CHAPTER 18
Leila
My head was spinning when I left the house. I never thought that I’d let Lance inside the house much less my bed. I thought that I was so mad at him, hurt by him that I was certain I’d slam the door in her face.
Here I was, driving to meet his colleague. I knew from last night that Lance cared for me and that it was different with us. Somehow, I knew that it was just acting when he was at work though my insecurity told me he enjoyed every moment of it. I pulled into the diner, well-aware that it was a popular place and she’d be recognized. Lance seemed like he wanted to downplay his career and she loved the attention. I got a table and ordered some coffee as I set my folder aside and thought back to last night.
It was wonderful being with Lance and I knew that I was falling for him. I saw a different side to him than others did, and I licked my glossed lips as I glanced up to see the statuesque redhead walk inside. Lynn, or Terra, smiled at me and sat down across from me. “Good morning. You look happy.”
“It was a good night. How are you?” I asked her with a bright smile that was pasted on my face.
“I have made a decision,” Lynn told me as I leaned back to sip my coffee. “I want that cute place on the beach in Malibu!” I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized that she’d be in a different town. She’d still be involved with the man that I was sleeping with and falling for, but we all wouldn’t be neighbors. There was that.
“That’s great. It’s perfect for you,” I told her as she smiled at the waitress approaching us.
“I’ll have a coffee and bagel with cream cheese, please.” She thanked the young woman as she walked away, clearly recognizing her and embarrassed by that fact. “I’m so excited. What do we do next?”
“Let’s make an offer and see what happens,” I told her as I pulled out my tablet. We discussed the offer and she went high just like Lance had. They both made a lot of money and I filled in the blanks and sent it off as I raised my eyebrows at her. “That calls for breakfast.”
I ordered a small plate of eggs and fruit and more coffee as I looked across the table at Lynn. She seemed happy to stay in the booth with me and leaned back as she took a drink from her cup. I tried to push the idea of Lance fucking her as she planned the house out and felt the doubt creeping up on me. Was I really the one woman that he wanted to be with? I didn’t know a lot of porn actors, but I assumed they were pretty. I assumed that they were willing and eager to be with Lance. I just nodded and spoke at the right parts of the conversation, losing myself to the thought of Lance being with her. What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t be with him like this. A past was one thing, but this was a career sleeping with women and perhaps men. I had no idea and hadn’t searched him on Google yet.
I didn’t want to.
“Are you okay?” Lynn asked me as she looked shrewdly at me.
“I just remembered something I need to do. Let me get this,” I told her as I reached for my purse. The food in my stomach was like a knot and I handled the bill before standing up. “I will call you when I hear something, Lynn. I think you gave them a strong offer to think about, so the news should be good.”
“Thanks, Leila.” I saw the curiosity in Lynn’s eyes as I walked away, opening the door to get some fresh air. I walked to my car and unlocked the door with shaking hands, slipping inside as I glanced at the restaurant. Lynn couldn’t see me from here since I chose the other side with an ocean view and I took a few deep breaths. I played back the morning that I spent with Lance, including the look in his eyes that reminded me of love. I didn’t know about love too much, but my ex never looked at me like that. I knew that it meant something.
I started the car and pulled out to drive to my apartment. I knew that Lance didn’t work today since he assured me of that fact before leaving my house. I suggested my coming over for dinner later and I considered it as I parked in the lot close to my front door. I was tired and just wanted a nap after my overactive emotions at breakfast. I’d decide about dinner later.
My sheets smelled like him, like us. I pulled the covers over my body and sighed as I closed my eyes. As great as I slept last night, it was brief and a nap all alone would really help my thought process. I closed my eyes and dragged my fingers over my skin, naked apart from my underwear. I was hungry for Lance again and I cursed the way that he made my body feel. I always wanted him.
I drifted off to sleep and dreamed of a dinner that I had with Lance at his house with my friends and family from Carlsbad. It was loving and perfect and everything that I’ve ever wanted. They all loved him with no judgment, making me wonder if there was a chance for that. I reached for my phone and dialed a familiar number, smiling when I heard the voice at the other end. “Hey, Viv. I need to talk.” We made a little small talk and then I dropped the bomb on her.
“He’s a fucking porn star?” Viv asked me as I told her that it was true. “Only you, Leila. Only you would meet a porn star in LA.” She sighed. “He sounds great. You can’t overlook it?”
“I just sent in an offer for his colleague, Viv. He’s slept with her God only knows how many times. How am I supposed to be okay with that?” I asked her as there was a long moment of silence on the other end.
“Do you feel good when you’re with him?” Viv finally asked as I smiled.
“I feel like the best person on the planet. He’s good at making me feel special.” The answer was immediate.
“There you go,” Viv encouraged me as I shook my head slowly.
“He said he could get out of that business and do something else once he’s completed some contracts. That’s good, right?” I asked as she squealed at the other end.
“That’s great. I’m sure that he makes a lot, based on what you’ve told me.”
“Yeah. I want that to happen, but I want to get over the fact that he did it at all. That’s one of the worst versions of a past that I could imagine, given that mine is so different.” I spoke slowly, thoughtfully. “I’m scared to Google him.”
“Just go in knowing that there will be a lot of gossip about him. It’s always like that with celebrities. Trust your gut more than anything else, okay?” Viv asked as I promised her that I would. She told me that she’d be here the coming weekend and to free up as much time for her as I could. I assured her that I would and laughed as she asked what Lance’s full name was. His porn name was Lance Jameson, which seemed like a normal name to me, when his real name was Jacobs.
I sent him a message and told him that I’d be there for dinner. Lance told me that he had some good news to celebrate when I arrived and promised me that he was cooking tonight. I laughed as I hung up and sat in bed, wondering what the news might be. Would it help me to feel better about the future?
I showered in time to let my curls dry naturally and did my makeup a little darker than normal. I was reminded of Viv’s winged liner phase when I spoke to her and attempted that with some gel liner that I had tucked away. After a few wipes, it looked pretty good and I left the powder foundation on that I’d done first. I slipped a long, loose black skirt on and added a pale purple burnout t-shirt over a black camisole. Slipping my feet into some comfortable sandals, I grabbed my purse and walked out to the car to head over to his house.
I knocked on the door and it swung open, revealing a smiling Lance. He pulled me inside and hugged me as I slipped my hands up his chest and around his neck. “What are you so happy for?”