Present
Matt signals the waitress for another round of drinks. The two girls he invited out with us are cute and flirty, and normally, the one on my left would be the exact kind of woman I would pass the time with. Normally…
These days, I do very few things I typically would.
I watch her out of the corner of my eye; she’s fidgeting with her bracelet. Her auburn hair falls in perfect waves over her bare shoulders, and her skin is the color of peaches. Her eyes are green like the color of newly cut grass. She’s beautiful, yet my mind compares every part of her to someone else.
Over the last week, since our talk, things have been good between Cass and me. We’ve had dinner several times, watched television, even worked around one another for several days. It may be the longest Cass and I have ever gone without fighting. The more time I’m with her, the more I want to be around her, which is not my typical response. This is, I think again as I peer over to my left where the girl is sitting, laughing at something Matt is saying.
A girl, no strings, no attachments or emotions, just a simple attraction between two people.
“So, Paxton, tell me again what you do,” says Hilary, the woman I’m with for the night. She smiles as she puts her cocktail to her mouth and sucks on the tiny straw meant for stirring, not drinking out of. I smile back, partly because I know I’m not making this night very fun for her. She had an expectation about tonight, and I’m ruining it. She’s making every attempt to get my attention, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t muster any interest.
Matt kicks me under the table and I grimace. I give him a look that lets him know if we weren’t in polite company, I’d kick his ass.
Looking at the shining eyes of the woman next to me, I answer, “I’m an architect for the Bonner Company. And you? What do you do?” I make an effort to participate in the night. Why wouldn’t I? Even if Cass is a constant in my mind, she’s nothing more than my friend, and she has Richard. I told her we would move past whatever started between us, and this is me trying to move past it.
“Well, I’m a preschool teacher, and I teach yoga on the weekends.” She grins.
We all continue our conversation throughout dinner. Matt regales them with stories of our childhood, and I even tell them about living on the east coast for years and in Europe for a year. By the end of happy hour, I can honestly say I’m having a great time. It’s obvious that if I wanted to, I could continue the evening with the teacher at her place. Again, if I were acting like the real Paxton Luke, I wouldn’t even hesitate.
Tonight is different, though; I’m different, yet I’m not particularly willing to admit the reason behind my change.
Matt turns to me. “Let’s hit up that new club off South Market. I’m sure the girls will be into it.” He glances in the direction of the ladies’ room where our dates disappeared a moment ago.
“Nah, I think I’m going to call it a night,” I inform him, bracing myself for his reaction.
“What the fuck, dude? What’s your problem tonight? You’ve been quiet all night and now this!” Matt rants. “She’s hot,” he adds, like I’ll change my mind if he points that out.
I release a low, humorless laugh. “Yeah, I have eyes, but I don’t know, dude. I’m just not feeling it tonight.”
Rolling his eyes, Matt shakes his head. “You haven’t been feeling it for a while now. It’s not just tonight. What’s going on with you?”
He waits for me to answer, and I think about what he just said. Is it true? Have I been acting differently for more than just tonight? I guess if I’m honest, I haven’t completely felt like myself since arriving back home, and then there’s this whole newfound friendship with Cass.
Downing the last sip of my beer, I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know, I just feel like I want a change. Maybe I don’t want to keep doing the same thing over and over anymore. The only problem is, I don’t know what it is I want to do differently. Maybe it’s time I grow up and admit I just might want something different than what I always thought I wanted.”
“You’re freaking my shit out. I don’t think I ever thought you’d change, or want anything different. I guess I’ll call it a night too, and we can hang at my place,” Matt offers, but I can hear the disappointment in his voice.
“Seriously, I just want to go home. You go out, have fun. It’s not like you need me to be your wingman.” I slap him on his shoulder.
“Home? Isn’t Cass the Sass there? How’s that going anyway?” Matt knows the history between Cass and me; he’s been around as long as she has.
I rub a hand over my head and down my face. “It’s fine. Cass has actually been pretty awesome, and man can she cook. The most interesting thing is that we’re getting along.” By the look on Matt’s face, I can tell I’m shocking him with my answer.
Hands on his hips, he grins. “Huh. Okay, I’m not even going to go there and tell you how freaky it is to hear you talk about her without sarcasm. Does this mean she doesn’t hate you anymore?”
“I don’t know what it means,” I state solemnly. His brow quirks up, but he doesn’t push it like I know he wants to. It’s the best thing about Matt—he knows when to quit.
The girls are heading back toward us, new coats of lipstick on their lips and smiles on their faces. She really is hot. As they walk up, I stick my hand out in a gesture to keep things friendly and to also signal my departure. “It was so nice meeting you both, but I have to get out of here.” The smile drops from Hilary’s face. “Enjoy your night. Talk to you later Matt. Be nice to these ladies and treat them to a good time,” I say as I walk away backward toward the front of the bar.
When I step outside, I take a deep breath of the cool, foggy air around me.
I can’t believe I’m walking away from a beautiful girl who is most likely a sure thing to go home to watch television and go to bed alone. Matt’s right—I’ve lost my mind.