CHAPTER TWO
Reagan
I don’t think I breathed until after the door shut behind him. I did remember him, the man from next door. I remembered I used to watch him with excessive curiosity as he fixed his bike in his driveway. I remembered seeing him when I was younger, wondering about what he did and who he was. I always wondered why he was overly protective and taken with Nan. But, I’d never been close and personal with him like I was a moment ago. And never in my life had ever felt the way I felt when he touched me. Something I couldn’t explain. My knees wobbled and I felt shaky all over.
His short brown hair was now peppered with white and he had a patch on either side of his head where his temples were. His hair was shorter on the sides, parted carelessly on the side, and left somewhat unruly. I itched to run my fingers through it. A god’s face on top of a strong body and I wondered what his defined muscles looked like under his shirt. His lips were full and his brown eyes swirled with intensity as he looked down at me. A scar across one brow that somehow managed to make him even more rugged and sexy.
After a few frozen seconds, I shook my head and continued on my way to the laundry room. Unfortunately, in my hasty retreat from my apartment, I didn’t get a chance to grab any clothes. Which meant I was down to the one outfit I had been wearing at that moment. Luckily, my messiness paid off, and I was able to find a few things in the backseat of my car. It wasn’t much, and after being at Nan’s for three days, I was definitely running out of clean clothes to wear. Which had left me walking around in a thin, light pink shirt and a pair of cotton lounge shorts. Not much covering me and if it wasn’t for that laundry bag, I was sure he would have seen my hard nipples clear as day.
“You hungry?” Nan called out. “Nathan brought some food.” I moved to sit at the table as she placed two steaming plates of lasagna down. I did my best to push Nathan out of my head and bite my tongue to all the questions I wanted to ask about him.
Later that night, I tossed and turned in bed. Visions of what happened flashed through my mind every time I closed my eyes. Liz sprawled out on her bed. Her eyes glassy and blank. The fear shot through me with the same paralyzing feeling it did that night. I kept telling myself that I was safe here. That he didn’t know that much about me and that he wouldn’t come looking. However, the more I tried to convince myself of that, the more I felt the opposite was true. My eyelids finally gave in sometime in the early morning hours.
I woke to a clinking bang followed by a deep voice muttering profanity. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and swung my feet off the bed. I wasn’t sure what time it was. Yawning, I pulled on my clothes, making sure to cover myself more than last night. I glanced in the mirror over the dresser to make sure my hair wasn’t a wild halo around my head.
The girl that peered back at me looked strange. The fading bruises and puffy skin wasn’t the only thing I saw. No, there was something deeper. The dirty stains I had picked up throughout my life were starting to seep through to the surface. I stared hard as if the person on the other side held the answers to the questions in my head. But she only looked back at me with a blank expression.
There were dark circles under my puffy eyes and it turned out that my hair was a matted mess. I quickly ran a brush through my hair, giving up half way and putting it up in a ponytail.
I desperately needed to brush my teeth, but I dreaded going into the bathroom, where I knew Nathan was. Not going to lie, even the simple thought of seeing him had me sweating a little. This wasn’t good. I didn’t need anything like that right then. I had too much on my plate and it was bad enough coming here. The idea that something could happen to Nan because of me was making it harder to stay. But at the same time, I didn’t want to go. I had done my best to convince myself that I was safe there.
So I needed to grab my toothbrush. I did my best to focus on that rather than the crazy thoughts in my head. Maybe I could ninja my way in there and grab my stuff. I was hoping he was too wrapped up in the shower and, fingers crossed, the curtain would obstruct me.
I held my breath as I tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom door. As I turned into the doorway I saw him. His broad body was crouched down in the tub, looking like a giant bear in a kiddie pool. I bit my lip to hold back a laugh. His shoulders and head shielded behind the horrible floral print shower curtain. But I could see his tight ass being hugged by his fitted jeans. My mouth watered and I couldn’t stop staring.
Before I started drooling, I snapped my gaze to the edge of the vanity, where my toothbrush rested. My socks slid quietly and effortlessly along the tile floor as I skated across the room. My hand reached out for it, I was so close.
