After the shower, we had worked on the book until late. Taking a break only to eat cold pasta salad and warm French bread. It was nearly midnight when we went to bed and almost two by the time he finally let me sleep. The man was sexually insatiable. I lay awake until I heard his soft snores. I sighed, realizing he’d finally been able to sleep because I was here. He complained profusely that dealing with perpetual darkness kept him awake, but now he seemed relaxed and able to deal.
I planned to go home tomorrow. I knew I was breaking my promise of staying the weekend, but alone time was needed. I also wanted clean clothes. I knew he was going to tell me to use the washer and quit making excuses.
Two days. I needed that time to figure out my shit. I would go see Lucas Monday. We wouldn’t discuss this, but maybe I could get some insight on what I should do. He didn’t need to know it involved his brother. Unfortunately, both Bass brothers had an ability that could only be described as profound perceptiveness.
“Hey, are you awake?” Lincoln asked quietly, turning on his side.
“Yeah, it’s almost ten,” I replied, placing my hand on his bare chest.
“What shall we do today besides work? I know what I’d like for breakfast.” He clasped my hand and slipped it down to his hard length.
“Impressive, but been there; done that.” I yawned, stifling a laugh.
He frowned, putting his hand on top of mine. I curled my fingers around his cock, turning toward him. His breathing was deeper as I used my other hand to caress his sack. I pushed back the sheet and noticed a single pearlized bead of pre-cum had leaked from his slit. I fought back the urge to lick and instead used a fingertip to gather it to lubricate him.
“Best hand job ever. Or you could use your mouth.”
I fisted him vigorously, sliding my hand up and down. I stopped occasionally to explore his balls and test their weight in my hand. They scrunched up as his dick began to throb. Lincoln’s member seemed to have a life of its own.
“You’re coming so soon,” I stated, resting my chin on his belly button and blowing air.
“Umm… yeah, considering you’re blowing me, but not blowing.” He laughed, cringing, his hips bucked upward. “Go faster.”
I quickened my strokes with one hand, using the other to play with his slit. I blew into it several times, causing him to grind against my one hand and moan. Streams of come ruptured from the mushroom head as I continued my up-and-down motion.
“Stop. Good God, stop. It’s bordering on pain,” he begged, pushing my hand away.
“Not into BDSM? I thought you were a sexual god?”
“Yeah, and I thought you were a sweet girlfriend,” he exclaimed, rolling out of bed, making his way to the bathroom. I laughed, trying to hide the fact that he considered me his girlfriend. “It’s not funny. I have to pee like a racehorse, and my dick is so goddamn hard I’ll be standing at the toilet, holding it forever.”
“Want me to help?”
He turned toward me. “Oh, hell no. Just stay where you are,” he whined, slamming the bathroom door with one hand.
I fluffed the pillow under my head as I listened to a constant barrage of swear words. I think I even heard my name mentioned. Five-minutes later, he emerged, finding his way back to bed.
“I’d fuck you senseless, but I’m hungry—for actual food. I’ll get to eating your pussy later.” The words were accompanied by his fingers lingering on my labia.
I struggled to tell him I had to leave. I knew he was expecting me to stay. He would be disappointed. “I’ll stay until four. Then I need to go home. I have things that need to be addressed.” I hated not being honest. “I wasn’t expecting to stay here overnight at all. I need clean clothes and my own bed.”
He sat up with a scowl. “You don’t like sleeping with me?”
I brushed my hand against his arm. “I love sleeping next to you. It’s just this weekend happened out of the blue, and I wasn’t prepared to be gone so long. I’ll be back Tuesday.”
“What the hell? Two fucking days.” He shrugged my hand off his arm and ran his fingers through his hair. “Good God, I sound like a chick. I realize you have a life away from here. I get that. You leaving just took me by surprise; that’s all. Ignore me. I don’t usually act this needy. I guess the accident affected more than my eyes.” His laugh was dry.
I felt bad. I mean, it was only a couple days.
I popped some cinnamon rolls into the oven, then poured us some juice. “While I’m gone, maybe you can write the ending or at least think of what you want to change.” I offered, handing him a glass.
He took a sip. “I’m fairly satisfied with what I wrote prior. I just need you to read it back so I can double-check any changes I should make. We’ll finish up this next one right after breakfast so you can leave.”
