CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Loch
I was sitting on the couch in the clubhouse drinking a beer when Tammy flopped down beside me. Her fingers ran over my jean-clad thigh. I clenched my jaw and looked at her with fire in my eyes. Who the fuck did she think she was? And more importantly, why would she think I would want her touching me?
“The fuck you doin’?!” I seethed, pushing her hand off of me. She didn’t take the hint and moved her hand to run down my chest between the open flaps of my cut.
“I just figured now that she’s with Brand, I would be here for you. For anything that you need,” she purred but it sounded like damn nails on a chalkboard to me. My mind tried to catch up to what she had said.
“The fuck you talkin’ about?” I barked. She flinched and I didn’t care. Not even a little fucking bit.
“What’s her name was here,” she started.
I knew damn well she knew Reagan’s name. She was just being a bitch. It was pissing me off even more. I clenched my fits. I would never hit her but I was felt like I was going to need to hit something.
“I saw her last night. She came walking out of Brand’s room. She didn’t even care enough to hide it, carrying around her bra like she wanted everyone to know what she’d been doing.”
I shot up off the couch. I was losing Reagan. I may have already lost her. Fuck! How did I manage to fuck everything up when it came to her?
Seeing red, I yelled for Bocca. He came running down the hall and stopped short when he saw me. His eyes went wide. I so angry my body was vibrating.
“Was Reagan here yesterday?”
“Yeah.”
“What for?”
“She came to see Brand—”
Whatever he said next I didn’t hear. My heartbeat boomed in my ears as I turned and stormed out of the clubhouse. I faintly heard him screaming my name as I hopped on my bike. I peeled off, tearing through the barely open gate as the prospect jumped out of the way.
I had to know for myself. I needed to hear it from her lips. I revved the engine not caring that it was still early. I pulled up outside of Chris’ house. I banged on the door and tried to calm myself. I was hurt and mad. How could Brand do this behind my back? How could she not tell me? How did I not see this coming? Chris opened the door, rubbing his eye and wearing only a pair of plaid boxers.
“Reagan here?” I asked, my voice raw and gruff. He nodded and waved me in, shutting the door behind me. I followed him closely past the living room and stairs. When he reached her doorway he froze. He spun around to face me, blocking my view.
“Uh, um…” he stuttered. “How about you go wait outside for a moment?”
I pushed him out of the way and looked in. She was sleeping on her bed and sure enough, Brand was lying behind her, curled up around her. I stumbled back a few steps, hitting my shoulder on the wall behind me. I had hoped it wasn’t true. I held up my hand as Chris opened his mouth to say something.
“Fuck!” I roared as I made my way back out of the house.
“Loch!” Brand yelled out as I was stalking across the yard to my bike. I turned and glared at him. He was standing at the bottom of the front stairs looking regretful and pissed at the same time. I took three wide steps until I was right in front of him. He stood up tall and looked me in the eyes.
“How long?” I growled through gritted teeth. When he didn’t reply, I asked again. “How long have you been in love with her?” He wouldn’t say it out loud but I could see it written all over his face. Not that I could blame him. But I could be angry, and I was.
His feelings for her were real. And deep. There was no denying it as I looked into his eyes. Did I like it? Hell fucking no. But there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I blamed myself. If she felt the same way about him, then the only thing I could do was let her go. She deserved to be happy. Brand was a good guy, despite how I felt about him at that moment. I had no doubt that he would bend over backwards to take care of her. Hell, he’d been doing that all along. Stupid me though he was doing all because I told him to. But I saw it then. It may have been my order, but it was his need to keep her safe that kept him there.
“Don’t you fucking dare!” Reagan screeched as she ran down the front stairs and stepped between us. Her hand pressed firmly on my chest. I took a step back and looked down at her. “You have no right to come here and ask him that!” Her body was visibly shaking with anger.
“The hell I don’t,” I said trying to keep myself in check.
“Who has been here for me through all this shit? Who watched me and stood by me? Who fucking picked me up off the ground when I was broken?” Her words stabbed deep in my chest. “And most importantly, who sent him here to do just that? You want to be pissed at someone, then be pissed at yourself. This is all you.”
“I was tryin’ to give you what you needed. I was tryin’ to give you space. I didn’t want to crowd you and give you more to deal with,” I nearly shouted.
