I quickly changed the narrative. I had no doubt the more I changed the subject, the more intrigued he’d get. I had a feeling it was in his nature to be inquisitive. He was an author after all. I was sure he got his ideas from somewhere. What he wrote was deeper than his sexual scenes. The storylines were always rooted in a moral. His writing was compassionate, thrilling, and seductive. The emotional connection between Maxwell and Suzanne often made me wonder if Lincoln designed his characters after someone he knew. A woman he’d loved.
After much debate, he relinquished to save the swordfish for Friday. I was in no rush to cook or eat it. The truth was I loathed fish of any kind. Thankfully, he had a separate freezer for long-term food storage. Of course, it was empty but for bags of ice.
We spent the rest of the week with me reading the first five chapters of the new book aloud. He would stop me periodically and ask me to checkmark words or sections with a red pen. Time had gone by fast when I’d finally gotten to chapter six. The first sex scene. I slowly skimmed the pages and closed my eyes in dread. This was too intimate for us to share. It would be embarrassing as hell to read this out loud. I should consider this a preamble to the dreaded anal in chapter thirteen.
Jensyn, it’s only words on a page.
This sexual encounter was more detailed and erotic than the others I’d read in his previous books. Of course, I’d only read a few so far.
“I need to get something to drink before I read this,” I said reluctantly.
“I’ll take a beer,” he mentioned cockily. “Of course, after the next ten pages, I’ll need a cigarette. Hell, it might be so salacious you’ll need one, too.” He chuckled.
“Doubt it,” I yelled back, thinking oxygen was more likely. I stuck my head in the refrigerator to search for some bottled vodka coolers I’d purchased. I twisted the cap off one and took a gulp. I might have to down the entire four-pack after chapter six. I snagged a beer and another cooler for myself. He’d never know.
“There you go. I even popped the cap off for you,” I declared mockingly.
“You have all the fun. I miss flipping beer caps with my forefingers. I was pretty good, you know.”
“Well, see, now you have something to aspire to.”
“I can still do it, but it’s no fun if you don’t have a target and you can’t see where they land. You’re in remarkable form today. You must have slept well last night,” he remarked, taking a swig of beer.
I nodded. “As a matter of fact, I did, after a nice hot bath allowing me the time to finish Trial by Fire.”
“So you finished another book. What did you think?”
“If I’m honest, it seemed to have a ton of gratuitous sex, much more than the previous ones.”
He spun his chair around, stopping right in front of me. I had yet to figure out how he knew exactly where to stop. It had to be a smell thing. “The thing is, Jensyn, as their relationship progresses, so does their sex life. It can’t be all vanilla and puppies. Besides, the readers want spice. My male readers dig the violence, but the dirty appeals primarily to women.” He paused, taking another sip. “Now give me details about your bath. Sunken in, Jacuzzi, big enough for two, or orgy-size?”
I choked, swallowing my beverage. Okay, I’d play this game. Lincoln liked details. “Big enough for two. Square, marbled, and my favorite place to read.”
“So you read me naked and wet? I like that. Do my words excite you?”
“Oh Jesus, do we have to spar right now? I’m trying to numb my brain and possibly my eyes to chapter six. So cut me some slack. I know all this sex talk doesn’t bother you, but it’s not a part of my daily life. And obviously, I read without clothing. I’m taking a bath, doofus.”
His facial expression showed surprise. “I know you said you were older, but I assume you’re not virgin. Explain what not part of your daily life means. I’m assuming from the way you smell you get laid all the time. You have to be beautiful.” He laughed. “And I don’t think I’ve been called a doofus since I was nine. Thanks for the nostalgia.”
“I don’t have to explain anything. I didn’t come to help you so you could excavate every aspect of my life. In particular, my sexual activity—no, screw that. My entire life is off-limits in our conversations. I’m here to help you with Maxwell and Suzanne, not have you dissect every nook and cranny about me.”
“Unfortunately, I find you fascinating, and that makes me want to know specifics.” He acted unfazed by my response, which pissed me off further.
“Well, I’m sorry about that, because that chapter of my life is closed to you. Now, shall we start on this next installment of stimulating exchange between your characters?”
His mouth twisted in a cynical smile. “Whatever you say. You’re the boss. Just read it loudly and put some effort and emotion behind the words. I want to hear some moans, heavy breathing, maybe a sigh or two.”
I shuddered at his demand. I should have been more at ease because he couldn’t see me. He had no idea how many times I’d crossed my legs in the last five minutes or how my hands twisted in my lap and tiny beads of sweat had begun gathering between my breasts. The more I read, the more aroused I’d gotten. My voice began to crack as a breath caught in my throat. I wanted to run, but my body stayed petrified as I forced the words from my lips. I looked up from the computer screen to see Lincoln seemingly staring, fixated on my mouth.
“Go ahead and print out those first few pages. Then read them again slowly… and with more intensity.”
“Why are you doing this?” I asked, whispering.
“Because I want you, and I know you feel the same. I’m caught between desiring to make passionate love to you or bending you over my desk. My cock is so hard right now it’s downright painful. And if I had to make an educated guess, you’re wet. You and I have been toying with this idea for a week. Let’s just have at it. Get it out of our systems and go on from there.”
