the blanket beside India.
“When I get back, we’ll pack this stuff up in the car and then I’ll take you there, okay?” Kilo lingered only long enough for Jules to nod in agreement. He quickly turned and left in search of a garbage can.
“Daddy?” India climbed to her feet and began to follow after him.
“India, why don’t you sit with me? Daddy will be back in a minute.” Jules coaxed her back to him. “Here’s your doggy,” he said, offering her the discarded toy.
She took it without hesitation and began to make barking noises as she sat down on the blanket beside Jules.
Jules quickly flipped open the contact list on his phone and began dialing up his relatives. Texting would’ve been faster, but his family was full of a surprising number of technologically inept individuals.
Each call took only a few seconds. As soon as the news was relayed, the family member on the other end would swear to be at the hospital as soon as possible and then hang up. He was nearly finished with his calls by the time Kilo returned.
“Sorry that took so long. I had to go all the way over to the water fountains,” explained Kilo as he knelt on the edge of the blanket and began packing up India’s toys. “Did you let everyone know?”
“Just about. I’ve got a few more calls to make but all of my immediate family is out of the way,” said Jules, finally coming out of the fog in his head a little bit. He began helping Kilo pack everything up.
Within a few minutes, they’d put everything away, folded up the blanket, and were on their way back towards the parking lot. Jules carried India while Kilo carried the rest of their things.
Jules’s thoughts were a jumbled mess. He’d been helping Jasper prepare for his baby’s birth since the beginning. He’d helped him prep the nursery and had even stood in for the pregnancy classes that Tony couldn’t attend. There was a flood of emotion within him. Anxiousness, nervousness, happiness, but underneath it all, there was just the slightest hint of jealousy, and that made him feel guilty.
He glanced at the little girl in his arms as they crossed the parking lot to the car. She was clutching her stuffed dog and looking at her surroundings with an unmatched air of curiosity. She was special to him and he knew that he would do anything for her, but she wasn’t his.
The guilt over his feelings gnawed at his gut and only further enhanced his other emotions.
Kilo seemed to be doing everything in his power to help make Jules’s life easier. He was calm as he loaded up the car and strapped India into her car seat.
Jules numbly climbed into the front seat and began calling up the last of his family members to let them know the good news.
The closer they got to the hospital, the more intense his excitement grew, until it overshadowed nearly all of his other emotions. The only thing left was nervousness. He’d finished the only task given to him. There was nothing more he could do to help make his brother’s labor easier. Everything was out of his hands and he was powerless to do anything else to help. All he could do was sit and wait.
“Hey, Jules, are you listening?” Kilo asked, gently reaching across and laying a hand on his thigh.
“Hmm, sorry. I guess I was a little distracted.”
“I was asking if you wanted me to drop you off or go in with you,” said Kilo with a slight frown of concern on his face.
“I...um...” Jules shook his head slowly and tried to focus. Kilo pulled the car into the parking lot of the hospital. “I guess I’m just a little nervous about this,” he admitted. “It’s not even my pregnancy and I’m an anxious mess.” He chuckled softly.
“You come from a pretty tight-knit family,” said Kilo. “It makes sense for you to be concerned about your brother. Look, a parking spot just opened up there.” He quickly whipped into a rare parking spot near the front entrance to the hospital. “Come on, let’s take you inside.”
Jules was grateful for Kilo’s ability to take charge of the situation. He knew he probably could’ve managed it on his own, but having Kilo around made things a little easier.
It didn’t take long for them to reach the obstetrics wing of the hospital and they were almost immediately greeted by the flood of Jules’s family that had begun gathering in the waiting room.
“So good to see you,” announced Jalie, immediately crossing the room and pulling Jules into a hug.
“We were at the park when we got the call,” Jules explained.
“This must be Kilo,” Jalie said with a grin as she shifted her gaze to the Alpha, “and little India. Omigosh she’s adorable!”
“Jalie, stop crowding and let them come sit down,” said a familiar voice from nearby.
Jules smiled softly as his sister stepped aside. “Kilo, I want you to meet my mom,” he said as he approached the middle-aged woman who had just risen from one of the chairs. “Mom, this is Kilo and his daughter, India.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” said Kilo, inclining his head respectfully towards Jules’s mother.
“Where’s Dad?” asked Jules, looking around uncertainly.
“Pacing the halls,” said Jalie with a shrug. “You remember how he was when Jessie was born. He hates sitting around waiting for something to happen.”
“Uncle Jules!” shouted June, looking up from the toy box in the corner of the waiting room. Her siblings were sitting on either side of her. They clearly hadn’t been there for very long since most of the toys were still in the box.
“June, remember what I said? We’re in a hospital so you need to keep your voice down.” Jalie looked back at her daughter and shook her head in disappointment.
“Sorry, Mommy,” said June, sinking back onto her heels with a little frown.
A few more family members arrived, crowding into the waiting room and saying their hellos. Jules couldn’t help but get swept up in the frivolity. He lost sight of Kilo and India for a few minutes. When he finally spotted them again, the Alpha was hanging around the outside edge of the waiting room with an uncomfortable expression on his face.
As worried as he was for Jasper, he knew there was nothing he could do about it at the moment. He could, however, try to figure out what was bothering his Alpha.
“Why don’t we let India play with Jalie’s kids for a minute?” he suggested as he drew close to Kilo and gently lifted the little girl from her father’s arms.
