It took an hour for me to fall asleep. I was able to watch the sunrise from the bed. I wondered how it must feel not being able to witness each dawn. Was it something he remembered?
When I woke later, I turned swiftly and found his spot cold and empty. I yawned, stretching, realizing I was still in his shirt.
Lincoln stood naked, leaning in the archway of the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth.
“Nice view,” I said, chuckling, sitting up.
“You think so?” he garbled, leaning backward to spit in the sink. “I have a spare toothbrush if you’re interested.”
“Are you trying to tell me something?”
He finished rinsing his mouth, then splashed water on his face. Finding a brush, he combed his hair back. All the while, I was star struck by his ass.
“Are you staring at my ass?” he asked slyly, looking in my direction.
“Are you saying I have bad breath?”
He turned, laughing, the brush still in his hand. “Well, the last thing you had in your mouth was my dick, and although I’m sure it tastes like fine pastry, I thought you may want to freshen up.”
“I used your mouthwash last night,” I confessed.
“I know. I could smell it. That stuff tastes like shit. The toothpaste is much better.”
I rubbed my tongue across my teeth. They did feel grungy, and I breathed into my hand. Definitely, a toothbrush was in order. “Actually, do you think I can take a shower?”
He looked at me with great interest. “Of course, but only if I can watch.”
I snorted a laugh. “Are you telling me you miraculously woke up with 20/20 vision?”
He wiped his face with a towel. “Okay, let me rephrase that. I’m a virtuoso when it comes to a vivid imagination. I have mad skills.”
I got out of bed and went to find clean towels. “I’m sure you do, and you may be imagining all day since it’s occurred to me I have no clothes. At least nothing clean to wear after my shower,” I remarked, bumping into him as I walked back, towels in tow.
His one arm snaked around my waist. “I kind of like you wearing my shirt. Even if I can’t see you, I can visualize it. I’m a writer you know, a New York best seller.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s too early for tooting your own horn. I need clothes. Surely you have leftovers from some woman you coerced into bedding?”
“I’ve never had to compel anyone. I’m just naturally fuckable. Women just want to do me. Hell, I’ve even had offers from men.” He paused, then lowered his voice to a murmur. “I sent those invitations to Lucas, well before he got married. Wait, you knew my brother was gay, right?”
“Of course.” But not until recently.
“And believe it or not, the only women that have ever been here are you and Kami. Hotels and the back of limos are for liaisons of that nature. Once or twice on the beach. Now that would be a thrill, fucking you on the sand.”
“Oh yeah, once was enough. I’d rather have sex without the beach in my pants. No thank you.”
“Check out the bottom drawer of my tallboy, and while you’re in there, toss me a pair of khakis. Please.”
I checked the clock by the bed. It was almost one. We’d slept half the day away. I supposed we could pull another late-nighter if Lincoln could keep his dick corralled.
I kneeled to rifle through the dresser, looking at his clothes. “You know it’s late. Is there any way I could tempt you out of the house for at least an hour?”
His brows arched. “It depends on what temptations you have in mind. I’m fairly easy to corrupt.”
I found half a dozen swim trunks. Maybe I could squeeze my hips past the waistband. They would be baggy every place else, but at least they’d be clean. I padded back to where he stood, handing him the trunks and a shirt. “I know you said khakis, but I thought we could eat lunch on the beach and maybe take a swim. I borrowed a pair of trunks, too.”
He seemed to weigh the proposition before answering. “I suppose, if that’s what you’d like to do.”
“You trust me, don’t you? I think it would be good for you to be back in your element; that’s all. Plus, I know you paid a fortune for that strip of beach, because mine was hefty.”
“I knew it. You are rich. I’ve been banging Miss Moneybags.”
“I plead the fifth. Now I’m getting in the shower. Then I’ll put something together for lunch.”
“I don’t know, Jensyn. It’s not really a swimming beach. The rips can pull you under.”
“And who better to save me than an expert diver and sportsman?”
His face grew dark as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I won’t be able to see you. What if something happens?”
I tossed my towel and shorts on the counter in the bathroom and crouched in front of him. “I have full confidence in you. I’m not worried. Plus, I’m an avid swimmer. I just may have to save you,” I quipped.
