IT WAS BECOMING HARDER to be around Grayson. My hands constantly itched to be on his skin and my lips begged to taste him. Even though we’d technically been dating for two months, we’d been friends for so long that, it felt like torture to keep waiting.
I already felt more connected to him than I’d ever thought possible; I was ready for more, and I was hoping that might happen tonight.
This was the first night we’d be alone together, while Naomi and Damien watched Andy. It was awkward that my brother knew what was going to happen—why else would I ask them to watch my son when we’d taken him on every other date? Naomi convinced me it was okay to take time for myself, so that was what I was trying to do. But now that what I wanted was so close, I was freaking out a bit.
Grayson and I were driving back from dinner. It was perfect. There was candlelight and soft music; he pulled out my chair just like Naomi thought he would. He held my hand whenever he could, and as we were leaving his warm palm settled on the small of my back, leading me to his car.
My gaze drifted over to his hands, thinking about the places they’d been and imagining where they’d be tonight. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, trying to get control of my breathing.
“Ells?” Grayson asked, concern bleeding into that single syllable. “Are you okay?” I jumped when he reached over and rested his hand on my leg, his fingers making soft circles on my inner thigh. It wasn’t meant to be sexual, but because I was also thinking about the chess game a few weeks ago, it had me squirming.
“Ellie?” This time there was laughter in his voice.
“Yeah?” I turned to find him staring at the road, a small grin on his face.
“Is there somewhere you’d like my hand?”
Looking down, I let out a horrified squeak when I saw one of my hands wrapped around his wrist, bringing it closer to the apex of my thighs. I let go like his hand was on fire. “Nope.”
Bad hands. Bad Ellie. Bad. Bad. Bad.
“Are you sure?” This time his hand moved of its own accord, his fingers flirting with where I wanted him most. My long flowy skirt was between us, but I could feel everything like we were skin to skin.
It was nearing eight o’clock, so the streets were dark and relatively empty the closer we got to his place.
Am I really considering this?
“Lift your skirt up.” I swallowed, hesitating. Grayson didn’t seem to share my concerns. All while keeping his eyes on the road, he leaned down and grabbed the hem, lifting it until it was bunched at my waist. I didn’t move until my thighs were completely exposed.
“Spread your legs.” Slowly, I obeyed, jerking in my seat when he dragged a finger over the front of my increasingly damp panties.
“Isn’t this illegal?” I squeaked.
He chuckled, dark and low. “I won’t tell”—his voice faded to a whisper as he slid his fingers underneath the waistband, dipping down until he reached my wetness—“if you won’t.”
I held in a groan. Then he ran his middle finger down, and it just barely slipped inside me. I moved my hips, seeking more, only for him to retreat. He continued to tease me, each time getting closer to my clit before pulling back. My hands fisted the armrests as I spread my legs wider, as far as they could go in a car.
Jesus. We’re in a car, anyone could see…
And like he knew where my thoughts had gone, Grayson silenced them by finally bringing his finger to my clit, making soft circles. I wanted to deny my orgasm and race toward it all at once.
We rolled to a stoplight, and thank God the area was empty because I was so close. He tilted his body toward me and leaned over. His fingers sped up and the circles got tighter. I never understood how people bit their lips so hard it bled. But I got it now—boy, did I. One of my hands snaked out to wrap around his bicep, digging my nails into him as I neared my peak.
His mouth moved to my ear, and with two words I was flying: “Let go.” I freed my lip and Grayson was immediately there. He kissed me hard, stealing my moans and whimpers.
I was starting to feel dizzy. The pleasure, the lack of oxygen, it was all too much. I broke my mouth away and turned my head, my heavy breaths fogging up a section of the window. His hand slowed and I felt him move away.
Grayson placed a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. “Have I told you how much I love skirts and dresses?”
I laughed—breathy and low—before looking back at his lap. “Not with your words.”
He chuckled—a beautiful sound I would never get used to—and started driving. I checked out our surroundings; the streets were still empty. Looking over at Grayson, I found him licking his fingers.
“Can you hand me a napkin?” He nodded to the glove box.
Wordlessly, I reached in and grabbed a few, watching him wipe away the saliva and last of my arousal on his hands. He acted as though this were all normal. Like he’d just finished a snack instead of making me climax in the front seat of his car.
I grabbed another one and cleaned myself up. He was holding a tiny bag with his napkins inside toward me as I finished. I dropped mine in, purposefully avoiding his eyes. Somehow Grayson tied the bag closed with only one hand while I fixed my skirt, letting the material drop to the ground as I ran my hands along the dark fabric.
Everything was in place, except for my heart. It was out of control, pounding so hard I swore it was trying to physically leave my chest and fly into Grayson’s hands.