“You make it sound so romantic,” I said sardonically.
“You gave me the feeling passion is off the table when you wouldn’t let me kiss you. Did you know kissing is far more intimate an act than penetration? So I’ll keep my lips below your chin.”
My entire body trembled with the idea. It had been years, and I needed more relief than my vibrator could provide. Especially after a day’s work of reading smut to a desirable, sexy man. But would having sex with him change the dynamics of our relationship? His books made me needy, but it was his appearance that made me feel shallow because it would be hard to deny someone as beautiful as Lincoln. A man who couldn’t see me as I was, but wanted the mirage of beauty anyway.
He stood, spinning my chair, placing his hand on the curve of my neck. “Am I allowed to kiss you here?” he asked, his fingers fumbling as he pulled aside my shirt collar, pressing his lips to my bare collarbone. “And maybe right here,” he murmured, pushing my shirt down even farther and placing a peck on my upper spine. A nervous flutter of heat made my nipples eager and my breasts heavy. His fingers splayed across my shoulder. “Can I remove this top?” I nodded as though I were hypnotized by the sound of his voice before realizing he wouldn’t be aware I’d given permission. I bent slightly forward, tugging my shirt over my head. The cool air made my skin prickle.
He sighed as he reached around with one hand, tracing the embellishment on the bra. He slid in a hand, cupping a breast. “Goddamn, you have nice tits, and I’ll bet gorgeous, but I’ll go with luscious.” He unsnapped the hook. He hadn’t needed sight. It was obvious he'd done this many times before. He was clearly used to seduction in the dark. His hands made quick work as he kneaded my breasts. I had to bite my lip in order to keep from moaning. I knew this was ill advised. Lucas surely hadn’t planned this for his brother, and I hadn’t either.
His hands ghosted below my breasts and traveled south to my belly button. A pulsing bombarded my apex, and I throbbed for gratification. My body became taut as he forced me upright, allowing his fingers to glide along my waistband. I heard the metal teeth separating as my zipper disengaged. The entire time, he never stopped kissing my body, his office filling with our sensuous groans. I felt an awakening hit me as he tugged down my shorts, slipping a hand inside the back of my panties. Mortification enveloped my face, causing my cheeks to blaze red. Once he got to the seam, he’d know I was soaked. I could hear the sounds his fingers made as they drifted in and out of me.
“Goddammit, Jensyn, I wish I could see your face. I crave every inch of you right now. In this position, I can’t taste you properly, but make no mistake about it. As soon as possible, I’m going to lay you out like a fucking all-you-can-eat buffet and gorge myself.”
His words made my pussy thump, and I wondered if he could sense those beats. He had two fingers inside me as his thumb flicked over the nub of my clit. My heart was palpitating as he inched closer to my back.
“Do you want my cock? Because it wants you. I hate not giving you the entire menu of foreplay, but that will come later, rest assured. I know what you’re thinking. I have metaphors, many. That’s because I’m in a terrible debate right now. I can’t decide if my tongue wants you more, or my dick. So tell me, Jensyn. Which is it?”
“I… need… you… to fuck me. I want to feel you inside,” I stammered, not believing my own words. When did I become so brave?
I felt him against me and wondered when he’d removed his own shorts and put on a condom. I had seen his cock, but now I was feeling it as he pressed into me urgently. I hoped I was ready, because he seemed bigger resting against my ass.
Lincoln prodded my entrance with one finger to test the readiness. “You feel really tight,” he whispered next to my ear. “I want it to be pleasurable, not painful for you, and because I can’t see you, I need you to speak up. I’m not the jerk you may think I am. Bend slightly, hands on the desk.”
I yelped as he entered me from behind. It burned with a fury. I didn’t even recall if losing my virginity had hurt as much. Of course, I’d had copious amounts of alcohol to numb the pain.
Lincoln rocked into me as he held me steady. He leaned in on my shoulder as his thrusts became faster. His dick swelled, making it feel extremely taut. I closed my eyes as I hung my head, using the desk to support me. My legs began to weaken as an unfamiliar tremor curled my toes and radiated to my thighs. This orgasm was different from the ones I had with my vibrator. As fulfilling as self-gratification could be, it couldn’t compete with a virile young man.
He stopped abruptly, then drove back into me forcefully. With every grunt, the hold on my body grew tighter. “Jensyn,” he growled, unencumbered.
My legs finally buckled as my climax slammed into me. My breathing became labored as I spasmed several times, pushing my body back into him, the desk keeping me from falling. I held my cries to myself. We stood there connected as we strove to catch our breaths.
His lips grazed the back of my neck. “I’m kind of hungry, and I need a cigarette,” he said, pulling out slowly. I felt his finger brush against my pussy as he captured the edges of the condom. “Jesus, I needed that. Damn, it felt good. What about it, Jensyn?”
A million words came to mind, yet I struggled to find one. “Sandwich worthy,” I replied awkwardly, turning to face him, “but not cancer stick worthy.”
