Lincoln
“Where the fuck am I?” My throat felt like sandpaper; it hurt like hell to swallow. “Water,” I said to no one. My eyes were closed, but I could clearly hear machines and voices. I struggled to sit up.
“Whoa there, Linc.” I heard my brother’s deep voice as he tipped a plastic cup to my mouth. I took in a big gulp, coughing. “Hey, not so fast. Small sips. How do you feel?” he asked.
My tongue thickened, demanding more cool liquid.
As I attempted to open my eyes, I was hit with pulsing white light; the glare was immense. I cringed, my hands grasping my head. “Jesus, too bright. It hurts,” I grumbled.
“Wait, what? Look at me, little brother.” Lucas’s voice sounded urgent as my eyes fluttered wider.
I shut them immediately, pain spearing my temples. I sniffed the air. This was the fucking hospital. I could smell the medicinal room and disinfectants. “Why am I here? What happened? What’s going on?”
I could hear him yelling for a nurse and the doctor.
“Open your eyes again, slowly. The lights are off.”
As if that would fucking matter. Blind man here. Against my better judgment, I lifted my lids slowly. The brightness was gone, replaced by dim, hazy light. My vision was blurry, with a white film of cloudiness, but I could see someone’s outline faintly.
“Can I see?” I asked with hesitation. The last thing I wanted was to believe the impossible and be disappointed. I had lost hope before.
“You tell us,” Lucas replied as a flashlight pierced my fog.
“Can you see the light? Your pupils appear very reactive.” That was Dr. Ranso’s voice.
I held up my hand and grasped the instrument in his hand. “But you said this would never happen.”
“There is so much about hysterical blindness we don’t know. I’m not sure why you had swelling or why those periodic flashes gave you headaches. We need to do further tests, but I’m guessing that crack you took to your head instigated your sight returning. You’ve been unconscious for three hours. But like I said, it’s conjecture.”
“Will it stick? I mean, I’m not being punked? I actually got my vision back?” I said, slowly sitting up.
“I’d imagine everything will be disorienting for a few days until it comes back one hundred percent, but as far as your CT scan, everything looks good. I want to do an extensive MRI and look at your head as well as your brain stem just to be cautious. But right now, you need rest. You took quite a knock on your forehead. You have eleven stitches. I’ll give you and Lucas some privacy. Be back later to check on you and set up more tests,” Dr. Ranso said as he left the room.
Scars. The kayak. Jensyn. “Where’s Jensyn?” I asked my brother.
“She’s at your house, waiting for my call, because she couldn’t come to the hospital. But she’s worried as hell. She saved your life, you know. If it hadn’t been for her, you would have drowned. She dragged you to shore. Even had the paparazzi help.”
I fell back on my pillow. I knew how hard that must have been. She hated them and how they had treated her. “Lucas, you can’t tell her, not about this.”
I could see enough to know he was scowling. “What? You can’t keep this from her. She has a right to know. I can’t do that.”
“I am begging you. If you tell her I can see, she will run as far and fast as she can. I will lose her forever. I know I can’t hide this forever, but I need to divulge this slowly.” I raked my hand through my hair. “I can’t lose her. I could accept losing my sight permanently eventually, but her, I’d never get over it. You have to keep it a secret until I can figure out how to tell her.”
My brother shook his head as he pulled a chair next to my bed. “I’ll do what you ask, but I’m doing it under duress. I think it’s unfair to lie to her. You chastised her for not being honest with you, and now you’re doing the same thing.”
“I’m not lying. I’m just prolonging the truth.”
“Just remember it’s not just her you’re withholding the facts from, but your readers, publisher, and the rest of the world.”
I slid the cup of water from the table, taking a sip. “I don’t care about them, just her. This will tear her in two. She’ll want to be happy for me, but she’ll be terrified for herself. How do I make her understand?”
“You’ve never seen Jensyn, so maybe you should, and before you deceive her.” Lucas reached in his coat pocket, pulling out a newspaper. “Are you ready?” he asked, handing it to me.
My eyes weren’t clearly focused as I looked at the photograph. The “Perfect 10” poster that had held my attention above my bed for so many years was the past. This woman, the Jensyn I loved and held in my hand, was my future. Long blond hair draped a face with green eyes and a sad expression. Framing those eyes and those surgically remodeled lips were various scars, aged gashes, and discolorations from years of grueling facial reconstruction. A thick line that marred the middle of her top lip to under her nose was an obvious result of stitches. Denying me kisses was her way of self-preservation.
