I stayed the entire week. I did call Anai and told her a diluted version of what had happened. I could hear the sense of relief and optimism in her voice.
We finished the book. Of course, Lincoln’s idea of celebration was eating out, and not the delivery kind. We lay in bed, drinking wine and eating fruit. He wanted to go down to the beach, but I was reluctant. I couldn’t chance us being seen together again.
“I don’t give a shit. Let them take eight-by-ten fucking glossies. I don’t care. We’re not going to become prisoners because of the goddamn media vultures. I’m tired of being cooped up. Now that we’re out, so to speak, let’s be out.”
“They’ll know you’re blind. Somehow they’ll figure out who I used to be,” I announced harshly.
“Bullshit. I’ve been hiding it for months. I’m sure wearing shades will suffice. We aren’t talking about Mensa scholars; most of these guys are as dumb as a box of rocks. If I’m willing to chance it, you have to. Let’s face it, baby. I can’t really go without you.”
His points were valid since he couldn’t see. Shit. “Okay, I’m willing to compromise,” I muttered hastily.
“All right, I’m listening. But I mean it, Jensyn. I have to get out of the house before I go crazy.”
“How about going to my place? Anai will pee her pants when she meets you. I believe she’s your biggest fan. We can have dinner by the pool.”
His expression was one of contemplation as he stroked his chin. “You told her? I mean about me being blind.”
“She’s been with me for years. I was upset and in a dubious situation. This happened after my altercation with your editor. She can be trusted, but I have to warn you there will be swooning.”
He laughed, turning toward me on the bed, his hands immediately on my face. “As long as some of that swooning is from you. Does my visit include that tub you talked about? You did say it would fit two, if I remember correctly. You’re giving me hope, woman, taking me to your home. Now, if you let me fuck you in that bathtub—”
“Wait a minute. I thought we wouldn’t be fucking any longer, just making love. Your words.”
He sprang out of bed. “That depends. After you show me the tub, we’ll negotiate terms. But really…” He lowered his head and whispered, “If that marbled sex bath is how you described, it will be fucking, definitely.”
“Whatever you say. Now let’s pack you a bag. You might want to shower, too. My housekeeper has high expectations of Lincoln Bass. You’ll need to live up to that.”
He winked, which always threw me off. Because his eyes appeared normal, some of the movements startled me. I knew he had no sight, but there had been many times I was positive he could see. He had become an expert in hiding his blindness.
I called Anai and told her we were both going stir crazy and we planned a few days at the house. There was such a long pause that I thought she might have fainted. I could hear her screams of disbelief. After we hung up, I imagined between choosing menus and changing my linens, she had gathered every book she had, ready to be signed even though she knew he couldn’t see. I made sure she told the rest of the staff they weren’t needed for the next few days, but would be paid anyway. I needed to make certain Lincoln’s privacy was protected.
I packed a few things for him in a travel bag. He was brushing his teeth as he opened the door to let the steam clear. Lord have mercy, he was gorgeous. Standing tall and toned like a Greek statue. Even his cock was a work of art, hanging massively between his legs. It was times like this I was happy he couldn’t follow my stare.
I licked my lips as I moved closer, placing my hand on his lower back. I smiled because just my simple touch made his length swell. “No,” I scolded his dick. “Just taking inventory,” I remarked, tracing the curve of his ass.
He shrugged me off as he spit in the sink. “No time for that. Hold that thought until we’re in your bathtub. You have a private beach, too. Since you had sex there, I assume it’s fairly discreet.”
I snapped my hand back abruptly, returning to the bedroom. Lincoln followed my path. With an outstretched arm, he caught my shoulder. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way. Don’t be upset with me.”
“I just don’t enjoy dwelling on my past mistakes,” I replied, sitting on the bed. “I packed you a bag.”
“Come here.” He followed my shoulder, kissing up to my face. “I love you, baby. We all make errors in judgment, and most of them are preceded by copious amounts of booze or drugs. Been there many times. I’d like to say my stint with Kami was alcohol induced, but only the first time. The others were all me and my lousy lack of intelligence. I think I was just waiting until I met you. That’s how I knew my taste improved.”
“Oh, you do know how to sweet talk, don’t you? It must be how Maxwell gets out of the doghouse so many times. Poor Suzanne.”
He kissed me on the forehead, cheek, then lips. “Hey, she knew what she was getting into,” he uttered into my open mouth. As the kiss went deeper, he pushed his cock insistently against my thigh.
