Present
When I open my eyes, light is shining through the wooden blinds of my old bedroom and I sigh. It’s strange being back here. It’s been years, and I’ve avoided it. I just wanted to make it on my own, be my own person, get away from the stigma of where I grew up.
My parents never understood why I wanted to get away. They hated that I went to NYU, and it only got worse when Delaney chose Stanford and opted to stay close. She had no problem visiting regularly or going home for the holidays, unlike me.
When I graduated and chose to take the architecture internship in London instead of San Francisco, my mom cried and asked why I didn’t want to be with them. What she didn’t understand—what none of them understood—is that none of my decisions had to do with them; they had to do with me. I didn’t love them less. I didn’t hate them. Shit, I loved them more than anything, but making my own place in the world always meant something to me. I’ve always wanted to walk my own path, live life according to my rules.
I wanted success and independence. I live my life to please me—it’s who I am—and that’s exactly what I did. I made choices that gave me the security I have today. I am all the things I’ve always believed were important to me. I’m successful and proud, and I’m finally at the top of my field. That’s the reason I came home—I made it, and now I’m going to make it here.
There’s a light knock on my door before it creaks open. “Paxton? Are you awake?” asks the calming voice of my mother. Alexis Luke is youthful, soft-spoken, and artsy. Her dark hair and bright eyes would never reveal the fact that she is a mother of two humans in their mid-twenties.
The bed dips as she sits beside me and smiles. “Are you going to sleep all day? Should we have planned your welcome home get-together for tomorrow night to give you a day of rest?”
I give her a sleepy grin and take her hand in mine, squeezing it lightly. “I’m a bit jetlagged I guess, not to mention I stopped at Delaney’s for Cass’s birthday party so I was a little late getting to bed. I think I was up almost twenty-four hours,” I say just before releasing a yawn.
Mom grins wider. “So you stopped by your sister’s? Did she happen to say what time she’ll be here this evening?” My poor mother is always waiting for her children. Delaney can be just as bad as me sometimes. She tends to move to the beat of her own drum, much to my parents’ chagrin.
Sitting up, I stretch my arms over my head. “Nope, she wasn’t really in a state to be thinking about her plans for today, much less thinking period.” I laugh as my mother rolls her eyes.
“I’m telling you, you’d think those girls would have settled down by now, but no. Delaney never has a serious boyfriend, and Cassandra can’t decide about the one she’s had on and off for years. They may both have successful careers, but they can’t seem to move forward in any other areas of their lives. I worry about them,” she says, shaking her head.
She has Delaney pinned, but her description has me wondering about the woman Cassandra Porter is now. “Oh come on, Mom. You’re overreacting. What’s the difference between myself and Laney and Cass? We’re happy, successful, and living our lives the way we want. They were celebrating last night. I’m sure they’ll both figure out their romantic lives when the time is right.” I say the words without much conviction. Thinking about Cass and the fact that she’s spent years with some guy has me feeling something I’ve always avoided when it came to her. Sure, over the years while I’ve been away, my family has kept me up to date on all of the Porters’ lives, but it’s Cass’s I paid most attention to when they told their stories. It has always been hard to keep things in check when it came to her. She was always a temptation.
She laughs and pats me on the shoulder as I sit up in bed. “I see some things never change.” Her grin shines from ear to ear.
I rub my eyes and yawn again.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask her, stifling another yawn.
Standing, she makes her way to the doorway before turning back and looking at me, still grinning. “Your need to defend and protect those two, even from someone as harmless as your own mother,” she clarifies. I stare up at her, feeling confused. “For the record, I’m glad you haven’t changed. I’ve missed you. Hurry down—I know it’s your party, but I need help with the desserts for tonight.”
“Yeah, yeah, okay. I’ll jump in the shower and be right down,” I tell her as I get out of bed, an uneasy feeling filling my gut. I push it away because it doesn’t make sense. I’ve been away a long time, and I shouldn’t still feel this way when it comes to Cass—that conflicting feeling of want and guilt over allowing myself to want her. I push it aside.
“Thanks baby. Glad you’re home,” she says before leaving me alone once again.
Sighing, I look at the doorway my mom disappeared through. It does feel good to be home, familiar, safe. I’m just not sure I want everything to be the same anymore. I’m older, and I want different things. I need different things. I’m not the same.
After I step out of the shower, I quickly dry myself off, grab a pair of jeans and a hoodie from my suitcase, and get dressed.
When I walk into the kitchen, my dad is sitting at the table reading the paper. Our eyes meet, and a smile spreads across his face. Standing up, he walks over to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. “Pax, your mother said you snuck in late last night.”
Pulling out of the embrace, he sits back down while I pour myself a cup of coffee.
“Yeah, I stopped at Laney’s last night for Cass’s birthday party,” I tell him, taking a sip of the hot liquid.
“Ah, yes. Delaney mentioned when we spoke a few days ago that they weren’t driving down until today because she was throwing Cass a party. I’m glad she talked you into stopping by. She’s missed you—we all have,” he confides.
“Yeah, me too.
Where’s Mom? She said she needed help with desserts,” I say, moving to the fridge and opening it up. When I spot the half and half, I pull it off the top shelf and pour a little in my cup.
“She went to the store because she forgot something. Did your sister say what time she’d be here today?” Dad folds the paper before getting up and placing it in the recycle bin.
Taking another sip of my coffee, I walk over to the window, looking out at the ocean just beyond the cliff. “Nope. Like I told Mom, Laney was a bit too distracted to be thinking about what she was doing today, but I’d say it’s safe to assume she won’t be here before two,” I joke.
My dad laughs with me. “Oh, to be young and single. It’s all about the fun.”
I look over at Dad like he has two heads. John Luke, like my mother, looks too young to have children in their twenties, but he has never been what people would call young at heart. His comment has me watching him closely, something I’ve never really done.
“Oh come on, Paxton, lighten up. I’m your dad, not a decrepit old man,” he teases.
I explode in laughter. “Fine, not decrepit, but we may need to argue the whole old point.”
“Har har, kid! And you’ll always be my kid, so don’t try to argue that one,” he tells me with a gleam of happiness in his eye.
Lifting my hands as if defending myself, I reply, “Whoa there, I wouldn’t dare disagree with you on the morning of my return to the home clan.” He laughs.
My dad pats me on the back as he walks past me. “I’m glad you’re home, Pax. I’ve got to get the nice china out before your mom gets home—you know how she is about using her best dishes for the special occasions.”
“Oh, I remember, and I’m happy to be home too, Dad. It’s been too long,” I confess.
He leaves me sitting alone, thinking about all the special occasions I’ve missed the last ten years—the family moments…all of the moments.