But it hardly needed to—my heart was already his. The heart that sighed when he did something sweet, the heart that swelled when he took care of Andy, the heart that sped up when he looked my way, the heart that hammered against my ribcage; they were all his. Hearts were fragile, mine especially so, and he could so easily crush it. And yet, I wasn’t worried.
Loving someone this way was about the scariest thing there was, and I could see why some might want to shy away after having their hearts broken.
But I knew what it felt like to be unloved and, to me, there was no comparison. I’d chase love, even with all its heartbreaks, to the ends of the Earth. Because a broken heart was better than a dead one.
We were quiet as we walked up to his house. My hand tightly gripped my purse. Grayson opened the door and we crossed the threshold, the silence still reigning.
My eyes took in his house, the order and neatness of it, the complete opposite of me. And despite trying to tell my fears to take a hike, I had to ask him once more. “You’re sure?”
The lock clicked and I heard Grayson step toward me. When he came into my line of sight, he was frowning. “Sure about what?”
I swallowed roughly before forcing the words out. “You’re sure you want your first time to be with me?”
He didn’t get mad like I’d expected, or annoyed like I’d feared. Grayson stepped forward and pried my purse from me before braiding his fingers with mine. His eyes stayed on mine as he brought each hand up and kissed my knuckles.
“It kills me, you know, the way you see yourself. You think I’m going to regret this, regret you, and that’s the furthest thing from the truth.” He paused. “I want all my times to be with you.” My eyes widened and apparently it was his turn to be nervous, because his Adam’s apple bobbed in response. “I don’t want to scare you or anything, I’m just saying this to be honest… I don’t see anyone beyond you, Ellie.”
I let out a breath of relief, not even close to scared, and lifted up on my tiptoes, gently settling my lips against his. One of Grayson’s hands moved to the back of my head as his tongue parted my lips.
Grayson sighed into my mouth, and the next thing I knew, I was airborne. Grayson chuckled when I squeaked. He held me in his arms as we moved through his house, his lips moving down my neck and his teeth nipping at my collarbone when he got low enough.
He paused at the foot of his bed, our heavy breaths filling the room, and set me on my feet. His eyes roamed over my body as he licked his lips. When he finally brought his gaze to mine, I shivered at the raw desire I saw.
“Tell me what you like,” he whispered. I felt myself grow wet and I squirmed. Grayson was such a take-charge kind of person, but he wanted to do things right. He didn’t mind being instructed at first.
I stepped back from him and toed off my shoes, and he did the same. I was readying myself to pull my skirt down when his hands covered mine. “Can I?” Without a word, my fingers fell away and his took their place.
Grayson slowly slid his hands under the material, his palms gliding down my legs until my skirt pooled on the floor. I shivered as he made his way back up, this time skating up the backs of my thighs. When he was done, his hands settled on my butt. His eyes stayed on mine as he then moved up under my shirt, whipping it over my head quickly.
When I could see him again, he was smiling. “I hate losing your eyes.”
“My turn,” I croaked. Grayson’s hands cradled my head, his fingers softly running through my hair as I unbuttoned his jeans and dragged them down his legs. He kicked them off, and I slowly freed him of his shirt, discarding it on top of his pants.
All that was left was his boxers, and my bra and panties. In the blink of an eye, we’d shed those too. We weren’t touching each other, and I watched as Grayson’s hands fisted at his sides.
I felt exhilarated as a thought hit me. I was the first woman he’d ever seen like this. The first woman he had wanted to see like this.
Moving to the bed, I sat at the edge and slowly scooted back. Grayson stalked forward and put a knee on the bed between my legs. I lay down, and his large frame filled my field of vision as he hovered over me.
“Kiss me,” I whispered. His mouth immediately met mine, stealing every thought from my head. It was slow and glorious. He gently nibbled my lower lip before soothing it with his tongue. A few minutes later, Grayson moved to my neck, dropping kisses down and across my chest.
My nipples were tight and painful in their need for him. Without being told, he sucked one into his mouth and brought his hand up to massage my other breast.
“G-Grayson…” I whimpered, lifting my hips and seeking relief. His mouth moved to the other nipple and his hand skated across my stomach before sliding between my legs. The second he started circling my clit, I arched off the bed. He was going torturously slow. My hands flew to his hair as I held him to my chest, tugging in desperation.
“Faster,” I begged. “Please…”
I felt him grin against my skin before he slid two fingers inside me. My breath caught and I whimpered. His thumb returned to my clit, rubbing so fast my head spun. I cried out at the pleasure, my head thrashing on the bed and my back lifting, seeking out even more.
“God, yes.” I rolled my hips into his hand. “Don’t stop. Don’t—ahhhhhh.” My orgasm caught me by surprise as I flew over the edge and pure bliss radiated down my spine. Grayson groaned when I clenched around his fingers. The pleasure became too much and I started shivering.