Standing behind his chair, I placed my hands on his shoulders. His bare back had marks from my nails. Seeing them made me blush as I remembered us together in the shower. I bent and whispered in his ear. “Please don’t be mad at me. One of us has to do some shit. I promise I’ll be back before you know it. I’ll make up meals for you before I leave. You’re pretty damn self-sufficient now, but if you need anything or there’s an emergency, call me or Lucas.”
He spun around, his arms circling my waist as his head leaned against my body. “I know I’m acting like a little boy. I’m not afraid of being alone. Remember, I was by myself for months before you came. I just want to make sure you’re coming back. I need you.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll get those chapters done and get them to Kami right away. We’ll be on schedule.”
He gazed up at me with a peculiar stare. It always made me scared when he did that because I could swear he wasn’t blind.
“Jensyn, me wanting you here is no longer about the book. It’s about us. Wait. Is there an us?” he questioned seriously.
I looked down, pressing his head to my breasts, knowing I had to lie. I didn’t want to, but telling him the truth would be too painful. No, there can never be an us. “Yes,” I murmured.
“God, I want you.”
I stepped back and retrieved a hot pad, carefully removing the rolls from the oven. My mouth watered at the smell, and I suddenly became famished.
“Sex will have to wait. Nutrition first, then work.” I placed a cinnamon bun on a plate, sliding it to him. “Careful, it’s hot.”
He picked at the bun, licking the icing from his fingers. “I wasn’t talking about sex, just so you know. I was talking about you—as a person. I think I do want us. I mean you and me as a couple.”
I chuckled, bumping my shoulder with his as I sat. “Mr. Bass, are you asking me to go steady? Surely it’s too soon. I hardly know you.” I jested, even though he completely shocked me with his declaration.
“I’m not kidding, and you know what I mean. You said you Googled me. Then you know I’ve never been serious with anyone. I’m a well-publicized bachelor. I want you in my life, Jensyn.”
“Don’t you think you may feel this way because of your disability? You know me now, and maybe you’re clinging to the one person you’ve allowed in your life. The one you didn’t hide from. Your brother could have sent someone else. You would have probably felt the same way about her. I think these two days apart will make you see things more clearly.”
He arched an eyebrow in my direction. “You know what I mean.”
“I don’t give a shit if I were dismembered. I know how I feel, and I sure as hell am not pouring my heart out to you because you’re the only one around. You know I could call an escort service or my best friend Hutch—he already offered women. He has stripper friends.”
I snorted my orange juice. “I rest my case. I could be replaced with strippers, but can they type?”
“You aren’t going to let this be a serious conversation, are you?”
No, because you’re scaring me shitless. “Okay, fine. We’ll make this serious. What if when your sight returns—and I believe it will—I turn out to be an old crone? You may only want me right now because you can’t see me.”
“Wow, nice to know you think I’m some superficial dirt bag. You’re right; I can’t see you, but I know how I feel, and I have those feelings because of who you are, not what you look like. And seriously, fuck the age thing. If I don’t care, then neither should you. It’s a damn number. Quit making excuses. Maybe I was right yesterday and you don’t want to be saddled with a blind guy. I wouldn’t blame you.”
“You’re a dumb shit. Truly and honestly. You think I care you can’t see? You are handsome, funny, talented, and sexually adequate.” I smirked because I knew he’d zero in on that one word.
I was right, watching his jaw drop. “What the hell do you mean adequate? I’ll wager no one has ever fucked you better. Adequate, my ass. I have endurance.”
I laughed. “Okay, I’ll give you that. Now calm down. Let’s finish up and get to work. Those chapters aren’t going to correct themselves.”
“You’re meeting another man. That’s it, isn’t it?”
“Ohmigod, will you shut up? Exactly where would I have time to squeeze another one in? Besides, I have all I can handle with you.”
His grin left me suspicious. “You know you could handle me right now.”
I shook my head with a sigh. “I already did that earlier. Now quit acting like a child.”
We finished eating, then began to work. He wanted me to read every single sex scene in the book, which I refused. After an hour of arguing, he finally relented. I was beginning to know him. And his traits. He was desperately attempting to use sex as a weapon. Any other time, it would have worked, because having him inside me made me forget the life I was destined to go back to. If I had my way, we’d never leave his bed. Ever.
