Chapter Twelve
Lexi stood in front of her closet in her bra and thong, contemplating what to wear. It was still unbelievably cool for almost summer. She fanned through multiple pairs of jeans that were all virtually the same. Where would she find room for maternity clothes? That’s if she actually needed them anytime in the near future. She tilted her head back, frustrated that she and Jesse were still at a stalemate. She had one theory she thought might work. She brushed her palm against the fabric of a thin knit sweater hanging in front of her, wondering what was keeping her from putting it up for consideration. She heard the clank of the dishes being put away downstairs and decided to just go for it.
“Hey, babe.” She leaned her body through the bedroom doorway calling down to the first floor. “Can you come up here for a sec?”
“In a minute,” Jesse answered.
Lexi paced the bedroom, kneading her hands and kind of wishing she had given this presentation just a little more thought.
“Everything okay?” Jesse asked, as she bounded up the stairs. She stopped short in the doorway. “Well, hello,” she crooned, giving Lexi and her skimpy attire an exaggerated once over. A guttural moan escaped her as she kissed Lexi onto the bed, misreading Lexi’s intent. “Don’t you have to leave soon?” she whispered in Lexi’s ear.
“Yes.” Lexi returned her kisses anyway. Even a year into their marriage, Lexi still had a hard time resisting Jesse, even if it meant being late for the first social she was running.
“Oh no.” Jesse rolled off her and groaned in frustration. “I’m not going to be the reason you get in trouble with Kam Browne.” She made an effort to sit up, but Lexi held her shoulder.
“Wait.”
“Babe, you have to get ready.”
Lexi turned on her side letting her nails lightly graze Jesse’s stomach, from her belly button down under the waistline of her jeans. She pouted playfully. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”
“Never, babe.” Jesse kissed her soundly before pulling back. “Especially not when you’re dressed like this.” She tucked a strand of Lexi’s hair behind her ear. “But you and Meg are in charge of the social tonight. It’s a big deal. You can’t be late.” Lexi saw desire despite her protest. “So I’m being an adult and showing restraint.”
Lexi felt herself melt a little at the heartfelt overture. She rolled on top of Jesse, smiled suggestively, and kissed her. “I have, like, an hour before the doors even open. And it’s around the block.” She sat up in a full straddle on top of Jesse. “But I want to talk to you anyway.” She toyed with the buttons on Jesse’s shirt, opening two more so she could touch her fingertips to Jesse’s chest.
“What’s going on?” Jesse held Lexi’s waist, leaning upright and holding her in place. “Tell me things.” She kissed Lexi’s chest gently before looking up at her.
“You love me, right?”
Jesse furrowed her brow at the ridiculous question.
“How much?”
Inching forward, Jesse kissed her soft and slow, deep and full. “The most. You know that.”
Lexi couldn’t help herself—she moved her hips instinctively at Jesse’s words and her touch. “I have an idea.” She used her body weight to push them down to the mattress, and spread her legs wider, the need to feel Jesse increasing with each passing second. “God,” she breathed out, glancing down between their bodies to where Jesse’s button fly made contact with her tiny black panties. “I would let you come in me all the time if you could.”
Jesse bucked hard in response. She held Lexi tight, her hand moving up to Lexi’s face guiding her closer. “That turned me on more than it should, I think.”
“I know. The thought of it turns me on too.” She kissed Jesse, slowing her movements slightly so she could look in her eyes. “That’s the point though. I want to have a baby.” She held eye contact. “But it’s not just that. Jess, I want to have your baby.”
“Honey…”
Lexi put one finger over her lips. “Just hear me out.” She leaned back a little and watched Jesse’s expression soften. “I’ve given this some thought.” Her fingertips squared the outline of Jesse’s unbelievable abs. “I get that you don’t want to use Justin as a donor.”
“Babe, I’m sorry—”
Lexi silenced her again. “No, I mean it, Jess. I get it.” She nodded sincerely even as she worried her lip over what she was about to suggest. “What about if you did it?” She saw Jesse trying hard to control her cringe and she was dying to make it easier for her. “I know you don’t want to carry, that’s not what I’m saying.” She spread her fingers wider to feel more of Jesse’s body against her hand. “I have the baby. We use your egg.” She bit the corner of her mouth waiting for Jesse’s reaction. “And ask Nick to be the donor.”
“Nick, Nick?” Jesse dropped her chin. “My Nick?” She pointed at herself.
Lexi nodded.
“As in my friend, the PI, who goes home with a new guy every weekend? That Nick?”
“Yes. That Nick.” Lexi smiled because she couldn’t help finding Jesse’s complete surprise utterly adorable. “Your Nick. The PI.” She added a nod for effect. “Gay playboy Nick.”
Jesse narrowed her eyes. “Where is this even coming from?”
“I know it seems ridiculous, but think about it. Jess, you’ve known him for a hundred years.” She sat up a little. “And I know he’s not necessarily the settling-down type, but that’s okay. Maybe even better, in a way.” She read Jesse’s hesitation. This was going to be a hard sell.
Lexi leaned all the way forward, edging her finger along Jesse’s chiseled jaw. “Hear me out. Nick is sweet and smart and we know him. And”—she paused, hoping to rein in the excitement she heard in her voice—“don’t you remember last year when we had dinner with him, he was telling us about his friend who had done this exact thing for a lesbian couple he was friends with? Nick used a term for it. He kept saying his friend had become a—”
“Bio-dad.”
