Nixon
I felt bad smiling at Shayna…for going along with this crazy plan.
Shit. I shouldn’t have even let her walk us into the store. Of all the surprises she could’ve dumped on me.
All About the Bride and Groom.
We weren’t even officially engaged.
We’d talked about getting married in LA before moving to New York. Starting the next chapter as a married couple seemed to please everybody, so I’d just kind of let it ride. I’d even nodded when Dad had suggested he look for a ring on his trip to Europe. He’d said it so casually that I hadn’t really let it sink in.
I hadn’t kicked up a fuss because I’d had no reason to.
It was before the snowstorm.
Before Charlie.
I didn’t know what to do.
Shayna was so excited. How did I break her heart?
How did I stop this freight train?
How did I get what I wanted without hurting everybody in the process?
I’d worked my butt off trying to be the perfect son and boyfriend to avoid any more unhappiness.
Did I seriously have a right to just selfishly push all that aside?
The war within me raged, silent and undetected by those around me.
I couldn’t give away my aching uncertainty. Not in the middle of the bridal store, with the pretty blonde lady smiling at me.
I shook her hand when Sarah introduced herself, then swallowed when she ushered us through to the offices. It was a nice place, white framed pictures on the walls, white furniture with a golden inlay. Very wedding-like.
If Shayna had her way, we’d be in one of those pictures. Me in a penguin suit, her looking gorgeous in a designer gown. She’d make a stunning bride. Diamonds in her hair, and heels. That’s what she’d go for. High, sparkly heels—ankle breakers—but her ankles never turned. I didn’t know how she did it, but her hips would sway and somehow keep her balanced. It was the first thing I noticed about her when we met, her high heels. My eyes had tracked up her body and it was the first time I’d felt something since losing Charlie.
Maybe that was why I’d let my parents push me into a relationship with her. It was something to take the dull edge off my miserable existence.
Shayna wasn’t what I thought I wanted—blonde, sleek, classy in every sense of the word. But she’d grown on me, and I’d learned to love the little things that made her who she was. Like the fact that she was loyal and dependable, and quite happy to organize my life for me.
Our fathers worked together, and when they spotted the tiniest spark between Shayna and me, they put a master plan in place. Both high-flying lawyers who wanted the best for their kids, they worked behind the scenes to make sure Shayna and I kept meeting up and falling into opportunities to get to know each other. Then Mom got to work, encouraging me to ask Shayna out. Together our parents were a force to be reckoned with, but they were all good friends and they loved that their precious children had fallen for each other.
Being with Shayna made a lot of people happy.
Breaking up with Shayna would make a lot of people heartbroken.
The hairs on the back of my neck prickled as I was pulled further into the wedding maze. “Let Me Down Easy” by Sheppard was playing in the background, but it wasn’t until I rounded the corner that I truly understood why.
Music had been cursing me ever since New York, and it wasn’t going to stop just because I was back in LA.
“So, I’d like you to meet Justin.” Sarah pointed to her partner. He stepped forward and shook Shayna’s hand. He reached for mine, but I was struggling to move.
Because all I could see was blue-tipped hair, trembling lips and these sad hazel eyes.
“And this is one of our photographers, Charlie.”
“Hi.” Shayna’s enthusiasm made me wince. Stepping forward, she took Charlie’s hand and shook it, gushing about how important photos were for capturing the day and making it last forever.
Charlie nodded like a robot, her hand still locked within Shayna’s.
They were touching. My past and my present were meeting face-to -face, and I felt like my life was about to end.
“Nice to meet you.” Charlie’s voice sounded dead and mechanical, so unlike her.
Justin gave her an odd look before smiling at me and shaking my hand. “We’re really excited for this w-wedding.”
“Thank you,” I somehow managed.
“I’ve already had so many ideas.” Sarah beamed. “Based on our conversations this week, I’ve come up with a concept I think you’re going to love. I can’t wait to show you guys.”
Sarah led us back to a meeting room while Justin offered us a drink. I declined and Shayna asked for an espresso.
“Charlie, can you join us for this meeting?” Sarah asked, then winked at me and Shayna. “She’s got a great eye and so many artistic ideas. You’re going to love her.”
Shayna shone me an ecstatic smile and I wanted to throw up. Pulling out a chair for Shayna, I caught Charlie’s eye across the table. She just stared at me, her jaw clenched tight.
We hadn’t shaken hands yet. We’d settled for a polite nod across the room, pretending like we were meeting for the first time.
It was weird and majorly awkward.
I gave her an agonized frown, desperate to somehow explain, but I couldn’t do that in front of Shayna and two people we’d only just met. I wasn’t a complete asshole—I was a confused one.
The table was covered in rough sketches and a big sheet of paper that had obviously been used for brainstorming. The words ‘lavish’ and ‘elegant’ struck me first and I swallowed, my throat swelling thicker by the second.
I took a seat beside Shayna, who immediately grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.
“We’re so super excited for this.”
Sarah grinned. “I bet you’ve been dreaming about this day since you were a little girl.”
