CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

We pull into my driveway laughing as my mom tells Lily about Jake’s teenage years and his squeaky voice.

“He wouldn’t leave the house for months,” she says, while trying to control her giggling.

The laughter halts when we all notice all the cars at my house. I know the silver car is Dom’s; however, I don’t who owns the black one.

I’m glad all the guys are here. It’s time I told Kanye about Donovan. I should have told him this morning. I knew before I left what my decision would be. I have an amazing boyfriend, a wonderful family. I don’t want to give all that up. Marco already stole five years of my life. I won’t let Donovan rob me of anymore.

I’m getting stronger every day. The memories are there; they poke and probe at me when they realize I’m not listening to them. They demand attention, but with the help of Kanye and my family, my days are now filled with happy, loving moments that turn into good memories. They are slowly overtaking the ugly.

The good days wipe away the rawness of my nightmares. The more days that pass when I don’t think about those painful memories, the less I remember how I felt. I know they were horrible times in my life and I recognize I will never forget them, but to be able to lessen the feelings associated with those moments is a possibility. I’m living proof, because every day another moment goes by, and I realize my days were filled with laughter, not tormented memories.

And with Kanye and Dr. Zeek’s help, my confidence is building to great heights.

Lily gives Mom a quick hug from the front seat and exits the car.

I sit forward from the back, reach around and give her a big hug.

“Loved seeing my little girl smile and laugh today, Emmy.” I lean back and smile at my mom.

“I’m happy, Mom, and I’m going to be okay.” I give Mom a peck on the cheek and say, “Tell Dad I said hi and I love him.”

My mom smiles huge, her eyes glassy with happy tears, and my heart expands to almost bursting knowing it’s because of me.

I exit the car, Lily comes and stands beside me while we wave to my mom as she drives away.

We turn and begin walking to my front door.

“So whose black car do you think it is?” Lily asks.

I know what she’s thinking. A black shiny car, almost exactly the same one Marco had in his empire.

“No idea, but I know what you’re thinking.”

“I can’t see a black car anymore and not think about him,” she whispers.

I reach out and hug Lily firmly. She gasps, surprised at my sudden comfort for her.

“Me too, but just like everything else, it will one day change as well.”

I pull back and Lily stares at me for a moment and then smiles.

“I’m so happy you’re doing well, Em. You deserve everything life has to offer. You have the bravest soul and the purest heart, just like my baby sister,” Lily ends softly with a small smile.

That’s a huge compliment and I’m going take it and try to live up to it for Lily, and for her sister Sasha.

We smile and walk up the porch stairs. I turn the handle on the door and go to step through the entry. We don’t get very far; the door is yanked from my hands and I have five sets of angry eyes staring at me.

Lily jumps back surprised, and I hear Jake curse and then he says, “Lil, come here, baby.”

Lily goes straight to him. They embrace and he kisses her on the head. He then looks to me with a disappointed stare. I know that expression. I’m in trouble.

My eyes swing to Kanye and see his are furious, his lips pressed together and his jaw tight. He seems as if he can barely contain his anger at me.

What the hell is going on?

I glance left and find Dom and Nick are also looking at me unhappily. Dom’s shaking his head at me, but it’s the man next to them which has my eyes widening in shock. Joseph O’Connor.

Uh oh. Did Alexa tell him what we’ve been planning? No she wouldn’t. Last I heard, she was hiding from Joseph.

Carefully and gently I say, “Someone want to tell me why I’m getting the evils from everyone and what he,” I nod in Joseph’s direction, “is doing in my home?”

Joseph’s face softens at my words and his expression turns apologetic. I didn’t mean to be rude, but his presence is a shock. I know he was trapped just as much as I was and I know he helped free me, but why the hell is he in my house?

“We found your emails to Alexa,” Kanye states; his tone is tight. He’s trying very hard to restrain his anger.

Shit!

“I can explain—” I start, but Joseph cuts me off with a question.

“Do you know where she is?” His tone is slightly pleading.

“No, I only know she was in New York when we last spoke,” I answer and he starts firing off more questions to me.

“How did you find her? Why are you both doing this? You know how dangerous that man is yet you have her following him.”

The last is more like a statement than a question. His words hit me hard. He’s right. This whole time Alexa has been in danger while doing what I asked her to do. I never once thought about her safety. I just wanted to know where Donovan was and it appears I would do that at any cost.

Disappointment seeps into my bones and my shoulders slump. That’s not the kind person I want to be.

I step forward to get my laptop to tell her straight away to stop, to get away from Donovan now. However, Kanye steps in front of me like an angry bull, his breathing heavy and his eyes piercing mine with anger so visible I fear I might go up in flames.

“Answer the questions, Emily,” Kanye clips to me.

Oh, God, he’s furious and it’s all directed at me. I deserve it. I should have told him sooner.

I stare into Kanye’s eyes as I say my next words, knowing they are going to hurt him. “Every time I saw her for my injuries, she would give me the same number. Saying if I escaped and needed help, to call her. I memorized the number. I had to see her a lot,” I ended on a whisper, hoping Kanye didn’t hear the last part.