“Yes.” She smiled. “You remember.”
“I do.”
Lexi was pleased and touched at the shared memory but she wasn’t done. “Jess, he thought it was cool. So did I.”
She could feel Jesse’s energy changing, however subtly. “Babe, I never knew Anthony. You know, my moms’ friend. The guy they used as my donor or whatever you want to call him. He died when I was a baby. And believe me, I wouldn’t change a thing. I love my moms. Both of them. Anthony would never have been my father. Not in the traditional sense.” She shrugged a little. “Look, I have stories from Chris and Marnie. And pictures, which is great.” She smiled and shrugged at the same time. “But sometimes I think it might have been nice to have known him a little. See what he was like, if we have the same mannerisms or laugh or anything.” She looked right at Jesse. “We could have that with Nick.”
Jesse reached up and touched the side of her face, keeping her hand in place as she moved her thumb over a dimple. “You are so beautiful.”
Lexi smiled and turned her face to place a kiss in the palm of her wife’s hand. “So are you. It’s why I want our kids to look like you.” She leaned all the way forward and her breasts touched Jesse’s. “I’m just asking you to consider it, that’s all.”
“We would still need to put something legally binding in place.”
“Of course.” Lexi kissed her face. It was hard to be this close and not acknowledge her desire. “Two parents. Me and you. Not negotiable.” She let her hand drift between Jesse’s legs.
“I think we should sit down and have a conversation with Nick.”
“For real?” Lexi asked.
Jesse nodded. “My gut tells me he’ll do it.”
“Mine too.” Lexi’s smile stretched ear to ear. “Are you okay with it if he’s willing?”
“I am.”
Lexi pulled back an inch to assess Jesse’s reaction and saw with absolute certainty that they were completely in sync. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” Jesse kissed her softly but Lexi was ready for more. She pressed her whole body into Jesse’s and used her momentum to flip them so Jesse was on top of her. Jesse’s body responded, even if her words belied her. “Lex, you have to go.”
Lexi didn’t even bother to check the clock on the nightstand. “We have plenty of time.” She wrapped her legs around Jesse’s waist. “Plus, I can tell you already”—she let out a gasp at the feel of Jesse’s hand between her legs—“this is not going to take long at all.”
*****
“Well, if it isn’t the new Kameron Browne.” Sam stepped in front of Meg who was stationed just inside the door to the Commons, ready to check IDs and collect the cover charge. Sam handed over a twenty.
“Never call me that,” Meg said, taking her money.
Sam laughed at Meg’s deadpan response. “You can keep whatever the change is. My contribution to a community I hope to call home sooner rather than later.” Sam moved aside to talk as a small line of people queued near the entrance. “Where’s Lex?”
“She’s running late or something. She just texted she’ll be here in a minute.”
“You need help?”
“I think I got it, but come back here anyway.”
Sam slipped in alongside Meg, her eyes focused on the party room. “Looks good. Not much different than before. But the new DJ sounds promising.”
Meg doled out change to a patron with a wink and a smile before addressing Sam’s comment. “Yeah, Kam wouldn’t let us make too many real changes just yet.” She shrugged. “Other than the social media and marketing stuff.” She smirked. “Which is most of the changes that you made.” Meg held up her fist for a pound. “So here’s to success.”
“Fingers crossed.” Sam fist-bumped her. “You didn’t see Lucy, right?”
“I figured she’d come with you.” Meg fiddled with the credit card scanner making sure it was plugged in. “Awesome she’s finally going to make an appearance at a social. I can’t wait to hang with her. You know, outside of the coffee shop.”
“You and me both,” Sam said almost under her breath. “She’s never come at all, huh?”
Meg frowned. “Not that I’m aware of.” A large group of college-age girls crowded the check in table stealing Meg’s attention. Sam helped inspect their driver’s licenses to make sure they were legal.
“OMG, has this place been here long?” One of the girls craned her head to see past Meg and Sam into the Commons.
“Yeah, kind of,” Meg responded.
“We’re experiencing a rebirth of sorts,” Sam added, taking payments and stamping hands. “You ladies new to the area?”
“We’re from Rutgers University over in Jersey. I saw some stuff on Twitter about it, figured we’d check it out.”
Meg grabbed a handful of drink tickets. “First one’s on Bay West. Have a good time, girls.”
Lexi snuck in behind the college party. “Sorry I’m late, guys.” She scooted into place with Jesse on her heels. “That was a decent-sized group, huh.”
“Compliments of Sam’s social media push.”
“That’s fantastic. Babe, would you get me a drink?” she said to Jesse before turning to her friends. “You guys want something?”
“I’ll take a beer,” Meg said.
“Why not?” Sam echoed. “I can walk to the bar with you, Jess.”
“No, stay,” Lexi implored. “I want to hear about your trip. Did you just get back? Where’s Lucy?” she asked looking around.
Sam laughed at the barrage of questions. “Settle down, Munchkin.” She placed her hands on Lexi’s shoulders. “Breathe,” she ordered. “Everything okay with you?”
“Yeah, Lex. What’s up?” Meg reorganized the table for the third time. “First you’re late and now you’re frazzled as fuck. What’s going on?”
