Chapter Ten
The elevator dinged open, and Sasha took a deep breath, holding her head high and hoping she looked poised as she walked directly to the reception desk ten feet in front of her.
Inside, she was a bit of a wreck. Her plan seemed genius a week ago, when her internet search not only told her which subway to take to the mandated fingerprinting appointment at the Department of Education, but also that the building housed the DOE’s legal division. Three clicks later and she’d confirmed Lexi R. Ducane was still employed as an attorney for the city education department, with an office on the third floor. One thing had become clear to Sasha after her impromptu meet up with Meg the previous week—she needed to up her game. She could use an ally. Confident in her new tactic, she’d spent a good part of the week mentally practicing her strategy of imploring Lexi’s help. Suddenly in the moment, she wondered if the whole idea was ridiculous.
“Excuse me,” she said, finding her courage as she interrupted the receptionist’s game of solitaire. “I was hoping to see Lexi Ducane, if she is available.”
“And you are?”
“Sasha Michaels.”
“Is she expecting you?”
“No.” Sasha shook her head, but the woman was already reaching for the phone and pointing toward the spartan furniture in the small waiting area where she clearly wanted Sasha to sit. Less than two minutes passed before Sasha’s attention was drawn to the echoing click of heels on the terrazzo tile. She looked up at Lexi walking toward her.
“Sasha?” Lexi waved as she approached from the depths of the beige hallway. “Everything okay?”
“Yes,” Sasha answered. She was relieved to hear her voice sound composed. “I’m sorry to bother you at work. I was downstairs getting fingerprinted and I was wondering if you might be able to talk for a minute. If you have time.”
Lexi looked over at the receptionist who was following raptly. “Janice, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She nodded toward the elevator. “Come.”
“Do you want to grab a coat or anything? It’s pretty chilly out.”
“No, we’ll just go across the street. I’ll be fine.”
They traveled the two floors down the elevator in silence and Sasha followed Lexi out of the old building to a small coffee shop on the corner. Lexi slid into the window seat. Sasha sat across from her.
“Do you want anything? Coffee or tea or something?” Sasha asked, looking around.
“I only have a few minutes.” Lexi shook her head. “I’m here all the time anyway. Believe me, they won’t care if I don’t buy something this once.” Lexi’s smile looked forced. “This is about Meg, I assume?”
Sasha nodded. “Yes.” She picked at her fingernails. “I know I made a huge mistake with Meg. A bunch of them really—”
“Yeah, you did.” Lexi’s tone was fully defensive.
“I know.” Sasha sat back in her chair feeling defeated already. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”
“You should be talking to Meg.”
“I did. I am.” She reached for a packet of sweetener and flattened it on the table in front of her. “I saw her last week.” She chewed her lip nervously. “It was nice. But she has a wall up with me, I can tell.”
“Can you blame her?”
“No. Of course not. Not at all.”
“What is it that you want, Sasha?”
“I want another chance.”
“And you think you deserve one?”
Lexi’s words were sharp, but Sasha knew they weren’t completely unwarranted so she let them resonate a moment before speaking.
“I know you’re her friend. That’s why I came to you.” She spoke slowly, hoping to make every word count. “Lexi, I made a ton of mistakes with Meg. I did everything wrong.” She registered Lexi’s unconvinced look from across the table. “You don’t have to believe me, but I want you to know it anyway.” She swallowed the emotions that came out every time she let her feelings about Meg come to the surface. “I’m in love with her, Lexi. I have been from the beginning.”
“So why are you talking to me?”
“It’s not that easy. Meg won’t really talk to me. Which I completely understand.” She stared out the window at an eighteen-wheeler trying to negotiate the turn onto Broadway. “When I saw her last week at Sullivan, I practically had to beg her to have a drink with me. And even then when we talked, she had her guard up the whole time. She won’t let me in.”
Lexi leaded forward, closing the space between them. “That’s because you broke her. You destroyed her, Sasha.” Her voice was low and biting. “And I want to hate you for it.”
“I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do.” Lexi clenched her jaw clearly trying to keep her cool. “Meg was so messed up after you guys broke up that she was willing to settle. She rushed into a relationship where she had, like, zero chance of getting hurt.”
“She told me they broke up.”
“Exactly.” Even her nod was fierce in defense of her bff. “She is just now, a full fucking year later, finally willing to maybe put herself back out there. So if you’re going to do this, you’d better be dead fucking sure, Sasha.”
“I am. I’m going to do everything I can to get her back.”
“Because if you start wavering again, with your lame-ass excuses—”
“Look, Lexi, I’m not going to hurt her.” She wondered if she should continue, but did anyway. “Gah, Lexi, how do I say this without sounding like a jerk?”
