Chapter 32
Lily
“I’m here! I’m here!” I call out from the bottom of the stairs as I step out of my tennis shoes. My feet are swollen as fuck and the staircase in front of me might as well be Mount Everest. I’m not looking forward to climbing it.
Grace appears at the top of the landing in her bathrobe and slippers. The bottom half of her hair hangs in huge barrel curls while the top half is still a messy pile on top of her head. But she looks gorgeous. I’ve never seen her in makeup before and even though she’s only wearing the palest shade of lipgloss and a bit of mascara, she’s stunning. “Oh, thank god you’re here!” She clasps a hand over her heart. “I was starting to freak out a bit.” She giggles nervously.
That’s an understatement. She texted me 12 times while Jakob was driving me over here.
I arrive at the top of the stairs and give myself a moment to recuperate from what felt like a long, arduous journey. “Are you gonna be okay, hun?” I pat her on the shoulder. The girl looks like she may need a tranquilizer to get through this night.
“Gah!” She shakes out her hands, wearing a big, anxious smile on her face. “I can’t believe I’m this worked up,” she says as we tiptoe past Sebastian’s nursery. “I keep reminding myself that this isn’t a first date. The guy’s already my husband. But that doesn’t seem to help.”
I follow her into the upstairs bathroom where her curling iron sits on the counter next to her tiny makeup bag. “It’s understandable that you’re nervous. You two have been fighting for months and now it finally looks like you might be able to patch things up. A lot is riding on tonight.”
She smiles at me, grateful that I get it. “I want him back…” she confesses softly, “I miss him. I miss the days when we were happy. And I want Sebastian to get his family back.”
I nod empathetically. I understand the feeling of wanting your kid to grow up with his dad around. Trevor has already shown me that he’s not the man for me and I’m totally cray-cray over Jakob, but I still wish that my child could have some kind of relationship with his biological father. Knowing that that won’t happen makes me feel like a failure, like I’ve let him down before he even makes his grand entrance into this world.
“Everything’s gonna work out,” I say with assurance as I think back to the man I met the other day. I have no doubt that Daniel Trotten is committed to putting his family back together. It was written all over his face the night I met him. “He loves you. I could see it when you two were together.”
Grace faces the mirror and blushes as she picks up the curling iron. “Really?”
“Really!” I tell her reflection as we lock eyes in the glass. I take the curling iron from her and roll a large section of hair around the hot barrel.
She blows out a heavy sigh. “I’m really glad that you’re here, Lily,” she says softly, “I’m glad that you came to find me and Faith when you landed in trouble.”
My chest constricts when I hear her say that. We had such a rocky start. I put a major burden on her when I showed up. I’m so so relieved that she’s warming up to me.
“I’m happy to be here. I spent my whole life wanting to meet you and Faith. I love being here. And I love this little town. I love the farm. And Mini…”
She fills in the blanks when my voice trails off. “And Jakob?”
My eyes move to hers in the mirror. With hesitancy, I say, “Yeah…I think I love him, too. And not in the ‘oh, he’s such a great boss’ way. I love him. I’m falling for him. Hard.”
“Oh, sweetie, that’s amazing. I’m so happy that he’s being good to you,” she breathes out, a genuine smile lighting her eyes. A sense of warmth washes over me when I see her like that. When I’d just come to town, all of her smiles were tight and forced, she was trying so hard to be polite. But right now, it feels real. I’m sharing a real moment with my sister. It means so much to me.
“He’s been so good to me,” I gush, “and to the baby. He said he wants to be with me, Grace. When he kisses me, it’s so amazing. It’s like turning up the brightness on your computer screen. Everything is clearer, more alive.”
Her eyebrows furrow. “Why do I sense that there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere?”
I sigh as I pick up the final lock of hair and twist it around the iron. “It’s a little bit scary. I thought I could trust Trevor and he bolted on me the second that he didn’t like the direction that things were going. I can’t get hurt again. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
“I’m sure that Jakob is nothing like Trevor,” she says comfortingly as she spins around to face me, “He seems like the kind of guy who’ll stand by his word.”
“I know, I know,” I say on a sigh. “I just need a sure thing. Especially since I’m pregnant.”
She nods thoughtfully. “I get where you’re coming from, but love is all about taking a risk, about betting on something that you can only hope is real and true. You’ve got to invest your heart if you’re ever going to find out whether you’ve struck gold or not.”
“But what if I’m wrong?” I ask, “What if it’s not love?”
“What do you mean?” she asks turning back to her reflection. She reapplies her lipstick, smacking her lips together.
I appraise her appearance. “You could definitely use some blush.” I grab a makeup sponge and a small compact from the makeup bag. “I got offered a promotion from my old boss,” I tell her as I apply the color to the apples of her cheeks. “I’d be getting paid. Finally. I’d be in the city and I’d be able to afford an apartment.” I sigh, my shoulders falling heavily. “I’d be able to take care of myself and the baby without relying on anyone.”
Her eyes go wide as she understands my dilemma. Yes, I want Jakob. I want to be patient with him. But the clock is ticking in other areas of my life. The countdown to the baby’s birth is definitely on and this job offer is time-sensitive as well. “Oh honey, what are you gonna do?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. My heart is telling me not to take the job. To stay here in Reyfield. With Jakob. It feels so good being with him. But at the same time, my head is reminding me that I got into this mess by putting blind faith in a man to begin with. I would have never imagined that Trevor would do this to me after all that we’ve been through.”
“But Jakob’s nothing like Trevor, I’m sure.”
“I know that…but at the same time, I don’t. A man is a man at the end of the day. That’s what my mom always used to say. Our dad promised her the world and then he bailed when his guilt got the best of him.”
“That was different….” I can tell that she doesn’t want to go into the topic of our parents. It’s still a touchy subject for us. As far as she’s concerned, my mother is the reason her childhood fell apart.
“Tell me what to do,” I beg, “please. I’m so confused.”
She eyes me sympathetically but as soon as she opens her mouth to answer me, her phone starts ringing in her bedroom. “I have to get that,” she says as she hurries out, “I’ll be right back.”
With my sister gone, I drop onto the toilet. My mind continues to race as I empty my pregnant-lady bladder. Can I make a life out here in the suburbs for me and my baby? Or is Trevor right that I should move back to the city? Getting back together with him is out of the question for me. Even if he came crawling back to me on his hands and knees, I wouldn’t want a thing to do with him. But that doesn’t mean that moving back to Philadelphia isn’t the right thing. As much as my mom and I don’t get along, she’d be thrilled to lend a hand taking care of the baby and Siobhan would be flexible with my schedule, I know it. But I can’t just ignore the way I feel about Jakob. I’ve never felt a deeper sense of belonging in my life. I can’t just walk away from that.
I’m still sitting on the toilet when Grace returns to the bathroom. “Oops!” I say impishly, “I totally got distracted and forgot you were coming back.” I wipe up quickly and flush the toilet. “Let’s finish getting you all dolled up.”
But when I look up at her, I see that her mascara is running. Her bottom lip trembles.
“Grace, what’s wrong?”
“Daniel cancelled,” she says on a long sniffle, “He had to work. He chose work over family. Again.”
Forgetting completely about washing my hands or even pulling up my goddamn pants, I pull her into my arms. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”
She whimpers against my shoulder. “But I’m done waiting, Lily. I’m done waiting for him to take this marriage seriously.”
As I watch her falling apart, a new thread of doubt begins weaving its way through my stomach. If a man as committed-looking as Daniel can bail on his wife’s last ditch effort to save their marriage then what the hell is stopping Jakob from wrecking my heart?