“I’m fine.” She looked between Meg and Sam and must have read concern on their faces because she squared her shoulders and took a dramatically deep breath. “Seriously.” She checked a look at the bar. “Jess and I were talking and I just lost track of time.”
Meg rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, you were totally having sex.”
“I wasn’t,” she answered, but her deep red blush said it all.
“Here Sam and I are holding down the fort at a Friday night social while our married friend is getting action. What’s wrong with that picture?” Meg looked to Sam for support but corrected herself on the spot. “I don’t know why I’m looking to you for help—your girlfriend will be here imminently. I’m the only sad sack in this crowd.”
“No one feels bad for you, Meg.” Lexi brushed her off good-naturedly, waving her arm at the building crowd. “Lesbian Shangri-la. Go, mingle.” She faced Sam. “Where is Lucy? I thought you said she was coming.”
“She’s supposed to meet me here.” Sam looked at her watch and swallowed her jitters. Nine fifteen. Too late for the shop to still be open. Lucy had suggested meeting up at the social, so she could put in some extra time at the store and grab a shower beforehand. Sam had agreed, primarily because she thought if they met at Lucy’s first, it was unlikely they’d leave at all. Her body had been counting down the days since she’d been stuck in Connecticut. It would take a lot to keep her libido in check. This social was important to her friends and she wanted to support them. The minutes rolled by and still no Lucy.
“I’m actually going to give her a call,” she said, taking her drink from Jesse and thanking her with a nod of her chin before she stepped out onto the balcony. She hoped she sounded chill, even though she could feel the tension spreading through her limbs.
The phone rang four times before going to voicemail. She paced the outdoor space back and forth, checking her phone, for what, she wasn’t sure. Finally, a text popped up.
Got tied up at the store. I’m pretty beat. Rain check on the social?
You’re not coming?
I’m tired. My day starts early tomorrow.
Sam started typing, but then erased her message. Two more false starts while she attempted to voice her feelings and keep her cool. Another message from Lucy came through while she hesitated.
Please don’t be mad. I still want to see you. A second passed. Come by later?
You’ll be asleep. Early day and all… She wondered if her sharp sarcasm translated or if Lucy read the message as sincere.
I’ll wait for you. Or if it’s real late, I can leave the door open.
Sam tried to be mature for a second. Luce, I know you have work in the morning. I only get you for a few hours, please come and hang out with me.
Just come here after.
Sam rolled her neck in frustration. Please. For me? She hated that she was reduced to begging.
There was a long pause. Sam hoped it meant that Lucy was checking herself out in the mirror, internally debating whether she should change or if she looked presentable.
I can’t, Sam. I’m sorry.
Why not?
I just can’t. Have fun with your friends. We’ll talk tomorrow.
She wanted to throw her phone off the balcony. She wanted to scream in aggravation. What the fuck? She looked at her beer but had no desire to drink it. Through the tinted glass façade she watched Lexi and Meg working away. They’d be busy the whole night. What difference did it make if she stayed? She wouldn’t relax anyway.
She walked to the end of the corridor, tossed her bottle in with the recyclables, and slipped down the back stairs taking long strides as she made her way through the path to the rental section until she was knocking heavily on Lucy’s door.
Lucy held it open wide, not appearing the least bit surprised to see Sam on her step, but she was already on the defensive. “You didn’t have to come.”
“I kind of did.”
“Sam, I don’t want to fight. Go back. Hang out with your friends. We can do this tomorrow.”
“Why are you trying to push me away right now?” Sam stuffed her hands in her pockets. “Did something happen while I was gone?” The thought hadn’t even occurred to her until this moment and she froze waiting for Lucy’s response.
Lucy shook her head. “Of course not.” She looked offended at Sam’s inference. “You were only gone three days.”
“I don’t know, Luce.” Sam shrugged. “Something’s different.”
Lucy grabbed the sleeve of her hoodie. “Come in here.” She pulled her into the vestibule and stood on tiptoe to kiss her gently. “There’s no one else.” She found her lips again and Sam couldn’t resist—she removed her hands from her pockets and held Lucy’s waist, bringing them closer. Lucy touched Sam’s face gently. Her voice was soft. “I missed you.”
“Why wouldn’t you come see me then?”
Above them a timer dinged loudly from behind Lucy’s apartment door. She frowned slightly. “I have stuff in the oven.”
“Of course you do,” Sam said.
“Come.” Lucy took Sam’s hand and guided her up the stairs.
Inside it smelled like a full-fledged bakery, the countertops lined with trays of cookies and muffins. Lucy bent over to remove a tray from the low rack in the oven, and Sam’s pulse quickened at the sight of her slim waist and firm bottom on display. Even in pajama pants, Lucy’s tight body got her going. As much as she wanted to inch up behind her and slide her hands under her worn tee and dispense with talking altogether, she could sense this was a conversation they needed to have.
Sam leaned back on the counter and watched Lucy set a fresh batch of scones on the stove top.
“Tell me what happened tonight.”
Lucy kept her eyes on the tray, using a thin silicone mitt to inch it forward ever so slightly. She opened her mouth to say something, but then stopped. Sam watched her bite her lower lip, tilting her head back and letting out a long slow breath. She kept her eyes on the backsplash. “I panicked.”
“Panicked over what?” Lucy turned around and her face held genuine anguish. It completely melted Sam. “Babe, it’s okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“You’ll think I’m crazy.” She lifted a spatula and hovered over the scones. “Maybe I am.”