I reached up and cupped his face. “You need to get out of this house.” Or you’ll end up like me, and I would never want that. Not for you.
Just a peck. A slight brush across his lips. His mouth was so tempting. I salivated thinking about what that kiss might be like. But it would be too risky because of his keen perception. “I want to see you smiling and prepared for fun. Okay, I’m taking that shower, and you, sir, get dressed.”
His frown widened as he looked up. “Yay, can’t wait.”
As refreshing as the shower was. I struggled to get the shorts on. My hips had gotten wider with age, and men were naturally narrow. Hopefully, once I got them past my big bones and butt, they would look fine. I hadn’t gone commando since my runway days. Back then, most models never wore anything underneath because the garments didn’t have the room and designers wanted no panty lines. Especially wearing couture. Those gowns were made to walk the runway on nude models. I really had no choice here. My panties were dirty and these damn shorts were tight, although I was betting the silky fabric of underwear would have made the struggle easier.
I’d grabbed a tank top from the same drawer. Once I stretched the trunks past my hips, they looked large, but the shirt was long and covered the bagginess. I couldn’t complain. At least they were clean. I twisted my hair into a messy bun. Being with a blind man offered some pluses. I didn’t have to wear makeup or dress sexy. However, he did have a keen sense of smell. So I supposed that made up for the other.
“I see you finally got dressed,” I remarked.
He was standing on the veranda, smoking a cigarette. “Yeah, if I wanted a smoke, I thought I should pocket my cock.”
“Not in my case I’m sure, but in regards to any stray journalists,” I joked back. “I’ll go make a few sandwiches and grab some drinks.”
“There’s a small cooler, I think, on one of the shelves in the pantry. I’ll find us some towels. I’m pretty sure I figured out the linen closet’s proximity to the master bathroom.”
I headed to the kitchen and decided on chicken salad sandwiches. I scooped some watermelon and cantaloupe into balls, then added pineapple chunks along with a few strawberries, mixing them together in a plastic bowl. I found a cooler just big enough to accommodate the food, leaving room for a beer, vodka cooler, and two waters. I tossed a couple forks and napkins on top.
I met Lincoln in the living room. He wore a Hawaiian shirt unbuttoned and sunglasses. I bit my lip, thinking how much I’d love to forget the beach and feather my hands over his sculpted chest. When he stared at me, I often forgot he couldn’t see. Those penetrating eyes went through me as though they could invade my very soul. I sighed, grabbing the cooler.
What are you doing, Jensyn? I felt something for this man. He had revived a part of me that lay dormant for years. If I were honest, I’d never had feelings like this for anyone. I’d believed I was incapable of them, especially after the incident.
“Are you ready?” I asked, walking to him.
“I suppose,” he grumbled with a shrug.
“It’s not going to be that bad. Jesus, I’m not taking you to your execution. We’re going to the beach. You love the water.”
“Did Lucas tell you that?”
“Yes, but I watched quite a few of your YouTube videos.”
“That’s in the past now. Let’s go and get this punishment over with.”
I shook my head and put my arms through his. He held the towels while I grabbed the cooler, threading a small blanket through its handle. “We’ll go slow.”
“I’m not worried. I had that trail made with stone steps and reinforced steel railings. I wanted to avoid anyone slipping or any other accidents. I had no idea I would be the one who had to hold on to the banister while being led to the beach, blindly. No pun intended. I hate all of this. This little outing just proves how inept I am.”
I stopped three steps down. “Good God, Lincoln, you’re blind, not dead. I think you need to cut yourself some slack. You haven’t even attempted anything past your front door yet, so how do you know this is something you can’t do? Give it time. You’re too much of an obstinate bastard to let lack of sight stop you.”
He stopped mid-stride, adjusting his sunglasses. “Have you ever had something so bad happen that you wished for death? Sure, I can continue my writing with someone taking dictation or reading it back. As much as being an author was a major part of my life and I loved it, it was writing that allowed me to do those insane things you watched on YouTube. It offered me the means and the time to do all of it. I miss it, and there are times I can’t imagine a life without it”
I blinked back unseen tears and clutched his hand tightly. Yes, I had thought about death every day for years, until this moment. Don’t leave me.