My heart pounded even though my chest felt empty. I now understood all her reluctance. I even could comprehend her wishing me to stay blind. I sucked in a sigh, handing the photo back to my brother. I turned on my side and, for the second time since childhood, rolled into a fetal position and sobbed. However, these tears weren’t for myself, but for her. Lucas tried to comfort me, but his words would never be enough. Because now I was afraid. I was literally petrified that having my sight back was somehow a trade-off, and the cost might be losing her forever.
*****
“Are you ready for this? I love you, Linc, but you never were that good at acting, even when you were nine. You sucked at being an elf.”
“Very funny. Jerk,” I said, adjusting my sunglasses. I’d worn them strictly to hide my blindness to the outside world. Now it was because the bright light hurt my eyes. My sight had almost fully returned but for one small blank spot in the upper right quadrant. Dr. Ranso assured me in time, that too would return.
Jensyn and I had been apart for five days, but we spoke on the phone daily. I was excited to see her yet nervous as hell, panic bubbling up even when we’d talked.
My brother made it a point to remind me often that he wasn’t onboard with my plan. I didn’t even know if I had enough strategy to pull this off. The easiest play was allowing her to take the lead.
The damn paparazzi was still camped out in front of my house. How I wanted to flip them off, but I had to keep reminding myself I was supposed to be blind, and the last thing I needed was any of those pricks becoming suspicious.
We turned into the drive.
“I can take it from here,” I said, opening the car door.
“Stop, asshat. No, you can’t. I’ll escort you into the house.” Lucas snorted and shook his head. “You are so screwed. And unfortunately, when she finds out, it will be a joint screwing, because she’ll hate me, too.”
“Sorry, I forgot.” I pulled the door back.
“Lincoln, you can’t forget. You better hurry and tell her. Either way, she’ll be upset, but its better if you come clean. Remember, honesty is the best policy.”
Yeah, that didn’t work so well for her when she tried. “Okay, give me a break. I have things to adjust to.”
Just then I saw her run to my side of the car. Tall, lithe, and tanned. She was dressed in bright-yellow shorts and a tiny half shirt. Her hair hung loose under the floppy hat she wore. Even with all the scarring, she was beautiful; the sight of her was like inhaling fresh air. I gulped before realizing she couldn’t tell I could see. I was wearing my shades. It was as if she were shiny and brand new. Her hat hid what she deemed imperfections, but to me, she was perfect. My everything.
“You’re home. Let me look at your head,” she said, swinging the car door wide. Her fingers traced my stitches as she frowned. “So now we’ll be a matching set. You too will have a scar. Such a shame to ruin a pretty face.” She laughed, pulling me to her.
I suddenly itched to bury myself inside her right there in the driveway. Somehow, I assumed my brother would have a problem with that. “See you later, bro,” I said over my shoulder.
“Call me if you have any problems,” Lucas responded, driving away.
“You sure you’re okay? I was freaked,” Jensyn exclaimed.
“Yeah, I heard you saved my life, Florence. You had those gossip hounds help. Wow, I must have been close to death.” I laughed as we walked into the house together.
Jesus, my house was dark. What the hell happened to my housekeeper? Oh yeah, I fired her. Going to have to eat a ton of crow and pad that with a huge raise to get her back.
“Are you hungry?”
“Yeah, but not for food. Lead me to the bedroom and ravish me.”
“Are you sure we should? You almost drowned. I thought I’d lost you,” she said sniffling.
“It's okay, baby. I’m good—better than. The doctor performed a ton of tests and discharged me. Even the swelling has gone down. So no worries. Remember, adrenaline junkie here. I’ve had some close calls before, but you rescued me. Now let me show my appreciation by burying my cock in that sweet-ass pussy. Five days without you, I am in dire need.”
“Are you now?” she questioned seductively, undoing my shirt. As every button popped, she placed a kiss on my chest. My hand cupped her breast, kneading the nipple. I heard my zipper before she pulled out my cock. “You are in need, aren’t you?” She chuckled, dabbing a finger in the pre-cum on the head.
“God, yes, I need to be inside you,” I said, undoing her shorts. I inhaled the air. Jesus, her scent. How I had missed it.
She shimmed them off, and we walked toward the bedroom. I could hardly maintain myself. It occurred to me that while it was hot, visually seeing every part of her was stimulating to the point of coming right then and there. My dick was a persistent bastard and throbbed for release.