“Lucy, just talk to me. I think you already know how I feel about you.” She waited for her to look over. “You stood me up. There has to be a reason. I want to know what it is.”
“I don’t really go to the socials,” she started.
“I know. The girls told me.” Sam unzipped her hoodie and hung it off the pantry doorknob. “Do you not like those guys?” It didn’t seem likely, but she figured she should at least ask.
Lucy snickered at the suggestion. “Of course I like them. They’re my friends. It’s not that.”
They were both quiet for a moment.
“It’s the drinking, right?” Sam asked, voicing a fear she’d had for a while.
“It’s not like you think, Sam.”
She had been worried about this. It was stupid maybe, but she couldn’t fathom how they could reasonably date and socialize with her friends—their friends—and never be around alcohol. Not that she needed to party all the time, but so much of her social life and her friends’ social lives involved drinking of some sort that she almost couldn’t imagine a life without it. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to.
Lucy must have read the stress on her face. “See, I can tell you’re freaking out right now. Don’t.” She turned back to her scones. “I don’t really have a hard time being around it. The drinking, I mean.” She started moving her pastries to the cooling rack as she spoke. “There’s just never been any reason for me to go to a social. They start late. My hours are always early, so I usually just don’t go.” She looked back at Sam. “Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out but”—she gave a small shrug—“it’s a price worth paying to keep my business and my sobriety.” She placed the tray in the sink. “It’s not a terrible sacrifice. I get to see everyone in the coffee shop.”
“But we made plans to meet up there tonight. And we hadn’t seen each other in days. If it’s not about the drinking, I don’t get what happened.” She gripped her keys in her front pocket.
“This thing about not going to the socials, there’s no reason. I’m not against them. And the other day, when I suggested it to you, I thought it would be fine. Believe me, my whole family drinks, it’s not a temptation for me. But tonight…was different.”
“Why?”
“Because Sam, it just was.”
It didn’t make sense. “There’s a piece missing.” She rubbed her hands on her jeans as she considered the possibilities but came up with nothing. “What is it you’re not telling me?”
“It’s embarrassing.”
“Just talk to me. You can tell me anything. You know that.”
Lucy looked up and took a deep breath. Sam thought she was going to unload something heavy, so she planted herself firmly on a stool. She hoped Lucy took the gesture as a sign that she wasn’t going anywhere no matter what she was about to reveal.
Finally Lucy turned around to face her. She crossed her arms and leaned against the stove.
“I told you before I drank a lot, too much. I don’t know, maybe I had a problem.” She was clearly uncomfortable with the topic and her focus drifted across the room as she spoke. “But after everything that happened with the police department, the shooting incident and leaving, I stopped. Completely. I changed my whole life. I started over.” She rested the base of her heel against her calf, balancing on one foot. “It’s been great. I have no regrets. Truly.” She reached for a towel and twisted it in her hands. “I have the store. I live here. I met you.” She looked right at Sam, her gray eyes full of emotion. “You are wonderful and sweet and sexy and God I want to be with you.”
“But?”
“That’s just it. There’s no but.” She uncrossed her arms and fiddled with the drawstring on her loose PJ’s, wrapping it around her index finger. “I just got scared about tonight.”
“But, Luce, it’s me.”
“I know Sam. Believe me, I know.” She widened her eyes for emphasis, even as she broke eye contact. “Before you left for Connecticut, we were at a certain point. You know what I mean.” She put both feet on the ground but still wouldn’t look Sam in the eye. “I think we both know that things were moving to the next level, so to speak.”
Sam almost interrupted her, but Lucy wasn’t done.
“I got nervous for tonight. Self-conscious about being with you. And then, the more I thought about it, I got incredibly nervous about going to the social, being around the alcohol.” She frowned. “That’s not happened to me”—she shook her head slowly from side to side—“ever. It freaked me out in a way that I can’t even explain.”
“You could have told me that. We would have changed the plan.”
“Tonight was important to Meg and Lexi. I know you wanted to go. I didn’t want to ruin that for you.” She held her hair back with both hands looking desperate in her frustration. “Clearly I’ve failed there too.”
“Stop, it’s fine. There’ll be other socials.” She pitched forward a little in her seat. “I am more concerned about me and you.” Across the small space, she took Lucy’s hand in her own. “Do not be nervous about us.” She tugged at her, gently inching her forward, but Lucy resisted. “We don’t have to do anything. Honestly.” She looked right in Lucy’s eyes as she laced their fingers together and pulled Lucy toward her. “I just want to be with you. We can watch a movie, cuddle on the couch or even in bed like we did the other night. That was nice. Believe me.” She pressed her lips to Lucy’s forehead and held her tightly. “We will wait until you are sure and comfortable and relaxed.”
With her elbows resting on Sam’s shoulders, Lucy ran her fingers through Sam’s lustrous hair. “Why are you so good to me?”
“Because I like you. Like, a lot.”
Lucy buried her face in Sam’s shoulder and let out a pitiful moan. “Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“I haven’t had sex with anyone in three years.” Lucy’s voice sounded clearly distressed even though it was muffled in Sam’s shirt.
It wasn’t what she’d expected to hear but Sam took it in stride. “That’s okay.”