I pushed him away with a giggle. “Put on some shorts and saddle that horse. We have plenty of time for that later.”
He pouted, turning away, grabbing himself. I put a pair of khakis and a shirt into his hands before he closed the bathroom door. Five minutes later, he was dressed, sunglasses in hand. He found his way to the living room and sat on the sofa, slipping on a pair of sneakers. I held his bag as we walked out to my car. My eyes darted every direction in an attempt to see if we were being watched.
“Nice car. What is it?” he asked, sniffing, rubbing the leather seat.
“A Beamer,” I replied, sliding the seat belt across him. It must be odd not knowing his surroundings. At least in his own home, he had a sense of where everything was.
“Do you live close?” he asked as I started the car, pulling out of the drive.
“Twenty minutes away if traffic is good. I live on Tahia.”
“Ooh… fancy. That’s where the richy-rich live.” He jested.
I snorted. “Yeah, if that’s true, why didn’t you move there?”
“Because, honey, I wanted to live off the grid. Very few people want to own a private strip of beach where they can’t enjoy swimming or other water sports. I’m sure you read all about Keemo Island when you Googled me. It never deterred me. I love a challenge.”
“Sometimes I swear you’re crazy. When we first met, I wasn’t sure, but now, well, let’s just say…”
“But you love me anyway.”
There was a pang of anguish deep in my gut. I hadn’t responded when he said it. I didn’t want to. If I truly said those three words to him, then it became real. And right then, I wanted to relish in the possibility. I hated I was so full of self-doubt, but it was a hard habit to break after all these years and would take longer than this short time to rebuild myself.
“We’re here,” I announced, turning into my circular drive. Enormous metal gates grinded as they closed behind us.
“Sharpshooters on the roof? That sounded like a fortress gate. I guess we won’t have to worry about anyone getting in here—at least unannounced.”
“One of the many reasons I bought it. Seclusion and privacy. Five acres, not including the beach.” I bent, whispering in his ear, “I have an Olympic-size black pool you’ll love. I had tennis courts, but I hated the game, so they were converted into gardens and a greenhouse.”
“I guess modeling paid well. You didn’t get out of bed for less than ten grand, right?”
I laughed, shaking my head. “Let’s say I was highly compensated, but I hoarded it. I wanted something more, so I stashed it for a rainy day. I had no idea it would be a category-five hurricane.”
I grabbed his bag from the backseat as Anai stepped out on the landing.
“So happy you came home, Miss Jensyn, and this must be Mr. Bass. I have read all of your books.”
I stifled a laugh because she was acting like a young girl meeting her favorite pop star. I helped him out of the car so he could get his bearings, handing his bag to her.
“Glad to finally meet you, Anai. Please call me Lincoln,” he said, extending his hand.
Anai blushed profusely as she took it. “Oh, it is such an honor, truly. I can hardly wait until the next book. Maxwell and Suzanne, they are going to get married, maybe?”
“Ah. I can’t give away all my secrets. It wouldn’t be entertaining if I told you the plot before you read it. But I’ll make sure you get a copy before it goes on the shelves. Is that okay?”
“Yes, oh gosh, yes. So nice you are, and handsome.”
“See, all my fans love me,” he remarked, leaning into me.
“Come on, New York best seller. Let’s see if you can fit your ego through the front door,” I countered, guiding him into the house. I asked Anai to put his bag upstairs in my room. She shot me an envious smile as she walked upstairs.
“I’d ask you to show me around, but I suppose that would be pointless. So give me stats on the rooms. I already know about the landscape and the tub.”
I walked with him outside to the pool, and we sat in a shaded area with tables and chairs.
“Eight bedrooms, three baths, seventy-five hundred square feet. Library, exercise room, lots of space. To be honest, I never paid attention. I took the large master suite with that marble tub. It has a cute balcony where I can watch the sunset and see the ocean. It’s secure. I guess it’s home, at least for me.”
He reached, grappling to find me, then pulling my shirt. I ended up sitting on his lap. “I can’t see it, but I can visualize it. Sounds like a sweet setup. Thank you for allowing me into your sanctuary.”
I placed a soft peck on his lips as Anai rolled out lunch. She looked amused at our intimacy. “I’ve brought lunch. Cold roast beef sandwiches with coleslaw. I thought you might enjoy some fruit, so I made an açai bowl. For beverages, I wasn’t sure, so I brought tropical iced tea.”
