Nixon
I drove away from Charlie’s on autopilot. I didn’t even know where I was going until my phone rang. I answered it without thinking.
“Hello.” My voice was flat and emotionless.
“Hey, son. Where the hell are ya?” Dad’s voice was bright yet demanding.
“Huh?” I frowned at the phone.
“Family dinner? You forget the plan? I got home from London this morning and we’re all here waiting for ya.”
“Oh.” I sat up straighter behind the wheel, jolted by the reminder. “Yeah, of course, I just…totally blanked.”
“Well, classes have started up again, so I guess that’s understandable. But get your butt over here before everyone gets too tipsy on pre-dinner cocktails.” He left me with a booming laugh and I turned right at the next intersection, heading for my parents’ house.
It was a relief that he assumed classes were my issue. Like I could ever explain it to him. Charlie was right; they never really warmed to her. She wasn’t a lady like my mother. I’d often wondered if she was just too much like Reagan. Like being around her was too painful and terrifying. The idea that their son could be led down the wrong path. When I first got back from Yosemite and told them our grand travel plans, I thought they were going to choke on their food. Charlie taking off like she had probably did them huge favors.
My parents would’ve hated her for dragging me overseas.
Shayna was the opposite. She loved family time. She brought all of us together. Even with the prospect of leaving for New York, she was scheduling trips so that we could stay in touch with both sets of parents. I was happy enough to go along with it. Family was important.
I swallowed, trying to legitimize Charlie’s reasons for leaving.
Yeah, she probably would have pulled me from home a little, but we’d had every intention of coming back after we’d seen some of the world. It wasn’t like she was trying to cut me off from them altogether.
But then when we got back…what would it have been like?
Awkward family dinners. My mother’s jittery silence. Dad’s cringe-worthy comments about her quirky fashion and lack of stability.
It would have been painful, hard work…
Worth it?
I didn’t know.
Raking a hand through my hair, I turned left and took the slowest route to my parents’ house. I needed time to collect my thoughts and pull myself together.
If I walked in the pale mess I felt, I’d be taken aside by all three of them and quietly asked if I was okay. I couldn’t stomach it.
I didn’t even remember making plans for the dinner, but I had vague recollections of Shayna telling me my dad was due back and we should get together to welcome him home.
Rubbing my eyes, I tried to shake Charlie from my mind and focus. Hopefully the dinner party was just my parents and Shayna. I had a sinking feeling it wouldn’t be that easy. Nothing ever was.
Holding back a sigh, I turned up the volume on the radio and let music guide me home. “Gravity” by Against the Current rocked through the car and I had to wonder who would save me.
Charlie was a flight risk.
I felt like I was free-falling.
The only grounded person who knew exactly what she wanted was Shayna.
She made sense, yet my heart still kicked out of beat when I imagined marrying her.
I slowed the car and turned right, braking just before the gate. Punching in the number like I had a hundred times before, I turned the music down and refused to dwell on the sadness swirling in my stomach.
My world felt like it was shattering, but that was only because Charlie had come back into it. Before that it was stable. I knew the plan, could see the path.
I was happy.
Swallowing my doubts, I drove up the driveway and parked beside our Tudor-style home with its special blend of wood and stone. Mom had designed it years ago, no doubt basing it on her childhood fairy-tale fantasies.
Clearing my throat, I slid out of my car and spun the keys around my index finger as I walked. It was my little ritual when approaching my parents’ home, like I had to psych myself up for whatever would hit me next.
Being the only child was a lot of pressure, and after their reaction to losing Reagan, I’d made it my mission to ease their pain. The best way to do that was to make them proud. The only time I’d swayed from my resolve was when I fell in love with Charlie. Man, I would have fought for her. If she’d just stuck around.
I still found it weird that she said she left for me.
Was I so blinded by love that I didn’t see the writing on the wall?
How was it possible that she was able to look into the future before I did? I was the practical one; she was the dreamer. It was so unlike her to see the brewing storm and run from it.
With an irritated huff, I shook my head and stepped inside only to be met by my father.
“Son.” He beckoned me down to his library. The look on his face was that of an excited kid.
My eyebrows furrowed as I glanced towards the living room.
To my disappointment, I could hear more than Shayna’s and Mom’s voices.
“Quick.” Dad beckoned again and I picked up my pace, stepping into the room so he could close the door behind me.
He gave me an expectant look, so I raised my eyebrows and murmured, “Welcome home?”
Tipping his head back with a laugh, he slapped my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. His keen eyes looked me up and down before he chuckled again and pulled something from his jacket pocket. “I have a little something for you.”
My insides jerked to a stop when I spotted the velvet blue ring box.