“You know, I know you’re there?” His voice was low and rumbled through his chest. I froze as a little squeak escaped me.
“No, you don’t,” I replied and then rolled my eyes at myself. His sexy laugh filled the tiny space around us as he moved the curtain back and looked up at me. “I… umm… need to get my…” I reached out and snagged my toothbrush then wiggled it between my fingers. He smirked, never taking his eyes off of me. His stare felt like laser beams shooting straight through to my soul. It felt like he knew all of my darkest secrets without me even telling him. Unable to take the intensity any longer, I spun on my heels and fled the bathroom.
After brushing my teeth in the downstairs bathroom, I went in search of coffee. Nan wasn’t one to drink it, but she made sure a pot was ready for me by the time I got up. She had even bought a few fancy creamers. I opened the fridge and my fingers danced over the three choices as I tried to decide on which one sounded the best. I nodded, happy with my decision, as I picked up the dark chocolate one. Anything chocolate was exactly what I needed right then, and mixed with coffee, I was in Heaven.
I leaned against the counter as I drank my first strong, steamy sip. My eyes closed and I hummed in the back of my throat as it hit my taste buds. I licked my lips as my lids fluttered open. My gaze was instantly set on deep chocolate brown eyes staring back at me from across the room. We stood there, locked in a trance for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and shook his head. My cheeks flushed and I took another sip in an attempt to cover it.
“Ah, Nathan, how’s it going up there?” Nan said, coming out of nowhere.
“I need to head to the hardware store. Gonna have to get another faucet handle, that one is stripped. That’s why it’s drippin’,” Nathan said, turning his attention to Nan. “I’ll be back in a few. Need anythin’ while I’m out?” Nan shook her head.
“I’ll go with you. I’ll pay for it.” I said, setting my coffee down. I didn’t have a lot of money, but I wanted to help out.
“No. Thanks. I’ve got it,” he said, barely glancing at me before he headed out the door.
“Well, okay then,” I whispered, annoyed. Nan let out a little laugh as she walked over to me and patted my shoulder.
We sat at the table and chatted as we ate fresh blueberry muffins. Well, she ate while I picked at mine. She made something every morning. I didn’t think Nan’s house ever held cereal or instant oatmeal.
“So, not that I’m pushing, but how long do you think you are going to be here?” she asked, crumpling up her muffin wrapper. To be honest, I had no idea. I hadn’t even thought about anything past the day-to-day. I knew she wasn’t trying to tell me she was already sick of me. This was leading somewhere, but I wasn’t sure where yet.
“Haven’t thought it through yet, I guess.” I looked down and shrugged. Part of me always felt at home here. I wouldn’t doubt that was because it was as close to the real thing that I’d ever gotten. The one constant in my life of revolving hotel and apartment doors.
“Well, I think you should think about getting a job. Stay here a while. Might do you some good. I’m guessing you haven’t heard from your mom?” Her tone turned sad.
“No, I doubt she cares or even remembers me. Have you?” I blinked back the tears that threatened to spill as I looked up at her. She patted my hand.
“Not for some time, dear.” Her voice seemed far away and disappointed.
The front door opened and I knew he was back. I wondered if he was going to stop or head upstairs. Part of me was disappointed when I heard the stairs creak under his weight, and I hoped it didn’t show through to Nan.
“Nathan, can you come here a moment?” Nan said, smiling. I looked up at her with wide eyes. I felt like she was in my head. That woman was too sharp for her own good.
“Everythin’ alright?” he asked, stepping into the dining room. His eyes flicked to me before settling on Nan.
“My dear Reagan is going to stay awhile. I was wondering if you needed any help at the bar or knew of any place looking for someone.” I looked at her like she was crazy.
Sure, I could work at a bar. That wasn’t the problem. But the possibility of working with or near him was too much. Nathan was a mystery and one that I was very much intrigued by. However, it was all a bad idea. I needed to distance myself from people. What if I needed to run again? What if I put them in danger? I would never be able to live with myself. Plus, every time I was near him, I felt like I was losing my mind. I couldn’t think and I even forgot to breathe.