“So we agree on the food part. I suppose that’s meeting each other halfway. Can I at least know if it was good for you? I know you got off, but how was it?”
“Taking notes for your next book, Bass?” I questioned suspiciously.
He roared with laughter. “Very funny. Maybe next time you can take shorthand while I’m banging you.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “And what makes you think there’s going to be a next time?” I inquired.
He stood partially naked, crossing his arms. “My dick is kind of like a potato chip. You can’t have it just once.”
“I don’t recall eating of any kind.”
“That’s why a do-over is necessary. I can’t allow you to think I was remiss in my sexual duties. Besides, I’ve only given you a small part of the tour. We have many more areas to cover.”
I snorted, arranging my shorts and putting on my shirt. It was an odd sensation being able to watch him but having him visually unaware. His legs looked strong with muscled thighs, and I tried not to stare as he carefully removed the condom. Twisting the tip, he reached behind him, using his hands to feel for the waste can. He appeared unabashed by his nudity, sitting back on his chair. I grabbed his shorts off the floor and put them in his lap.
“Trying to conceal my dick?” he asked in a cocky voice.
I arranged my bra under my shirt, then pulled my hair back, ignoring the subject. “Didn’t you say you were hungry and needed a smoke? I highly suggest clothes since you’ll be outside and you’re so concerned with paparazzi. I’m thinking a cock shot would be worth a ton of money.”
He turned toward me, slipping on his shorts. For a moment, I became sad because I would be no longer privy to his lower half. Us having sex didn’t even seem to fluster him at all. He acted as though it were commonplace.
“I’m guessing you have sex all the time with your writer friends.”
He laughed, standing. “Since most of my author acquaintances happen to be men, I’m going to say no. But I think you’re referring to my editor, Kami. That happened a long time ago and only a few times. She started acting all clingy and shit. I’m kind of a rogue when it comes to lovers. I can’t have it interfering with my process. Plus, I travel quite a bit.” He sighed. “Well, before all this bullshit happened with my sight. I don’t think I’ll be skydiving, climbing mountains, or spear fishing anymore unless divine intervention intercedes.
“I’m not the kind of man that deals with attachments well, at least of a personal nature. It makes me feel suffocated. She’d love to take care of me right now, but I know it would lead to more, at least from her side. The only thing in my life I want to be truly attached to is my writing. It’s the only thing I really care about. Well, that and doing extreme sports. And, Kami, she…” He paused, digging through his pockets, finally producing a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “She wanted more. Hell, she imagined there was more. All of this between you and me, I hope it can just be fun with no strings. You’re not planning to fall madly in love with me now that you’ve had earth-shattering sex with a famous author, are you?”
I hit his arm with a laugh. “I swear, as fabulous as you think you are, I can guarantee I will never have those kinds of feelings for you. Now, while you go get lung disease, I’ll make some sandwiches.”
“I’m never going to hear the end of my smoking. Are you sure you weren’t prepped by Lucas, because you sure sound like him?” He wagged both eyebrows with a dastardly grin. “Just so I’m clear, you don’t feel like my brother. If I keep thinking about those perfect breasts and wet pussy, I’m going to get hard again. Maybe I can fuck you in the kitchen later?”
“Just go. Now.” I laughed, pointing to the door. I admonished myself because I constantly forgot he couldn’t see my physical motions. It was because this was so natural. This was the life I was supposed to have. Maybe not with someone so young, but my days began to feel ordinary. I tried not to think about what would come after.
I steered him toward the living room and let him make his own way from there. He wanted to feel independent, so instead of me walking him to each area, I’d allowed him safe freedom. It often resulted in curse words and bruises, but I could see satisfied accomplishment on his face regardless.
I threw together ham and cheese sandwiches. I did laugh when I added potato chips to each plate. Yeah, he was kind of like them. I could never eat just one even when I was modeling. Though, I had put on a few pounds and added inches here and there, but I never really had to watch my weight. My height aided in that fact.
I walked outside to the veranda. He quickly snubbed out his smoke when he heard my footsteps. “Food ready?” he asked, running into me. “Because I am starved.” I took his arm and guided him to the kitchen, sitting him down by his plate. “Any chance we could make the swordfish tonight? I thought we’d work late. I mean, if that’s all right. You don’t have a husband or significant other you’re hiding, do you?” he mumbled, taking a bite of his sandwich.
I slammed my plate down. “What kind of person do you think I am? We just had sex. Do I come across as a cheating slut? Wow, it’s nice to know how you see me… or rather envision me.” I spoke angrily.
He stopped eating, his expression one of apology. “Wow, I’m sorry. I thought I was being funny. I truly apologize if I offended you. And you, Jensyn, are no slut. Please don’t say it again. Ever. I keep forgetting I don’t know you well, and evidently, I hit a nerve. I can’t imagine anyone not wanting you.”
Tears filled my eyes, but I wiped them away. He would never see them anyway. I never had to hide from this man, because he judged me on my character, not looks. We sat quietly eating our food. I nibbled on a chip as he polished off the two sandwiches I’d made for him.
I pushed away my plate as he searched for my hand. His fingers wrapped around my wrist. “Please don’t be mad at me. You’re the only one I trust right now.”