I prodded him to walk as I moved down the stone walkway. When we came to the last step, I saw how beautiful the strip of beach was. The sun reflected on the teal water, making it appear as glass. The sand itself was white and smooth, while the actual shoreline appeared rocky.
“If you really want to swim, we’ll have to wear shoes until we pass the first breaker. Maybe think about it before you commit to towing a blind guy.”
I set down the cooler and spread out the blanket. “What has gotten into you today?” I questioned, pulling him down with me to the sand. “Did you not sleep well? You’re grumpy.”
He stretched his long legs out on the blanket while shrugging off his shirt. “It’s all of this. You. The sex. Everything.”
He startled me with his declaration. “I don’t understand. Do you not want me here?”
He reached out for my hand. “Yeah, I want all of it. You included. The time we’ve spent together, sometimes I can almost forget everything. But eventually, you’ll leave. This isn’t the life for you. I can’t have you becoming my caretaker.”
Too late. “Oh, Lincoln, there’s so much we don’t know about each other. I have my own crosses. Just as having me helps you forget, ditto. You do that for me. I believe we balance each other. I want to be here.”
He looked perplexed. “You can talk to me, you know. I know nothing about you. Please tell me your story.”
I frowned. “You are the consummate writer, aren’t you? I’m not ready to let that ghost out of the closet. How about you? You’ve yet to tell me what happened.” I carefully removed the foil from a sandwich and placed it in his hand. “You want water or beer?” I asked.
“Water’s fine.”
After handing him the bottle, I sat back, eating, peering into the horizon. It was a perfect day.
He took two bites, washing it down with a swig of water. “Everything. All of this is my fault. I’d just finished the book. It was midnight, and I wasn’t tired, so I decided to start on revisions. But I’d run out of beer and smokes. I got myself dressed and hopped on my bike. The store is only ten minutes away. If I’d just hung out here a few minutes longer. Gone to the bathroom. Called Kami. Anything. It would have changed the initial outcome.
“I don’t remember a lot. I hadn’t realized the store was being robbed, and by the time I figured it out, it was already too late. From what Lucas told me, there were two of them, and one cold-cocked me with his gun on the back of my skull. I was comatose because my brain swelled. I had surgery, and there was some damage to the optic nerves, but they believed it would heal with time.”
I patted his thigh. “Jesus, that’s horrible. But the doctors sounded as though they were encouraged. They gave you hope your blindness isn’t forever.”
“It’s been over five months, and they never promised. I mean, there are no absolutes. Physicians aren’t fortunetellers. From what I’ve gathered, my sight should have returned months ago. Dr. Ranso told me they have little research on hysterical blindness, and my situation is unique. I had so much expectation; now I’m terrified. I don’t think I can live in a world of darkness, knowing there’s no light at the end of it. And then there’s you. Jensyn, I won’t become a burden to you or anyone. If we turn into something past this, I would want more for you than caring for my ass.”
His blindness was attributed to him wanting beer and smokes. That was a hefty price to pay for addiction. And he thought he’d be a burden on me? Did he have the same feelings I was developing for him? Because this between us could only work if he never regained his sight. I had so much more fear than he did. Trepidation and guilt. Because I should have wanted the best for him. And that was him being whole again. But seeing again meant me leaving. I couldn’t bear the pain of him looking at me like this. It would crush me to my very core to have him see my face. I would have no place is his life.
“You could never be a burden,” I whispered.
“You’re only here because my brother asked you to be.”
“That was true in the beginning, but I’m staying because of you.” I gripped his hand tightly. “I don’t like the direction of this conversation. So we’ll end it on this note. I’ll stay as long as you want me to. If at some point you ask me to leave, I’ll go, but it will be under duress. I care about you, Lincoln. Don’t you ever think I’m staying out of pity. I’m an adult. I know what I’m doing. You have to believe it’s more.”
If he only knew who I was and my own story, he would understand everything. I wanted to be honest, but my own self-loathing kept me from trusting him enough to tell him the truth. I couldn’t continue denying him a kiss. Because at some point, he’d get one, and I would be helpless to stop him no matter the consequences. I wanted that kiss, too. His mouth against mine. Our tongues meshing together. But was it worth the end result for a few minutes of pleasure? I couldn’t take it if he looked at me with disgust or sympathy. His reaction would destroy me.