I kept my eyes downcast. I didn’t want him to hire me out of pity. I also didn’t want to see the expression on his face. Was he angry? Disappointed? Irritated? Happy? Maybe that last one could have been the worst. Whatever it was, I didn’t have the courage to find out.
“Yeah, I could use someone. You sure though? That bar can get a little rowdy. Especially when the boys are there,” he said in an unreadable tone. My head snapped up.
“I can handle it. I’ve worked in a roadside diner for a while. I also worked in a couple of different bars for a few months. Oh and let’s not forget the shady motel my mother left me at. Ended up working there, too.” I huffed. I wanted him to know I wasn’t some little, broken girl. I’d seen the ugliness of the world, and I had learned how to deal with it along the way.
“Alright then. Be there at three,” he said, a smirk playing on his lips. With a smile and a nod to Nan, he headed back upstairs.
“What have you done?” I said, huffing out a short laugh. The smile on her face said it all.
“What, dear? I just got you a job. That’s all.” Her tone was cheerful, but her eyes said so much more. Before I could say anything else, she stood up and walked into the kitchen taking both our dirty plates with her.
Nathan left a little while later, without another word to me. But at least he left me with a working, hot shower. I could still smell him as I stepped into the steam. A mix of leather, man, and sweat. I was unable to wipe the smile from my face the whole time I was in there.
I didn’t have many options for clothes. I had three t-shirts and one button-up blouse. I thought the blouse might be too much for a bar. I picked the shirt that looked less worn. However, it had weird brown splash patterned stain that started on the bottom left and spread over my stomach. I’d already washed it once, so there was no chance it was going to come out. I shrugged and hoped it looked like one of those shirts that were trying too hard to be vintage.
As far as bottoms go, it wasn’t much better. A pair of black yoga pants. A pair of purple leopard print leggings. I had no idea why I even had those. Cutoff faded denim shorts. And a tight pencil skirt. I decided to go with the denim shorts. They may have been a little short, but I figured that would get me more tips. I chose my black Chucks over the cream flats and then went into the bathroom to do my hair and makeup. I tamed my hair, leaving it to hang straight. I made sure my foundation covered the bruises as much as possible. I did a little eyeliner and pink lipstick. I didn’t want to go overboard, but I wanted to at least look like I cared about my appearance. And the job.
Nan told me where to go and I was out the door.
The bar was a few streets over. I probably could’ve walked there. It was on the way out of town, where the houses started to trail off and vacant lots became more and more prominent. I pulled onto the gravel parking lot and I could hear the rocks crunch under my tires as I crept along. I was early. I sat in my car trying to calm my nerves. I wasn’t nervous about working in a bar. I was a frazzled wreck about working with Nathan. I had no doubt that it would be hard for me to be that close to him for long periods of time.
The lot was pretty empty. No cars other than mine were visible. There was a line of three motorcycles off to the left and I wondered if this was some type of biker bar. Not that I had a problem with bikers. I had met enough of them to know that they had their own code they lived by. And could, on more occasions than not, get really out of control. That could have been what Nathan was talking about when he said it could get rowdy.
I took in a shaky breath as I absentmindedly played with the loose threads on my steering wheel cover. I looked over the building and wondered how the place was still standing. It was a shack. A hole-in-the-wall-shit-box void of any windows. The building was painted a light yellow. It was chipped and peeling in too many places to count, revealing the murky gray underneath. A neon red sign mounted on the front of the roof that simply read BAR. I squinted looking at the metal door and saw that the bar did indeed have a name. Loch’s Place. I shrugged, thinking it was a little boring.
Figuring I’d sat in my car long enough, I opened the door and stepped out. The wind blew and the dust from the lot swirled around me. I shut and locked my car, trying not to breathe in too deeply. I tucked my keys into my pocket and patted my butt to make sure I had my ID. Squaring my shoulders, I made my way inside.
