Chapter Five
Samantha
It’s been six days since the night I received that bizarre phone call from Zack and I haven’t heard from him since. My week has been uneventful to say the least, I’ve tried to keep myself occupied, focusing on work and hanging out with Jason. Rachel’s tried to meet up with me a few times but I’m ashamed to say I purposefully avoided taking the time to catch up with her. I feel terrible about it but I really can’t handle hearing her talk about the wedding right now, I know I can’t keep it up forever but for now… I just can’t deal with it.
Today is Friday and it’s time for me to be leaving work. I probably should have gone home half an hour ago but I was delaying the inevitable. Rachel practically begged me to go to my mum’s house after work, Zack’s going to be there and he’s bringing his parents so they can officially meet my mum and the rest of Rachel’s family, including me. I’m practically shaking with nerves at the thought of seeing him again. How the hell am I supposed to be around him? Should I act like nothing even took place? Pretend like the phone call and strange text messages he sent me didn’t happen?
I’m standing in front of the mirror in the ladies bathroom where I work, the majority of the kids have gone home and the manager told me I could leave thirty minutes ago… and yet I’m still here. I reach into my handbag for my lip gloss, applying a tiny amount before tugging a hairbrush through my blonde hair. I have a spare pair of clothes in my bag which I packed this morning, I knew I’d have to head over to my mum’s straight from work and didn’t want to provoke that cruel temper of hers by being late like I was last week.
“Samantha, are you ok? The last one’s just left.” My manager asks, poking her head around the toilet door.
“I’m fine, I just have to change and then I’ll get going.” I reply dismally, pulling my aqua blue coloured blouse out of my bag as well as my smart pair of black trousers, teamed with the black high heels I’m already wearing, I’m hoping my outfit will be ok.
“Is that what you’re wearing? It’s a gorgeous colour.” Audrey says, stroking the silky fabric of the blouse in my hands.
“Thanks, it’s new but I’m still pretty sure my mum will have something bad to say about it.”
“You two don’t get along?” She speculates, a sympathetic expression on her face.
“Understatement of the century.” I murmur, raising my eyebrows up at her.
“Listen, I’ll leave you to get changed. See you in a minute.” She smiles at me before closing the door on her way out.
“Thanks, Audrey. I won’t be long.” I call after her, hurrying to remove the shirt I’m already wearing.
Fifteen minutes later and I’m on my way, Audrey insisted on giving me a lift part of the way and dropped me off five minutes away from mum’s house. Audrey’s a great manager and made me feel welcome right from the start. She’s around my own mother’s age and I suppose I’ve now started to see her in a maternal light. I’ve not yet disclosed anything too personal to her but I think she’s beginning to understand how things are between me and my family. She’s someone I would turn to if I needed advice and if it was any other problem I was having, I’d confide in her for sure.
The butterflies in my stomach are out of this world, I can barely bring myself to knock on the front door. They’re all bound to be in there by now and I hate being the last one to arrive. I don’t even know why I have to be here, Rachel called me last night and begged to come, saying I had to go because I’m her sister and her Maid of honour. She left me feeling so guilty, I had no choice in the matter. I know I have to get over this peculiar feeling of being jealous and the only way I can do that is to face it and face them. Together. Zack isn’t mine, he doesn’t belong to me and I have no right to want anything different.
My knock on the front door is hesitant, I swear I almost make a run for it before anyone answers. A tall and handsome middle aged man greets me, opening the door with a joyful smile on his face and a drink in his hand.
“You must be Samantha? I’m Eric, Zack’s father.”
He holds his hand out for me and I take it, more than a little surprised to be greeted so warmly. It certainly makes a change to the usual reception I get from my mum.
“Nice to meet you.” I reply quietly, taking in his broad stature and smart suit.
He’s sophisticated like his son and it’s not hard to see where Zack gets his rugged good looks from. The only difference is that Eric’s brown hair is salt and pepper grey.
“You coming in? They’re all in the lounge.”
“Thanks.”
I slip past him, deciding to keep my coat on. I’d feel too conspicuous removing it in front of this man. I don’t usually feel all that comfortable with men on his age and that’s got nothing to do with him it’s… well, I don’t ever allow myself to think about that. Never.
“Aw, Sam. You made it!” Rachel welcomes me as soon as I enter the room, making her way over towards me.
“I can’t stay too long, Jason’s coming over later on.” I lie, trying to return her enthusiasm.
I can already feel his intense gaze on me. I felt it the moment I stepped through the door and I can see him out of the corner of my eye, watching me intently. I refuse to look directly at him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he affects me. I especially feel his penetrating gaze when I remove my coat. It’s as though my body can sense his scorching hot glare piercing my soul.
