Chapter 25
Quinn
I knew Lily had gotten me back to the apartment but I didn’t remember the ride, or the walk inside. It was like I was seeing everything in flashes. Flash. The doctor’s office, Wiley telling me my baby was okay. Flash. Leo, his expression as I drove away, the last time I’d seen him. Flash. Jonah, angry and raging at me for being a failure, for making yet another mess of my life.
I was on the raggedy, time-worn couch in the cramped living room. The TV was on but I couldn't have said what was playing on it for the life of me. Every single thought was turned inward, desperately trying to untangle the chaos my life had become.
First college, and finding out about my parents. Then Leo, and everything that had happened with him. My dream of turning the Mayhew house into a successful business was hanging by a thread. And now this. A baby.
Instinctively, my arms wrapped around my middle. It was still flat, no sign of the life that grew inside me. I’d been so full of doubt that I’d taken three pregnancy tests when I’d gotten home, thinking the crazy old doctor had finally lost the last of his marbles. They’d all been positive.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t hear the door open. I didn’t hear the shuffling of feet on the uneven floor. I didn’t even hear Jonah’s voice when he called my name from the kitchen.
“Quinn? Hey, Quinn?”
Some part of me must have recognized his voice and I looked over to see him staring at him with a strange look in his eyes from the edge of the couch.
“Hey there, little sis.”
“H–Hey.” I finally managed, stumbling through the word as I pushed myself to my feet. I couldn’t deal with another lecture right now. I was terrified I would just break down then and there if Jonah tried to yell at me again. To tell me how bad I’d fucked up this time.
I turned and started walking towards my bedroom but Jonah’s voice stopped me again.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m going to my room, big brother. I’m tired and I’m going to lay down for a little bit.” I knew my tone was sharper than it should be but I couldn’t help it.
“Hold on a sec, Quinn,” He walked towards me, reaching out to turn me around until I was facing him and his eyes took in the white bandage marring the side of my temple. He didn’t look surprised. “Lily called me, Quinn. She told me what happened.”
I sucked in a hard breath and it hurt so bad I couldn’t exhale again. It just sat there, filling my lungs like a million shards of glass, tearing me apart from the inside out.
Lily had called him? She’d told him everything? How could she? Panic and a sense of sharp betrayal filled me and it had me opening my mouth, words flying out before I could stop them.
“She told you? She had no right! No right at all–.”
“Of course she did. She’s your best friend and she’s worried about you!”
“She doesn’t need to be worried about me! And neither do you! I know you think I’m just one big giant fuck up and maybe I am, but I swear to you I will take care of this baby and be the best god damn mother I can be! I don’t need you or Lily or anyone else telling me what–.”
“Baby?” Jonah said softly, just that single word, but it was honed to razor sharpness and it cut through the rest of my tirade in one blow. I looked at him then, really looked at him, and my heart was in my throat as I realized the truth. If he wasn’t surprised before, he sure as hell was now.
“Lily…she…she didn’t tell you about the baby, did she?” It wasn’t a question. I already knew the answer but Jonah gave one anyway, shaking his head dumbly.
“No. She just told me you had an accident up at the property and had a mild concussion. She said she took you to the doctor, that was…she didn’t say…a baby?”
I couldn’t meet his shocked gaze, so terrified I would see disappointment in them that I just kept my own eyes locked on the floor.
“I thought she told you.” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut tight. “I just found out today. I didn’t…I didn’t know.”
“Well, that makes two of us,” Jonah said on a rough laugh that had a little humor to it but just as much shock. “Quinn, I have to ask. The father…”
I opened my eyes then, forcing my gaze to meet his dead on. I wouldn’t flinch away from this, not now. “It’s Leo, Jonah. Leo is the father.”
I wrapped my arms around my belly again as Jonah spun away with an angry hiss.
“I can’t fucking believe this. I trusted him. I treated him like a brother and he goes and does this to me?”
"To you?" I stuttered, staring at him wide-eyed, "Jonah, this has nothing to do with you. This is between me and Leo."
“No, it isn’t. I’m your brother. We’ll get through this, together. Whatever you want to do, we’ll get through this.”
He was giving me an expectant look and it took me a moment to realize his meaning but when I did I gasped again before narrowing my gaze.
“I am keeping this baby, Jonah. And I will give it every bit of love I have to give.”
He threw his hands up in the air, “I’m just saying it’s your choice, that’s all. I’ll support you either way.”
“But you think I’m making a mistake?” I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my tone as I voiced my question, “Just another mistake in a long line of fuck ups, right?”
“No! Quinn, that’s not…I don’t think you’re a fuck up, alright? If anything, this is my fault!”
"Your fault," I repeated his words, shaking my head in disbelief. "Listen to me, Jonah, Leo is the father of this baby. And I'm…I'm in love with him. I'll love him for the rest of my life. That wasn't a mistake, even if it hurts me now, and it sure as hell wasn't your fault, got it?”
But Jonah kept on talking as if he hadn't even heard me, "If I hadn't been so busy if I had realized sooner what had been going on…"
“You would have, what? Kicked him out of town sooner? Broken us apart sooner? Driven away the man I love sooner? Get over yourself, Jonah.”
I turned away with a deep, angry sigh, my feet taking me back to the couch and I sat with another huff of irritation. The nerve. To think that this is at all about him when in reality it had everything to do with me, Leo, and the baby growing inside me.
I didn’t realize that Jonah was still in the room with me until I felt the opposite end of the couch dip under his weight as he sat with a heavy exhale beside me.
“I’m sorry, sis.” He said after a long moment, and it felt like all the tension I’d been holding inside of me went out with a rush and all that was left was exhaustion. I was too tired to argue. Too tired to do anything but what I’d always done my entire life. Lean against my big brother for support when things got tough.
“I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to be such a brat.”
“You can’t help it.” Jonah teased and I slapped his shoulder but I couldn’t help the tearful laugh.
“I know it doesn’t make sense, Jonah, but…I already love this baby. I was so terrified when that old doctor told me I was pregnant. I didn’t believe him. But a part of me knew he was telling the truth, and that part of me knew right away. Whoever they are, whoever they grow up to be, I love the little guy.”
“Or girl.” Jonah added with a small smile, but then his expression faded growing serious as he held one hand in his, “Quinn, you’re nothing like mom. You know that, right?”
My breath hitched painfully at his words, the worst of my fears being dragged into the light as I met his gaze.
"But what if I am? What if I end up just like her? A selfish, self-centered screw-up?"
“That’s never going to happen.”
“What about Leo? I have to tell him. It’s his baby too.” Jonah’s green gaze shuttered at my word and he looked away.
“Don’t worry, Q, we’ll figure this out together.”
I nodded, my thoughts troubled but I remained silent. There wasn’t anything else to say.