Her question was rhetorical, but Lexi raised her eyebrows in challenge.
Sasha dropped her eyes to the small formica table. “Last year was a nightmare.” She drew her bottom lip in, thinking about it for a tiny moment. “I hated my job. I was terrible at it,” she said with a strained laugh. “I had just moved to New York. I was a little lost. Nervous all the time. Then Meg came along.” She shook her head, feeling her cheeks get warm as she remembered the start of everything. “She helped me at Sullivan. She made me laugh. I couldn’t wait to come to work every day to see her.” She laughed outright. “I would pick my clothes, not based on clients or what I had going on for the day. Nope. I wore outfits I thought I looked good in. I wanted her to find me attractive.” She lowered her brow, still giggling at herself. “I spent so much money on clothes.”
Sasha stuffed the sugar packet she’d been playing with back into its holder. “I fell in love with her at the very beginning.” She looked up at the ceiling. “It scared the hell out of me. And then my mother died.” She sniffled a little, holding back her tears. “I wasn’t ready for any of it. My whole world was spinning. I was in no shape to be in any kind of relationship. Let alone a relationship with the one.” She raised her eyebrows to signify the weight of her words. Lexi looked like she was about to comment, but Sasha stopped her.
“Look, none of this excuses my actions. The way I treated Meg was…not right. I have serious regrets about that. But I needed this time to, I don’t know.” She shook her head. “Process sounds so trite.” She licked her lips. “What I’m saying is, I’ve gotten my life together. I’m pursuing the job of my dreams. I finally feel like me.” She folded her hands together on the table. “And because of that, everything is clear.” She shrugged even as she felt herself smile in the confidence of her proclamation. “I love Meg. I always have. I always will.”
Lexi squinted, and Sasha thought she was trying to read her to make sure she was legit.
“You don’t have to believe me, even though I think it would help if you did. I came to you because I want you to know I’m for real. Meg trusts you. I wanted to tell you myself, I’m serious. I’m going to try everything to get her back. I do think my odds are better if you’re in my corner.” She hated that it came out sounding calculated because her intentions had been pure. “Look, I just mean—”
Lexi held up a hand effectively cutting her off. “Stop. I get it.” She waved her hand as she spoke. “Here’s a tip. If you want this to work, forget about telling me or even telling Meg how you feel.” She looked around the small coffee shop they were squatting in. “You have to show her. Make it count. And you know what?” She twisted her face in the early afternoon sun. “When she doesn’t bite right away, don’t give up.” Sasha felt her eyes boring into her. “Don’t just fade away like you did last time. Get out of your comfort zone. If you would really do anything for her, then do it.”
“I will.” Her anxiety peaked and her voice cracked. “This is where I could use your help a little.”
Lexi raised her eyebrows, clearly unsure where this was going.
“Gah.” Sasha dropped her head in one hand. “The thing is…I was lucky enough to bump into Meg at her job last week.”
“And Roaring Twenties,” Lexi added.
“Less lucky on that one.”
“What do you mean?”
Sasha let out a heavy breath. “Yes, I was fortunate enough to see you all that night. But”—she cringed—“my odds haven’t been that good. I’ve been going to The Kitchen pretty frequently. And hitting every lesbian event where I thought there might be even a slim chance of seeing her.” She made a small circle on the table’s smooth surface with one finger. “With the exception of the socials at Bay West.” She shook her head. “That just seemed, well, off-limits.”
“Let me see if I understand you.” Lexi held both hands up. “You want me to help you stalk my friend?”
“No, I mean…no.” It sounded ridiculous when she heard Lexi say it out loud. “I’ll figure it out,” she added, not at all sure how. “I just need to know—do you think I have a chance?” She heard her own voice shake and hated how pathetic she sounded.
“You and Meg.” Lexi rolled her eyes. “You’re supposed to be together. I know it in my bones.”
“You think?” She felt her spirits lift at the slight possibility.
“I do.” Lexi sucked in her cheeks. “Let’s get one thing clear. I’m only helping you because I’m a sucker for love.” She sat back in her chair. “And because I care about Meg.” Lexi leaned forward and grabbed her forearm, holding on to it tightly. “But Sasha, if you break her heart again, even a little”—her stare was cold, and Sasha felt a chill down her spine—“you will deal with me. That’s a promise.” Lexi released her grip and scooched herself out of the window bench, smoothing her skirt as she spoke. “There’s trivia night at Lucy’s Coffee Bar down the block from Bay West. Next Wednesday, seven o’clock. I will figure out a way to get you on our team. Do not be late.”
Sasha smiled big. “I owe you.”
“Yeah, you do.”