Krystal

 

 

 

 

You'd think I would have learned by now. Wouldn't you?

I believed Evan when he told me the past was behind him. That he would never do anything to hurt me again. That he loved me and only me. He was amazing throughout my illness. Always there when I needed him. There to pick me up when I was down, there to share in those times I was up and happy. I finally thought he'd become the man I always hoped he'd be.

Where did it go wrong?

How could he do this to me?

I'm sitting on my bed shaking horribly. I can't decide if I'm angry or devastated. I was so happy when I woke up this morning. So happy. I'm not going in to work today because it's my day off. There's just three days before my reconstructive surgery. I'm nervous about it but excited at the same time.

All these months Evan has been so supportive of me. I couldn't have asked for a better man. Where the hell did it go wrong? Or should I ask, where did I go wrong?

How could he be that way to my face but be cheating behind my back?

It wasn't my fault that we couldn't sleep together, I was ill! I'm still not well enough to sleep with him. I guess that's why he found comfort in someone else. Men have needs after all. I just thought I was worth more than that to him.

I guess he needed to feel something real. A real woman. Does that mean I should ignore what I know and just move on? I'm so confused that I don't know what to do.

I wish there was a way for me to say he could deny it, that some woman is just saying it to try and come between us. Every woman I meet wants Evan. It's not his fault, he's just a damn sex god. But I can't deny it, I have photographic evidence in my hands.

The woman in these pictures is as naked as Evan. Both of them in various positions and states of pleasure. Her riding him, sucking him. Him eating her, fucking her bent over, on her back, standing up. He can't even say it was a one-time thing. It might have been one night, but they must have fucked all night long.

I'm angry for a short while. But the truth is, I'm devastated on a level that's up there with losing my son. After everything I've been through I don't know how I'll get past this. All I know is, I can't stay here with him. I won't be the fool. Whatever his reasons for cheating on me, they're nothing more than excuses. He wanted to sleep with that woman, you only have to look at these pictures to see that.

We can't come back from this. I know that.

I don't say anything when he comes home. I pretend to be asleep. It was too late for me to call anyone and ask for help. Yeah, he came home late tonight. Went straight into the shower before climbing into bed with me. He'd been with her, I know it. I keep my eyes closed as he wraps his arm around me. I fight the urge to cringe. It doesn't take long for him to fall asleep, and once he does, I let the tears fall.

I'm the fool again...

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I'm so sorry, Krys.”

“What am I supposed to do now?” I hang my head in my hands and cry.

I came over to Casey's this morning. Evan had only left for work half an hour earlier. I heard him leave but I pretended to be asleep. I couldn't face him. I packed a small bag because I can't lift anything heavy. I came to Casey's because I didn't know where else to go. I can't go to Paula's, she's so loved up right now that I don't want to put a downer on things for her. Besides, I'm not sure she wouldn't go over to the Harrington's and smack Evan one. Then again, I'm not sure Casey won't.

“Babe,” Her voice is soothing as she strokes my back gently. I haven't felt this down in a very long time. I thought my life was finally looking up. How stupid am I?

“I want to just let it go. I want to tell myself that he did because he needed...”

“Don't even go there, Krystal! Do not make excuses for him. I knew this would happen.”

“That's the last thing I need to hear right now, Case.”

“I know. I'm sorry.”

I lean my head against her shoulder. She wraps her arm around me and kisses my head. My not so bald head any longer. It's not exactly long, still looks like it was shaved not too long ago, but at least now it's long enough to comb and style a little. I don't feel the need to cover it up any longer. It won't be long before all my hair is back to the way it once was.

Casey tells me that I can stay with her and Ed for as long as I need. But I don't see how that's fair to her. They have a baby, I'd be in the way. But I can't tell her that because she's a stubborn cow and wouldn't take no for an answer. That's why I wait for her to leave to collect Darcy from daycare before calling a cab and taking myself to a hotel. I just need some time alone to think.

Where did it all go wrong?

Is there something wrong with me? Other than the fact I'm recovering from cancer? I used to think I was a good woman. The kind of woman any decent man would be lucky to have. I'm loyal, faithful, would do anything for the man I love.

But I guess I just wasn't enough for him. I should never have given him a second chance. I should never have believed him when he told me he'd never hurt me again. It was all bullshit. Lies just because he found out about my cancer and felt guilty.

It wasn't his place to make me his get out of jail free card. I was nothing to him but a way to make himself feel better and look good to his family and friends. He had no right. No damn right!

My cell is off and tucked inside my bag, and I'm lying on the huge bed in a hotel room I booked under a fake name and paid in cash so no one could track me. I need time alone. Time away from everything back home.

Home.

What the hell is that?

I no longer have a home.

I have nowhere to go.

Sleep. That's what I need right now. Things will look better in the morning, isn't that what people say?