“There’s more.” Lucy didn’t wait for Sam to comment. “It’s been way longer than that if we’re talking sober. I couldn’t even tell you when that was.” Lucy sounded like she might lose courage altogether.
“It’s okay.”
“Is it?”
Sam pressed her lips to Lucy’s, putting a hand at the back of her neck and holding her in place. The kiss was more sweet than sexy, but she wanted Lucy to feel how much she meant it. “Yes.”
Lucy touched their foreheads together. “The irony is the other night, before my sister did her surprise pop in, I was fine, I was…ready.” She looked shy to admit it. “But then you went away and I had three days to totally overthink everything.” She moved her head from side to side. “And then, tonight, the social, complete meltdown.”
Sam grinned. “So you stayed home and baked a thousand cookies.”
“And scones,” she added optimistically.
“On the upside, it smells amazing in here,” Sam said through a thin smile. “So what happens now?” She turned Lucy in her arms, cradling her from behind, so they were both facing the stove and the mountain of baked goods. “Do we wrap all this goodness up and watch some TV?”
“We definitely pack this stuff up.” She brought Sam’s hand to her mouth and brushed her knuckles with her lips as she spoke. “Will you stay here tonight?”
“Yes.” Sam pushed off the chair. “I want to get my bag out of my truck. I need my toothbrush and everything.”
“You do that and I’ll clean up here. Then bed?” she said with a question in her voice. “We can talk. I missed you.” She kissed the back of Sam’s hand a few times. “I want to hear about your trip. Would that be okay?”
“Perfect.”
*****
When Sam came out of the bathroom, Lucy was already in bed, the blanket resting on her belly, a lacy bra the only clothing she could see, although she felt confident there were panties too, the same routine as last time. Jesus, this was not going to be easy. She almost made a quippy remark, but in light of their talk, she held it in. She crossed the room to the window, dropping her bag on a chair that she didn’t remember from the last time she’d been in Lucy’s bedroom. She undid the top few buttons of her shirt before pulling it over her head.
“Is this chair new?” she asked, her belt buckle clanking loudly as she folded her jeans without removing it from the loops.
“It is, actually. I’m glad you noticed it.” Lucy turned on her side and watched Sam stuff her socks into her chukka boots. “My sister was cleaning house this week while her wife was away. She was going to throw it out, but I took it instead.” She rubbed the mattress as she spoke. “I put it in that corner so you could sit there and stare at the moon when you’re here.”
“Are you serious?”
She patted the spot next to her on the bed. “Yes.”
“That is so nice.”
Lucy shrugged and smiled at the same time. “I like you a little bit.” She added a wink. “Do you draw a lot?”
Sam climbed in next to her. “Sometimes when I’m coming up with ideas. On little slips of paper, the back of an envelope, or whatever I can find. Like that time you saw me in the store. Not like on a canvas or anything.” She took off her watch and placed it next to her phone on the small night table. “I would never attempt a portrait or anything, so don’t get your hopes up,” she said, turning back to face Lucy. She looked at Lucy’s body and shook her head slowly. “Why am I telling you this, when I have you nearly naked in front of me?” She blinked slowly. “Scratch that. I totally draw, but I need practice on my nudes. You’ll sit for me?”
Lucy rolled her eyes as she smiled. “You’re such a brat.”
“You love it.”
“Come here and kiss me already.”
Sam followed the instructions precisely, but after a second she pulled away and sat upright. “Sorry, I don’t know how I forgot to take this off before. Something to do with the gorgeous half-naked woman two feet from me,” she said, expertly removing her sports bra without taking off her undershirt, slipping it through the sleeve and tossing it onto the floor.
Lucy was clearly impressed at her deftness. “That looked like a practiced move.”
Sam cozied into her pillow. “I may have done it once or twice before.”
“I bet.”
“I wish I could give you a great story there, but honestly it’s mostly a learned move from high school. I was always getting changed somewhere before or after school or practice, in the locker room or my parents’ car.” She ran her hands through her hair. “Really unsexy stuff.”
“What sports did you play?” Lucy rested her hand on Sam’s stomach, but over her shirt. It got her revved up anyway.
“Softball and basketball.”
Lucy dropped a kiss on her shoulder. “Positions?”
“Basketball, I was a forward but I hardly played.” She touched the ends of Lucy’s soft hair, feeling it flow through her fingers. “My team was very good. I was only so-so.” She brought Lucy’s hand to her mouth to kiss it once before she returned it to its spot on her abdomen. “Softball, I could do anything really, but I always ended up at first, because, you know, left-handed.” She waved for emphasis.
“Right.”
“Did you play sports?” She was sort of surprised this hadn’t come up sooner.
Lucy nodded. “Volleyball. That’s it.”
“Didn’t like it?”
“Eh, I was only in it for the girls.”
“And how’d that work out for you?” she asked through her smile.
“Not terrible, actually.”
“Did you have a girlfriend in high school?” Her hand left Lucy’s hair and her fingertips trailed the middle of her back, over the edges of her bra, and then dipping under it to feel the soft skin there.
Lucy was enjoying her touch, she could tell. She moved closer to Sam and she almost purred as she spoke. “I dated a few girls in high school. One on the volleyball team but only briefly. I think she just wanted to say she made out with a girl. But after that, in my senior year I had a real girlfriend.”
“Do tell.”
