The man unnerved me. “Seriously, I thought you’d offered a truce. Will you and I be able to have any serious conversations without carnal overtones? Lucas asked me to come here and help with your writing. I’m positive that didn’t include servicing you physically. You being a famous writer and all, somehow you’ve concocted some wild fantasy about us getting horizontal, and it’s just that, a fantasy, because you and I will never happen. I realize you’re used to having the female population at your beck and call, but I’m not them. The faster you come to accept what this really is, the quicker we can finish your book and I can be on my way,” I announced.
He was frustrating. This man assumed I’d just spread eagle for him and have at it. I laughed to myself because even though I hadn’t been part of the dating scene in many years, I had never been one to sleep around, even when I’d had every reason to. Xavier had never been faithful, but I was. I respected my vows despite him being a cheating-ass clown.
Evidently, men didn’t change. I’d witnessed the sexual advances my entire modeling career. Everyone was always trying to get into my pants. Maybe I should consider his erotic connotations complimentary, and I probably would have except for the fact he had no idea what I looked like. He just wanted sex.
Be careful, Jensyn. That desire cuts both ways.
Just because I’d lacked judgment one moment years ago did not mean I’d let my guard down now. Working with Lincoln was going to test my resolve because he would make it his daily vocation to break my defenses. I already knew that; I could tell. He possessed everything I coveted. He was gorgeous with the perfect body and a snarky attitude that matched mine, and he couldn’t see me.
I actually felt comfortable for the first time in many years. The only reservations I had were his sight returning unannounced and him being able to see who I really was. He wasn’t the only one who lived in a fantasy world. He allowed me to pretend I was beautifully normal and he desired me.
When he’d entered the living room in just shorts, it was all I could do not to drool. My immediate thoughts went to sliding my hand up and down that muscled chest and those lickable abs. He was truly a gift of perfection wrapped in a bad-attitude bow.
I wanted to be empathetic. I had walked in his shoes. He wasn’t aware of that, and it seemed ironic we’d both endured such life-altering changes at the same age. This was the real reason Lucas sent me here. He knew I’d understand what his brother was going through. But after all these years, I’d barely been able to help myself. I was no therapist. I didn’t have any special powers of optimism. I hadn’t motivated myself to move forward, so it seemed ridiculous for Lucas to think I could master this challenge.
“Look, I know I said truce before, and I meant it. I swear. You’re an angel because you came to help me, and I know I should be more grateful. No matter what has happened to me, inside I’m still the same person I was before this shitstorm happened. And that person wasn’t an egotistical, demanding prick. I swear to God I’m going to try to be gracious and not so aggressive toward you. I’m asking you not to take anything I say to heart, because I’m angry with myself—not you. You’ve been nothing but kind, and I’ve been very unappreciative. I won’t make excuses except to say I’m a jerk with a shitty attitude. Definitely a bad combo. I don’t know you, but I promise if you stay, I’ll do better. I swear.”
I wished he could see the look on my face. I was feeling rather amused as I applauded. “Nice speech. Chapter eleven, book one.”
His brows shot up. “Well, hell, I thought it sounded great when I wrote it. I wanted to see if it would actually work.”
I chuckled. “I personally think it came across much better when Maxwell said it to Suzanne. If I remember correctly, she forgave him. Just so we’re clear, I’m not as easy to convince.”
“Duly noted. What can I do to persuade you to give me another chance?”
“If you want a clean slate, let’s start with a shirt. I’ll even go get one.” It would be impossible to get any work done if all I was doing was gawking.
I retrieved a tee and gave it to him. As I bent down, the aroma of cologne hit me. I hadn’t smelled it before, but being this close, I inhaled deeply. The prick. Now all my senses were coming alive. I watched as he pulled on the top.
“Better?” he asked, standing.
Not really. I enjoyed the view much more with just the shorts. “Yes, definitely. Now how about some fresh air? You can show me around the property before I tackle more domestic chores.”
His stance was stiff as he looked my way. “I don’t really go outside. All I need is some photographer to snap a picture of me looking like this. And how exactly am I supposed to show you anything? Blind man walking.”
