Present
I’m not sure how many times I knock on Delaney’s door before I finally decide to push it open. It’s obvious no one is going to hear me over the sound of the music blasting inside the apartment. After closing the door behind me, I turn and face the strangers scattered in groups around the room. Searching through each of them, I try to find anything resembling my sister’s face.
When I called her today and let her know my flight was landing tonight, she begged me to show up for this party until I couldn’t say anything other than yes. She didn’t tell me what the party is for, only that she was having one.
The dark room makes it harder to see. Thankfully the twinkle lights strung around the space give off enough light that I can see faces. My eyes connect with a cute brunette who gives me a smile that would normally have me ending the night with her straddling me and riding me until we’re both sated. Tonight isn’t that kind of night, though. I smile back and keep moving through the room.
Suddenly the room erupts into a chorus of “Happy Birthday” and before I know it, Laney is walking toward me, cake in hand, singing at the top of her lungs with everyone else.
Just as she turns and sets the cake on a table, the song comes to an end: “Happy birthday dear Cassandra! Happy birthday to you!” At the same moment, a light blonde head leans forward and blows out the candles.
Cassandra. Cassandra Porter.
It’s her birthday. I wonder why Delaney didn’t tell me this is a birthday party for Cassandra. The last time I saw her—which was probably briefly ten years ago when I was home last—she was her typical self.
Confident.
Mouthy.
Opinionated.
Uncomfortably polite.
It was uncomfortable because it never seemed sincere when she spoke to me. She kept her distance, and when she was forced to talk to me, it was curt and without much emotion.
With everyone else though? She showered them with kindness, kindness that wasn’t forced and wasn’t uncomfortable. She loved them, and they loved her.
Once the candles are blown out and Cass is pulling them from the cake, Delaney looks up and sees me. “Pax! Oh my god!” she screeches, running toward me and throwing her arms around my neck. Without hesitation, my arms return her embrace. “I’ve missed you! You’re a sight for sore eyes!” We pull apart, looking at one another and grinning.
When I pull her back against me into a hug, my gaze looks beyond her shoulder and lands on a surprised pair of ice blue eyes. My lips lift in both corners, but Cassandra’s stay neutral until two girls throw their arms around her, wishing her a happy birthday.
As I watch her accept well wishes, I’m struck by how different she looks—different, yet the same. She was always beautiful with her long blonde hair, sun-kissed skin, and pink lips, but now she seems more…more…damn, I can’t put my finger on it.
“I didn’t think you’d show,” Delaney says accusingly.
Letting her go, I back up, taking my eyes away from the woman standing a few feet behind her. “Well, you were wrong,” I tease. “Although, you didn’t say the party was for Cassandra.”
Delaney places her hands on her hips and tilts her head to one side a little as a slightly crooked smile spreads on her face. “Why does it matter whose party it is, especially Cassandra? You’ve known her practically your entire life.”
Allowing my eyes to drift over Delaney’s shoulder once more, I notice Cassandra is no longer standing there. Turning my attention back to my sister, I answer her. “Yes, I’m aware of how long I’ve known Cassandra, and that’s exactly why you should’ve told me. I could’ve stopped for a present on my way.”
A boisterous laugh escapes Delaney’s lips. “Oh, yeah, sure—because you and Cassandra are so close.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You did invite me to her party.”
“Seriously, Pax? It’s not like there’s no love lost between the two of you. Also, I asked you to come because I wanted to see you, not because of Cass’s party.”
There’s nothing for me to say to that because it’s probably true. I don’t know when it happened, but after years of Cassandra and Delaney lurking in my shadow, always following me and my friends around like the annoying little girls they were, one day they seemed to lose interest.
The older we got, the less Cass spoke to me and the more she talked to everyone else. In fact, she was always in love with someone else. The last time I saw her was ten years ago, the only time I came home after I left for college at NYU. It was Christmas and because I tried to prove a point to her and to myself, things got awkward. We never had a chance to talk about it because she was gone again. I called her, wanting to explain, and I even tried getting to her through Delaney, but she refused. I haven’t seen or talked to her since then.