“How’d you know?” She giggled. “Every bride-to-be probably says that to you.”
“I notice you don’t have a ring.” Charlie took a seat beside Sarah.
Shayna laughed, then leaned against me. “It’s coming. Nixon’s father is bringing it back from Europe. I found the most stunning ring, and it’s got this amazing story behind it.”
I glanced at Shayna, giving her a tight smile. Shit, I didn’t even know that.
She was oblivious to my confusion as she told Sarah all about the history behind the precious ring and how it used to belong to some gentry from her distant past.
“The ring is being redesigned, of course, but the original diamond will be the main feature.”
“Wow, that’s so amazing.” Sarah’s eyes sparkled with enthusiasm. “And it will fit perfectly with the themes we’ve discussed.”
“I know.” Shayna’s voice pitched high. Her smile had never been brighter.
“You know, most brides have pretty clear ideas of what they want, but yours are crystal. I think we’re going to work really well together.” Sarah tapped her iPad, then turned to me. “So, Nixon. I know what Shayna wants out of this wedding, but what do you want? It’s your day too, and I think it’s really important that the groom has some say.”
“Oh, I…”
Shayna gave me an expectant eyebrow raise when I glanced at her.
My eyes shot back to Charlie, but her glowering look made them shoot straight back to Sarah. She seemed the safest bet.
I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t come up with anything intelligent.
I didn’t know. I didn’t…care.
Which made me feel really bad. I should have cared. It was my wedding. It was a huge deal.
But…
We weren’t even engaged!
And if Charlie had her way, I’d be breaking up with Shayna any day now.
Which was what I wanted too, right?
Not right that second, but…
I mean…
I opened my mouth to formulate the kind of response I knew Shayna would want to hear, then finally blurted a lame, “Oh, you know. Happy wife, happy life. I want whatever Shayna does.”
Charlie rolled her eyes, looking ready to melt something with her laser glare.
Shayna gave me a sweet smile and squeezed my hand again.
Sarah hesitated, her blue eyes stripping me bare with the briefest look. “Most grooms want a little something of themselves represented on the day. Why don’t you have a think about it and let us know when you come up with something that epitomizes Nixon.”
I let out a breathy laugh, about to agree with her because that’s what she wanted to hear, but the words evaporated in my mouth when I caught Charlie’s pained expression. Shit, it was way worse than her glare. Anger somehow seemed easier to deal with than heartbreak.
Looking down at the table, I focused on the one square of glossy white I could see beneath all the paperwork.
The door opened and Justin walked in with an espresso for Shayna.
“S-sorry for taking so long. I had trouble with the m-m-machine.”
“No stress, babe.” Sarah gave him a kind smile.
He relaxed beneath her gaze, and for a second I wondered what that felt like. To be with a girl who put you at ease. Shayna made me tense with her silent demands and expectations. Charlie made me nervous because I never knew what she was going to do next.
Rubbing my forehead, I leaned back in my chair and tried to figure out how I was going to survive the rest of the meeting.
Swallowing the boulder in my throat, I tuned in to Shayna and Sarah’s conversation. They were both talking brightly, getting more and more excited as ideas bubbled between them.
My mind quickly wandered though, my eyes tracking to Charlie. She was listening with this bland look on her face. Her lips were turned down at the corners and she was blinking more than usual.
Averting my gaze, I focused on the shiny white table and caught wisps of the music playing softly through the speakers.
“Let Me Down Easy” by Sheppard had started up again for some weird reason.
But then maybe it wasn’t weird, because music seemed to be playing some kind of role in my tortured life. As if proving my point, Charlie’s eyes flicked to mine and I knew she was listening to the song as well.
The people around us turned to fuzzy blurs in my peripherals and all I could see was Charlie, the way her eyes glassed with emotion. The tendon in her neck strained tight and her nostrils flared as she desperately tried to hold it all in.
I wanted to reach across the table and grab her hand, rub my thumb across her knuckles and comfort her. But how could I when my current girlfriend was sitting next to me gushing wedding plans?
I’d made Charlie believe that I was in no more than an uncertain relationship.
She had no idea Shayna and I lived together.
She didn’t know what she was asking me to walk away from…and how much that would hurt people. I should have told her.
Would it have made a difference?
Would she still have wanted me if she knew just how committed I was?
Someone cleared her throat, snapping everything back into focus.
I shuffled in my seat and glanced at Shayna, who was looking at me expectantly.
“Those were the dates we were thinking, right?”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded, not even sure what dates we were talking about.
“Can you book those in, Charlie?” Justin shot her a glance, then had to tap her arm before she’d look at him. “The last Saturday in June.”
“Uh…yeah, um… Let me…” She pulled out her phone and tapped her thumb over the screen. Her eyes darted to me, then across to Shayna, then back to me.
“O-h, let me down easy.” The singers’ voices rang in harmony, the background music making my skin prickle.
Glancing down at her phone, Charlie bit her lips together and shook her head. “I’m so sorry. I can’t do those dates.”