“Hi, I’m Sharon, Zack’s mum. It’s so lovely to meet you.”
A smiling lady walks over towards us and gives me a friendly hug. I’m a little surprised by her gesture and it takes me a few moments to return her affection.
“I’m Rachel’s sister, Samantha.”
“Of course! The Maid of honour! You’re going to look just as beautiful as your sister on the day. You’re stunning.” She beams at me, her eyes sparkling with happiness.
“Thank you.” I murmur softly, averting my gaze away from hers.
I can feel my mother’s harsh glare from across the room, she’s talking to Zack and his father but I can feel her watching my every move, undermining every single thing I do.
The meal I have to sit through is extremely uncomfortable. Sharon, Zack’s mother is to my right and I’m seated across the table from Zack and Rachel. My mother and Eric are at the head of it on either end. I spend most of the time staring at my plate, hardly eating anything and barely joining in with the conversation. Sharon makes an effort and tries to include me but I rebuke every attempt she makes to discuss the wedding or my role in it.
Zack hardly speaks either, he remains silent for the majority of the night. Only talking when he absolutely has to or someone directs a question at him. My mum puts on a great show, portraying the perfect image of a doting mother. She’s cordial to me but doesn’t say much else. The main part of the evening is focused on the wedding, the arrangements that need to be made and the venues that still have to be booked. Rachel’s asked four other girls to be her bridesmaids, two of them are friends from school and a couple she knows from living in London. Zack’s best man is going to be his brother who I’m told has recently come back home to be with his family for a few weeks. He works away as well but will return for the wedding which will take place four months from now.
“How come he couldn’t be here tonight?” My mum asks, taking a sip of her extraordinarily expensive wine.
“He had a prior engagement and sends his apologies. He’ll be sure to come next time.” Sharon explains, placing her own wine glass back on the table.
“I’ve only met him the once but he sure is handsome. I can’t wait for you to meet him, Samantha.” Rachel grins at me across the table, giving me a pointed look.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. I know exactly what she’s insinuating and I can’t even begin to explain how uninterested I am.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zack snaps angrily, shifting in his seat to face Rachel.
All of us are taken aback by Zack’s outburst, the five of us stare at him in amazement, wondering about the reason for his anger.
“I don’t mean anything by it. It’s just… Sam’s going to be my Maid of honour and Jamie’s going to be your best man. You know what they say about weddings, they bring people closer together and I think they’d make a perfect couple.”
“Rachel!” I protest loudly, my face turning crimson.
“What? I’m only playing. Zack knows that, don’t you, baby?” She strokes her fingers across the back of his hand, forcing me to look away.
I know I need to get a hold of my inappropriate feelings but that doesn’t mean I want to witness their intimacy, not yet.
“You better be joking.” Zack tells her, his jaw clenched, his pulse flickering.
“Zack, what on earth’s got into you?” His mum asks, leaning across the table. She looks really concerned and I can’t say I blame her. His behaviour is unsettling to say the least.
“Nothing, I’m sorry. I’m just tired, I’ve not been sleeping too well lately.” He murmurs quietly, fixing his stare onto the tablecloth before him.
“Maybe it’s because you’ve been sleeping alone.” My sister responds, drumming her fingernails against her glass.
The atmosphere is incredibly awkward all of a sudden. None of us say anything and the prolonged silence seems to go on and on. Zack’s mum is the first to break it, clearing her throat before speaking.
“Miranda, do you need a hand with the dishes? I’m more than happy to help.” She offers, rearranging her knife and fork in the centre of her plate.
“Don’t you worry about that, I’ll take care of it. Just go on into the other room and make yourself comfortable. The girls can help me clean up.”
I glance up at my mum, surprised and more than a little shocked. She’s never referred to me and Rachel like that before, most of the time she acts like I don’t even exist.
“I’ll help.” Zack says, locking those magnificent eyes onto mine.
“Don’t be silly, go on through with your parents. We’ve got this covered.” My mum waves him away cheerfully, standing to her feet as she begins to clear the plates away.
“I really don’t mind.” He tells her firmly.
“But I do. Now go on.” She smiles falsely, insisting that he goes on with his parents.
The three of us are left alone to clear the table and I can’t help wondering what mum’s got up her sleeve. Why was she insisting that the three of us do the tidying up? Normally she leave me to clean up the mess and go on ahead with Rachel.
“Samantha, leave me and Rachel alone for a moment. I want to talk to her.” Mum startles me, firmly taking hold of my wrist before guiding me over to the door.
“I thought you wanted me to help you clean up.”
“I did but now I’m telling you to go somewhere else.” She says harshly, narrowing her mean eyes at me.