“All I needed was you!” Her voice cracked and the sudden realization that I had failed her yet again tore me apart from the inside out. “I just needed you.” Her voice was softer as the tears spilled from her eyes.
I stood there frozen for a second. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what any of it meant. Was she choosing him? Is that what she was trying to tell me. I wanted to wrap my arms around her. But I wasn’t sure that would be okay.
“You left me,” she continued. I stood there waiting, as she let it all out. “I needed you and you weren’t there. I woke up in the hospital and the only person I wanted to see was nowhere around. I came home and it was like you fell off the face of the fucking plant. I’ve felt abandoned all my life. The last person I thought would make me feel that way would have been you.” Sobs wracked her body.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I reached out for her. She crashed into me, burying her head in my chest as she gripped the front of my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her, one hand tangling in her hair as I held her as close as I could. I breathed in her scent and the world fell away. There was no Chris. No Brand. No nosy neighbors peeking out through their blinds. It was only her and me, wrapped up in each other.
“I don’t want you to let me go…” Her voice was muffled against my chest, but I heard her words clear as day.
“Baby, I’m never lettin’ you go,” I said kissing the side of her head. “I will spend the rest of my life makin’ up for lettin’ you down.”
“I love you, Nate. Even if you don’t want me to, I do,” she whispered as she let the last of her walls fall away. I cupped her chin and looked down into her eyes.
“I love you, too, Rea,” I said baring my soul to her. “I should have told you the moment I figured it out.”
My lips were on hers before she could say anything back. She opened up to me without any hesitation. I took everything she was willing to give me. Everything in that moment became clear and I was never going to lose her again. I would never let her feel alone or lost. I would do everything to make her laugh and smile. I vowed to be the man that she would be proud to stand beside.
“You’re mine, Rea,” I said breaking our kiss and looking deep into her mesmerizing eyes. Eyes that I wanted to wake to every morning. “I’m takin’ you home.”
“Wait,” she said as she stood a little taller. “I want to clear everything. Right here. Right now.”
“Okay…” I gave her a questioning look.
“If you are with me, then you are with me.” Her face hardened and I shook my head in confusion. “No more club girls. No more Tammy. I don’t care that you were just with her but it ends now.”
Even though she said she didn’t care, I could tell that she did. And could see that the thought that I’d been with Tammy made her sick. I wondered where she even got that idea. Then it dawned on me that it was more than likely put there by the evil cunt herself.
“I haven’t, baby.” I took a deep breath readying myself to open my soul to her. “Ever since I saw you, standin’ there holdin’ on to that damn laundry bag like a life raft and hidin’ behind your hair. There hasn’t even been the thought of wantin’ to be with someone else. You had every part of me that moment I looked into your eyes and saw how fuckin’ beautiful you are, inside and out.”
I brushed away the fresh tears that were flowing down her cheeks. I felt raw and vulnerable. I desperately hoped that my words wouldn’t make her run.
“And what about Brand?” I asked.
My eyes flicked over her to the spot he once stood. I couldn’t say I was surprised to find that he and Chris had made themselves scarce. Even if he didn’t say it out loud, I knew he had deep feelings for her. It was something that he and I were going to have to deal with later. Right then, my only concern was making sure Reagan was with me forever. I watched as she nervously chewed on the side of the cheek and I wondered how bad it could be. Maybe she did have feelings for him. And I was the only one to blame for it.
“I love you, Nate. He knows that and he would never let me do anything to forget that. He was there for me when you weren’t. But you must know that he was never trying to take your place.” I nodded as I took in her words. “He’s my friend, probably my best friend. And that’s all.”
Maybe his loyalty ran that deep. Or maybe he just was truly being a good friend. Whatever the reason, I was a little bit grateful. Don’t get me wrong, I was still hurt and pissed that it had even gotten to the point that it had. It was hard seeing them to bed together. Especially since all I had been wanting and needing was to have her in bed beside me.
“Let’s go home,” she whispered, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“I’ve fuckin’ missed you.” I kissed her deeply. “Hope you know that once we get there I’m not lettin’ you out of bed for like a week.” She giggled and all the tension and stress washed away.
“Does this mean I’m your old lady now?” Her sass was back and I let out a roar of laughter.
“Hell yeah, you are my old lady.” I kissed her again.
I put her on the back of my bike not caring that I was leaving her car and stuff behind. We would get it later. All I needed was her. Then and always.