I stood, dusting the sand from my legs. “Let’s get wet,” I said, bending to pull him up.
He smiled seductively. “I like wet. We could actually accomplish that without going in the ocean.”
“Okay, pervert. There is no way in hell I’m fucking you on this beach. Private or not.”
He appeared to digest my words. “All right, how about doing you in the water?”
I snickered. “Seriously, Lincoln, when’s the last time you attempted that feat? I mean in the ocean?”
“Well, I’m up”—he cupped his bulging erection—“for the challenge.”
“No thanks. Saltwater, sand, and God only knows, maybe even feces.”
“Hell, I think you just deflated my hard-on. That’s quite a list. So maybe we’ll wait until we get back to the house. I mean, we’ll have to take a shower after our swim. You know, because of all that bacteria.” He laughed, dropping his shirt to the sand.
He reached out to find my hand, and we walked to the water’s edge. I wished I had a bathing suit, but his trunks and a tank top would have to suffice because I was braless.
I kicked the water. It was warm. “Let’s go in.” I squealed, pulling him.
“Remember what I said. The rips can pull you under. Let go of me if you need to.”
I’ll never let go of you.
We walked farther out, catching waves. “God, I’ve missed this scent,” I heard him say under his breath.
“You know, maybe sometime we can take out that kayak I saw on the veranda.”
He stopped, and I turned to him. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for that. Don’t you think that might be a little much?”
“It’s not as though I’ve never been in one before, and you don’t need sight to paddle. It would be fun. I think it’s good to get you out.”
He had no idea how much I had wished I’d had someone who pushed me. Anai was domineering, but I always pushed back. Lincoln’s situation was easier to hide. Even now, his sunglasses hid his blindness. My affliction, on the other hand, was there for the world to see. I could conceal with the right cosmetics, but when it came down to it, no amount of surgery was going to improve or change it. But in this setting on his private beach, I could be free, normal. I didn’t have to hide.
My footing slipped because I lost my concentration. Strong arms gripped me around the waist, keeping me from going under. “Are you okay? I told you to stay cognizant.”
“And see, you were perfectly capable of saving me,” I remarked.
“I hope that wasn’t a test. Don’t fuck around, Jensyn, not in these waters.”
I pouted, not that he noticed. “It wasn’t a test; I swear I just lost my balance.”
“Let’s go back on shore,” he said reluctantly.
“Hold on,” I said, ducking my head under. The water felt good as I squirted him with some I’d gathered in my mouth.”
“Did you just spit poop-infested water on me? I suppose a shot of penicillin is in order.” He joked, circling his arms around me until my face was right below his chin. “I would give anything right now to see you.”
No, you wouldn’t. “There’ll be plenty of time when you get your eyesight back. And I’m a mess right now. Wet hair, no makeup, and wearing men’s clothes.”
He brought my hand to wet lips and kissed the inside of my wrist. The feel of his mouth sent a shiver down my back. “How about we get back to the house and I get you out of those wet clothes? I feel a fuck session beginning before the next chapter revisions. I know you said no beach sex, but the shower is fair game, right?” His warm murmur nuzzled my ear.
“I already took one,” I replied.
His arms held me tighter so I could feel his cock. One of his hands brushed the cleft between my legs “This shower won’t be for getting you clean. I plan to fuck you dirty. Really dirty.”
His words along with the water made my nipples hard, and a familiar pulsing began in my pussy. His finger traced the seam of the shorts. “God, I want to take you right here.”
“Not a great idea since there’s a good-sized swell coming in.”
He searched for my hand, placing it on his erection. “Now that’s a good-sized swell.” He grinned as I clasped it gently.
“Okay, you win. Let’s go.”
Was he turning me into an insatiable woman, or was it that I wanted everything I could have before all of this came to an end? We rounded up our things and made the trek up the hill. We left our towels and blanket outside. The sun was hot in spite of it being late afternoon, and I began to sweat before we hit the door.
“Damn, I’m hot,” I announced, putting the cooler on the kitchen table.