“Sounds amazing,” I said, moving back to my chair. I watched as Anai set the plates down and arranged the silverware and napkins. “I’ll leave the fruit bowl on the cart. I thought maybe mango sherbet for desert since it’s so hot. Just let me know. Enjoy your afternoon.” She smiled, her eyes meeting mine in approval.
I placed Lincoln’s hand on the edge of his plate, giving him direction of where the food was. He took a big bite of the sandwich. “This is good, hot damn,” he announced, continuing with another bite as I nibbled on the edges of mine. “How long has she worked for you? You two seem close. I assume with a house this big, you require more personnel than just her.”
“She’s been with me for a long time. I actually went through quite a few housekeepers before her. Anai doesn’t take shit. We’ve developed a mutual understanding. She says what she wants and doesn’t back down. The others got scared off, but not her. I have a groundskeeper and several cleaning people, but I made them take a mini paid vacation. I was concerned you’d possibly be recognized, so I took precautions.”
“What about overnight staff? Does she stay?”
“Occasionally. Her husband is an airline pilot, so when he’s home, so is she.”
“You stay here alone?” he asked, wiping his mouth.
“I’m a big girl. Plus, this place is gated with top-of-the-line security and cameras. I’m not worried. I kind of think I look scarier than they would expect.”
He set his napkin down, his jaw clenched. “Jesus, Jensyn. Why would you think that, let alone say it? It breaks my heart knowing you think so little of yourself. Do you honestly think I would love someone like you if everything you felt was true? Having you in my life means more to me than anything. I could never put a value on how much you’re worth. I need you to believe that, regardless of what you see in the mirror. Your appearance is only a fraction of who you are.”
“I know why you’re such a huge writer. You always know just the right words to say. But I’ve been like this for too long to overcome my anxieties overnight. All I can say is I’ll try. I do want to be the person you love.”
His hand groped for mine. “I already love that person. Now I need you to love her.”
I leaned into him as his fingers intertwined with mine. “You know you’re one of a kind. I never would have guessed it could be like this after I first met you.”
He chuckled, dropping my hand as he felt for his beverage. I scooted it to his hand. “Honestly, I can be a prick, as you can attest to.” He stopped, taking a sip. “Okay, total transparency; I’ve been known to be an occasional asshole, long before I went blind. That only gave me more of an excuse, but in truth, I could be a shit, especially while writing.”
I grinned, thinking I’d lived with the biggest prick of them all, and I was doubtful Lincoln could even compete in that contest. “I’m used to douchebags after marrying one. Your behavior doesn’t even rank compared to his. Xavier was so arrogant he couldn’t possibly find another person to love him more than he loved himself.”
“I know your marriage was for show, but did you come to love him even a little?”
My eyes wandered over the landscape, taking in the view of the high sun. “No, I’ve never loved anyone before. I’m a novice at those feelings, except with you. I do love you down to my very core.” I chewed on my lip when I declared my feelings.
“Tell me again. I want to hear you say the words because I can’t see your expression.”
My chair scratched the concrete as I turned to face him. My hand brushed his cheek. “I love you.”
I stared into beautiful, compelling eyes that couldn’t see my absolution. It felt freeing to say those words even though I couldn’t ever truly commit, and I knew in the end, those emotions might cause me pain I’d never recover from. I felt sadness, but I wasn’t going to let it ruin this time with him.
We continued talking and eating, then decide to take a dip.
“I have a hot tub, too. I’m going to take our dishes in, then change. Be right back.”
He nodded, pulling off his shirt. I would never grow tired of seeing him sans clothes.
I piled our plates and the leftovers on the cart, leaving only the pitcher and our drinks. His arms reached out, and I bent to kiss him. “I need your lips to sustain me while you’re gone,” he murmured.
“Behave yourself,” I demanded, using his discarded shirt to swat him. My eyes followed his stare to where I could see the outline of his cock.
“You’d only know I was getting hard,” he stated, grabbing his dick, “if you were ogling. So you are just as naughty as I am. Now go change. I know we decided fucking in the ocean would be futile, but the pool, maybe easier?” he asked seductively.
I lowered my voice. “We can’t have sex out here, not in broad daylight. What if Anai sees us?”
“I’ll assume earth-shattering applause,” he mused arrogantly.”
“Oh, you are quite the comedian today. Just quench that thirst with iced tea, and I’ll be right back.” I rolled the cart to the sliding glass and pushed it into the kitchen.
“I would have gotten that for you, Miss Jensyn. Next time just use the intercom.”
