Chapter Three
Meg flopped next to Reina and pulled the blanket up to cover her naked body from the draft that wafted through her bedroom window.
“You good?” Reina asked, reaching for her iPad before Meg answered.
“Good.” Meg let a long breath out, feeling her heart rate starting to regulate. “I came right before you did. You couldn’t tell?” She didn’t even try to hide her irritation that Reina hadn’t noticed, and when she looked over, it seemed her girlfriend was barely listening now. At least it made her feel less guilty that she hadn’t exactly been thinking about her when she came. She’d felt bad in the moment, but let herself off the hook with the rationalization that plenty of people fantasized during sex. Probably not about their exes, but thankfully no one could see inside her mind, so she would never have to own up to that particular detail.
The truth of the matter was she thought about Sasha all the time these days, not just during sex. Last week she broke into a full-on smile at her desk when she heard Jane’s Addiction pop up on her office mate’s music feed, remembering the time that she and Sasha had belted out the lyrics while they were photocopying. Totally random that they both knew all the words to such an old song. Just yesterday, she found herself getting nostalgic when she spotted a Game of Thrones ad plastered on the side of a city bus. The new season would be starting in a few weeks. Would Sasha be watching by herself? Did she even want to know the answer? One thing was certain, Meg would be viewing it solo. Reina had zero interest in anything remotely sci-fi.
But they were good together, she and Reina, Meg reminded herself. Sure, she had some concerns that they so quickly seemed beyond the honeymoon stage. That was probably normal. Maybe she was just being too idealistic. They had a nice time together, they respected one another, and those things were important. Sasha had fucking cheated on her and it would serve her well to remember that. Maybe it would also help with the mid-sex fantasizing. The problem was she did remember. But she reminisced the tender moments just as often. The way Sasha curled into her body and held her hand while she fell asleep. How she liked to wake her up with a string of baby kisses across her face. Time was tricky like that. It really wreaked havoc on her memories, allowing her to distort the facts so the past was all roses, no thorns.
If her girlfriend would pay a smidge of attention to her right now, she wouldn’t be thinking about Sasha at all. It annoyed her that Reina could downshift so easily from having sex one minute to playing on her phone or iPad the next. Not that Meg needed a whole cuddle session afterward, but a little intimacy would be a welcome change. God, she was such a girl sometimes. She laughed inwardly and shook off the thought as she glanced out the window, eyeing up a six-inch icicle dangling from the eaves.
Mid-March and still no end in sight to the frigid winter. She felt Reina move next to her. She brushed her side, knowing she needed to quit feeling sorry for herself and take stock of the good things in her life. Yes, there was still snow everywhere, but the sun was out in force this morning. It was Friday and she’d just had morning sex. It wasn’t mind-blowing, but it wasn’t half bad either. And she was working from home today. She could stay in pajamas all day if she chose to. A smile plastered across her face, she grabbed her phone to check the text that had pinged in the middle of her orgasm.
“Hey”—she ran her hand along Reina’s forearm—“Lexi wants to go to Roaring Twenties tonight,” she said, checking to gauge Reina’s interest. “That could be fun.”
“That’s that roving dance party thing?”
“Uh-huh. Tonight it’s in the East Village. Irving Plaza.”
“You don’t even dance.”
“That’s not the point.”
“It’s not?”
“I like hanging with my friends. And I like watching you dance. Doing your sexy little salsa moves.”
“And what am I supposed to do about my mother?”
“Bring her.” Meg nodded emphatically even though she was teasing. “She’s an attractive older woman, I bet she’d do okay there.”
“Ha-ha.”
Putting her phone aside, Meg turned to Reina. “How about this one Friday you skip the routine?” Seeing the outline of Reina’s full breasts under the covers was enough to ready Meg for a second round. Her voice was still husky. “Come on. Hang out with me today.” She smoothed her fingertips across Reina’s soft belly. “I have, like, two things to do for work. That’s it. We can stay in bed all day. Your mother will understand.”
Reina widened her eyes. “Not if I tell her like that, she won’t.”
“Well, maybe leave out this part.” Meg moved closer placing a small kiss by her ear hoping the advances would sway Reina. “It’s freezing out. Stay. We’ll play all day, then go out with our friends tonight. You haven’t even met Sam yet.”
She could sense Reina wavering. Meg kissed softly along her jawline and inched down her throat, licking and kissing along the way. “Mmm.” Reina moaned, fisting Meg’s short hair and pulling up. “I can’t. I’m sorry, babe. Fridays are important to my mom.”
“What about me?” Meg pouted playfully, and saw Reina register her mild disappointment.
She dropped a kiss on Meg’s nose and ran her finger along Meg’s cheek but didn’t change her mind. “Let me get moving. I’ll spend the day with Mom. We’ll do an early dinner and maybe even skip the movie if I can convince her that I’ll make it up to her during the week. I’ll meet you there. I’m sure that party doesn’t get going until later on anyway.”
Meg sighed at the defeat. She knew from experience that once Reina was with her mother, it was unlikely she would leave. It was sweet, their relationship, and she admired their standing Friday date, even joining them on occasion. But the odds that Reina would ditch her mom and trek into the city alone were slim and she knew it. “Promise me you’ll try?”
