Twenty-seven. That’s how many times Lincoln had called. There was even one from Lucas. Jesus, this was a mess.
I dragged myself down to the kitchen, wondering how long it would take the media to track down my identity. I poured myself a cup of black coffee and a glass of juice, then headed back to my room and sat outside on the balcony. Opening my laptop, I scrolled to entertainment news. The picture hadn’t made headlines, but it was there. There was definitely interest in Lincoln Bass’s new girlfriend.
I bristled. Girlfriend. That had never been decided, but now it certainly was a closed issue. And if Kami had any say, she would obliterate my life, as pitiful as it was. I found it hard to imagine he aspired to be with such a vile woman. It must have been shocking when she found out who he was fucking. Of course, he hadn’t really known either. Why was it mandatory I tell him my entire history? He would have still left me, only it would have happened sooner. And he hadn’t even had the balls to confront me himself. She’d told him everything about the press and who I used to be—all out of spite and jealousy.
I stayed secluded in the house for the next few days. I couldn’t take the chance I’d be seen and found out. It would only add fuel to the fire. I’d finally turned off my phone, tossing it in my panty drawer. The calls were nonstop. I’d deleted the voicemail, too. I couldn’t bear to hear what Lincoln had to say. Just imaging his thoughts put me into a depressing tailspin.
I didn’t even go down to my private beach. I’d never had stalkers, but now I was afraid. Actually, my concern was more for Lincoln, because he would have to explain he didn’t know who I really was due to his own injury. There would be no way to justify being with a woman like me. The truth of his impairment would have to be made public.
“Miss Jensyn, there’s a phone call for you.” Anai handed me the cordless phone.
Only a few people had the house number. I placed my hand over the speaker. “Who is it?” I asked, reluctant to take the call.
“He says he’s your doctor. He also told me to please tell you to turn your mobile back on,” she said, shaking her head, prepared to reprimand. “You didn’t think that would work, did you? If your man is really mad, he will find you. Pretending your phone is broken. Really?”
I laughed with a dubious grin. I doubt very much Lincoln Bass would jeopardize his secret to show up at my front door. Besides, he doesn’t even know where I live. “Hello,” I said softly.
“Jensyn, it’s Lucas. I wanted to confirm our appointment tomorrow, and since you’re not answering your cell, I wanted to check on you.”
“I just needed some solitude, time for myself.” I rolled my eyes at that declaration since I’d had me-time for years.
“Jensyn, I’m available twenty-four-seven. I sent you a text with my home number. I never give that to my clients because I want them to go through the psychiatry center on-call system, but I wanted you to know if you want to talk, I’m here.”
Goddammit, he knows. Shit. “I’m fine, Dr. Bass. I’ll see you tomorrow at our scheduled appointment.”
“Good. I guess we’ll talk then.”
We hung up at the same time. Tomorrow was going to be a bad day. I wasn’t sure what he knew, but I’d be expected to talk about it even though there were promises made about discussing events between his brother and me. It was like being smacked with a double whammy. Even after all the publicity blew over, it was obvious it wouldn’t be in my best interest to keep seeing Lucas. I would have him refer me to yet another doctor. I couldn’t take the look of disappointment he would have, knowing I risked everything to have an affair with his brother.
I assumed Lincoln would be less irate if we’d kept it a working relationship. There would have been no picture, and without that, everything was pure speculation. It must have turned his stomach to realize he’d had sex with the woman he grew up fantasizing about, who was now hideous.
I didn’t know how I went on from there. How to get past the hope I had, only to have it snatched away by media assholes, an evil, envious woman, and my own deception.
*****
I kept my word and showed up at Lucas’s office at the allotted time. I kept my head low as I entered. Embarrassment and dread filled me.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d actually show, but I’m glad you did.” He gestured for me to sit.
“I won’t be coming back, so maybe you can give me a referral?”
He scooted his chair close. “And why is that?” he asked.
I shrugged, attempting no eye contact. “I’m sure you know why. Your brother. He… he knows who I am, and he hates me.”
Lucas reached out, grasping my hand. “Jensyn, he doesn’t hate you. Not at all. But my brother needs to talk to you. You can’t duck him forever. He seemed very happy about you before all this public scrutiny. He hates the media, always has. Lincoln is extremely confused right now, and I can’t help him because of HIPPA privacy laws. So let me help you.”
A renegade tear fell, splashing on his hand. “It’s too late and complicated.”
“I detest that word. It’s just another phrase for giving up. I knew this working relationship I’d set up developed into more when I saw the photo.”
I blushed profusely.
“Lincoln cares for you. I know him, and he’ll never let this lie. Sooner or later, you will have to face him.”
I threw my head back in sardonic laughter. “I’m sure he’ll get over it. His editor, I’m not so sure.”
“What? How is Kami involved?” he asked with curiosity.
I shrugged. “None of this matters. We went too far. I should have said no, but I’m sure you’re well aware of your brother’s persuasive manner.”
He eyed me carefully. “Umm… no, he never tried. Remember, older brother here.”
I loosened my hand from his, palming my cheek. “He’s called many times and left one voicemail… which I deleted. I wouldn’t be able to stand hearing what he had to say.”
“It’s evident you have feelings for him. From talking to him last night, I’m guessing he reciprocates.”
