Chapter 21 – Pam
It was very early in the morning when Jessica showed up in the kitchen. She was dressed in street clothes, with makeup on her face and her hair pulled back into a neat ponytail. Her unusual tidiness at this ungodly hour—as she often referred to any time before eight—made me frown.
“Are you okay, honey?” I asked in a tone filled with motherly concern.
She pursed her lips but couldn’t contain a smirk from showing through. “Aside from the lack of caffeine, I’m great. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Five ten in the morning. That’s why,” I deadpanned because that question really didn’t need any further explanations.
Jess shrugged and walked to the coffee machine. “Well, my mom is moving away, and I’ve decided not to waste a minute of the time we have together. Therefore, despite this unholy hour, I’m driving you to the airport, and I’ll be happy and in a good mood.”
I couldn’t help but smile at my daughter’s explanation. Something deep inside me told me that there was more to her cheerfulness than a girl’s love for her mother, but I pushed the thought aside as not important. She was happy which meant she was okay, and since I was already missing her I decided not to waste time worrying. I would have plenty of time to do that in France.
“I can’t complain about that,” I told her honestly as she came around the island and sat beside me at the breakfast bar.
We stayed there for a few more minutes, eating and talking in the kitchen like we had our whole lives, but it didn’t feel the same. For the longest time, it was just the two of us against the world. But now, there was Ben, a Jess that was all grown up, and me moving across the ocean. Our lives were changing, and though I’ve always known that changes would happen, I had never imagined that there would be so many or that they would happen so fast. It was such a strange feeling because although the familiarity of our little moment warmed my heart, the finality of it broke it into a million pieces.
I was almost drowning in nostalgia when we finally finished our breakfast and got up to leave. Jess and I were almost at the front door when I heard Ben’s steps coming down the stairs.
“I’m so glad you’re still here,” he said with one of those dashing smiles.
He looked office handsome in a dark gray three-piece suit and his eyes sparkled with a light I had never seen before. That same something in my gut that troubled me over my daughter’s good mood bothered me again, but once again I pushed the thought away. I was already too worried about leaving her alone with Ben, I didn’t need anything else bugging my brain.
“We’re just leaving. Jess decided to drive me,” I told him with a friendly smile.
Holding my gaze, he replied, “Such a great daughter.”
“Yeah, I’m very devoted. Always eager to please,” Jess said in a tone that didn’t sit well with me. To make matters worse, matching smirks formed in both Jess’ and Ben’s lips.
This time the knot in my throat was a little harder to ignore, but I tried to appease myself with the knowledge that Ben had been warned and loved his company too much to jeopardize our agreement over a casual fling. I knew that once I was out of the house and not so shaken by my guilt over leaving my daughter behind, I would see that the nagging feeling in my gut was just my own mind playing tricks on me.
“Well, we really should get going,” I said in a rush to get out of the house and collect my thoughts. “Take care of my girl, Ben. I’ll divorce your ass if anything bad happens to her.”
A forced smile formed on his lips at my warning, but he still stole a glance at Jess and nodded. “I’ll care for her as if she was my own girl.”
That reply had a little too much double meaning for my liking, but it still satisfied my worry. With a kiss on his cheek, I said, “I’ll be back for my things in three weeks.”
“We’ll be waiting with burgers and wine,” he said. Then, wished me a safe trip and good luck with training as Jess and I went out the door.
We walked to her car in silence and continued that way until we hit the road. Then, unable to contain the mom in me, I said, “I was thinking, if you decide you’re uncomfortable staying at the mansion alone with Ben, you could go stay with Trey until we find a place of your own. I’m not crazy about him, but he has his own apartment and seems to really like you.”
Jessica stole a peek at me and surprised me with the disgusted expression on her face. “Yeah, that won’t happen.” My brows pulled together in confusion, so she clarified, “We broke up yesterday.”
“Oh, no, honey,” I said with sympathy. “You guys seemed fine at dinner. What happened?”
She shrugged. “Same thing as before. He doesn’t respect that I’m busy with my education and that I don’t want to sleep with him.”
I stayed silent as she gave me a detailed play by play of the breakup. Once she was done, I was pissed at that little twit for being an asshole to her again. However, I was also apprehensive about her social and romantic skills. As proud as I was of her for not being a hussy and standing by her beliefs, she was twenty-two, and I worried that she was so focused on her goals that she forgot she was also a young woman.
I had always hated on her deadbeat father and protected her from my crappy ass boyfriends. Now, I couldn’t help but fear that my behavior had impacted her the wrong way. Love and sex were beautiful things, and I hated to think that I had taught her they were less important than a career.
“I’m so sorry, Jess,” I said with a sigh. “Why didn’t you come talk to me afterward?”
“It was late,” she said, oddly fidgety. “Besides, I’m fine. Better than fine actually. I should have listened to you when you told me not to give him another chance. It was a huge mistake.”
“Maybe, but with me gone it'd be good for you to have someone. I worry about how lonely you are.”
Jess pulled in a deep breath and said, “I’m not lonely. I have some friends, and there’s Ben. He’ll keep me company.”
I nodded because I knew she was right, Ben would keep her company. However, I also knew he wasn’t the kind of company she should have.
The car was silent for a few minutes as I debated whether or not to use my hardly ever employed mom card on her. She was an adult, after all. However, as we approached the airport, I realized I wouldn’t have many more chances to impart on her some motherly wisdom and decided to throw my cool mom attitude out of the window for just a moment.
“I know you and Ben get along, and that’s great. But, as your mom, I have to ask you to be careful,” I started in a serious tone. Her breaths picked up speed the way they always did when I struck a nerve, so I continued, “He’s a great and very generous man, but he’s older and set in his ways. He’s not used to dealing with kind, sweet women like you and he sees relationships as stepping stones—look at our arrangement. I would hate to see you hurt, so please, be careful with how close you two get, okay?”
Looking uncomfortable as hell, Jess forced a smile and nodded. “Okay, but don’t worry. As much as I like him, he’s your husband.”
“Fake husband,” I corrected.
That comment made her relax a bit, probably happy at shifting the focus away from her. “Yeah, fake husband, which reminds me. As a fake wife, you have the right to find a real man for yourself, someone that will stick around after this thing is done and we’re millionaires. So, be open to opportunities, mom. You’re finally free of the burden of being a single mom. You can have fun now, and hello . . . Paris! The most romantic city in the world. I’m sure you can find someone better there than a deadbeat and a contract husband.”
Her excitement was contagious and made me laugh despite the knot in my gut. She stopped the car at the drop-off area of the airport and turned to hug me. I held my baby as hard as I could and kissed her cheeks a lot more than was socially acceptable at her age.
Once we parted, I looked deeply into those familiar green eyes. “I’ll promise to live my life in Paris to the fullest, as long as you promise to do the same—but carefully.”
My beloved daughter filled her lungs and nodded. “I can promise that.”
“Okay. Good.” I hugged her once more and opened the door. “I’ll see you soon, baby.”
“Love you, mom.”
I took one last look at her and sighed at the lingering unease in my gut. Still, I smiled and said, “Love you more.”
With that, I closed the door and flipped the page of the best chapter of my life. I wasn’t sure what life would bring for either of us, but I knew nothing would ever be the same again.
And maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all.