Present
I avoid him the rest of the evening, or maybe he avoids me. Either way, Paxton and I have very little interaction. We’re cordial when necessary and share the occasional glance, but after his little game under the mistletoe, I haven’t been able to relax. I escape to the corner of the family room, pretending to be working on my manuscript so no one will bother me.
If it weren’t for our families and the fact that it’s Christmas, I would leave.
What is his problem anyway? He’s been torturing me since the moment he got home, antagonizing me as if we are still the same kids who lived next door to one another. Well, I have news for him: I’m not that girl anymore. I can’t be baited. I won’t let him make me feel like a fool. I refuse to let him manipulate me in any way. I’ve spent years perfecting the ability to ignore Paxton Luke and all his charms.
“Okay, spill it—now.” Laney’s whispered demand startles me from my thoughts.
Breaking her ginger snap cookie in half, she offers some to me. When I look up at her, taking the cookie offering, I think about the fact that I wouldn’t have survived all of these years without Laney. Sure, she’s arrogant, and her filter has holes in it the size of the Grand Canyon, but she’s also loyal and funny and kind. That same holey filter may have gotten her in trouble a few times too many, but it also means she tells you exactly what you need to hear when you refuse to see the truth. We’ve been best friends for nineteen years, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I talk to her about everything—everything except Paxton. As much as I try to make that a smaller issue than it is, it’s an enormous part of me.
We only spoke about it once. It was the day he humiliated me in front of Laney and his friends, the day I decided I hated him, the day he crushed me and all the hero worship I had for him. She asked me if it was true, if I loved him, and if that was the reason she and I were best friends. I explained that I had loved him before, but that our friendship had nothing to do with it. She never asked if I loved him again. Only once she asked me if I hated him. Of course, I said yes, and we laughed. It wasn’t a lie; I did—I do hate him.
Taking a seat on the floor next to me, she pulls me toward her, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. It’s almost motherly, which almost makes me laugh because Laney is anything but maternal, but she is capable of an immense amount of love she doesn’t share with most people.
“Seriously, Cass, what’s up with you?” Her voice is concerned. “Is Richard being an asshole again?”
Shaking my head, I sigh. “It’s not Richard…not this time anyway.” I try to add a bit of humor to my tone to lessen her worry. I can’t tell her what’s really on my mind. “I’m just a little overwhelmed by life right now. Margo is hounding me about this manuscript, my mom is hounding me about getting older, there’s the apartment renovations, and, well, Richard is hot one minute and cold the next. You know us, we’re never quite on the same page, but for some reason, we keep rereading our story, hoping that will change someday.”
Laney squeezes then releases me. “I can call Margo and tell her to shove it because, without you, she’s nothing. Your mom’s a little scary, but I’ll go up against her for you if I have to, and Richard…” Laney takes a small breath before continuing, “I’d say if you’ve outgrown the story then maybe it’s time to pick up another book, but that’s for you to decide.”
I don’t say anything, and she doesn’t expect me to.
Except, tonight, I want to say more. Sure, everything I said a moment ago is the truth. I am worried about all of these things, but tonight, like many times during our friendship, I left out one thing. I never tell her about Paxton—my love, my hate, my exasperation with his presumptions about his role in my life, and most importantly, the attraction to him that has followed me through the years like a shadow.
If it were anyone else, I would’ve told her, but it’s not someone else. It’s Paxton.
My heart and mind feel heavy, but I try to lighten the mood. “You’re a sorry excuse for a friend.” I lean out of her embrace and look at her with a hard look. “You didn’t even mention how you can help me with my apartment renovation situation.”
“How dare you? I told you I saved a cardboard box for you to live in. Market Street Maurice said he’d share his corner, what more do you want?” We bust out laughing so loud our family members, including Paxton, turn and look in our direction.
Although it’s not even that funny, I can’t stop laughing—even when I realize Paxton is watching me with a smile on his face that would generally make me feel more than I want. Instead, I pretend he isn’t here and laugh with my best friend. They all soon lose interest in our outburst and go back to their card game.
When our laughter finally subsides, Laney proposes a solution. “I know you said Richard offered to let you stay with him, but I hope you realize you can stay at my place.”
Relief? Is that what I’m feeling? I knew I could stay with Laney if I really needed to, but hearing her say it kind of gives me the permission I think I needed. I’m not sure Richard was entirely thrilled with the prospect of us living together, even if it was only going to be for a month.
“Really?” I say, and Laney rolls her eyes. “Okay, but the idea of this would be more fun if you were actually going to be home.”
An expression I rarely see on Laney’s face—a mixture of fear and anger—appears briefly before she wipes it away. “Yeah, but instead I’ll be thousands and thousands of miles away in our New York office, working on a deal that will change everything, the deal of a lifetime.”
I raise my eyebrow. “Are you worried about something?” I question her.
Incredulously, she gasps. “Are you serious? No, no…I have this in the bag.” She turns her head and begins scrolling through my open Word document.
Watching her, I debate pushing the subject, but know if she really needed to talk, she’d tell me.
“You realize if you read that, I’m going to have to kill you,” I joke, lightly elbowing her in the side. She looks up and sticks her tongue out in my direction. “Laney?”
Smiling, she faces me again. “Yeah?”
“You know I love you, right?” Leaning forward, I hug her hard.
“Uh, Cass, your obsession with love is so gross.” She laughs as she hugs me back.
I know she loves me. She’s my safety net, and I’m hers. The Luke family is responsible for the best parts of my life.