“I’m not mad, Lincoln. I overreacted to your comments. That’s all. It dredged up a bad time from my past.” I certainly couldn’t tell him I’d been married before. He’d ask too many questions, and I wanted so much to forget that part of my life. He was safe for me. He couldn’t see, and he wanted noncommittal sex. I was happy to oblige.
His lips caressed my knuckles. “I want to kiss your mouth so badly.”
“We already had that talk. Kissing me isn’t up for discussion. I just don’t enjoy it.” I lied.
“Well, I’m a really good kisser. In fact, I’ll go out on a limb and say it’s a tossup which part is better, my cock or lips. We could do a poll.”
I chuckled. “How about we stick to just sex without the romance of kissing?”
“Okay, I’ll relent on two conditions. Tonight, we make swordfish, and you stay over.”
“But…” I hesitated. “Can we agree on the one? Because I can’t stay overnight. Seriously, how would it look? I can stay late, put in some hours after dinner, but I think you’re moving too fast.”
“You’ve made it evident you don’t have anyone to answer to, and I remember you saying you were retired. So I don’t see any problem here. And who the hell would find out anyway, the stalkers in the bushes?” He laughed.
“You think it’s funny now, but you had real concerns when we walked the property.”
“Things are different now. You and I mesh; we have a technique. You’re part of my process now.”
I crossed my arms and pierced him with a glare he couldn’t see. “Are you referring to our work ethics or the sex part?” I asked.
I detected laughter in his eyes. “I think both.”
“And he says I’m a comedian.”
“It’s not that big of a deal. It will most likely be super late. Hell, it might be an all-nighter. Haven’t had one of those since my accident. Just so I’m clear, I am talking about the book. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
I agreed reluctantly, trying to figure out how to let Anai know without actually knowing. Shit, that didn’t even make sense to me. I finally sent her a text and said I’d be gone until tomorrow night. Everything was fine, and I’d explain more tomorrow. I had a feeling there were going to be many explanations to go around since I’d missed my appointment with Lucas, too.
“Have you heard from your brother lately,” I questioned nonchalantly, taking our plates to the dishwasher.
“Yeah, the other day. He said he was just checking in, but no doubt he was spying, wanting to know if you and I were working out.”
That was the day I’d missed our appointment. “I assume you thanked him profusely for sending such a valuable asset.”
“Yeah, I told him you were working out okay.”
I bumped him with my hip. “Just okay, huh?”
“Well, I hadn’t fucked you yet, so that’s all I had to go on,” he mused arrogantly.
“You will keep that bit of personal information to yourself. I’m guessing Lucas didn’t send me over to help you with that.”
“You worry too much. I seriously doubt my brother would care if I were screwing the help.”
The help. He had no idea that no matter how many books he sold in his lifetime, it would never equal my net worth. “Regardless, I’d prefer to keep that part of this friendship quiet. I realize how much men love to gossip about their conquests, but I’m nobody, so don’t bother.”
“You’re somebody to me. I couldn’t get this book finished without you, and you’re helping make sure I stay focused. You tend to my needs… and if one of those needs happens to be a blowjob or sex, I think this partnership is perfect.”
“You are a piece of work. Let’s get this filthy chapter finished so you can enslave me and force me to cook that damn fish,” I suggested.
We worked until sunset. It took almost four hours to complete the revisions on chapter six. I honestly think it was Lincoln wanting to hear me repeat those obscene words. I was tired. I understood now how just sitting behind a desk and writing all day could be exhausting. Also, having sex made me lethargic and deliciously sore. I yearned for another round but didn’t know how to approach the subject. I would wait until he took the lead.
“The secret is the herbs. When you mix them in with the seafood sauce, it seeps into the fish. Then you add a small amount of olive oil and wrap it tightly in foil, bake it for fifteen minutes at four hundred degrees. Make sure we don’t overcook it, because it will dry out and taste like shit.”
“Did your mother teach you to cook?” I asked, boiling water for brown rice.
“My mom taught me Polynesian cooking, but my dad was the expert on fish. He took me out fishing when I was six and had me spear hunting by twelve. We always ate whatever we caught. I miss that part of my life.”
“You know, regardless, there are a ton of outdoor sports you can still do. I’m sure many people who have lost their sight still climb mountains and jump from planes. I wish I knew how to get you to that point, but it may take years. I’m guessing all of it depends on you.”
His fingers circled the rim of the wine glass after he carefully poured some in. “All of this is my own fault. I did this to myself. Oh, you can say wrong place, wrong time, but truthfully, I chose that instance.” He took a large gulp, then slid his hand through his hair.
I added the rice to the water, then poured myself a glass of wine, sitting next to him. “Want to tell me what happened?”
“Not really. I doubt you’d understand.”
He had no idea how much I would understand. I too had always thought I was at that intersection, the wrong place, at the wrong time, and if I’d just deviated from one single act, my life would have turned out so different. But for the first time, I felt content, not so miserable. Maybe this was why Lucas chose me. He knew I’d care more about his brother than myself, that I would put my energies into helping him even if I didn’t have the will to aid myself.