I shook my head. “You seem to have an excuse for everything. I think your attitude will improve if you get some sunshine, and if you’re happy, that in turn will make my life easier.” I walked down the hall until I found his bedroom. It was a mess, and the smell rivaled what had originally hit me.
“Here, put these on. No one will ever know,” I stated, handing him a pair of dusty sunglasses. His hands fumbled with them until he seated them on his face. He looked like a sexy movie star. No wonder women went insane for this man.
“Okay, but won’t me stumbling around attract unneeded attention?”
“How do you know you’re even being stalked by the rag mags? They may not even be around.”
He pushed the sunglasses farther up the bridge of his nose. “Those fuckers have been around for years. Every chance they get. I saw my face in tabloids weekly. I suppose I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I mean the seeing part.”
I adjusted my own oversized shades, large enough to cover quite a few scars. “Okay, funny man, let’s take a walk.” I took his hand, meshing my fingers through his. Both of us wore flip-flops, and even though I was tall, he towered over me by almost half a foot.
He paused, dropping his head in the direction of our hands. “I got the distinct feeling you didn’t want to share any personal space with me.”
I chuckled. “I’m just helping you protect your image in case anyone’s around.”
“What about you? Aren’t you worried your reputation will get tarnished being cozy with a younger man and a famous one?” he inquired.
I hadn’t really thought that through. He brought up valid points. If we were seen together, there might be questions. I could be photographed, then researched. I said yes to helping Lincoln with the understanding my identity would be private. And here I was not thinking clearly. I couldn’t change my mind because that would require a reason. I didn’t have an answer for him.
I’d already set this little excursion in motion. It was late in the day, so chances were no one would be around. It would have been too humid and hot for them to wait him out, especially if this had been a daily pursuit. “I’m nobody. They wouldn’t care. I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for any unwanted visitors. I’m hoping this will be good for you.”
“Oh, you don’t have to convince me. I’m up for anything where I can hold your hand.”
I laughed. “Stop it. You were doing so well for five minutes. Don’t make me regret this decision.”
As we stepped across the threshold onto the porch, I felt his hand squeeze mine tighter. “Tell me what the weather’s like. I can feel the sun and it’s hot, no breeze, but is it clear today? Can you see the ocean waves? Are they flat, any swells?”
I pulled him from the porch and walked us to the edge of the hill. “Well, we had a little rain this morning. It’s clear now but for a few puffy clouds, and the ocean water… It’s hard to tell from this distance. Want to walk down the path?”
He dropped my hand. “No, it’s too steep. Fuck.” His voice was unsteady. “I hate this. This is bullshit. I’ve never been afraid of anything in my goddamn life, and now I’m paralyzed by fucking stairs. I wish I hadn’t woke up. That asshole should have killed me. I can’t live this way.”
My heart squeezed. His words sounded familiar. Tears welled in my eyes as I remembered wishing for death because the life I’d loved ended when that car hit me. Through his crushing words, I sensed someone else had caused this. Mine was an incident, but was his?
I reached for his hand again, allowing my thumb to run along his forefinger. “It’s all right, Lincoln. We can save that task for another day.”
He dropped my hand once more, grasping the nape of my neck. He was going to kiss me. No, this couldn’t happen. I pushed him backward as I ducked out of his grasp. “You can’t kiss me.”
“Why? What’s wrong with me thanking you? I’ve been without human stimulation for months. You being here has made me feel better. My world doesn’t seem so dark. It’s just a kiss. You can even critique me on my technique.” His mouth twitched in amusement.
My lungs expelled a deep sigh. “I don’t do kissing.”
The truth was it was the one thing I missed most about intimacy. Achieving an orgasm was easy with my toys, but they didn’t give me the satisfaction of physical contact. Kissing Lincoln would be a great achievement, considering I hadn’t lip-locked anyone in fifteen years. Even prior to the incident, Xavier was more about intercourse than foreplay, and once I knew about his adultery, he got neither. Our marriage was for publicity purposes only.