“As a matter of fact, you are.” I could sense him right behind me. His hands toyed with the hem of the tank top until he lifted it over my head. “And how did I know this?” He spoke, fondling my bare breasts. “You have no bra on. You needn’t bother wearing one for me at all. Your tits are much too perfect to be caged.” As I turned, he cupped one in each hand. It was surreal watching him because he still had his sunglasses on.
“If I went without a bra all the time, trust me, they would no longer be perfect—or perky. When you’re my age, gravity tends to sneak up on you.”
His thumb circled my right nipple. “I can’t kiss you or know your story. Meet me halfway and tell me your age, grandma.”
I thought about it. Concentration wasn’t easy because his lips had latched onto a nipple, suckling like a child, making me throb below the waist. “Thirty-eight.”
“So what? A thirteen-year age gap isn’t monumental. Have you dated a younger man before?” he asked, gazing up from my chest.
I haven’t dated period since I was twenty. “No, not really.”
He took off his glasses while clearing his throat. “Why is it I can never get a straight answer from you? I can tell you’re only giving me half the truth, or at least your version.”
I quickly tried steering the conversation in another direction. “Dating. Are we dating? Since when are we dating? Don’t you think I’m too old for you?” I asked, teasing, pulling the Velcro apart on the front of his trunks.
His left eyebrow arched as he sliced a stare in my direction. “Okay, so maybe dating wasn’t the correct term, because that implies I take you out, and technically, I only plan to remove you from this kitchen and take you into the bedroom. Is that a date? Or maybe you’re just my woman. Am I rushing things?”
He jumped while appearing startled as I reached into his shorts and freed his semi-stiff cock. “Didn’t you mention a shower?” I questioned, reaching between his legs, caressing his balls.
His head bent back slightly as he licked his lips. “At this rate, we won’t make it to the bedroom. I thought I’d fuck you on the bed really filthy. Then we could take a shower.”
“How filthy?” I whispered.
“Exceptionally,” he responded, rubbing his open palm up and down on my nipple.
“Then let’s quit sparring and go to bed.” I grabbed his hand, leading him to the bedroom. Once his legs hit the edge, he began undressing. I would never get tired of looking at his body. Dark, smooth, and perfect. And this man wanted me.
“All I want to do is fuck you. I can’t seem to think of anything else. You’ve corrupted me. You and your wondrous tits and this,” he exclaimed, opening my trunks. He slipped his hand inside. “Good God, no underwear either. You are a nasty girl, aren’t you?”
A finger twirled a curl of pubic hair as he stood closer. He eyed me as though he wanted to see my response. He added another finger, both now spreading my lips apart. He played with my clit, rubbing his dick on the outside of my shorts. He removed both digits and popped them into his mouth. I watched with arduous interest as he licked each one.
“So wet, so good. Maybe I’ll eat you in the shower. Right now, I need you on all fours on the bed, grabbing the headboard.”
His voice sounded throaty, and my nipples tightened and pussy throbbed in anticipation. I positioned myself as he requested. I felt awkward because my breasts were dangling and my ass was sticking out. The palm of his hand circled my ass. “Christ, touching you like this, you are a work of art. Every inch, undiluted beauty. Ever been fucked in the ass?”
My entire body tightened at his query as he placed a kiss on each cheek.
“No, and I never will be,” I stated in a shaky voice. In this pose, he could take me very quickly and I would have no say. But Lincoln wouldn’t ever do that. Especially after I declined.
He chuckled as his tongue swept my bottom. “Never say never. I rarely want to have anal, but your backside is so smooth and just too inviting. It feels as though it’s begging me to penetrate that spot, and now that I know you’re an ass virgin, I want to bust that cherry.”
I began to squirm under his touch. I could feel his cock against me as he peppered me with kisses on my back. “You never have to worry, Jensyn. Trust me. I will never hurt you emotionally or physically, and I will never take you against your will.”
His hand dipped between my legs as he gauged my readiness. He had been right when he said I appeared vanilla. Even though I’d had numerous partners, the sex had always been straightforward. Most of the time, they just wanted me on my knees, sucking them off.
My body shivered as I felt him slide into me. “Goddamn, you feel good. You’re so fucking narrow.” His voice cracked with every thrust. “You’re still okay with no condom? I should have asked before.”