Kilo looked hesitant to let her go, but he didn’t put up a fight.
“Hey, guys, this is India. She’s almost two years old,” said Jules kneeling beside his nieces and nephew. “I was hoping you guys could show her how to play with all these cool toys.”
June and Jane were delighted to have a baby to play with and both instantly took to showing India different toys. India, for her part, didn’t seem to know what to think about the overly enthusiastic children crowding around her. She held onto her stuffed dog and hesitantly took one of the toys that was being offered to her.
Jules glanced towards his sister, who nodded in understanding. He knew he could trust Jalie to keep an eye on India for a few minutes. There was nowhere safer for a child than in the middle of his family.
Satisfied that she would be looked after, he returned to Kilo’s side and pulled the Alpha away from the crowd of his family.
“Okay, now...why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?” asked Jules once they were far enough from his family that they wouldn’t be overheard. “You did an amazing job getting me here, but you’ve barely said anything since we met up with my family. Is everything okay?”
Kilo looked away for a moment and sighed softly. “No, it’s not,” he admitted. “This...this is the hospital where Dez died.”
Jules felt as if his blood had turned to ice. “You mean, India’s...your Omega, he...I’m so sorry, Kilo. I didn’t know.”
“It’s not your fault,” said Kilo, shaking his head slowly. “It’s mine. It always has been.”
“What are you talking about?” Jules asked, laying a hand on Kilo’s arm. “It couldn’t have been your fault.”
“It is,” insisted Kilo. “Dez wasn’t ready for kids. He didn’t want to start a family. He wanted to focus on his career. I...” He paused and looked as if he was about to choke up.
Jules wanted to reassure him, but Kilo clearly had more to say.
“Then I got cancer and everything changed,” continued Kilo.
“Cancer!?” Jules’s face contorted in surprise and pain. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s gone,” said Kilo. “I go back for scans every few months, but it’s been gone for a while now.” He shrugged and shook his head. “I wasn’t keeping it from you; it’s just something that I try not to think about very much.
“After I was diagnosed, everything was so uncertain. We didn’t know what the future would hold. I told Dez again that I wanted to have a family with him. I told him that it was important for me to be able to hold my baby in my arms.” He sighed and shook his head. “I pushed and he gave in. What else could he do? Say no to a dying man? He hated being pregnant. He hated me for forcing him into it. Our relationship wasn’t on very solid ground during the last few months of his pregnancy.”
Jules felt his chest tighten. Kilo’s experience was making his heart ache. There was nothing he could do or say to ease the painful memories the Alpha must have been reliving right then and he felt guilty because of it.
“Dez died giving birth to India,” Kilo finished, shaking his head and releasing a shuddering breath. “There was an emergency, some sort of complication. India was in distress and almost didn’t survive. Dez...he’d lost a lot of blood, they couldn’t find a donor. It...happened in one of the rooms around the corner from here. All because of me. I killed him.”
“You didn’t,” said Jules, laying both hands on Kilo’s shoulders and peering up into his face. “You didn’t force him to do anything, and you certainly didn’t kill him. He was an adult, capable of making his own decisions. What happened is tragic, but chances are that it would’ve happened no matter who Dez’s partner was. It’s not your fault.”
“But he wouldn’t have even been in the hospital—”
“If he hadn’t decided to have baby-making sex with you?” Jules finished for him. “You didn’t kill Dez. It’s not your fault that he died.”
“I don’t...I’ve blamed myself for it ever since that day,” said Kilo softly. “I don’t deserve you,” he breathed as he pulled Jules into his arms and gently kissed his forehead. “Just being with you makes everything a little bit easier.”
“It’s Tony.” The exclamation rippled through the nearby waiting room.
“Come on, let’s go,” said Jules, gently tugging Kilo back towards the rest of the group.
As they approached, Jasper’s Alpha was holding up his hands to silence the barrage of questions from the rest of the family. His face was beaming and he looked like a man who was on top of the world. Once silence had been established, he began.
“It’s a girl,” said Tony, barely able to contain the excitement in his voice. The announcement was answered by whoops of excitement throughout the waiting room.
Jalie blindsided Jules, pulling him into a hug. “You’re next, little brother,” she teased and directed her gaze at Kilo with an obvious wink.
Kilo flinched.
It was subtle enough that most people might not have noticed it, but to Jules it was clear as day. The Alpha seemed visibly disturbed by Jalie’s implication. Before Jules could ask him about it, he was pulled into a group hug with several other family members.
“Who’s got the champagne?” someone asked.
“We’ve got cigars over here,” came a reply.
“No smoking in the hospital. If you’re going to do that crap then take it outside,” declared Jules’s mother.
“We bought fireworks last week. Where are we going to set them off?” someone else asked.
“My house is perfect for that; the neighbors won’t care at all,” was the response.
The excitement was infectious and Jules couldn’t help but get caught up in it.
“Jules, come on. We can go in together,” said Jalie, linking arms with him. “They’re only letting in groups of three at a time. They don’t want to tire Jasper out any more than he already is.”
“Yeah, hang on,” said Jules, finally managing to turn and look for Kilo. He frowned. The Alpha seemed to have slipped away again. “Where’s Kilo?” he asked, looking back at his sister.
“Oh, he took off a few minutes ago,” she said, frowning slightly. “He said something about needing to put India down for a nap and then left.”