As I pulled open the door, the sunlight of midday lit up the dim place like a spotlight. Three heads turned and looked at me. There was no place for me to hide. They were all dressed the same. Tight shirts, faded jeans, and a black leather cuts. Biting my lip, I wondered if they were all in some sort of motorcycle gang. Bouncing from place to place, and working in dives like this, I’d met a few over the years.
I shuffled forward and the door slammed shut behind me, making me jump and yelp.
“Um… hi,” I squeaked out as I made my way up to the bar, leaving a few stools in between myself and them.
“What’s a pretty thing like you doin’ in here?” the one with blonde hair and green eyes asked me. He flashed me a warm smile. This guy was built. I could see the bulges in his arms that were leaning against the bar. The veins running down his forearms. His long blonde hair was tucked behind one ear. He had a goatee that was nicely trimmed and looked soft. He noticed me checking him out and smiled wider, showing off a row of perfect, white teeth.
My eyes flicked nervously to the other two. The one next in line had black hair that was longer on top and hung down over his face. He was hunched over and moved his head to look down at the bar as I shamelessly checked him out. I could see he had his bottom lip pierced on the side. The last one had shaggy brown hair, deep olive skin, and chocolate brown eyes. Holy cow! Like did these guys walk off of some sexy men calender or something? They were all bulging hard lines and strong jaws. And very attractive. If this was the kind of people I would have to serve, then bring it on! I needed to find my voice and tuck my tongue back into my mouth.
“Have a seat. Let me get you a drink.” The blonde one said, patting the seat next to him.
“Oh, I um… I’m looking for Nathan. I think I’m supposed to start working here.” My voice sounded shaky and I hoped it didn’t show. The blonde one raised his brow and stood up.
“I’m Bocca,” he said, holding out his hand. What the hell kind of name was that? I looked down at his cut and, sure enough, he had a patch on there with that name on it. I could tell he was giving me his best smoldering look, and it was totally working. I blushed as I put my hand into his. He wrapped his big, warm hand around mine and lightly pulled me in closer to him.
“I’m—” I started to say as I craned my neck to look up at him.
“Hands off, Bocca!” Nathan’s deep-voiced barked from the other side of the room. Bocca, tilted his head to the side partially looking back in Nathan’s direction.
“What? You claimin’ her, Loch?” he asked, looking at Nathan. I cocked my head in confusion.
“She’s Ethel’s granddaughter. Off limits,” Nathan growled out. There was obviously something going on I was not part of. I dropped my hand from Bocca’s and he shrugged. He slid back on his stool as Nathan motioned for me to come around the back of the bar to where he was.
I stood there awkwardly as the two men continued some kind of standoff with their eyes. The other guys were looking anywhere but at us. Bocca stood up and smiled at Nathan. It was cockier than the one he had given me earlier, almost like he was taunting Nate.
“We’ll be back,” he said slapping the pierced one on the back. Then, all three of them walked to the door. The shaggy haired guy gave me a shy wave as he passed. When they got to the door, Bocca turned and looked at me. “It was nice to meet you…”
“Reagan,” I said without missing a beat and maybe a bit too eager.
“Reagan.” He held his hand over his heart as he said it and I giggled. “Be seein’ ya.”
Then they were gone. And I was alone with Nathan.
He turned to me and his eyes raked over my outfit, so slow that it made me slightly feel self-conscious. I shifted on my feet, the soles of my Chucks squeaking a little against the rubber floor mat. All of a sudden, it felt way too hot in there.
“It was all I had.” I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. “Okay, well I had these horrible leopard print leggings that no one should ever be allowed to wear.” I let out a nervous, breathy laugh.
“Yeah.” That was all I got. Not a ‘you look nice’ or even an ‘it will do’. I sighed and my body sagged a bit. He pointed to the messy spot on my shirt and raised an eyebrow.
“Guess my shirt tried to clean up my car when I wasn’t looking.” I shrugged. Inside I was rolling my eyes at my lame attempt to joke. He gave me a look of confusion. “I, um, didn’t come down here with much. This was shoved behind one of my seats in my car. Don’t worry, I washed it before I put it on.”