I responded by pushing back as he buried himself deeper. It was almost a pleasurable discomfort between the pressure and friction. His hands dug into both sides of my hips as he jutted in and out. I held the headboard so tightly my fingers lost color. I began to whimper as he ground himself into me at a fast pace. I closed my eyes, hearing him grunt with each stroke going deeper. His sweat dripped on my back as he continued the pace.
“I don’t want to stop. But you’re beginning to strangle my cock. And as much as I love being inside you right now, I have to come. I can’t stop myself. I need to feel myself mark you.”
I felt his body shudder as his dick went taut. My own pussy clenched him snuggly, wanting nothing more than to feel the white rush of his release. I shoved back as my own orgasm swallowed my cries. Lincoln’s body was slapping into mine as I felt the heat of our combined releases, his own gushing down my thighs.
“Too good, too goddamn good,” he croaked, abruptly slowing the pace. “Too sensitive, shit, wow. Don’t move,” he said, pulling out carefully and gently.
I turned my head, watching him pace himself to the bathroom with his hands outstretched to guide him. He came out with a towel in hand. “Come toward my voice.” I spoke quietly.
“I think I’m getting the hang of my bedroom and bathroom. Not too many impacts anymore. I think we need to spend more time in this room. You know, to help me.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, I doubt us having sex will educate you on finding your way to the bathroom.”
He sat on the edge of the bed.
“Can I turn over now? I’m beginning to cramp,” I teased.
“Let me clean you up first.”
His hand landed on my ass as he moved up toward me. The towel was placed between my legs as he wiped his semen from my thighs. “I actually don’t know why I’m doing this because I plan to fuck you again. Right now,” he quipped, flipping me on my back. He used the towel to wipe his sweat-laden face. “I can smell you on this. I may not wash it. I can jerk off to it when you’re not here.”
“Thanks for the description,” I retorted.
He spread my legs wide, soaking the towel in our combined juices, then tossing it on the floor. Both his hands brushed over me, starting on my neck. He then kissed my breasts and stomach area. I gathered a handful of his hair, tracing his facial features down to his jawline. He was so utterly beautiful.
“I’d be willing to stay blind forever if you let me kiss you,” he pleaded, gazing into my face.
I turned my head to the side, putting my hands up to stop him. “Please don’t,” I begged.
“I guess you don’t understand how much I want to, maybe more than fucking you. You have to give me something. Make me understand why it’s such a negative act to you.”
Kissing equals loss. I’ll lose you. “Can we not have this argument? You’re putting me in a difficult position. Make love to me.” My body stilled, realizing the words I’d invoked.
No matter what happened, I would never forget that look. His expression softened as he slipped into me. Lincoln felt like home. Heat coiled inside me as he withdrew slightly, then plunged forward again. I reveled in our connection as he began to pound without mercy. I swept his hair from his face, watching his pupils dilate. He gritted his teeth in concentration as he rocked into my pelvis. My toes began to tingle, and the sensation continued up my legs, letting me know my release was imminent. My fingernails scored his biceps as I gripped him tighter, my breathing becoming a rapid pant.
“You ready… to come?” he asked between choppy and uneven breaths.
I was unable to verbalize a response as my body bowed and crested in climax. I could feel his hot seed combine with my own climax as he cried out in relief. I felt dizzily satisfied as I searched for his expression.
“I swear. You drain me, but every time, I want more. I can’t seem to get enough of you, Jensyn. I can’t squelch this hunger.”
“Maybe you’re just a horny young man,” I taunted.
As he caught his breath, he moved off me and lay by my side, his hand searching for my breast. I lifted it, placing it on my chest. “Just so you know. I’ve been having sex for a very long time. Not to sound too whorish, but I’ve fucked a ton of women, and you’re the only one I’ve ever met that can’t satisfy me. I can’t get enough of you.”
I contemplated his words with a frown. One he couldn’t see, but hopefully sense. “Am I supposed to take that as a compliment? Because it’s not coming across as one,” I noted, confused and irritated.
He turned toward me. “Oh God, no. That’s not what I meant at all. Usually, once or twice is plenty. Okay, with Kami, it was more, and I did get off, but it was no big deal. With you, I am not satiated. I want you more every time we fuck; it’s that good. Do you understand? You would think, for a writer, I’d be able to explain better, but you make me a little crazy. To the point I can’t think straight.”