He was right. Having a purpose made all your own inferiorities less. I, however, still felt guilty because I knew my self-worth depended upon the fact that Lincoln had no sight. Him being blind was an asset to how I coped daily. And the more time we spent together, the more I prayed it would never come back. My world would shatter if he saw me as I really was.
“That’s okay. I get it. We both have our secrets. I think your fish is done.”
He shook his head, handing me the potholders by his glass. “You do realize I can’t eat that entire thing by myself. I want you to at least try some. I swear you’ll love it.”
I laughed richly. “Yeah, we’ll see. It’s been years since I’ve eaten seafood, unless you count albacore.”
“A can of tuna is a poor man’s seafood. You never get full flavor unless you eat an actual fish baked to perfection by a master.” He chuckled.
I grabbed the baking sheet with an oven mitt. I had to admit it smelled good. Herbal, not fishy. I wrinkled my nose because it still resembled a fish. I pulled back the foil carefully. It looked flaky and moist.
“Should we eat in the dining room instead of the kitchen? This is a special occasion. I’m actually going to consume fish. I mean, a dish that was prepared by a master.” I teased.
“Sure, just give me plates and steer me in the right direction.”
I handed him dishes, and I took silverware and our wine glasses myself. I nudged him forward. We had developed techniques to teach him ways to navigate through different rooms. He got very annoyed when I guided him by using my hands. He wanted to be independent.
“Table is on your immediate left.” His one hand traced the edge before he set the plates down. I arranged the dishes, putting our glasses next to each setting, along with silverware.
Once I returned to the kitchen, I used a spatula to scoop out the fish, but it fell apart as soon as I tried. “Sorry, but this swordfish broke in half before I could transfer it to a serving plate.”
“It’s supposed to,” he said, his height filling the doorframe. “That’s how you know it’s cooked well. It doesn’t have to be attractive, just edible. Remember, blind guy here.” He joked.
Kind of like me. Not much to look at but edible. Rather than attempt to remove our main course from the baking sheet, I squeezed past Lincoln to retrieve our plates.
“Goddamn, you smell good. You always wear amazing perfume. Do you use that scent everywhere?” His voice was clearly sexual.
“It’s body spray, not perfume. Now let’s try this disgusting food.”
I placed a large portion on his plate, along with rice and a few sourdough rolls. In turn, I filled most of my plate with rice and bread, leaving a tiny spot for said seafood.
We sat side by side.
“Jesus, this is awesome.” He moaned. I hadn’t heard that sound since this afternoon when we had sex. “Eating this really makes me miss the ocean,” he said, taking another forkful. “Have you tried it yet?”
“Nope, working up the courage.” I pushed the fish to one side of my plate.
“Here, give it a try, for me.”
I was surprised as he waved a fork in my face with a small amount of swordfish on it. I closed my eyes, wishing this were more than his wanting to prod my mouth to taste food. I hated that none of this was real and whatever foundation we were erecting was being built on deception. I wondered how our dynamics would change if he knew who I’d been and what I’d become. But being with him now added something new to the mix. Being with Lincoln balanced me out. In one week, I felt more freedom than I’d felt in the last thirteen years, maybe in my entire life.
He might be without his eyes, but he’d helped me catch a glimpse of a life I could have. Of course, it could never be with a man like him. I was too conflicted because I knew the only reason he enjoyed my company was because he thought I was pretty. The truth was I would always live in fear of his sight returning. He’d be furious I’d never confided in him. How could I? For the first time in years, I looked forward to waking up. I no longer yearned for death or lingered in my own self-loathing. I had another to care for.
I leaned forward, allowing his fork to touch my lips. I opened my mouth and tasted the white fish. Damn, it was divine. I groaned.
He smiled, coming close enough I could feel his warm breath. His eyes lingered on me as my hand covered his on the fork, pushing it back. “Aha! I knew you’d love it.”
“How did you know? I could have groaned because of you stepping on my foot,” I said, my eyes darting down, his foot resting on top of mine.
He quickly moved it. “Sorry. No excuse except it was a comfortable resting place.” He chuckled. “Now tell me the truth. The swordfish is to die for.”
I took a napkin and dotted my lips. “I’ll admit it wasn’t half bad, at least not as horrible as I’d thought. You are a worthy cook, Lincoln Bass.”
He nodded in acknowledgment. “I’m glad you like it. I so would have hated to be wrong.”
“Yeah, I’m getting that. How about we finish up here, then start on chapter seven before I fall asleep?” I yawned. “Sorry, but dinner has me wanting a nap.”
His brows rose in question. “Oh, really? Well, I suppose we could nap before we work.”
I shook my head as I gathered our plates. “I’m sure our definitions of nap time differ.”
He leaned back in his chair, draining the last of his wine. “You yawn. I get horny after mealtime. Okay, let me take that back. My brain is rampant with all the things I want to do to you. I retract that statement—all the things I am going to do. I hope you’re ready, because I have much more revising to do in this book, and many of those chapters have extremely detailed sex scenes. I have to make sure they're workable. I don’t want to ever be accused of being neglectful in my research.”