“Mmm, God your hands are so soft.” Sam smiled and followed the curve of her spine to her waist. It took a second but Lucy got back on track. “Well, I was in high school, but Jocelyn was one of Emily’s and Frankie’s friends. A college girl,” she added with a knowing look.
“Uh-oh,” Sam teased.
Lucy smiled. “No, she was great. Took me to prom and everything.”
“And how was that?”
“Typical.” Lucy shrugged lightly.
“Typical?” She stilled her hand. “What is typical about two girls going to the prom together? Even in New York. Come on, elaborate.”
“Fair enough.” She giggled again. “It really wasn’t that big of a deal though. I mean, Emily and Frankie had gone to the prom together the year before. People were probably like, oh, there go those Weston girls again.” She laughed at herself. “What I meant was it was a typical prom. We went to the dance, then out to a club, then to a hotel.” She shrugged. “She was sweet, Jocelyn. Like you,” she nodded with her chin. “No pressure.”
“Wait. That was your first time? Prom night?”
“It was.” Lucy made an eek face. “I know, ridiculously cliché.”
“I am shaking my head at you. So ridiculous.” She scrunched her nose up a touch. “But also a little hot.”
Lucy swatted at her.
“What? That’s a compliment.”
“What about you? Tell me about your first time.”
It was maybe a strange conversation to be having, but the effortlessness of their back and forth clearly put Lucy at ease and Sam loved seeing her so relaxed.
She faked serious. “Hasn’t happened yet. But things are lining up nicely,” she teased. “So I’m feeling pretty good.”
“Brat.” She shook her head at Sam’s playful grin. “You won’t tell me?” she asked.
Sam rolled onto her back. “I’ll tell you.” She rubbed her eyes and her face, hating that the week’s travel was taking its toll. “It’s a moment I’m not really proud of though.”
“Oh my God, was it a guy?” Lucy couldn’t hide the shock at her own question.
Sam full-on laughed. “No, it was not a guy.”
“Have you, I mean, have there ever been guys?”
“No.” Sam couldn’t contain her smile at Lucy’s frank curiosity. “I have known I was gay since I’ve known I was alive basically.” She rubbed Lucy’s arm gently, loving the feel of her breasts pressed against her body as she leaned close to listen.
“I was a sophomore at Pratt. The other girl—woman, I should say—was older. Maybe thirty. I’m not sure. She was my TA in an upper-level course. Anyway, I didn’t have a girlfriend. Honestly, I’d never had one.”
“Really?”
Sam shrugged. “I was shy. Completely gawky.” She reveled in Lucy’s hand on her again, this time caressing the skin below her belly button, where her shirt had ridden up a little. “I didn’t know any lesbians. My softball team in high school was unbelievably straight.”
“What about here, though.” Lucy licked her lips. “Bay West. You were friends with Lexi, right?”
“Yeah but her living here worked against us, in some ways. We could never sneak in to the parties because everyone knew us, how old we really were, or they knew Chris and Marnie, Lexi’s moms,” she added for clarification. “So, I was like this nineteen-year-old total dyke with zero experience. I had kissed a couple of different girls—mostly drunk hookups at house parties or bars, nothing more than that.” She settled into the cushiony pillow, lacing her fingers together behind her head. “This TA, I could tell she knew I was gay—I mean, pretty much anyone who had eyes could tell. I caught her checking me out in class a lot. Then one night, I saw her at The Kitchen.” Sam looked at the ceiling. “We were talking for a while. She lived around the block. I was waiting on the enormous bathroom line, and she told me I could use the bathroom at her apartment.” As she remembered it, she was embarrassed at the circumstance and thought she might be blushing. She shrugged a little, trying to blow over it. “Anyway, I got the message. It was pretty transparent. But I took her up on her offer and we went to her place. It really was right near the bar.” Sam looked out the window, but there was no moon. “We didn’t talk once we were inside. It was a little weird.”
Lucy guided her face back to hers and put a small kiss just at the corner of her mouth. “Do you regret it?”
“A little.” She gave a small shrug. “I knew she was only interested in sex.” She furrowed her brow and Lucy touched the lines that must have formed on her forehead. “I mean, I guess I was too. But there was something about the way she treated me. Both during and afterward. It was so dismissive. I hated it.” She frowned. “I remember thinking, even at the time, that her behavior was unnecessary. I didn’t think we were going to be girlfriends or anything. But she could have made me feel just slightly less there to service her.” She wiggled a little to shift her body weight, hoping she hadn’t sounded overly dramatic.
“Well, that’s a shitty first time.”
“It’s not the end of the world. I didn’t need therapy over it or anything.” She paused for a second trying to put her thoughts into the right words. “I just think you can have consensual sex without being in a relationship, and not make the other person feel like an escort. That’s all.”
“That’s fair,” Lucy said, but Sam wondered what she really thought. She could see questions forming behind her eyes and wondered if she had said too much.
Lucy moved Sam’s hair aside with one finger and kissed her temple. She cuddled in close and their faces were almost touching. She brushed her lips along Sam’s cheek. “Have you done that a lot? Slept with people you weren’t dating?” She didn’t hear judgment in Lucy’s tone, only curiosity. Still, Sam worried about how to answer such a potentially dangerous question.