It was almost five when he decided we were done for the day. I looked at him, collecting my belongings. I had washed my clothes because I knew Anai would be suspect if I wore men’s belongings home. I had no doubt she planned to blast me with a colossal enquiry. I would have to deceive her also. I certainly couldn’t come clean and tell her about Lincoln Bass. I’d never withstand the barrage of endless questions. I knew I could trust her, but revealing the information was more or less breaking my confidence with Lucas and Lincoln.
He looked melancholy. I had made him several meals and reiterated that food was only a phone call away. I had programmed three takeout places he liked into his phone. All he had to do was hit one, two, or three, which I marked. He could leave the money by the front door. No one would have to see him, and even if they did, no one would be the wiser.
“Here, take this. I mean, just in case I’m in the shower or whatever,” he said, pressing a key into my hand.
“Does this mean I’ve convinced you to lock your door?” I questioned with a tease.
“Yeah, maybe, but I hope that key says you’re coming back.”
I hugged him, pressing my cheek to his shirt. “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I’m coming back. We have more chapters.”
His arms blanketed me tighter, and he kissed the top of my head. “I hope you returning is not only because of the book.”
I broke the embrace. “I have to go. Be back in two days. Be good. Eat, bathe, and write.”
“Okay, drill sergeant.”
*****
I arrived home twenty minutes later. I tossed my purse on the table inside the foyer.
Anai came into the room with her arms crossed. I rolled my eyes as I registered the stern look on her face.
“You had me worried. I mean, really, Miss Jensyn, in all the years I have worked for you, this has never happened. I was distraught. First, you’re gone all day, and now the weekend. I know you’re not a child, but honestly, my mind ran rampant with what might have happened. You know a text message can be sent by anyone, even kidnappers or murderers.”
I smiled because Anai reprimanding me was charming. She cared for me, and it showed. “Well, I’m home now. I wasn’t kidnapped or murdered. Really, you need to quit reading those Maxwell books. They’re making you paranoid.”
“Where were you? I’m only your housekeeper, so maybe I have no right to ask, but let me be motherly just this one time, especially if this is going to be a habit.”
I blushed as my eyes darted past her face. “I can’t tell you. It’s private.”
Anai’s expression became one of acknowledgement. “You were with a man maybe? Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus. It’s about time. You know what they say; use it or lose it.”
I closed my eyes. “I am not having this conversation with you. And how do you know I was with a man? I do have a few female acquaintances.”
“Pff… I think your face would only turn that color if you had been with a man. And you do not have any girlfriends. I’m so happy for you. You deserve this. And I’ll let you keep your secret for now. But you know me. Dog with a bone.”
“Yes, I know how you are, Snoopy Sadie. Now, I’m going to take a long, hot bath and read,” I stated, mentioning the book to throw her off track, because she was really talented at finding shit out. I hadn’t planned to read. I needed to make a phone call, one that was overdue by more than fifteen years.
I settled into the oversized tub after adding scented lavender bubble bath. I needed to relax. Calling my best friend after so many years had me shaking with nervousness. Maybe she wouldn’t even want to talk to me. I had shut her out along with everyone else. She hadn’t deserved that treatment because she was the only person at that time who wouldn’t have judged me.
We grew up together. She helped me balance school and modeling. She was the one person I’d been able to lean on. I even took her to Paris fashion week when we were eighteen. But I’d punished her for the sins of the others. I excluded her from my life. Cut her out along with all the cancerous people that abandoned me after the incident.
I needed to think about what to say. She was the only one I could trust. Even after all these years, I knew whatever I said, it would be confidential. That was if she would even take my call. Being with Lincoln had changed me, causing me to recognize the emptiness I surrounded myself with daily. Now, when I needed someone most, the impact of what I’d done so many years ago would either be forgotten or haunt me.
Sitting against my bath pillow, I began making the call.
“Tiff,” I said quietly. I heard breathing despite the long pause.
“Jensyn,” the voice responded.
“I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry for the time that has passed. You did nothing to deserve my silence, and I cut you off anyway. Can you forgive me, or is it too late?” My voice quivered as I fought back tears.
“I tried a hundred times to reach out. Did you know I called the hospital a dozen times? Good God, Jen, the accident, the divorce, your career. I thought you would need me.”