“I’m sure. Work first; play later,” I stated, loading the dishwasher.
“I’m thinking it may be both. I tend to love both jobs.”
“I’m sure you do. Can you bring me our utensils? Just follow my voice.”
He paced carefully on bare feet as he came toward me. It hadn’t taken long, but he had filled out and looked more like the man on his book jacket.
I reached out to take the silverware from him.
He grasped my hands, pulling me to him. “Please let me kiss you or at least tell me why I can’t,” he pleaded.
I twisted free, stepping back. “I will give you everything but that. Please stop asking. I’m afraid us having sex wasn’t the wisest thing. Especially if you want more than I’m willing to give.”
“I like lip action,” he stated in a whiny voice.
If he could see my face, he would see me biting back a retort. I was sure oral sex would push a kiss to the sidelines since he enjoyed lip action. As long as he kept his hands off my face, I would allow anything. I was imagining this to be my own version of a sex life. I’d never been what you would call promiscuous, but I’d had enough lovers to be somewhat educated in the art of certain carnal pleasures.
Lincoln was my first younger man. Of course, having sex once didn't make an affair. But I needed this, and more, I desired it. I hungered for him. Every inch was hard bodied and muscled. And his cock was a sculpted work of art—perfection. His hair, facial features, and those eyes that were beyond description. And his lips were devastatingly erotic. Plump and bow-shaped, shaded with a neutral color. They always appeared shiny because he was constantly wetting them with his tongue.
Yes, kissing him would ruin everything he found appealing about me. I had thought about it, his mouth pressed to mine. Just imaging it made me wet with want. At this rate, working would be difficult, especially when we got to those sex scenes. Yes, everything about Lincoln should make me envious. If he were another person, I’d despise him for his perfection.
“Hello, Jensyn, you still here?”
His question jolted me back to reality. “Yeah, I’m here. I got momentarily distracted.”
He patted his chest. “It was this body, huh? Fixated on future pleasures all this will bring you?”
“You really are an arrogant ass,” I taunted.
“You should have known me when I had sight. I was slightly self-absorbed.”
“Haven’t changed much, have you? Well, except for the whole I’m blind thing.”
He pretended to look wounded. “Wow, you really know how to skewer me. Are you sure you aren’t related to my editor? She can be kind of a bitch, too.”
“I’m thinking the only thing we have in common is we both were fucked by you. There are men that love bitches, you know. Maybe you’re one of them.
“She pursued me. I’m guessing all of this was hard to resist.” He grinned, sweeping his hands down his body.
“Yup, I guess that’s it. Your wit and charm being so key to your personality, I doubt being extremely tall, muscular, with erotically beautiful eyes and an ample package dangling between your legs has much to do with it.” I chuckled.
“You think I’m well-hung? As in compared to who or what?”
I smacked him on the arm. “Come on. Let’s finish, and just maybe I’ll let you dazzle me later with that big cock.” I pursed my lips as the words left my mouth. When did I become so brazen?
Bravery had come easy because I felt at ease with him. I knew everything happening was wrong. Lucas had sent me to aid in his recovery and help finish a book. All of this was edging on a sexual tryst. I knew Lincoln would never be sullied by any of this. I was probably of little consequence since he’d had so many women before me. The man had shrouded his emotions in a hard shell, trying to numb the anguish of losing his most-valuable asset, his sight. In the last few days, I’d seen moments when that rough exterior had begun to crack. It was difficult pretending to be accepting of what might come after.
For me, it had happened after the last surgery. I knew then this was as good as it got. I could bury my scars under heavy foundation and concealer, but I would always know the exact location and measurement of each imperfection that marred my face. It was difficult putting on the pretense of an everyday routine. That the nightmare you endured didn’t affect you. That you’d be okay, that you could get through it. The truth was I would never be all right, unless I got out from underneath my persona as the “Perfect 10.”
For Lincoln, it might be different. Even though I was the same age when I had my incident, he had attributes I never had. He was strong and defiant. If he were to be blind permanently, he would find a way to work around it. Once he got over the initial shock, he would fight his way back. I admired that about him.
I was going to stay and finish helping him with revisions. We’d be lovers during that time, and whatever this thing was between us, it would always be just a charade to me. It was challenging when I had so many secrets.
It was almost midnight when we finished. “Reread that last paragraph, would you?” he asked, sounding exhausted.
I read it slowly as my eyes began to blur. “Anything else, because I am completely fried? I can’t even see anymore; my eyes hurt.” I covered my mouth and bit my knuckles, realizing my words. “Shit, sorry.”
“You don’t have to be. I’m glad you forget because it helps me forget it, too. I have eye drop vials in the bathroom. Try those. I guess even with blindness, your eyes can still get fatigued and dry.”
I padded to his bathroom and found the drops. They quickly soothed the irritation.
“All better. I think I can see now,” I said, sitting and swiveling in my chair.
He sighed. “Oh, that it would be as easy to resurrect my vision.”
I reached out, grabbing his hand. “How is it you have adjusted so well to your circumstances? There are times you truly amaze me.”
I felt his foot bump my chair as he pulled me closer. “Was one of those times this afternoon? Because I plan on astounding you later.”