“Yeah…” I turn and face the room around us. I spot the birthday girl once again, standing with a glass of champagne in her hand and staring out the window overlooking the city. Her beauty strikes me in a way it never has before. I’ve always known Cassandra was something to admire, but tonight, in this light, coupled with the fact that I haven’t seen her in years, I’m noticing something different, something I still can’t put my finger on. “Yeah, you’re right,” I say to Delaney, walking away from her without looking back.
I don’t stop until I’m standing directly behind Cassandra, my lips pressed against her ear. I don’t know why I do it—I know it won’t be welcome—but I can’t bring myself to care. She squirms a little, trying to turn around, but I don’t let her move. “Happy birthday, Cassandra Porter,” I whisper.
Her body stiffens. “Thank you, Paxton Luke, but what in the hell are you doing?” Her voice is strong, fearless, and utterly musical.
Turning her around to face me, I hold her arms loosely behind her back.
Putting a smile on my face, I tell her, “I just wanted to wish my little sister’s best friend a happy birthday.”
“Let me go,” she says, calmly but sternly.
“Why don’t you like me, Cassandra?” I ask her, but I continue before she can answer. “Better yet, when did you stop liking me?” I let go of her arms and take a small step back.
She reaches up, tosses her long blonde hair over her shoulder, and takes a step forward. She leans in and a tiny smile stretches across her face as she whispers, “It’s not that I don’t like you or that I stopped, it’s just that I’m completely indifferent to you.” I’m stunned by her words as she straightens, pats me on the shoulder, and walks away, leaving me staring at her, speechless.
I’m never speechless.
“Thanks again for the birthday wishes,” she yells over her shoulder after a moment. A tinkling of laughter follows after her words.
Suddenly, Delaney is standing next to me. “What was that all about?”
Looking down at her, I shake my head. “I’m not positive, but I think Cassandra hates me.”
I watch her the rest of the night, flitting around the room, smiling, laughing, and talking with every person in the room but me. In fact, I’m fairly sure she never even looks my direction again. Why? And why do I care so much?
Why am I even still here?
Searching the room, I finally spot Delaney in a corner with a guy I can only presume is her latest conquest. I’m certain she texted me three weeks ago about some guy name Leo, but she sent me a picture of her and Leo, and that isn’t him. Taking one last swig from my beer bottle, I make my way across the room to my sister.
“Sorry to interrupt,” I say as I step up behind her. “But I’m out. It’s going to be a long drive to Mom and Dad’s.”
She swivels around with a grin on her face.
“Awe, Pax,” she coos, reaching out awkwardly and patting the side of my face. “Why are you leaving so soooooonnn?” She drags out the last word drunkenly.
“It’s a long drive to Mom and Dad’s,” I restate, pulling her into a hug. “Slow down, Laney,” I whisper in her ear. She giggles. Pushing away from her, I look into her eyes and smile. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” I place a light kiss to her forward and turn to leave, glaring at the guy behind her, who is obviously sober enough to put some distance between himself and my sister.
My eyes immediately land on Cassandra, and to my surprise, for the first time since she walked away, she’s looking back at me. My lips tip up in the corner and I raise my hand in a small wave goodbye. Her expression doesn’t change. She doesn’t wave back, only stares. Just as I decide I’ll go up to her and find out what her deal is once and for all, a tall, blond-haired guy walks up behind her, slips his arm around her waist, and places his lips along the column of her slender neck. Rather than step away in shock, Cassandra tilts her head to allow him more access. Her eyes remain locked with mine until the guy kisses his way up her skin and whispers something in her ear, causing her to smile and turn around in his embrace.
What in the hell is she doing? I think about going up to her, just as I did to Delaney, to suggest she call it quits on the alcohol for the night, but then I remember she isn’t my sister. She isn’t even my friend.
She’s my no one.