I kicked off my pants. Then she led me to the bed. I palmed her stomach, then reached behind her to unclasp the bra as we landed on the soft mattress together. Two beautifully plump breasts with pink nipples fell forward. I don’t think I’d ever wanted a woman more.
That’s because you’re kind of a prick. You haven’t looked her in the face once since you got in the house.
Guilt began to choke me because I hadn’t kissed her or touched her face. I was afraid she’d see the hesitation or the grief I felt for her loss. I didn’t care. I loved Jensyn. What she considered flaws meant nothing to me.
I crawled up her body to press my mouth to hers. I drank in what she offered, probing my tongue with hers. I brushed our lips together as I devoured everything she had to give.
“Damn, that was some kiss.” She chuckled, trying to catch her breath.
I couldn’t wait any longer as I held my erection against her opening. I sank deeply inside. My eyelids fluttered, and I expelled a loud sigh of pleasure. I relished every stroke as I began pumping in a circular motion.
“Oh God, is that something new? Shit,” she said, meeting each thrust. I reached down between us and fingered her pussy. I could feel her grip my cock like a vise.
“I can’t hold back. I’m going to come,” I spoke through clenched teeth, losing the battle to suppress it. I poured into her with fury, pumping deeply as I released. Her fingers gripped my upper arms as her legs entwined with mine. I’d finally gotten to watch her come. Her eyes closing, her lips slightly parted, and her cheeks shaded.
“I love you so much, Jensyn. Your toes, they do curl… and the blush on your face… and your mouth when you orgasm—”
It was as though time suddenly stopped for both of us. Me realizing what I’d inadvertently said and now her knowing the truth. Her face contorted in confusion in an attempt to understand my words. I rolled off her, trying to gather an explanation. I had none.
“Lincoln, what is this?” she demanded, ripping the sunglasses from my face.
I stayed mute. I suddenly felt paralyzed. But if I didn’t offer a confession, she’d go to Lucas, and there was no way he’d cover my ass. I loved her, and I believed she felt the same.
The truth will set you free. That’s what I was afraid of. I didn’t want a life without her. She made me see things even when I was blind. She perceived what I needed. Jensyn made me happy. I’d have given up everything, even my sight, to make her stay.
I opened my eyes, turning toward her. My hand brushed her hair away from her face. “I can see. My sight is back.” I could sense her body stiffen in response.
“How? When?” Her expression stilled as she grabbed the sheet to cover herself, then stood, turning away.
“When I woke up. That altercation with the hull made my vision come back. The doctor said that happens sometimes with psychosomatic blindness. Please don’t be angry. I didn’t know how to tell you.” I lowered my voice. “I was afraid.”
She pressed a hand on her face and laughed angrily. “And why would you be afraid? You can go back to the life you had before you met me, before you were encumbered with this.” She stared directly at me, indicating her appearance.
I jumped out of the bed and went to embrace her, but she pushed me away. “Don’t. What just happened now, I suppose it was our last fuck. I’d love to be mad, but I can’t blame you. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that looked like me. You’ll always deserve more.”
“Stop it, Jensyn. Just quit. I know why you’re acting like this, because you want me to walk away. It’s what you’ve come to expect, not that you’ve even tried with anyone before me. Except for some guy you screwed in the dark. I know I should have been honest and prepared you, but I expected this reaction, and it scared the hell out of me.” My voice had grown shrill.
“If I had told you days ago, you’d be gone by now, disappeared, running, because it’s what you do. I love you too much, and I couldn’t take the chance you’d bolt, so I chose to not tell you. If that makes me a deceiving asshole, then so be it. But you know what? If we don’t work, it’s all on you. You’ll have to be the one to call it quits and walk away, because it won’t be me. I'm in this with you for the long haul because I want you, scars and all. I love every part of you, so just remember it will be you. You’ll be the one that broke my heart.”
I had heard her cry before but never watched it. My heart wrenched seeing her sob. I knew then it would take a very long time to mend her, but I wanted to be the one to handle the task. I brushed the tears from her face as I kissed her lips.
“I don’t understand why you would want me. How you could love me? Lincoln, you could do so much better.”
“You begged me not to leave you on that beach. I remembered your words when I came to. Well, I’m asking the same thing. Please don’t leave me, Jensyn. You can rest now. Let go of your past. You do not have to be anyone’s ‘Perfect 10’ ever again. As long as you know, now and always, you are the perfect one for me.