Charlie
Those sweet words tore a sob right out of me. I buckled against him, gripping his sweater as he wrapped his arms around me and held on tight.
I wanted him to never let go.
But saying all that, stating the truth that way, made me realize that I’d left for a reason.
I may have felt bullied into that reason, but it was still a valid one.
He said I was his heart, but I wasn’t anymore. He’d given it to someone else.
Nixon had a family who would be devastated if he left that perfect woman for me. I’d just end up doing what I was trying to avoid in the first place.
And yes, Nixon was close to graduating, so I wouldn’t be robbing him of an education. But there was still law school to go, and I was pretty sure his parents were shelling out for that.
And I’d never forget that black mark warning his father had threatened me with.
But telling Nixon about it…what good would it do?
As much as I wanted to cling to Nixon and beg him to come up those stairs with me, I wouldn’t do it.
I’d always love him. I’d always be his.
But I wouldn’t be responsible for destroying the perfectly good life he’d carved out for himself.
When we were traveling back to LA together, I convinced myself that he was unhappy, that he needed me again to find his joy.
But I was wrong.
He’d made a life for himself. A good life.
I couldn’t destroy it.
Stepping out of his embrace, I fought the belly-shaking tears by clearing my throat.
“I’m sorry I hurt you that summer. I’ll always be sorry for that. But please believe me when I say that I only ever wanted you to be happy.”
“You made me happy,” he murmured.
“And so will she.”
His forehead flickered with a frown.
“Come on, Nix, you know it’s better this way. She’s perfect. One look at her tells me she’s from your world so she already fits. And if she even makes you the tiniest bit happy, you should go for it.”
“Don’t do this, please.”
“Do what?”
“Make the choice for me.”
“But that’s what you need.” I stepped forward and gripped his sweater. “You don’t know what you want. Otherwise you would have been standing on my doorstep the night we got back to LA. She’s a better fit than I will ever be.”
Tears burned my eyes. I couldn’t believe I was doing it again. Putting his happiness before mine. But what choice did I have?
Touching his face, I brushed my fingers down his cheek and smiled at him. “What we had in Yosemite was pure magic, but that’s all it could ever be. Reality was waiting the second we got back to LA. And it was this time too. They’ll be the best dreams I’ll ever have. And they’ll stay with me forever. But you need to go and live your life. The kind I can’t have…or even offer you.”
“But I love you,” he whispered, his eyes glassing with tears. “I’ll always love you.”
It nearly broke me but I held fast, proving my point with a soft whisper. “Then go dump Shayna.”
He grimaced, and I knew then that I was right.
Letting him go, I stepped back with a sad smile. “Your heart belongs to her now. Don’t give it back to me. I’ll only let you down and hurt you. After what I did, you can never fully trust me again. I’m a flight risk.”
None of that was true. If I ever got him back, I’d cling with everything I had.
But he wasn’t mine to cling to.
Reaching for my groceries, I held them against my chest and willed my body up those stairs.
Nixon stayed on the sidewalk, another sign that this was our last goodbye.
Pausing with a sigh, I turned and softly said, “Goodbye, Nixon. I honestly wish you all the happiness in the world. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”
Before he could respond, I dashed up the stairs and unlocked the door, not looking back as I ducked inside and hid myself away.
The house was quiet, meaning Fliss and Maestro were out for a walk.
Pressing my forehead against the door, I slammed my teeth together as my entire body started shaking. The groceries slipped from my hand, crashing to the floor with a loud thump.
No one came rushing up to the stairs to check on me, which meant that Nixon had already walked away and was no doubt in his car driving home to his perfect future.