“I promise,” she said, but Meg wasn’t convinced.
*****
The club music thumped in Meg’s ears. She’d been monitoring her phone all night but it was ten fifteen and there was no sign of Reina. She frowned at the blank screen even though she wasn’t overly surprised.
“No word from your girlfriend yet?” Sam squeezed in next to her and placed her drink on the bar.
“Nope.” Meg couldn’t care less that her aggravation showed.
“Well, it’s still early. She’s probably on the subway with no signal.”
Meg slipped her phone into her back pocket and put her empty beer bottle down. “I got this one.” She nodded at Sam’s empty glass while they waited for some attention from the bartender.
“Cool, thanks.”
“How come you’re not out on the dance floor tearing it up with Lexi?” Meg asked over the bass.
“I was out there before. I’m kind of beat actually.” Sam laughed at her admission.
“I’m sure we won’t be out too late. Particularly since Lexi drove.” Meg was pretty sure she had her friend’s number on that move. Lexi had talked about wanting a big family even before she married Jesse last summer. Meg suspected they might already be pregnant.
She followed Sam’s stare to Lexi and Jesse talking across the way. “Hey, Meg, here’s a totally random question.” Meg froze for a second figuring Sam was onto them too and even though she didn’t know for sure, she wondered if she should lie.
“Shoot.”
Sam swallowed a healthy sip of her fresh drink. “Does that Lucy chick from the coffee shop ever come out with you guys?” She kept her eyes on the crowd and took another swig. Meg hid her smile at Sam’s failed attempt at casual.
“She hangs out with us sometimes. But more it’s us going to her store and chilling with her there. She practically lives at the coffee shop, but she came to dinner at Lexi and Jesse’s once or twice. I know Lexi invited her tonight, but I guess she was busy.”
“Is she, I mean, does she have a girlfriend?”
“Oh my God, you really are smitten. Where did this even come from?”
“Can you not be a dick about this?” Sam’s laugh was strained. “I’m just curious, that’s all,” she added.
Meg shook her head over the rim of her glass. “Dude, if you think I’m not going to break your balls over the fact that you, Sam Miller, self-proclaimed lady-killer, skirt chaser, flirt to end all flirts, are swooning over a girl you met one time, you are dead fucking wrong.” Meg reached up and tousled the back of Sam’s hair roughly. “What did they do to you out west? Or was it Europe that tamed the beast? Tell me. I have to know.”
“You’re an ass,” Sam said through a smile. Even in the dim lighting, Meg could see she was blushing. “Forget I asked.”
“No way, brother.” Meg hit her with a shoulder bump. “P.S., I’m pretty sure she’s single.” She was about to elaborate, give Sam the scant details she knew, but the sight of the familiar girl one foot in front of her stopped her cold.
“Hi, Megan.”
Meg was almost too stunned for words and she felt Sam’s stare go back and forth between them trying to place the tension.
“Sasha. Hi.” Meg froze for a second, but forced herself to take a sip of her drink, hoping the pint glass hid her shock long enough for her to pull herself together.
“You look really great.” Sasha eyed her from head to toe and Meg could swear she saw emotion in her eyes, but before she could be sure, Sasha shifted her attention to Sam. “Hi, I’m Sasha,” she said, extending her hand. “Meg and I used to work together.” There was a full beat before Meg realized that Sasha thought she and Sam were together. Meg was moved by her discretion, but corrected her right away.
“Sash, this is Sam. Lexi’s friend. The one who moved out to Portland last year with her girlfriend. You remember the story.”
“Oh, right. I wasn’t sure, I mean, I didn’t know if…” Her voice drifted and she appeared slightly embarrassed but also relieved at Meg’s explanation. “Nice to meet you, Sam.”
“Likewise.”
Meg wanted to ask a thousand questions, starting with finding out what Sasha was doing at the gayest girl party in the city. What a joke. Less than a year ago Sasha had broken her heart when she couldn’t commit—not to Meg, not to being a lesbian, not to any of it. Meg swallowed a snide laugh at the irony. Of course anyone was welcome to partake in the awesome music and top shelf booze, but Sasha’s presence felt like fraud and she was tempted to call her out. She might have done exactly that if Sasha hadn’t looked so incredibly nervous. Her expression tugged at Meg’s heart unwittingly and she let herself feel it, reminding herself that she was better than stooping to such depths anyway. Truth be told, Meg knew, in spite of her anger over how things had played out between them, there was still a part of her heart that belonged to Sasha, as pathetic as that might be. She longed to use this opportunity to feed her curiosity over Sasha’s well-being. She couldn’t help it. She had loved her once upon a time.
Meg took another quick sip of her craft brew and opened her mouth to be civil, but out of nowhere Reina was next to her.
“Hey, Meg. Sorry we’re late.”
Meg looked from Reina to Sasha and back again, a deer in the fucking headlights of life.
“Reina, I’m Sam. I’ve heard so much about you.” Meg silently thanked Sam for the save.