“Did you ever think you’re clinging to me because you can’t see and I’m available? That maybe if you—let me retract that—when your vision comes back, I may not do it for you?” I asked. Because I knew the truth. I had to hear it from him even though, regardless of his words, it wouldn’t matter. He could feel this way now, but how would he feel if he could see me?
“I always get the feeling you’re trying to tell me something. Are you hideous or something?” He jested.
Or something. I suppose beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Good thing for me you’re blind. “I suppose it’s whatever your definition of good-looking is.”
“I know you’re beautiful.”
“How do you know?” My voice quivered in question.
“Because I don’t have to see you with my eyes to know you’re beautiful. I’m looking at you with my heart.”
A tear leeched out, splashing on my cheek. I wondered if he truly believed what he just said or if it was only to appease me.
He reached closer, putting one arm under my head. “You don’t have to be perfect. I doubt anyone is. I’m certainly not. And us being together has to prove something. Me wanting you has zero to do with finding you attractive. I enjoy the person you are. The one that makes me feel better. Don’t sell yourself short because you aren’t a beauty queen. Besides, most women have inferiority complexes about their looks. I guess I’m an odd breed because inner beauty tends to outlast cosmetic perfection.”
You say that now.
“Speaking of unsatisfied. How about that shower? You must feel sticky and sandy. I do. Kill two birds with one stone. Fuck you again, then bathe you, or vice versa. I’m easy.” He pulled me up against him, our naked bodies flesh to flesh. “I like when we’re skin to skin.”
I laughed. “You just like being without clothes.”
“This is true, but it’s so much more exciting when I have someone to share it with.”
I reached into the shower, turning it on. “I’ll be right back.” I returned minutes later with fresh towels. “Okay, dirty boy.” I slapped him on a butt cheek as we both stepped into the shower. He hoisted me up slightly. I scissored my legs, crossing my ankles at his waist. His cock grew bigger than I’d ever seen it as it rested between us.
“Do you want me?” he gurgled, grabbing my ass with both hands to keep me steady.
More than my life. “Yes,” I murmured.
In a single stroke, he was inside me. At this angle, it felt deeper. We rocked together, the water stream masking our moans. I undulated my hips, rooting him as far as he could go.
“Jesus, Jensyn, you’re going to make me come.”
I nipped at his neck as my hands reached around his back. I greedily clung to him as he pushed forward faster. I began breathing heavily into his ear. “Come in me now,” I growled softly.
“No. Hold on to yours just a little longer. This feels too amazing. At this rate… I could fuck you forever.” His words sounded stuttered and broken.
I bucked my pelvis into him twice. “Goddammit,” he spit out angrily.
“I can’t hold on. I need to come. I need you to let go.”
Even as the shower flowed, I could feel a steady stream burst inside me. I stared into his eyes, hearing his wild cries of release. My body spasmed as I wrapped my arms around him.
I am falling for this man. I have fallen.
“Baby.” The word brushed against the shell of my ear.
He had never used it before, and I stilled with the sentiment. What was happening? This was insane. I had clearly lost my mind. I was the only one who would end up destroyed in this coupling. This could never be. I knew all the reasons I should leave, but I had only one that kept me. Lincoln. In thirty-eight years, I’d never known this feeling. I hardly recognized myself. I knew it was emotionally self-destructive to continue, but I didn’t have the will to walk away. He was all my hopes and dreams wrapped in a beautiful man with a heart of gold.
When who I was came to light, would his kindness turn to cruelty? Everyone who had pretended to care for me left the minute I no longer lived up to his or her standards. True, I had shut out many myself, including my parents.
I needed to keep my appointment with Lucas next week. Maybe I could skirt around the issue. We had made promises that our conversations wouldn’t be centered on the work I was doing with his brother. Those issues were off the table anyway. But now it was different. Who could I confide in? I almost felt as though I needed to confess my sins. I’d set myself up to be crushed.
Lincoln would be disappointed, but he would move on. He played the kind card now, but it would be different later. It always was. I had too many trust issues to believe it would be different just because we were having sex. And I would relish in the bodily contact as often as possible because I needed these memories. They would have to last a lifetime.