I blushed. I’d forgotten the pool area had a speaker system. Hopefully, it was turned off. “I forgot about that. I had to change anyway. We’re going to take a swim and maybe walk the beach later,” I remarked, heading for the stairs.
“A swim, a walk,” she muttered under her breath. I turned just in time to see her standing with folded arms and a serious smirk. “I don’t think that man has swimming on his mind. And you would do best to take him up on anything he wants to do. Oh, he is a handsome one. And you were right. That picture on his book doesn’t do him justice. And he’s obviously smitten with you. You are one lucky woman.”
“Smitten. Really, Anai. Reading bodice-rippers again?” I asked, my eyebrows arching.
“He’s just so attentive. My husband was like that when we courted.”
Courted, smitten, is she eighty? “You know that may be only because he can’t see me. You understand that, right?”
“Don’t count yourself out just because you’re not that, whatever it was, ‘Perfect 10.’ Be happy such a man cares for you without his eyes. He’s judging you on your character, not this looks thing. If you ask me, that’s what is making all these young girls crazy, too much emphasis on weight, boobs, and face. You do understand there will always be someone more beautiful. But what you have inside is innately your own. That’s how he sees you. That is how he knows.”
I weighed her words, climbing the stairs. She was pretty damn smart. She roughly said what Lincoln had expressed. If others believed, why couldn’t I?
I changed into the new swimsuit I’d just purchased. I posed in front of the mirror. From the back, I looked perfect, unscathed. I grabbed a hat that would go with the suit and slipped on matching flip-flops. I didn’t know why the hat mattered. No one could see us. I removed it and brushed out my long hair, pulling it into a high pony. I slathered my face with sunscreen, then went back outdoors.
Lincoln had found his way to the edge of the pool. Blind or not, he would always be a risk taker. I walked down the pool steps and sat. “Kidney shaped or round?” he asked.
“Actually, kind of square and black. I had rock formations along with waterfalls placed all around the pool area to add decorative landscape. Give me your hand and let’s go sit in the hot tub. These old muscles need it.”
He waggled his sunglasses. “Too much aerobics? Better get used to it since banging you will be a daily thing.”
I gagged. “Excuse me? Are we reverting to the eighties? Bang again, seriously?” I took his hand as we padded to the Jacuzzi.
“Holy shit, are you trying to roast my nuts? It’s not Christmas, is it? Ouchy mama,” he said, sliding up to the edge.
“Hence the word hot tub.” I chuckled, sinking in to my neck. “By the way, I’ve never had roasted nuts.”
He ripped opened the Velcro on his trunks. “Care to sample the entree?”
“Put that thing away. Anai is old. You’ll give her a fright.” I laughed.
He sulked as he pressed his fly back together. “You are absolutely no fun. You expect me to be alone with you and not touch you. That’s just plain cold and undeserving. So how about we get in the pool and let my fingers do the walking…? Unless your housekeeper has goggles and can see underwater.”
I wouldn’t have submitted so easily, but his kisses, touches, and memories of him the night before made me slick with desire. My pussy ached with each delicious throb. He pushed himself upward and held out his hand. I clasped it, and he pulled me up into him. The hot water rushed over him as it dripped off me. He circled his arms around and crushed me into him, grinding every mouthwatering inch of his cock into me. Arousal slammed into me with such force I was ready to fall to my knees on hard concrete and suck him dry.
“Do you want me? Because you can feel how much I want you,” he whispered, warm breath licking the shell of my ear.
We strolled over to the stairs and walked into the pool until we were at the five-foot mark. He turned, embracing me once more as his hand slipped under the elastic of my bathing suit. He pulled my crotch to one side and delved with two fingers into my folds. I held on to him for dear life, my body screaming for him to go deeper. His lips nuzzled my earlobe. “Is this what you want? I can easily trade places and bury my cock in you.”
I sucked in a sob as two fingers crooked, strumming my clit. I kept one hand around his neck and reached below the surface of the water to stroke his erection.
“You think she’ll know if we come in the pool?” He groaned as I kept rubbing.
“Probably not, but I can’t make any guarantees about the pool boy,” I said, scraping my teeth along his shoulder. My core was now in drum mode as my flesh tingled and my legs began to feel like malleable clay. “I’m going to come. Go deeper,” I whispered as his fingers began fucking me with sudden fury. My spine tightened as relief spiraled upward. I ground my teeth, tears burning my eyes as my breath became short and uneven. He kissed me on the collarbone as I tore open his trunks and began fisting his length. “Come in my hand,” I said quietly. A few seconds later, I felt him grow and begin to tremble. I could barely tell the difference between his orgasm and the water sifting through my hand. But the feeling made my pussy clamp down on his fingers as I cried out in release.