“Mum…” Rachel intercepts, sighing heavily.
“I want to speak to you alone, is that so difficult?” She holds her hands out as though she’s trying to reason with a difficult child.
“But you don’t have to speak to her like that. It’s not nice.”
I give Rachel a weak smile, showing her I appreciate her kindness to me. I always have and always will.
“Whatever. Just go, Samantha. I don’t even know what you’re doing here.”
“She’s here because I asked her to be. She’s my sister and she’s a part of this wedding whether you like it or not.” Rachel snaps defensively.
“Rach, its fine. I have to get going anyway.”
“Sam, you don’t have to go.” She says softly, walking over towards me.
“No, it’s fine. I’m tired from work and I really should get going.”
If I’m being honest, I’m glad for the excuse to go. I love my sister and my presence is not worth making her unhappy. I give her a hug before glaring at my mother on my way out. Fuck knows what her problem with me is tonight, I’m beyond the point of caring. I gave up trying to figure out her motives years ago.
I know I should say goodbye to Zack and his parents but I don’t know what excuse I should give for the reason why I’m leaving so early. I think about it for a moment before deciding I’ll just slip out and no one will be any the wiser. It’s not like I’m needed here anyway.
I’m walking down the hallway when I feel a warm breeze coming from the balcony and out into the hall. I figure someone must have left the door open and hasten my steps into the room that leads out to the sliding doors. Nothing prepares me for what I find there, it makes me gasp and reconsider my next move before I take another step.
Zack.
He’s all alone, leaning against the balcony railing with his back to me. Every single instinct I have is screaming at me to run, I know I’ll be putting myself in danger if I go out there and the best thing for everyone is for me to leave quietly. I’m just about to sneak out when he interrupts me. His cold, detached voice cutting through the silence like a knife.
“Leaving so soon?”
It’s like history is repeating itself. Those are the exact words he said to me last week when I was trying to sneak out, the night he cornered me in the hallway and insisted on taking me home.
“Yeah, I’m pretty tired.” I run my fingers through my hair, sighing wearily.
“And Jason’s coming over.” He stares at me coolly, closed off and almost cruel. His eyes sparkle with contempt and it hurts to see his anger directed at me.
“What?” I ask incredulously, taking a step back from him.
“When you first got here you said your friend was coming over later.” He responds simply, leaning against the doorframe in a casual stance.
“Oh, right.” I force a smile of recognition on my face, hoping I somehow managed to fool him.
“You were lying.”
“Excuse me?”
“He’s not coming over.” He speaks confidently, smirking at me as he closes the distance between us.
“What makes you say that?”
“I can read you and I know when you’re lying.”
God, he’s so arrogant it makes me sick. Who the hell does he think he is?
“Please, you hardly know me.” I turn my back on him but he locks those strong fingers around my delicate wrist, tugging me back.
“Maybe you’re right but I know more than you think.” He whispers huskily.
“You don’t know the first thing about me.” I exclaim fiercely, pushing my palms against his chest as I try to put some space between his body and mine.
“I know that you feel this. Whatever the hell you want to call this fucked up thing between us, you feel it and you know exactly what I’m talking about. I can feel your pulse beating underneath my fingers, it’s erratic and uncertain. You’re breathing heavy and your eyes are almost closed.”
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about but you need to let go of me. Right now.” I demand bitterly, trying to free my wrists from his grasp.
“I’ll let go if you promise me you won’t turn your back on me again. All I want is five minutes with you, Samantha. Come outside with me for five minutes and I’ll let you go.”
“Why?”
“Please. Before we’re interrupted.” He begs, tightening his hold on me.
“Fine.” I acquiesce, allowing him to pull me outside onto the balcony.
He closes the sliding door behind us and walks over to the railing. He waits a few moments before turning around to face me, crossing one ankle over the other and folding his arms across his chest.
“We need to talk.” He says curtly.
“About…”
“Don’t play dumb. You know what I’m talking about.” He replies harshly.
“Has this got something to do with the reason you called me last week.” I ask.
“Yes.”
“And?”
“Look, I meant what I said when I phoned you. I need to talk to you and we can’t do that here. After I take my mum and dad home tonight… can we talk? I can pick you up or I could come over? Whatever you want, Sam. I’ll do it.”
I gape at him in astonishment. He wants to see me? Alone? He wants to come over to my place? The idea makes with tremble with anticipation and fear.
“I don’t know what to say.” I whisper, shaking my head from side to side. It’s like I’m in a trance, one I’m desperate to pull myself out of.
“Say yes. This needs sorting and we need the privacy to be able to talk alone.” He insists, fixing those chocolate brown eyes onto my own.
