Chapter 48
Lily
I push open the door to the hospital room and tears immediately spring to my eyes.
Mini looks so small and frail lying there in the bed, draped in a light sheet. The noise of my feet shuffling into the room causes her to stir, she looks up at me and gives a weak smile. "Tiger Lily," she rasps, her voice sounding hoarse and scratchy.
A movement in the corner of the room catches my eyes. "Lily?" Jakob looks exhausted, worn down. His hair is all over the place. His stubble is overgrown. His tired eyes wear more darkness than I've ever seen.
"Hi," I say in a small voice.
I'm still mad at him. He shouldn't have left the way he did. I understand that it was an emergency and that he had to get back to Reyfield as soon as possible. It’s true that he didn't have my new cell phone number so he couldn't have called before leaving but he could have at least left a note on the kitchen table.
It was Faith who’d called me later that night and told me that Mini had been taken to hospital for an infection and that they'd amputated her legs in an emergency procedure. She'd been all alone. Jakob hadn't been by her side because he was with me. I know he's beating himself up about that.
But he could have left me a note…
"How are you feeling?" I ask as I approach her bed and hold her hand. Her fingers are cold and wrap weakly around mine.
She smiles anyway. "Take off that big sweater and let me see your belly."
I shrug out of my jacket, grinning through my tears. "I'm huge," I giggle, placing her hand on my stomach.
She frowns at me. "You're not eating enough. Look how skinny you are. You need to eat, girl."
"Mini!" I scold and then my voice sobers up. "Now, tell me how you're feeling."
The air shifts and a wave of emotion crashes into the room as my eyes lock on hers. Then, simultaneously, we burst into tears. I lean down over her bed and scoop her fragile body into my arms, squeezing her against me.
I hear Jakob vacate his seat and leave the room. I get it; the emotion in here is suffocating.
I touch the spot where her thighs should be and I sob uncontrollably. “Your legs are gone.”
She hushes me. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”
How is she the one soothing me? She just got both legs amputated.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper as I hold the old lady.
"Sorry for what?" she asks pulling away to watch me.
"I'm sorry I let you eat that chocolate chip cookie..."
"Yes, it really is all your fault," she says facetiously, rolling her eyes.
What a snarky old lady!
"Mini..." I straighten up and wipe my tears away with the edge of my thumb.
She sighs. "You're a sweetheart, Lily. I love you to pieces. But you didn't cause this. You didn't shove that cookie down my throat. Nor did you force-feed me the twenty thousand cookies that came before it." She pats my hand. "I need you to understand that."
I nod weakly even though I'm still weighed down by a ton of guilt.
"I just wish I could get Jakob to stop hating himself over this. It's not his fault. He's done everything right. When he left for Philadelphia to go get you, I was so relieved that he was finally giving himself permission to live his life. But now I feel like he's right back at square one. Feeling responsible for things that are out of his control. He feels like he’s failed me.”
Tears are heavy on my lashes. “He’s such a good man,” I say quietly. “You raised him well. You raised him to take care of his own.”
She nods. “He learned that lesson well. He takes care of his own. He’s been taking care of me ever since his grandfather died. He’s sacrificed so much for me.” She stares off into the distance. “But now, you are his to take care of. You and the baby. I’ve lived my life. It’s time that he live his. Nothing would make me happier.”
My gaze falls to my feet. “That’s such a big responsibility. A part of me still doesn’t think it’s fair to ask that of him.”
A sad smile comes to her face. “Honey, you don’t seem to understand. You and that baby are more than just a responsibility for Jakob. You’re his purpose. His mission. You’ve brought him back to life. You’ve put a fire back in his heart. You’re not a responsibility. You’re a joy. He loves you.”
Some of my uncertainty lifts at her words. “You really think so?”
She nods with conviction. “I know so…don’t let him go, Lily. He needs you as much as you need him.”
“I love him, Mini. But I don’t want to need him. Needing a man is scary. When you need a man and he walks away, you’re left with nothing.”
Her eyes darken with wisdom. “Honey, of course I support you wanting to be independent and strong. You’re about to be a mother. But needing someone doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. Don’t shut down true love just for a chance to prove how independent you are.”
God, she’s right. She’s fucking right.
Yes, when I showed up in Reyfield I needed to grow up and get a plan. But I was wrong when I told myself that I had to figure it all out on my own, that I didn't need anyone on my team.
I need Jakob. And that’s okay.
“Talk to him, Lily. Find a way to work things out. Please.”
I nod. "I'll talk to him," I promise, giving her a kiss on the cheek.