“That better mean all good things,” Reina joked. She turned to Meg. “Babe, this is my friend Melinda.”
Meg hadn’t even noticed the pretty girl who’d come in with Reina. “Oh, hi.” Meg gave a chin nod and awkwardly offered her hand at the same time. The girl returned a limp handshake and paired it with a lame smile, barely making eye contact. Weird. Meg swallowed the lump in her throat. “Um, Reina this is Sasha.” It made no sense, but Meg knew she sounded nervous at the introduction. For a split second she saw a flash of something in Reina’s eyes at the recognition of Sasha’s identity. Jealousy or anger, she wondered. Either way, the fallout wasn’t going to be pretty.
Reina curved her mouth into a fake smile and tossed it at Sasha before giving her order to Meg. “Babe, get me a cosmo. You want one too, right, Mel?”
“I should get back to my friends. Nice meeting you all,” Sasha said. “See you, Meg.”
Meg wanted more time, even though she hated herself for it. And wait, did Sasha just say friends or friend? Damn the fucking loud music. There was a huge difference and she was dying for the answer. God, she hoped Sasha didn’t have a girlfriend. It made no sense, her jealousy, and she knew it. It didn’t matter, she reminded herself. She didn’t want to be with Sasha, despite her little fantasy this morning. Their relationship had been a disaster.
Meg took a deep breath, centering herself. She was simply curious about Sasha’s life. It was completely normal to wonder about your exes, particularly when you ran into them in a gay club after they’d denounced their lesbianism. Fuck, she needed to stop and get focused. She made eye contact with the bartender and put in Reina’s order, adding a quick shot of Jack for herself.
For the rest of the night she found herself searching for Sasha in the masses, but she didn’t see her again. What she couldn’t stop seeing was the bizarre dynamic between Reina and the friend she’d brought. Getting close on the dance floor was one thing, but they were inseparable off it too. Meg wasn’t sure if Reina was reciprocating or if she simply liked the attention, but Melinda was definitely crushing. She should care but she didn’t. Despite her internal lecture to the contrary she was more concerned with finding out if Sasha was with a crowd or on a date. She shook her head into her drink. This night was a mess.
“Hey, you ready to head out soon?” Lexi’s voice in her ear caught her off guard.
“Sure, whenever.”
“Meg, I saw Sasha before. Sam told me you guys talked. How was it?”
Meg looked for Reina as she answered. “Fine. We just said hi, that was it.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, fine,” she said, even though she wasn’t. She hated that the brief conversation had such a lasting effect on her and she was positive Lexi read the truth behind her stock response. “Let me find Reina and see if she’s ready to go. Honestly, I don’t even know if she’s coming home with me or going back to Queens with her friend.” She emphasized the word dramatically and Lexi picked up on it.
“Who is that, by the way?”
“Some girl from her building. They’ve been hanging out a bunch. This is the first time I’ve met her.”
“Oh.” She heard doubt in Lexi’s voice but didn’t feel like dealing with it. She’d seen it too, the way Melinda stared at Reina, dancing just a little too close, following her around like a puppy dog.
Meg spotted Reina a few feet away and grabbed her arm. “The girls are ready to go. Are you coming with me?” Reina was tipsy—Meg could see it in her eyes and her body language.
“Can Mel come too?”
Meg raised her eyebrows at the question, momentarily unsure what Reina was asking.
“Not like that, Meg.” She reached for Meg’s hand. It was the first time they’d touched all night. “I just don’t want to send her home alone.”
“Fine. Just…fine.”
“What?” Reina challenged.
“You know she’s into you, right?”
Reina looked right in Meg’s eyes. She was serious, even through her half-drunk haze. “You really want to have this conversation? Let’s not forget, I blew off my mother and came all the way in here because you asked me to. Then I get here and you’re hanging out with your ex-girlfriend, chatting away.”
“It’s not like that.”
“I’m sure.” Reina licked her lips. “The same way Mel’s baby-dyke crush on me doesn’t mean anything. She knows no lesbians, Meg. That’s why I brought her. So she could maybe meet someone. Or at least get out. But I’m not going to leave her here or tell her she’s on her own getting home. Plus”—she nodded over Meg’s shoulder—“you said Sam is always down to hook up with a cute girl. She’s single, right? Invite her back too.”
Meg swallowed hard. It was a lot of info to digest from such a short conversation. “Okay. Get Melinda and meet me in front in five.”
Less than an hour later Meg, Reina, Sam, and Melinda nursed drinks in Meg’s living room, talking easily about the music and the vibe at the dance party. Meg detected zero chemistry between Sam and Melinda, and she tried not to get annoyed every time she caught Melinda checking out Reina. It didn’t bother her the way it ought to, but still, she thought it rude that Melinda came back to her house just to ogle her girlfriend, and while Reina didn’t quite encourage it, she clearly loved the attention. Meg didn’t dare address it, not even when she and Reina were alone. She hoped her disinterest passed for understanding of Melinda’s plight, but the truth was she knew any conversation at all would lead right back to talking about Sasha, and Meg wasn’t ready to admit the effect that interaction had to anyone, including herself.