You have no idea how much. “I did, but I was in a really bad place. My entire life imploded in five minutes, and I couldn’t bear to see the look on your face that I got from everyone else.”
She laughed. “Okay, so obviously you sustained brain damage in the accident, too. I could stare at you all day and never see shit, or did you forget? Nothing has changed in all these years. I didn’t wake up one day with magic eyeballs. Nice try, though. I mean excuse wise.”
“Still the same old smartass.”
“Yeah, the emphasis on old. I have three kids, you know, and a husband who thinks he’s the funny one, which he’s not.” She snorted.
Tiffany had a life, an actual family and everything. Her dreams came true. This was what she’d always wanted. “I guess I’ve missed everything. Your marriage, your babies. I’m happy you got that fairy tale you always wanted.”
“Not exactly, but close enough. Brady is a good man, and I love being a mom.”
“You must be busy. I feel bad for calling you, especially after all these years.”
“I never gave up on you, Jen. I knew eventually you’d get in touch. I have to be honest. I didn’t expect it to be years. But you’ll always be my best friend. We’ve gone through a massive amount of crap, and you were there when I needed you, so I’m happy to return the favor. I just wish you would have let me be with you through your accident. I have a feeling, from what I read, you were very alone. And Xavier divorced you. I can’t say I’m shocked. He was always a prick. I know why you married him, but it didn’t stop me from ragging on you.”
“I know, I know. You made your opinion of him well known up to the wedding day.” I chuckled. “I’m surprised you didn’t interrupt the vows.”
“Oh, I wanted to, but you would have kicked my ass after, so I stayed mute. Anyway, enough of our past bullshit. I know you too well, and you would never swallow your pride and admit ignoring me was your fault—and FYI, it was—if this call wasn’t urgent. We can reminisce after, but tell me what’s going on first.”
“I moved to Hawaii, you know.”
“No, the rags kept that tidbit a secret. I bet it’s gorgeous.”
“Yeah, I bought a nice house with a private beach. It’s very delightful. Quiet and serene. I don’t really get out much. I don’t know how much you know. But my face is fucked up.”
I heard her suck in a breath. “Oh, Jensyn, I read all about everything on the internet. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. You and I will always know firsthand about dealing with mean girls.”
“Well, it wasn’t just females. I basically got it from both sides of the spectrum. It’s my fault for relying on my looks. I had plans, you know, to retire and land some huge cosmetic deal. I was so stupid. The only smart thing I planned for was financial. You know me; I always scrimped, which turned out to be a good thing since no one wanted me after my face got mangled.”
“Damn. You should have let me be there for you. You needed someone who loved you for yourself, not your damn face. But you sound okay. Are you good?”
“Kind of, sort of. I don’t know. I hadn’t been. I’ve been seeing this shrink for months now, and even though he’s a pain in my ass, he’s helped me, I think. Can I ask you something, Tiff?”
“Of course. Ask me anything… within reason,” she quipped.
“Were you okay with your disability? I mean, when it happened, how long until you accepted the fact? I hate to be nosey, but can I ask you about your family? Is it a challenge for them?”
“Um… no, I’d rather have my sight. Watching TV is a bitch,” she joked. “What is this? What’s with the questions? Holy crap, did you go blind?” she asked in a sarcastic tone.
“Very funny. Glad to see we old ladies still have a sense of humor.”
“I’m married with children. Hilarity is a must. Why are you asking me about my eyesight?”
I cleared my throat. “There’s a man. He had head trauma that resulted in blindness that may or may not be permanent. I guess I just wanted to ask how you dealt.”
“I was twelve with a brain tumor. Loads of fun. Pretty much sucked being blind in high school. But I had you. Even with all your commercials and modeling gigs, you always had time to rescue me. I wouldn’t have made it without you. Honestly, who I am today is because of who you were when I needed you most. You never let me believe I was less, and regardless of the burden I was, you never made me feel it.”
“You were never a hardship, Tiff.”
“Yeah, I was. All those late-night phone calls, crying and feeling sorry for myself. I even got sick of me. I often wondered how you put up with me.”
“That’s what friends do. I was hoping you’d give me some insight. I care about this man, but I’ve lied to him a lot.”
“I’ve never known you to lie. You’re one of the most honest people I’ve ever known. Did all these years apart really change you that much?”