But I couldn’t allow a kiss between us. With his heightened awareness, he’d have access to every scar, pit, and gash. I couldn’t take that chance, even if my body wanted to. He was reaching for the only person he’d allowed into his world since it had gone dark. I needed to keep this professional, because if he and I “colored outside the lines,” we could both end up being burned.
It would only be a kiss.
I’d never be able to stop at a kiss. I was gravitating toward a man who made me feel whole. Made me feel beautiful. All because he was blind. His attraction to me was only because he couldn’t see my face. He accepted me because I’d stood my ground and probably because I’d read his books. He also finally relented to the fact that he needed help to accomplish his next book and much more. Ours would be a tricky alliance because he had a preoccupation with sex, and my one instinct was to keep him restrained.
I took his hand for the final time and walked him back into the house. “You know the outside could use some yard work. Don’t you have a groundskeeper?”
“You must be rich. A groundskeeper, no. A gardener, yes. Well, I used to.” He shrugged.
“You assume I’m wealthy because I call my gardener a groundskeeper. I have grounds.” I teased.
“I let him go a few months back. I couldn’t take the chance of him possibly finding out I’d been injured. I had concerns he’d tell someone.”
I guided him to the recliner so he could sit. “You do seem to have trust issues.” We have that in common. “Look, how about you give me his number and I’ll call him? We’ll say you’re out of town and I’m staying here in your absence. This is an easy fix.”
“I don’t get it. Why are you doing all this? If I know my brother, he asked you to help with my writing, not take care of the house and yard. I’m sure you have much better things to do than chaperone my blind ass.”
I leaned back on the sofa. “Actually, as I said, I’m retired, so this gives me something to do. I told you before I’m slightly OCD, and having your home and yard pulled together will benefit us both. I’ll make you something to eat before I go. I’ll come back tomorrow and bring groceries, along with your other requests. Anything in particular you love to eat?”
One eyebrow shot up as he stared at me seductively.
“Jesus,” I hissed.
“Hey, you asked. I can’t help it my mind went to that instinctively. And if I’m being honest, it is my favorite.”
I shook my head. “Food that I can pick up at the store, you degenerate,” I retorted, fatigued. I was tired. It had been a long day. It had been years since I had a job, and he was definitely work.
I put together two plates for him, one with sandwiches and another with pasta and sauce. He had limited food in the house. Tomorrow I would rectify that.
“Okay, I put your meals in two different containers. Those should get you by until tomorrow. I scratched numbers on the top. You’ll be able to feel them with a finger. One you can eat cold and the other just heat in the microwave for a couple minutes. The on switch is on the far right, and I put a piece of masking tape on the two minutes’ button so it’s slightly raised. That should make things easier for you, at least until we find a more permanent solution.”
“You are coming back? I mean, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t.” He sounded anxious.
“Of course. I wouldn’t leave you here starving and defenseless. Besides, I rather enjoy looking at your blind ass.” I teased.
He tossed his head back in amusement. “I thought you might.”
“Arrogance doesn’t suit you. Just stay the passive and soft-spoken man you are,” I said, biting back the sarcastic remark.
“I’ve been called an entire list of things, but soft-spoken and passive weren’t among them. I promised you I would attempt to keep my hands to myself and my lewd comments at a minimum. But it will be hard.” He smirked.
I stood, grasping my purse. “You just can’t help yourself, can you?”
He moved from the chair, following my voice. “It’s all I have now. Just my wit and humility. I guess I’ll have to learn to deal.”
I patted him on the arm. “I have a feeling you’ll do just fine if you behave yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow. And don’t forget to eat something. You do realize you’ve lost weight, right?”
“Yeah, I figured, maybe ten pounds or so. I need to use my weight room, that and eating actual food groups again. I need to give you money for the groceries. My wallet should be close to where you found these in the bedroom,” he said, twirling his sunglasses.
“We’ll settle up later.”
“So you are rich? Well, in that case, my second favorite thing to eat is swordfish.” He winked.
Somehow I knew it had to be fish.