“Zack, you’re my sister’s fiancé. She loves you and you love her, whatever you want to discuss with me is not as important as that fact.”
“Don’t you think I know all of that? Do you know many hours I’ve spent torturing myself over this?! It makes me sick to my stomach but I can’t help it, there’s nothing I can do to control any of this and that’s why I’m begging you to do this.” He pleads with me, an agonized look on his face.
I breathe deeply, considering every single implication that could be the result of what he’s asking me to do. I know I’ll be playing with fire if I agree to meet with him but if I don’t… how the hell are we supposed to get past this? How are we supposed to be around one another and act as though nothing’s happened? It would be impossible and that’s reason enough for him to be able to convince me that I’m right.
“Ok.” I sigh wearily, playing with the necklace around my neck. This is something I always do when I’m nervous and I’ve been more terrified than I am right now.
“You mean it?” His eyes widen in disbelief, as though he can hardly believe I’ve actually agreed.
“Yes.” I mumble quietly, looking at the floor beneath my feet.
“Good. I’ll text you as soon as I leave here and once I’ve dropped off my parents, I can come over to yours.”
“No, you can’t come over to my place. I’d rather you pick me up.” I tell him hastily, knowing that there’s no way I’m going to have him in my apartment. I don’t trust him and I certainly don’t trust myself.
“Sure, whatever you want.” He replies agreeably, placing both of his hands inside his trouser pockets.
He’s wearing another suit tonight, it’s black and looks really expensive. He’s so far out of my league it’s not even funny. He’s a successful and accomplished architect and I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. Working part time in a children’s nursery is not something I see myself doing forever. I still haven’t found that special something, the passion I want to chase after or the career that will truly make me happy.
“I have to go.” I tell him, placing my hand on the door handle behind me.
“How are you getting home?” He asks, pushing himself off the balcony railing, closing the distance between us.
“I’ll call a taxi. I’ll wait outside until it turns up.”
“I don’t like the idea of you getting a cab this late.” He frowns, clearly unhappy with the idea.
“Zack, it’s only nine o’clock. Besides, I’m not your fiancé. You don’t need to worry about me.” I reply coarsely.
“There’s no need to be like that.”
“I have every reason to say those things and you know it.” I glower at him, angry with this man for making me question everything, everything I ever thought about myself and believed in.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He hangs his head, his hands still in his pockets. He looks ashamed and it’s enough to make me feel guilty over my harsh words.
“Look, I really have to go and they’ll be wondering where you are.”
There’s a moment of silence between us, our gaze meets and we hold onto it for several seconds. I finally break away from it, tucking a stray strand of my hair behind my ear.
“I’ll see you soon.” He whispers.
“Bye.” I mumble softly.
“I mean it, Samantha. If I don’t hear from you I’m coming over anyway. I won’t take no for an answer. There’s things we need to discuss.”
“I know, Zack. I know.”
“Good. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”
I nod my head, taking one look back at him before opening the sliding door back into the house. I scurry into the hallway to retrieve my coat. I don’t know who hung it up for me but I know it wouldn’t have been my mum. Maybe it was Zack’s mum? She seems like a really lady and it’s not difficult to see where he gets his friendly manner and impeccable manners from. That’s what makes me feel so bad about leaving without saying goodbye, I know it doesn’t make me look good, especially when his mum and dad were nothing but polite to me all evening.
I phone a taxi and decide to wait for it outside, it’s a warm night and it’s not quite dark yet so I don’t mind. My conversation with Zack keeps on racing through my mind whilst I wait, I can scarcely believe I’ll be alone with him in a couple of hours. It’s the last thing I want as well as being the thing I want the most. I’m torn when it comes to how I should deal with the situation, a part of me knows how much of a betrayal it is to even meet with him behind my sister’s back. I’m not stupid enough to believe he wants to talk to me about something innocent, he wouldn’t ask to speak with me in private if it was merely something about the wedding and that’s the bit I’m so afraid of.
My taxi pulls up a few minutes later and I step in it, allowing myself one final glance behind me as it turns out of the driveway. I notice a tall silhouette in the centre of the front room window, watching me drive away. The sight of him ignites a flame deep down inside of me, one which roars to life, flickering and crackling with a scorching heat, ready to explode at any moment. I know I don’t have the strength to turn my back on this, from the first moment I saw him… I just knew. I knew something inside of me had shifted, for better or worse he was going to be important to me, he was going to matter and he was going to change everything. I had no idea it would happen so soon but I knew something between us would take place. We were inevitable, I knew we would be catastrophic, I knew our attraction would be fatal.
Fatal attraction.
Famous last words.