Chapter 14
Jules
Closing the trunk of the minivan on all of his worldly possessions, Jules felt as if his heart had been torn asunder. He’d cried all the tears he had on the drive back to Kilo’s house. The process of packing up his things and loading them into the car took less time than expected. Even factoring in the time it had taken for him to rip the flamingos from their place in the yard, it had still taken him less than an hour.
Most of his stuff had been sold when he’d moved in with Kilo. A decision that he was beginning to regret.
When he finally climbed into the driver’s seat, fresh tears had begun to well in his eyes. The car was loaded. The house behind him was no longer home, but the home he’d lived in before was no longer his either. He didn’t want to face his parents. As much as he loved them, he hated the thought of crying to his mother now that things had gone south. Jalie’s house was full to bursting, and he knew for a fact that they were looking to upgrade to something with more room.
As he started up the engine, he turned the car towards the only person he could think of that might be able to help him make sense of the mess that had become his life. Jasper.
He knew he probably should’ve called ahead first, but to be perfectly honest, his thought process wasn’t entirely linear at that point. The emotional roller coaster he was on had left the station and was barreling around the track at top speed.
Jules somehow found himself sitting on Jasper’s sofa, clutching a cup of coffee and shuddering as fresh sobs wracked through his core. Thankfully, Jasper was the patient type, and this wasn’t the first time that he had helped Jules pick up the pieces after a breakup.
“Look, just take a deep breath, okay?” soothed Jasper, who was sitting next to him, trying to coach him through his tears.
“Tony’s unloading your car, we’re going to set you up in the guest room for now,” continued Jasper. “Right now, I just want you to tell me what happened. You must’ve had a falling out or a fight or...”
“He...he kicked me out...” gasped Jules. He was desperately aware that he was an ugly crier. His face was flushed, contorted with pain, covered in tears, and his eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. His nose was running and he was forced to rely on a box of tissues Jasper had given him to try and stem the tide.
“Why would he do that?” coaxed Jasper, who was calmly stroking Jules’s hair. “I thought everything was going well with you guys.”
“It was!” Jules tried to keep his volume down, but it was hard. He winced at the sound of his own voice and silently prayed he hadn’t disturbed his niece, who was sleeping upstairs. “It was...” he repeated a little more softly. “I just...I wasn’t doing too well. The last few weeks I’ve just been so tired...Kilo wanted me to get checked out by the doctor. So I did, and they said I was pregnant.”
His chest tightened as he said those words. He still couldn’t believe it really. He was pregnant with Kilo’s baby. The one thing he wanted more than anything else in the world and it had happened. The conflicting emotions of pride and pain fought for dominance within him, sending him even further into his emotional spiral.
“Jules, that’s wonderful. I don’t understand why you’re crying,” insisted Jasper. “This is what you’ve wanted all along.”
“Kilo can’t have kids,” said Jules, somberly. He stopped to blow his nose and sipped at his coffee. The bitter black drink went a long way towards soothing the emotional turmoil. He wasn’t sure why, but there was just something about the way coffee tasted and felt that made everything feel a bit better. “He’s infertile,” he continued, “so he can’t have children. When I told him I was pregnant, he immediately assumed I must’ve cheated on him. He thinks I wanted kids so badly that I would get someone else to knock me up.”
“Why are you crying?” asked Jasper, his voice had immediately taken on a much more serious tone. “This, what he’s done, isn’t cause for your tears. He assumed the worst possible thing of you. Instead of embracing a potential miracle, or at least going and getting tested to find out if it’s even possible, he immediately assumes that you must’ve cheated on him.” His brow had furrowed into an expression of anger that sent shivers down Jules’s spine. “This jackass Alpha doesn’t deserve to have someone like you in his life. If his first reaction is to assume the worst of you then he can just fuck right the hell off. You don’t need someone like that, Jules.”
Jasper’s righteous fury was infectious. Jules could feel the white heat of Jasper’s indignation spilling over into him. It chased away the last remaining tears and pain and steeled him with its cleansing flames.
“But—”
“No buts,” said Jasper, turning fully towards Jules. “No Alpha should ever make those kinds of accusations. I know you. You’d never cheat. You’re not that kind of person. Anyone who knows you would say the same. Who cares if he’s infertile? Instead of assuming that your partner has betrayed you, maybe just give them the benefit of the doubt. But he didn’t even do that. You’re the one that’s been betrayed here, not him.”
“I...you’re right,” said Jules. He inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with the scent of coffee and allowing himself to reach a level of calm he hadn’t felt all afternoon. “I didn’t deserve to be treated like that. This baby is a miracle, and if Kilo can’t see that then that’s his own fault.” He laid a free hand on his belly and knit his brow in determination. “Screw him. Screw his accusations and crap. I shouldn’t be letting him dictate how I feel about this. I’m pregnant. I’m gonna be a dad. It’s a dream come true and if he’s too caught up in his own head to appreciate that then that’s not my fault.”
“Exactly,” said Jasper with a grin. “You’re stronger than this, Jules. You gave him the chance to embrace you and your baby. He rejected that. It’s his own damn fault. He’s not worth you or your tears and pain. I know it hurts. It probably will for a while. But you’re not alone in this. You’ll never be alone. You’ve got me and Jalie, and Mom and Dad, plus everyone else in the family. You’ve got a multitiered support system that’s right here for you at all times.”
“Thanks, Jasper. That really means a lot to me,” said Jules, smiling softly at his brother. “And thanks for letting me crash here tonight. I guess I’ll start apartment shopping tomorrow.”
“Nonsense,” said Jasper, shaking his head slowly. “You can stay here for as long as you need. It’s not like we really need a guest bedroom anyway, plus it’ll be good for Jubilee to have her uncle so close by. She’ll learn that our family sticks together, no matter what.”
Jules smiled softly and allowed an odd sense of calm to settle over him. His brother’s indignation and fury had given him the strength he needed to make it through the rest of the day. When he finally crawled into bed that night however, the strength faded.
Despite what Jasper said, he was alone.
As Jules laid a hand on his abdomen and stared up at the unfamiliar ceiling through the darkness, a tear formed in the corner of his eye. He was truly alone right now. Kilo was miles away on the other side of town, curled up in the bed they had shared together over the last several weeks. It was odd how quickly he had gotten used to the feeling of having someone asleep beside him.
The guest bed felt far too big and empty for one person alone.
Despite his statements to Jasper, he wasn’t sure he was ready to raise a child on his own. While he was determined to do his best, the reality was that this wasn’t something he wanted to do alone. He wanted Kilo. He wanted the Alpha there to help him raise their baby together. He wanted to go to doctor appointments with his Alpha by his side. He wanted to shop for baby clothes and nursery supplies with Kilo’s help.
Right now, however, what he wanted more than anything was to bury his face against Kilo’s chest and feel the Alpha’s arms around him. He wanted the stability of his Alpha’s embrace.
Try as he might, he couldn’t just turn his pain into anger. He couldn’t harness Jasper’s righteous fury into a permanent crutch to help him cope. Until that morning, he’d been planning on spending the rest of his life at Kilo’s side, and now, without that, he felt like he’d been cast adrift.
The man that he’d seen today, the angry, jealous Alpha who had jumped to conclusions, hadn’t been the Kilo he’d come to know. It hadn’t been the Alpha he’d fallen for and had wanted to build a family with. That realization was perhaps the most difficult part of the entire ordeal. Which was the true Kilo? The one that he’d fallen for, or the one that had thrown such ugly accusations at him? Did it really matter?
Those thoughts swirled about Jules’s head, chasing away all hope of sleep until the wee hours of the morning.