Shit. I’d forgotten all about the damn ring with its high and mighty history.
The box squeaked softly as Dad lifted the lid and showed me the pear-shaped diamond. It was kind of huge and would have totally engulfed Charlie’s finger. It wasn’t her style at all.
But I wasn’t marrying Charlie.
The ring was perfect for Shayna, the band covered in small diamonds. It was elegant, classy…everything she was.
With shaking fingers, I reached forward and lifted it out of the box.
“Wow,” I croaked.
“I know. It’s a beauty. And the story behind it is one of historic romance. It’s beautiful. Exactly what Shayna wants.”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
My body was stiff for some reason, and I nearly dropped the ring as I tried to slot it back into the padded box.
“Careful, son.” Dad steadied my hand, then chuckled. “I know you’re nervous, but you have no reason to be. She’s an amazing woman.”
“Yeah.” I swallowed. “Yeah, she is.”
“Then why don’t you look excited?” Dad’s eyes narrowed.
A cold sweat broke out on the back of my neck as I licked my lips and lied. “How much did it cost?”
“Is that your concern?” Dad laughed again and gave my shoulder another squeeze. “Don’t worry about paying me back. I’ve got you covered. Think of it as a gift from your mother and me.”
I grimaced. “It’s okay. I’ve got the money.”
“You just leave it in that trust fund a little while longer. You’re going to need all the help you can get when you move to New York. It’s an expensive city and you’ll have a wife with expensive tastes. Believe me, I know all about that.” Dad’s laughter grated on my nerves.
“You ever regret marrying Mom?” The question came out of frickin’ nowhere and surprised us both.
His dark eyebrows popped high while I clamped my lips together, already dreading the response.
“Of course not. Where’s this coming from?” Dad’s voice dropped low with concern.
“Nowhere, I just…” My right shoulder hitched. “Marriage is a big deal.”
“You getting cold feet?”
“Uh… No. I don’t know.” I shook my head and looked to the floor.
“Hey, listen to me for a second.” Dad wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “Doubts are normal. It’s okay to be a little nervous. There are plenty of girls in this world you could fall in love with. And plenty that would fall in love with you. But you have to use your head as well as your heart. Shayna’s a good woman. You come from the same backgrounds, and you have so much in common. It’s an easy match. Marriage can be hard sometimes, but if you marry someone with all the same values and aspirations, then half your battle’s already won.”
My mouth dried up as I listened to him.
“Everybody’s expecting you to ask her, Nixon. That’s why they’re here.”
My stomach bunched into a tight knot.
“You two make each other happy. This match makes sense. Your mother has been delirious since you two got together.”
My head bobbed, but my throat was too thick to speak.
“I remember questioning myself before I proposed to your mother. Was I making the right choice? What if there was someone better out there that I hadn’t met yet? But you know, you can’t think that way. Choose Shayna now, and I guarantee you won’t regret it. Being with her will make for a smooth sail.” Dad pulled away and gave me a bright grin. “So, unless you can give me a perfectly good reason not to marry her…”
I went still and thought about Charlie. She flittered through my mind, a rainbow feather that had enchanted me and then left me empty when she floated away on the breeze.
“Nixon?” Worry deepened the wrinkles around Dad’s eyes, his joke giving way to anxious surprise. “Do you have a good reason?”
“No,” I finally croaked. “No, I don’t have a good reason.”
It was the truth. Shayna was all the things Dad said she was, and I didn’t have a good reason not to marry her.
Because Charlie wasn’t a good reason.
She was an unreliable reason based solely on heart.
“Alright then,” Dad murmured. “Well, why don’t you get on out there and make your mother and me proud?”
I swallowed, my head bobbing like my neck was made of silly string.
“Son.” Dad paused with his hand on the door knob. “This family has been through a lot of pain with losing Reagan and…all.” He cast his eyes to the floor. “But the last two years have been a real ray of sunshine for us. I can’t express how much it means to feel this kind of joy again.”
How the hell did I rebut that?
Forcing a smile, I nodded at him to open the door, then made my way down to the living room.
My shoes echoed on the polished wood, sounding ominous as I approached.
The second Mom spotted me, she let out a delighted greeting and soon every eye in the room was zeroed in on me.
I focused on Shayna and willed myself to walk toward her.
She smiled at me, sweet and excited, already knowing what was coming.
Pushing down the ravenous nerves, I walked around the couch and found a place beside her. Glancing at her parents and extended family, I gave them a shy smile before looking at Dad. He nodded, then winked. And I did the only thing I could.
Hitching my pant leg, I dropped to one knee and set a stable course for my future.
No rainbows.
No trips around the world.
But security with a beautiful woman who loved me and would always be my gravity.