“Well, I’ll go ahead and say it. We christened the pool. What’s next?” he spouted. I could still feel his fingers inside me. Testing, touching, and procuring every part of my body.
No wonder he could pen such explicit sex scenes. He mastered it. I suppose write what you know, and this man obviously knew women. I wondered how many others had known his touch and techniques and if any of them had loved him besides Kami.
“How long before the warden leaves?” he asked, finally removing his fingers while struggling to tuck himself back into his shorts.
“Very funny. She leaves after she makes dinner, usually about five.”
“She needn’t bother. I already know what I want to eat,” he said, picking me up. I slid down along his chest until my feet hit the bottom of the pool.
“You know you kind of have a one-track mind. I’m sure you’ve been told that before.”
He chuckled. “So sue me. I want to have sex with the woman I love nonstop. I almost lost you, and now that we have everything out in the open, I’m taking advantage of it. You won’t marry me, so can I at least pretend a honeymoon?”
I lightly slapped him on the chest. I assumed wanting to marry me was a last-ditch effort on his part to keep me from running. In truth, I would do it, but not until I felt confident enough that my appearance didn’t matter, and I already knew that would never happen.
We dried off, then lay on chaise lounges, talking. He revealed a possible plot for his next book. I reminded him before he even considered another book, he needed to see the doctor. The continual flashes that caused him agony were getting closer together and more intense.
“You make the appointment and I’ll go. You can come with me.”
There was no way we could be seen together, especially in such a public place. “I’ll have Lucas take you. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” I sighed. “Lincoln, it’s too public. Even if it weren’t because of you, I still wouldn’t go. I don’t like being so exposed. Please don’t make me feel guilty.”
“I hadn’t planned to.” He sat up in the chair, whipping his hand through his hair. “I know you’ve patterned your life for a long time, being private. But at some point, we should both be honest. What if I am blind forever?”
Works for me. I chastised myself for being so selfish. I knew full well what the proper response should be, but I wasn’t able to articulate it.
He swung his legs over the lounger toward me. “Wait. That would resolve everything for you. Your silence tells me it’s true. Wow, I wish I was surprised, but you previously admitted how you felt. I just thought maybe you changed your mind because I said I loved you and your appearance would never change that fact. You do know if we were on opposite ends of this scenario, I would always want the best for you. I suppose you and I have vastly different definitions of love.”
I sat up, reaching for him. “I’m a bad person. Is that what you want me to say? I’m narcissistic. For the first time in years, I feel as though I’m living an ordinary existence. I do love you, Lincoln, more than I thought possible, and that’s why I’m afraid. You’re saying these words to a woman you can’t see. What happens when your vision returns and the first thing you see is my horrible face? You say it won’t matter, but I’m terrified because I know it will.”
“Jesus, we’ve gone over this,” he spit out, his jaw ticking. “I’ll be honest. I may be shocked initially, and not because of your scars. But because I’ll be able to see all the pain, every single second of it since that accident. It’s one thing for someone to describe it and another to see it firsthand. But, baby, that’s not going to change any of this.” He pounded on his heart. “It doesn’t matter because you don’t believe a single word I say. I guess the proof will be if my sight returns. And if it doesn’t, then I’ll just have to live with the fact that you never trusted me.”
I sat next to him on the chair. “You’ve given so much. You provided me with stability I never thought I’d have. Honestly, being with you is the happiest I’ve ever been. Having someone like you love me, sometimes it feels surreal.”
His hand found my face, and he cupped my cheek. “Look, I feel everything you do. Do you think it hasn’t crossed my mind that if I'm truly blind, permanently, I’d become a hardship to you? You would forever have to care for me. Sure, I can do shit for myself. But there are a million other things I always took for granted. These are the tasks you’d have to undertake.”
“You would never be a hindrance. I love doing things for you. It makes me feel like I have value.”
“Okay, then we complement each other. You are worth everything to me. So don’t ever think it’s me in doubt, because it’s only you who has second thoughts. Me loving you, I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life. I just want to give you the life you’ve earned. Never confuse me with those assholes who abandoned you in your time of need. This can work, Jensyn, because we have each other.”
“No matter what happens, always know I do love you,” I said softly.
His expression turned serious. “You promised you wouldn’t leave me, and I’m holding you to it.”
I won’t have to honor that promise because you’ll leave me in the end.