I was stunned, sitting upright. “Well, maybe, but that was before he knew who I used to be, and I’m sure Kami gave him a full description.”
I heard a curse under his breath.
“I didn’t mean to be dishonest. I never thought anything like this would happen because I had no idea I would develop feelings for him.” I admitted.
“Look, don’t let some publicity pull you two apart, and certainly don’t allow some editing hag to reroute your destiny. You have more than beauty to offer Lincoln, and I think he knows that. He asked me about your disfigurement. I told him it wasn’t my place to tell him. Just be honest. You two were together intimately, and he never saw your face. I don’t believe my brother would ever be that shallow. Besides, he slept with Kami, so there’s no accounting for his taste.”
I chuckled, my body relaxing. “She is pretty,” I commented.
“Maybe on the outside, but she is fugly on the inside.” He stopped. I could tell he was thinking about his words. “Normally, I would have no comment, but I have been made aware of the commentary she shared with my brother. And just so you know, he was extremely pissed with her. It wouldn’t at all surprise me if he fired her.”
My body stiffened in shock. “Just another reason I should have kept it professional. I have screwed up his whole world.”
Lucas leaned back in his chair, placing his hands behind his head. “I’ll never agree with that assessment. A better analogy would be you rocked my brother’s world. I’m sure you noticed he wasn’t very charming in the beginning. But I knew sending you there was the right choice. For both of you. Did I expect the combination to be noteworthy? No. But if you can work all this out, I think you’ll be fine. Don’t walk away because you’re afraid. But give him the benefit of the doubt. He’s never been mean. Not to anybody.”
“What I didn’t tell you was I’d hoped he never regained his sight. You tell me; you’re the expert. What kind of human being wishes for that, especially one that cares for the other person?”
“Look, your admission isn’t unexpected. I would probably feel the same way. You’ve been hurt and ridiculed. What you felt was a defense mechanism. And that may still happen, but you need to prepare yourself, Jensyn, in case his sight does come back. I can’t tell you what to do, but if it were me, I’d want everyone to come to terms with their feelings. Everything that plagues you will not bother him; I guarantee it. How you both feel right now isn’t going to go away. You can’t run, which I know is your M.O. This thing between you two has to be addressed or it will eat away at you. The ball is in your court now.”
“I won’t know what to say. He knows about how I look. That makes it worse.”
He took my hand again. “Well then, that’s half the battle. You don’t have to hide from him anymore. You both need to have a serious conversation. You’ve been happy. I want that for you. My brother is young, but if he’s found happiness with you, I want that for him, too. You’ll both revert to old ways if you don’t clear the air.”
I nodded, standing. “You’re right, as usual. I wanted to blame you,” I uttered.
He grinned. “Hey, I sent you there to type and read, not sleep with him. You two are on your own with that. I never facilitated sex.”
Oh God, kill me now. “Please, I’m humiliated enough. Let’s not go into detail.”
“I concur. No details needed or desired,” he replied, picking up his book. “Schedule for the same time next week?” he asked.
“Okay, I guess that’s fine.”
I left his office, feeling a little lighter. I wished now I hadn’t erased the message Lincoln had left me. I went directly home, still wanting to stay out of the limelight in case I was found out. I made another phone call to Tiffany, ate lunch, then took a nap. I hated sleeping so much. I’d finally succeeded in getting out of the habit when I’d started seeing Lincoln.
After I woke, Anai prepared dinner, and I asked her to eat with me out by the pool. We rarely spent time together like this since she left in the evenings to be with her husband.
“So what will happen with you and the author?” she asked, chewing a piece of salad.
“I guess I’ll go see him tomorrow. He’s called almost thirty times.”
She continued to eat as I picked at the food. “He never left a message?”
“One, but I erased it before listening to it. I was afraid. After what I went through when I first had my accident…”
Anai’s fork clanged against her plate. “Miss Jensyn. That’s the first time I have ever heard you refer to that time as an accident. It was always the incident.” She pushed her chair close to mine and hugged me. “You do know what happened all those years ago was just an accident? No one meant to hurt you. It was nothing more than a cruel twist of fate. God had other plans for you. He is constantly testing us.”
I doubt I passed this exam. I nodded in response. “Yeah, I get that, but it’s what happened afterward that haunts me. I guess I just believed I had people in my life that honestly cared for me. Even my own parents offered no comfort because their meal ticket wasn’t going to provide any longer. It makes trust harder now. I never want to be that hurt again. I’m scared I wouldn’t survive it.”
“I believe you’re stronger than you think. I’ve known you now for, what, almost eight years, and let me tell the truth. You did not make wanting to work for you easy. You made sure I knew immediately you’d fired many before me.” She flicked her fingers, then took a bite of bread. “I don’t scare easy, and I figured your bark was much worse than your bite. And here we are, sharing a meal and telling secrets.” She laughed.
I patted her hand. “You really have been a good friend. Actually, the closest thing I have to a mother.”
We clinked our glasses together in understanding while continuing to eat and share gossip. Tomorrow I would have to make a decision in regards to seeing Lincoln. He did deserve a conversation. Actually, I was far more interested in what he had to say than in how I was going to explain my lack of trust.
We ended our evening with Anai cleaning up and me saying good night. It was still relatively early, but I was exhausted and I knew sleep wouldn’t come easily, not when I had worry haunting me.