I squeezed his hand. “I’m serious. You seem to be handling what happened to you well.”
“You know what they say. Fake it ‘til you make it. I should have been a Shakespearean actor, appearing in one of his great tragedies.” He paused, kissing my hand, rolling his eyes. “I assume that’s okay. Jesus, now I’m Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.”
He joked, but there was sadness behind those arresting, unseeing eyes. “I’m just saying I admire your tenacity,” I stated softly.
Lincoln dropped my hand. “I’m good at covering up my feelings. Having you here has helped curb some of my emotional anxiety. The truth is my life is in a state of turmoil right now. I appreciate you helping me with this book, but as you stated before, you won’t be here forever. Evidently, what happened to me will become public knowledge. I can’t stay in hiding forever. Those fucking vultures will come looking for me, and the sudden exposure… I may not be able to deal with it. Right now, it’s you, Lucas, and my editor. It’s easy to disguise my attitude with all of you, but eventually, I may come apart.”
“I don’t believe that. You’re too strong willed. I don’t know you well, but I think you’ll gracefully handle everything thrown at you.”
“Gracefully, huh? I’m just good at wearing a mask of indifference when what I really want to do is jump off that cliff out there. But I’m much too vain kill myself. And before I would even consider any of that, I’d have to fuck you again. It’s all I can think about. It’s all that keeps me motivated right now,” he said dryly.
I stood, pulling him up with me. It took all the resolve I could muster not to kiss him. We were cut from the same cloth, a two-sided coin, matching bookends. I led him to his bedroom. I had cleaned the space and washed the sheets a few days ago. I pulled the blinds and opened the glass doors. The breeze off the ocean cooled the room immediately.
I stepped outside, dragging Lincoln with me. The terrace was pretty. Chairs and a table with decorated pots holding various kinds of plants. Three surfboards leaned against the wall, as well as a kayak.
“It’s nice out here,” I stated warmly.
He broke my hold with his hand as he traced the wall. His fingers swept deftly over the surfboards. “Just another reminder of shit I’ll never be doing again. I should get rid of these.”
I shook my head, standing behind him, placing a hand across his back. “You don’t know what comes after all this. You said the doctors seemed optimistic you might get your sight back. It sounds to me as though you’ve lost hope. I’ll never believe that. I read your bio. You’ve attempted some dangerous stuff. Frankly, I don’t know if you’re brave or stupid, but I do know there doesn’t appear to be anything that scares you. This too shall pass. I promise it will get better.”
I was beginning to sound like a therapist. I’d had plenty of experience with them, so I knew the drill. If this advice was worth giving, why couldn’t I follow it? The reality was even if he were blind forever, he would still be attractive. His disability would be viewed by everyone as an unfortunate accident. He’d still be famous and write. I also counted on the fact that he’d still find a way to accomplish many of his extracurricular activities. It had been different for me. I hadn’t had any talent except my face and body, and I needed both to model.
I began unbuttoning his shirt. He stayed silent. Once it was undone, he shrugged it off. His skin reminded me of deeply polished bronze. His tan had faded, but not his coloring from culture. I leaned forward, flicking my tongue in a circular motion around his nipple. His length swelled as he nudged against me. He blanketed his arms around me, pressing his cock against my body. I drew back a hiss as he rubbed himself against my sex.
“We need to move this party inside,” I whispered.
“No one is around this early in the morning. You have me so revved up; I may just fuck you here on my patio.”
I leaned my head against his chest. “Seriously, first the desk and now the concrete. You seem to forget I have old bones. Can’t we do it in a bed, or are you only good on alternate surfaces?”
He scooped me up and held me against his bare chest. “Don’t worry. I may be blind, but my dick has GPS. At least to the bed.” He laughed, tossing me down on the soft mattress. “Now normally this would be where I’d demand you strip, but since I can’t see shit, I’ll ask nicely.”
“How about you undress me?” I purred.
His hands slid along my legs until he found my ankles, grabbing them both. “Just give me a break because I’m doing all this from memory. Not the fucking part, just the foreplay. Hey, maybe it’s like coloring by numbers, eh?”
“Very funny. You going to talk all night, or can I expect action?”
He flashed a stare in my direction as a mischievous grin appeared. “Actually, I’m in the mood for a snack. I promised to eat you, and that’s what I plan to do.” As he unzipped my shorts, I had déjà vu from this afternoon. I shimmed them down, and his fingers traced my panties. “Jesus, you’re soaked. Damn, this is going to be a happy meal.”
I stretched my arm across my eyes, inhaling a quiet sob. What he was doing felt too good. His touch made my pussy pulse with fury. His thumbs pinched the sides of my underwear, rolling them down. I hadn’t waxed in years. It was only after the encounter on the beach that I began to trim myself. He removed both articles of clothing, leaving me naked from the waist down. I felt embarrassed, yet I knew he couldn’t see me.
“I didn’t ask before, but are you disappointed I’m not smooth and bare?” I questioned quietly.
He placed a kiss right above my pussy. “Are you kidding? I love the fact that you chose not to have the texture of a prepubescent teenage girl, but rather a woman.”