There was one thing she was certain of. She wasn’t going to lie. She took a deep breath. “I don’t know what a lot is, but I have done it.” She looked Lucy in the eye, hoping if Lucy saw her sincerity she might understand. “I’ve been single a lot. I’ve had some…flings, I guess you’d call them. More so than serious relationships.” She stroked her finger along Lucy’s jawline. “I don’t know why that is. I’m not afraid to commit.” She let her hand drift down the center of Lucy’s chest before bringing it back up to her soft lips. “Does that make you not want to be with me?”
“No. Not at all.” She pressed Sam’s hand to her lips, kissing each fingertip. “It makes you who you are.” She opened her mouth to graze her teeth along the tip of Sam’s ring finger. “What about Julie, your ex?”
“What about her?” Sam met Lucy’s eyes, completely confused about what she was asking.
“Was she the last person you slept with?”
She hated that she had to answer truthfully. “No.” She started to explain immediately. “We broke up a ways back. I stayed in Portland for a while, and then, as you know, I was travelling steadily for almost six months.” She hoped it passed the litmus test but Lucy looked a little uncertain.
“So…you had, like, a girl in every port?”
This wasn’t how she wanted this conversation to play out. While there had been some miscellaneous hookups, she didn’t feel like that was an accurate statement. She swallowed hard trying to find the line between telling the truth and giving too much information. “It was more like the same woman, different ports.”
Lucy furrowed her brow trying to follow. “Someone you work with?”
“Yes.”
“So when was—oh my God.” Lucy’s face dropped. “Was she with you this week?”
Sam hated that this conversation was happening. She tried to stop it but Lucy must have read her face.
“She was,” Lucy said, answering her own question before Sam could.
“Yes.” There was no point in lying, but still, it felt wrong. “It’s not like you’re making it sound. Nothing happened. I swear.”
“It’s fine,” Lucy said, but she sounded hurt. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“Um, yes, I do.” She swept a lock of hair off Lucy’s forehead and looked her dead in the eye. “I’m with you now. So I do owe you an explanation and I’m going to give you one.” She kissed her gently on the lips. “Here’s some things you should know. I won’t lie to you, ever. That is a promise.” She licked her lips. “Yeah, I used to sleep with my co-worker. It is what it is.” She hoped she sounded straightforward but not cavalier. “It sucks in particular right now, because I have to own up to it with you and I’m scared of what you think of me. But I’m telling you honestly, it’s over. I told her I was with someone and that was that.”
“That was it? She accepted that, no questions?”
“Yes,” she said, underplaying it. She wanted off this topic, not because she had anything to hide but because she had missed Lucy and didn’t feel like talking about Blynn. “I told her I had a girlfriend. That’s a true statement, right?” Sam felt the corner of her mouth inch up a little. “I mean, if it’s not, I guess I could call her,” she teased.
Lucy pushed Sam’s shoulder with two fingers. “Don’t be a jerk.”
Sam lay on her back and pulled Lucy to her. “I do have a girlfriend, don’t I?”
“A hundred percent yes.” Lucy came closer, her hand slipping under the hemline of Sam’s white T-shirt as she kissed her. It started slow but before long Lucy’s hand gravitated to Sam’s chest, then down over her boxers. They kissed for a good long while, but Sam was making no assumptions about where things were headed, so she let Lucy set the pace, trying like crazy to control her own hips as Lucy massaged her through her boxer briefs. She almost stopped her—she didn’t know how much more teasing she could really take before she would need some kind of release, but before she could say anything Lucy moved on top of her.
She writhed a little and let out a small moan. Lucy was soaked. Sam could feel her through her panties. Sam watched, mesmerized and ready to burst, as Lucy closed her eyes and moved against her. When Lucy leaned forward, Sam found her mouth immediately and with her hands in Lucy’s hair, she kissed her slow, deep and hard.
Lucy broke away, breathing heavily. “Off.” Her voice was husky and low in Sam’s ear. “Everything, off.”
Her hands were already under the waistband of Sam’s boxers and Sam reached down to push them off. She slipped her hands inside the back of Lucy’s skimpy panties and took them off as well, taking a minute to indulge in the soft skin of Lucy’s bottom against the palm of her hands.
Sam was still lying down and Lucy climbed on top of her. Their skin touched and Sam felt the heat radiate between them. She moved hard against Lucy and Lucy moaned loudly in response. Sitting up, Sam rushed her hands under Lucy’s bra before dispensing with it altogether in one swift motion. Her nipples were hard and Sam took one in her mouth, pressing the flat of her tongue against it. Lucy’s breathing intensified and she grabbed Sam’s shirt, pulling it off and tossing it aside. Their breasts brushed against each other and Sam put her hands on Lucy’s hips bringing her impossibly closer.
“Sam,” Lucy said through a ragged breath. “I want you inside me.”
Sam kissed her, stifling her own groan at Lucy’s directness. “Yes, baby.”
She slowed them down for a second as she reached between their bodies. She ran her fingers along Lucy’s skin—God, she was fucking wet—before slipping inside her. One finger first, but two almost immediately as she wrapped her arm around Lucy’s waist, holding her in place as she moved inside. She leaned forward and her mouth trailed Lucy’s neck, sucking gently as she listened to Lucy’s soft whimpers. Sam felt her start to tighten around her fingers and she sucked harder, not caring there would be evidence in the morning. She could tell Lucy was close, so she leaned back and used her hips to drive deeper as Lucy writhed on top. Lucy’s back arched, her nipples were hard, and a soft sheen of sweat glistened on her skin as she squeezed Sam from the inside, coming hard before she fell forward against her chest.