“Hmmm. Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why didn’t you come here with much?” He was already starting to ask questions. Guessed I left myself open for that. I needed to change the subject.
“So, do you want me or not?” I snapped. That didn’t come out like I meant it to and by the look that briefly flashed over his face, he thought so too. His lip twitched as he quickly recovered.
“There isn’t much happenin’ this early. After five it picks up. Weekday nights like this are pretty calm. If no one is in here after eleven, you can go ahead and close up. If not, then wait ‘til after the last person leaves. Everythin’ shuts down at two, regardless. Friday and Saturday open until two no matter what. Sunday’s midnight.” His arms were folded over his chest and his stance was wide as he talked to me. It was hard not to feel intimidated with him towering over me like that. I nodded, trying to remember everything.
“Got it,” I said after a beat of silence.
“No paperwork. I’ll pay you in cash every couple of days.” That was good news. That way I could stay off the radar. I wondered if Nan had an idea that he would do that. I would bet that was why she suggested it. I knew she wasn’t stupid. And even though we hadn’t talked about it, I suspected she knew there was more to my story. “Tips are all yours unless you are workin’ with someone other than me, then you split it. You can take those at the end of the night.”
“Okay,” I said, watching him. “Thanks for this. You won’t regret it.” I smiled up at him, hoping it was coming off as playful and not creepy.
“Never thought I would,” he said, leaving me to wonder exactly what he meant by that.
He spent the next twenty minutes going over where everything was and how it all worked. It was simple. I got the impression that I would be serving beers and basic shots. No fancy drinks with fruit hanging off the edge of the glass. I could definitely do that.
Things got quiet and it was the two of us standing there looking awkward. Or it could have all been in my head. I couldn’t understand why I felt so self-conscious around him. I grabbed a rag and started to wipe down the bar top.
Looking around, I finally took the whole place in. It looked bigger than I thought it would from the outside. There were a few booths along the wall with the door. A few pool tables on the far wall. A bunch of square tables scattered about. An old jukebox sat along the wall, next to a hall that led to the back and bathrooms.
“So, Loch, is that you?” I asked after a while.
“Yep.” I hadn’t realized he had pulled out some papers and was looking over them.
“What should I call you?” To this, he paused and looked up at me with a blank expression.
“Whatever you feel like,” he said in a tone that seemed like he didn’t give a fuck.
“Okay, boss.” I cut my eyes at him. He let out a low laugh and I smiled at the small crack I’d put in his hard façade.
“Not that.” His tone was lighter than before. “Look, there’s not much goin’ on today, and I’m here. Why don’t you go and get some new clothes.” He opened the cash register, then handed me a wad of money. I looked down at it and my eyes widened. It was a pile of neatly folded in half of hundred dollar bills. It must have been close to a thousand dollars.
“No, I can’t…” I pushed my hand back towards him.
“Take it. Please.” The look on his face told me he wasn’t going to take it back. “Take Ethel to the next town. Get some dinner too. Get your nails done or whatever that shit is that girls like to do.”
“Thank you,” I said as I dropped my head feeling a bit pathetic. He lifted my chin with the crook of his finger. He was right in front of me, bent down so we were eye level. The blood in my veins raced through me at light speed and my breath caught in my chest.
“Don’t hide. You are too beautiful to hide.” His eyes flitted back and forth between mine. Like he was trying to memorize the differences in each one. I swallowed hard. He blinked once and took a step back, dropping his finger from my chin. I could still feel the warmth from him lingering on my skin.
“Umm… any sort of dress code?” I asked trying to shake away whatever the hell was going on to my insides.
“Nope, whatever you feel comfortable in,” he said, then paused as his eyes raked over me again. “Cover up a little more.” His voice sounded gruff and if I wasn’t mistaken, a little strained.
“Is that a business request or a personal one?” I said, pushing my limits. His jaw flexed before he gave me a tiny half smirk. At that moment I knew it was personal.
“See you tomorrow night. Be here at six.” He went back to his paperwork and I was obviously dismissed. Without another word, I sprinted out of the bar and got into my car, where I felt I could finally exhale.