“It wasn’t just the time passing, Tiff; it’s everything that happened. There’s so much you don’t know. Count yourself lucky, because if you could actually see me, you’d be appalled.”
“Bullshit. I know what you’re saying. Two years after I met my husband, I started having him read anything he could find about you. You broke my heart by shutting me out. Then you fell off the planet, and I couldn’t find zip. Is it bad, the way you look? Brady would never quite give me the entire answer. He always stalled. You know how intuitive I was. I still am.”
I exhaled. A pain gathered in my chest. “Yeah, it’s not good. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say on that perfect 10 scale, I wouldn’t even rate. The windshield did a number on my face, especially around my mouth.”
“Oh, Jensyn, is that what you’ve been lying about to this man?”
“He doesn’t even know who I was or what I looked like. Did I tell you he’s only twenty-five?”
“You whore,” she teased.
“You cum-guzzling gutter slut,” I replied with a snort.
She cackled. “Reminds me of the old days. I really want to see you,” she stated dryly, with a pause. “You know what I mean. Now tell me about your guy.”
“I’m at a loss of what I should do. Do I tell him? The worst part of all of this is wanting him to stay blind. What kind of evil, self-centered, sadistic person wishes that for a man she…?” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“A terrified woman that got her ass handed to her because of unfortunate events. I’ll admit I am shocked you’re keeping this from him, but I can understand it. But I’m not condoning this. You do know if he finds out from someone else, he’ll be furious and hurt. How serious is this thing with him?”
“His feelings seem genuine, but I’m in no position to judge. He’s the first man in my life since the incident. The groundskeeper and my shrink don’t count.” I chuckled. “I really like him. He’s smart and funny, and the sex is off the charts. Then again…”
“Does he know your closest friend in the world is blind?”
“He hardly knows anything about me except for my age. I met him through my therapist. I can’t tell you more. I wish I could, but he’s rather well known and his impairment is being kept a secret for now. Basically, his story isn’t mine to tell. I just needed someone to talk to. I’m happy you didn’t hang up on me, because it would be justified. I truly do apologize because I have missed you so much, and now I’ve forfeited everything that has happened to you while we’ve been apart. We were supposed to share everything and grow old together.”
“You and I are going to have years to rehash the good old days, and I’ll catch you up to speed on my entire life. By the time I’m done, it will seem as though we’ve never been apart. We hadn’t decided where to take the family vacation next year. Now we have. After I talk to Brady, I’ll call you back and we’ll schedule everything.”
My hand trembled holding the phone. “Are you sure you want your kids to meet me? I look scary.”
“Stop it, Jen. I raised my children to love everyone and only judge a person on how they treat you. You forget how bullied I was. My babies are very open. I have to warn you they may ask questions. Vacation time isn’t until next year anyway. So both of us have plenty of time to be honest with those we love. And in case you’re not sure, that was a hint. I expect you to open up to your guy. Tell him the truth. If he can’t handle it, he wasn’t worthy of you anyway.”
“Easy for you to say. You have the fairy-tale life, the one you always dreamed about. You and I were supposed to have the same thing.”
“Oh please. I knew by the time I was fifteen that would never happen. You were too beautiful and perfect. Your life was cemented in the fashion industry. I always thought I’d be left behind, but you never did that, and I was grateful. You introduced me to culture and traveling; you let me visualize it all without sight. I want to help you any way I can. Just remember one thing. I always knew how beautiful you were without ever seeing you because your soul filled the room with warmth. Never underestimate your path.”
I sighed. “Still reading those metaphysical books.”
Tiffany laughed. “All the time. Drives my hubby nuts.”
We spoke another thirty minutes, then said good night. The water was now cold and the bubbles flat. I put the phone on the sink as I grabbed a towel. It was as though Tiffany and I had crammed seventeen years of lost time into one hour. My life was changing. I had a man that cared for me and my best friend back in my life. It had taken too many years to get to this point.
I now had a time limit on telling Lincoln the truth. I honestly didn’t know if I could do it. The fear of losing him was too great. Would he accept that excuse when he asked me why I waited?
This was his brother’s fault. Lucas had set this up, and I couldn’t even bitch about it at tomorrow’s session because my time with his brother was off-limits. The fact was I’d still be trapped in my own self-loathing existence if it hadn’t been for Lincoln. I didn’t know if I wanted to chance going back there.