They were quiet for a minute as Lucy rested her cheek against Sam’s body. “I’m going to need a minute,” she said. “That was”—she let out a long breath and kissed Sam’s chest—“wow.”
Sam smiled and kissed the top of her hair. “It’s fine. Rest. You don’t have to do anything.”
“Why, do you not want me to?” Lucy sounded stressed, and she popped her head up to check Sam’s reaction.
Sam grazed her hands along Lucy’s back. “No.” At Lucy’s distressed look, she clarified. “I mean, yes, of course I want you to. If you want.” She kissed her forehead. “I just don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.”
Lucy’s face softened. “Thank God.” She put her head back down. “I’m dying to.” Her finger traced the outline of Sam’s hip. “I just need to get the circulation back in the lower half of my body.” She tilted her face up to look at Sam again and then she leaned forward to kiss her. “Sam, I’m sorry about all the drama tonight with the social and everything.”
“It’s okay. I’m just glad you talked to me.”
Lucy shifted her body weight, leaning on an elbow, still touching Sam’s abs with her fingers. “How was the social? Were Meg and Lexi nervous?”
“They were okay. Meg was a little stressed.” She tucked one hand under her head and brushed Lucy’s hair with the other. “There was a decent crowd, though. Even early on, so that’s good.”
“Good. I’m happy for them.”
“Luce?” Sam touched her face. “Would you ever go? To a social?”
Lucy nodded. “Okay.” She sat all the way up. “Babe, if it’s important to you, I’ll go.”
Her hand moved farther down Sam’s body and Sam spread her legs wider instinctively. “It’s not that I care about the social, specifically.” She could hardly concentrate as Lucy started stroking her. She was swollen and ready and Lucy was teasing her with the lightest touch possible. “It’s just that—” She fully jerked when Lucy moved her hand lower, slowly but all the way down and back, intensifying the experience a thousandfold.
“It’s just what?” Lucy could barely contain her playfully smug expression at seeing the obvious effect of her touch on Sam.
Sam tried hard to keep her voice steady, but it was a losing battle. “It would be nice to go places sometimes.”
“Agreed.” Lucy raised one eyebrow. “Right now, I have somewhere I want to go.”
Sam shook her head at Lucy’s innuendo but smiled just the same.
Lucy kneeled at Sam’s side, leaning over to pepper her body with sweet kisses. She started up by Sam’s shoulders and moved down over her breasts, her ribs, and her long, lean torso.
Sam leaned back into the pillow, enjoying that Lucy was taking her time, making her feel loved everywhere. When Lucy reached Sam’s belly, she bent all the way forward, and used her hands to spread Sam’s legs apart. Sam watched as Lucy tucked her knees under her, crept lower, and buried her face between her legs. The buildup of the last week, and the last few months, was in full effect, and she could feel how hard she was against Lucy’s soft tongue. Lucy was still next to her, her soft bottom bouncing slightly as her mouth moved against Sam.
Sam reached over and slid her hand between Lucy’s legs. Lucy was still wet and Sam slipped inside her easily. Her touch seemed to encourage Lucy, and Sam felt her tongue increase its pace as a muffled moan vibrated against her clit. Suddenly, she couldn’t take being this close to Lucy and not tasting her.
She withdrew her fingers gently and reached over to Lucy, guiding her bottom over ever so subtly. There was no protest. Lucy spread herself over Sam’s body, never breaking contact as she let Sam guide her to her mouth. Sam swore she felt Lucy’s breath catch as Sam’s tongue touched her for the first time. She couldn’t be sure though, because she was so focused on her own impending orgasm. She loved everything about the feel of Lucy in her mouth, her taste, her sweet smell. It only intensified as Lucy gave her the same sensation. They were touching everywhere and it was mere seconds before she felt Lucy’s movements change, finding a rhythm in time with her own. She was almost there. She held Lucy close, sucking her hard and reached down to place her hand at the back of Lucy’s head, applying just the added touch of pressure she needed. That was all it took. She bucked into Lucy, her orgasm ripping through her as Lucy came hard and fast in her mouth.
It was sweaty, raw, sexy, and intense. The perfect simultaneous orgasm and they were both breathless for more than a few minutes. Finally, Lucy crawled her way up Sam’s body. She let her lips linger as they kissed. “Tell me you’re staying over again tomorrow night.”
Sam settled into the mattress, one arm around Lucy as she reached for the edge of the blanket to cover them. “I’m counting on it.”
“Perfect.” Lucy waved her fingers in a semicircle. “Because we will be doing all of this again.” She kissed Sam’s pecs and buried her face in her shoulder. “Probably more than once.”
“Three years is a long time, huh?” Sam didn’t even try to repress the teasing in her voice.
“You have no idea,” Lucy responded just as playfully, but when she looked up her eyes were unbelievably earnest. “Sam?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“Thank you for being sweet to me.”
“I care about you.” Sam kissed her delicately before turning Lucy around to spoon her from behind. She took her hand and held it, covering Lucy’s heart with their interlaced fingers.
Lucy brought Sam’s hand to her lips and kissed it before returning it to her chest. “I care about you too.”
Sam smiled into Lucy’s hair. It wasn’t I love you, but it sure felt like it.