“I can’t.” I squirmed until he slowed down. He moved off me, watching my chest rise and fall. We stared at each other in complete awe. My eyes were on his hard cock, imagining it inside me, and his eyes had moved low too.
“I can see how wet you are.” He started stroking himself.
It seemed impossible considering I just came and he wasn’t even touching me, but I was already worked up again. I watched him scramble off the bed and stride to his dresser, tearing open a box of condoms before coming back to me. I shuffled backward until my head rested on a pillow. Suddenly he was over me, his wrapped cock nudging my entrance as he looked down, leaning on his arms next to my head.
But before he did more, I felt his fingers dance across my skin, from temple to chin. Then he kissed me, slow and sweet. I didn’t think he knew how to stop being this gentle.
Grayson broke away, his eyes trained on mine as he slowly pushed inside. His mouth dropped open, and his expression was filled with so much raw desire and ecstasy that it took my breath away. When he was fully seated, he closed his eyes.
“Ellie, you feel incredible. Does it… does it always feel like this?” he asked, slightly shaky on top of me.
I barely remembered the men I’d slept with. But, no, I couldn’t imagine it was ever like this.
“No,” I whispered. “I don’t think it does.”
“I didn’t think so.” Grayson’s eyes opened, drilling into mine, as he started moving in and out. The look of awe on his face was breathtaking. I lifted my head and looked down, watching him slowly pull out before thrusting back in. We both moaned, and my head fell back as pleasure washed over me. Every single place his skin connected with mine tingled.
“Shit, I’m not gonna last long at all,” he bit out. Then his gaze moved down and when he saw my breasts, red and raw from his attention, he lost it. He groaned like he was in pain before he started slamming into me. Knowing he’d beat me, I brought my hand to my clit, but as soon as I touched it my hand was slapped away. Only to be replaced by Grayson’s fingers.
He leaned over me, one of his arms back by my head as the other continued circling. He moved faster, his neck corded with tension as he attempted to control the overwhelming feelings inside him. But I didn’t want him to control them; I wanted to watch him fall apart.
I wrapped my arms around him, my nails digging into his shoulders.
Seconds later, I was coming, and when my inner walls started choking him, he groaned. His eyes grew wild as his movements became jerky. Then, with one final thrust, he came. I held him as he shuddered and panted into my neck.
“Ellie,” he murmured. He gave me a soft kiss below the ear before lifting his head. His expression was one of complete joy.
“You look so happy,” I whispered, my fingers trailing over his sated smile.
“I am.” He grabbed my hand and kissed each fingertip. “You have no idea.”
Our lips met for a few more soft, drugging kisses before he sat up and pulled me off the bed. We shuffled to the bathroom to clean up.
“Do you have a washcloth?” I asked. He grabbed one from under his sink and held it under the faucet. But instead of handing it to me, he knelt down in front of me and nudged my legs apart. I felt unreasonably embarrassed considering all we’d done. I also knew there was no way I would get him to let me do it myself. My legs felt like jelly as I spread them, pink tinging my cheeks, when he started cleaning me up.
We both finished up a few minutes later and walked back into his room. I looked around at our discarded clothes. Turning toward Grayson, I asked, “Can I stay here tonight?”
A deep frown pulled at his lips. “Where else would you stay? You think after that”—he pointed to the bed—“I’d let you leave to sleep alone?”
I grinned and closed the space between us to kiss him. “I need to call Damien. Well, Naomi. Can I borrow a shirt?” He moved over to his dresser and found a dark green one with some park logo on it before tossing it to me.
“Hurry back,” he said with a light smack on the ass. I jumped and hurried from the room, giggling.
I couldn’t remember a time I’d felt happier. Naomi said she was more than happy to watch Andy, that she assumed she’d be doing so anyway. I hung up and clutched the phone to my chest.
The smile on my face was huge as I walked back into the bedroom to find him waiting for me in bed, leaning against the headboard. His eyes roamed over me.
“I get it,” he said.
“Get what?” I asked as I pulled the covers back and shuffled toward him. Grayson palmed my hip and pulled me flush against him.
“How hot it is when your girl wears your shirt.”
I grinned even wider.
His girl.
I liked the sound of that.
He kissed the top of my forehead before he reached over and turned off the lights. I heard Grayson whisper good night as he spooned me. But I was too far gone to respond. His sweet words were the last thing I remembered before sleep pulled me under.
The bed shook with the force of my thrusts. I felt my brows pull down into a V as the tingling started at the base of my spine. Moments later, I was coming, Ellie following close behind me.
I fell on my back and threw my arm over my eyes, my skin slick with sweat as I tried to catch my breath.
Holy fuck.
This was what I’d been missing? I could see what all the fuss was about…
But I knew that wasn’t entirely right. It wasn’t just sex. It was sex with Ellie. Sweet, shy Ellie who was growing confident under my lustful stare.