My legs quivered as he spread them. “Are you nervous or excited? Just look at how drenched you are,” he remarked, holding up a wet finger. He stood, removing his shorts and releasing his cock. I marveled because it appeared thicker and the crown engorged. “If I’d waited any longer, it would have snapped in two.” He went on his knees as he pulled my legs close to the edge of the bed, hoisting them, one on each of his shoulders. I watched as he wet two fingers, dividing my cleft.
I moaned.
“Can you relax? You feel tense.”
I had the perfect vantage point. I’d always had my eyes closed with other men. It was kind of liberating to witness everything without him being aware.
“Oh my God,” I squealed as his tongue entered me. My entire body went slack as he began to explore aggressively from side to side. He buried his tongue deeply, circling, probing. The very tip he curled upward to tease my hard nub. “I’m sorry,” I murmured on a sob, my legs becoming stiff as plywood.
He stopped and relaxed his tongue, withdrawing. The proud grin of awareness shone on his face. “Did you just come… on my tongue?” he asked, licking my release from his lips. “And don’t you ever apologize for me giving you pleasure. I’m just surprised; that’s all. Now where did I leave off?” he inquired, pulling me closer, his hands rubbing my feet.
I squirmed as he continued to taste me, my pussy clenching the welcomed intruder that greedily nipped, exposing every raw nerve. I could feel another wave of orgasm mounting as his tongue began driving itself in and out. I was galvanized with my own pleasure; it was a consuming ecstasy I’d never known. I was desperate to come again. I gripped each side of the bed sheet as he sucked on my clit, then rotated his thumb against it.
“I can’t do this. Please, Lincoln, you have to stop.” Then a rush of release came as my body went taut.
He looked up briefly, his chin dripping with my juices. His tongue flicked quickly and captured every drop. “Say my name again.”
I sobbed, then sighed. “Lincoln.”
He stood, his legs wobbling. I noticed large droplets of pearly fluid leaking from his dick.
“Do you point your toes when you come? I’m only asking because your legs stiffened,” he asked, fisting his length, then rubbing the liquid around the slit. His eyes turned from multicolored blue and green to almost a deep jade before he closed them. His head bent back as he continued to touch himself. “Damn, but you taste good. I’m even going to say no one before you has been that sweet.” He stopped to lick his lips several times.
My face heated. “Stop it. You’re embarrassing me.”
He looked at me with an expression of hunger. Crossing his arms, he laughed. “Sweetheart, I may be blind, but you’re half naked with a wet cunt. I doubt it’s my words making you blush. Now that we got the hors d’oeuvres out of the way, I’m famished and ready to get to the main course. Any position preference?” He stood there shameless in his nudity, not a care in the world.
I sat up, removing my shirt, leaving my bra on. “What is this—a restaurant? Is it normal for you to ask women what position they prefer? I’m confused, so why don’t you surprise me?”
He shrugged, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. “You sound miffed.”
“You’re making all of this sound so clinical. I’m all for sex with you, but stop asking me what I want—and just take it.”
“I’m used to a different type of woman; that’s all. And before you take what I just said wrong, the women I normally fuck are a little rough around the edges, wild and unbridled. You come across as slightly vanilla and subdued. I didn’t want to do something that might offend you.”
“God, can you just stop talking and fuck me?” I asked, scooting up to where the pillows were.
“How can I say no to that request?” He chuckled. “Can you get me a condom? Wait, make it four—no, five.”
My eyes grew large, and I snorted. “Awfully sure of yourself. Five. You do have a big night planned.”
“Well, it’s more of a just-in-case scenario. The box is in the nightstand.”
I contemplated for a minute. “You don’t have to use one. I mean, if you don’t want to. I’m clean.”
He stilled. “That’s not something I ever do. I never go without. I want you to be sure. I have no qualms about wearing one. I mean, it’s for your safety as well as mine.”
I was hedging. I really didn’t want to explain myself, but this was somewhat serious, and I wanted to experience all of him. “I had a one-night stand three years ago. Against my better judgment and the alcohol involved, we didn’t use a condom. I know it was reckless and stupid, but I didn’t admonish myself until the next day.”
“Who was the guy?”
I shook my head “I have no idea. Met him on the beach. Never saw him again. I know how this sounds.”
“It sounds like me minus not using a condom. Don’t beat yourself up. I’ve brought home some skanks, ones I wanted to chew my arm off the next day just to get away from. We all make mistakes and have regrets. I guarantee I have tons. Whoever says they have none is a goddamn liar.”
“Well, I felt horrible and got tested every ninety days for two years because I needed to know for sure. I’m one hundred percent clean.”
His expression was one of shock, then disbelief. “Wait. I knew you felt tight, but are you telling me it’s been three years? You were celibate for thirty-six months?”
“Jesus, you make that sound worse than having sex with a perfect stranger.”
“No, it’s just that I thought five months was insane. Actually, closer to six. I haven’t gone this long since before I even began having sex. I can’t imagine someone like you not being laid regularly. I mean, seriously, what the hell is wrong with the men in Hawaii?”
I was waiting for you.