Kanye’s expression twists into pain with my words and I know he heard it all. His muscles untighten and I watch the anger leave his body and his posture shows defeat. He moves back and sits on our stairs. Dropping his face to his hands, I hear his muffled, heavy breaths through his hands.

I step toward Kanye. “I was coming home to tell you everything.”

Kanye gazes at me with a lost expression.

“I wanted revenge, and I still do, but I want to find another way to achieve it. A safer way. I know going after him on my own is too dangerous. Please understand, revenge was all that kept me going some days.”

Jake clears his throat and says, “Boys, let’s take our plans to my place. We’ll leave Em and Kanye to work this out alone.”

I give my brother a small smile to thank him and he comes to me and gives me a tight hug. “I’m so mad at you, but I understand and I’m proud of you for realizing we can’t lose you again, ever again.” I nod into his chest and a few tears escape.

He lets me go and Lily gives me a quick hug and whispers in my ear, “It will all be okay. And next time, include me in your kickass girly revenge plan.”

Jake notices my smile and narrows his eyes at Lily. She just shrugs and he looks to the ceiling and curses under his breath before they both leave.

Dom and Nick give me hugs next, nice warm brotherly hugs.

Dom whispers that he saw me smiling when I came in and says he’s happy for me. He then instructs me to stop giving Kanye heart attacks.

Nick informs me of how incredibly dangerous I behaved. He gives me a soft kiss on my cheek and whispers, “Chin up, Em, things are looking up.”

Dom and Nick leave together.

Joseph is the last to leave. His expression hints at the thousands of things he wants or is too scared to say to me. He leaves with a simple a chin lift and closes the front door.

The sound of the door closing echoes around the house and points out just how silent and awkward it is between Kanye and me at the moment.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper into the room.

Kanye glances up from the ground to me and what I find in his eyes kills me. His face shows just how hurt he is. How hurt, sad and betrayed he feels.

“Just this morning you emailed Alexa back and said you would get back to her with your plans. I’m struggling here, Emmy. I don’t understand how you could just this morning think about leaving me, disappearing again, and possibly never come back to me. Did you ever think about me? What I would go through when I found you gone. What I would go through if you fucking died!” he ends with a roar.

I step back, not because I’m afraid; I know Kanye would never hurt me. I move because of my aching heart and sickened stomach. I feel sick at how much I’ve hurt him with these simple actions and emails.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I did think of you. You are the only reason I didn’t leave when I first received the email that he was in Mexico, you and my family. I wish you could understand how much I needed that back then, the possibility of revenge. This morning, the only thing that stopped me telling Alexa to stop and that I was telling you, was wanting to be there at his final moments. I know with you and Jake handling this, I will be as far away from him as possible. I thought I needed to see him go, see him suffer, but today, I realized I don’t need that. Knowing he’s gone will be enough because I have you all and that’s all that matters. I won’t let him take more years from me.”

Kanye shakes his head and my stomach plummets as I see my words are having no effect on him. He’s too hurt.

“I wish I could believe that. You’ve spent the last four months lying to me. The last two months telling me you were trying, and the last three weeks making me believe I had my Emmy back forever. Meanwhile, you’ve been planning on leaving to fight an impossible fight and knowing you would probably never make it back to me.”

Tears prick my eyes as Kanye speaks the truth.

Kanye stands from the steps and I see his eyes are now glassy. “I have fought for you every day. I fight for us every day, and now I find out I was fighting for nothing, for you to leave me when you found a way, a chance to get away unseen.” He says the last few words with an incredulous tone.

I shake my head repeatedly while tears fall fast and thick from my eyes. “No, I mean, yes. No, argh, I was confused back then. I was lost and full of hate, Kanye. I thought finishing him, finishing what he started would help me move on. I know better now. I know the only way to move on was to let you in, let my family in and to accept the help I needed. You fought for us and won. I decided not to go after him. I’m fighting for us now. I was too weak back then, but I’m not now.”

“You decided months too late, Emmy.”

Kanye’s words pierce my heart like no words have ever done before. What does he mean? And what does this mean for us?

Kanye steps to the table and picks up his car keys.

“I’m going to Jake’s.”

I freeze on the spot, that’s it. He’s just going to Jake’s, no more talking about this.

Kanye walks to the back door and I hear him lock it. He walks straight past me without a glance and opens the front door. I grab hold of the handle to stop him from shutting the door on me and this conversation.

“Wait, I think we should work this out before you leave, Kanye.” I try to make my words come out strong but they appear more like a plea.

“I can’t. I’m too angry.” He stops and takes a big breath. “I just spent four years of my life searching for you. Dying on the inside without you, and you were just going to leave and put me through that again,” Kanye says sadly, resigned. Is he giving up on me?

I slowly release the door handle as the fight in me dies. Kanye stares into my eyes for only a second longer before he closes the door in my face.

Tears slide out of my eyes and my heart constricts. Every fiber of my being is screaming at me to go after him, but he’s right. What I did was wrong. I knew that though, all along.

Revenge played me like a fool.