I smiled when I felt her soft fingers gliding over my abs and up my chest. She twirled one around my nipple before tweaking it. My smile widened and I lifted my arm.
We’d woken up and immediately reached for each other. I cursed when I had to peel myself away and grab a condom all the way across the room. The location of those would have to change.
Thirty minutes later we were coming down from another incredible high.
“Hey,” she whispered, resting her chin on my chest.
“Hi,” I mumbled, my eyes tracing her face before I lifted my hand and did the same, brushing her hair from her cheek.
“I didn’t ask you this last night… but how was it?” Her eyes moved quickly between mine, and her smile was timid.
I frowned, my hand pausing, and pretended to think. “Hmm… I don’t know. I think we might have to do it again to be sure. Maybe even a few times.”
Ellie was grinning as I flipped her over and sealed my mouth over hers, stealing her laughter. “Seriously, you should call home and tell them not to expect you for a few days. I’m going to call in sick.”
“Naomi said we should make this a lazy stay-in-bed Sunday, that she could watch Andy.”
“I knew I liked her,” I murmured, ducking my head and showering Ellie’s throat with kisses.
We both laughed when her stomach growled. I lifted my head. “Hmm… I suppose I should feed you, keep your strength up.”
“You made breakfast last time—”
“And I’m making it this time.” I kissed her, quick and sure, before hopping out of bed. Pointing at her, I said, “I mean it. Stay in bed.”
She melted back into the pillows. “If you insist.” I couldn’t stop myself from leaning over once more and pressing my lips to hers.
I made a pitstop in the bathroom, smiling at the note I’d put on the mirror after she’d fallen asleep last night.
Still.
But so many other words were floating through my mind. Words like “forever” and “always.” I was serious last night when I told Ellie she was all I saw. She was all I wanted to see.
All my life, right up until I met her, I hadn’t believed in fate and soul mates. They were fantasies for children and lies for adults. But just like I’d reconsidered fate, I was starting to reevaluate everything else.
Maybe you didn’t believe in soul mates until you found yours.
I’d never believed before.
Now… I was starting to.
We were in bed, stomachs full and our empty plates discarded on the nightstand. Ellie and I weren’t touching as we lay on our sides and stared at one another. Her long blonde hair was wild around her face, made messy by my hands, and her mouth was chapped from my lips. I could see myself on every inch of her. It still felt like a dream to call her mine.
There was no reason for Ellie and me to have met. I talked about our well-informed choices leading us where we wanted to go. But how could I explain something like this? I didn’t consciously know my decisions would lead me here, and there were so many other little things that had nothing to do with me, but that brought me here.
What if Damien never called Steve? What if my brother said no when Damien asked for my number? What if Damien hadn’t called me when she’d slipped up? What if he’d just wanted to keep my number on file? What if Damien had randomly been home instead of Ellie that first day? What if… What if… What if…
All those things I had no control over. I’d made choices that I couldn’t possibly have known would lead me here. Was that what fate was? This feeling of being at the right moment, at the right time, even though you have no clue how you got here?
“Do you believe in fate?” I suddenly asked.
“Yes.” She didn’t even think about it.
“Why? I mean… what do you think when you think about it?” I shook my head. “I used to think fate was a myth people held on to, either because they wanted to justify their failings, or let their successes be signs that they must be good people. Surely good fortune from the universe wouldn’t come to them unless they were decent human beings. Maybe my belief was convenient because it confirmed what I was feeling, that I could have helped Taylor and failed.” Ellie opened her mouth to respond, but I put my finger over her lips.
“I need to finish.” She nodded, and I dropped my hand to find hers. “Lately I’ve found myself wondering if fate is real, but I still think about Taylor… about her fate. How was what happened to her fair? Destined? Why would a higher being demand a fate so short and painful for someone so wonderful?”
Ellie scooted closer, wrapping one arm around my waist, her other hand settling on my chest. “I don’t have a clear answer. It may not even make sense.”
“I want to hear it.”
“Maybe fate doesn’t have anything to do with the trials and tribulations of the world,” she whispered. “Maybe the world just is, and life’s hard no matter what. I’ve always thought fate was about finding the people who make suffering through it a little easier. Breaking is kind of inevitable, but I think we break the way we’re meant to, and fate is about finding the person our broken pieces fit with.”
My mind was still muddled with what fate might mean, but her words settled something inside me, and my heart raced with the overwhelming love I felt. The only thing I could do was kiss her. I wasn’t sure either of us were ready for the words, but maybe she could feel all my love in this kiss.
The truth of how important and smart and beautiful and wonderful she was. Maybe a kiss could be more than lips touching; maybe it could be a salve to her wounds and a promise of what I’d give her in the future.
Maybe it was how our broken pieces became whole.