CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Kanye picks me up off the floor, carries me to his car and drives us home. Home. I can say that now. Our home. Weight lifts off my shoulders as I decide to move forward in my life with Kanye by my side. No more fighting to save him. He’s determined to go down with me. Maybe Lily’s right. Maybe if we fight, together we can make it. We can come to a place in our life that’s bearable. I don’t think I’ll ever be whole, but if I can just find the halfway mark, it might be enough to give Kanye the life he deserves.

On the ride home, he calls my dad to tell him we had to leave. We arrive home and Kanye comes around to my side. He takes my hand and walks me inside. We go straight to the bedroom and shower together. Nothing sexual, just the need to wipe away the day’s heartache and comfort each other.

We dry ourselves and lay in bed, naked together in each other’s arms. The difference between gentle touches and the harsh ones I have come to know reminds me of my past. Dark memories flitter around my mind, but I push them away. They don’t belong here. I’m safe, loved and wanted.

My fingers have itched to touch Kanye ever since I came back. Now, he’s in my arms, free to touch wherever I want. I slide my fingers into his hair and Kanye looks down at me at the same time. The yearning swirling in his gorgeous blue eyes gives me the permission I’m looking for.

Kanye glides his arms around my waist and pulls me up toward him. I kiss him. Immediately, he opens for me and my tongue slides into his mouth. I moan at tasting the delicious combination of Kanye and beer.

Kanye’s hand moves down my body and rests just above my clit. My heart speeds up. I’m desperate for him to touch it, to touch me.

Kanye’s head drops to my neck and in a rough voice he says, “Emmy, I want to touch every part of your body tonight. I want to caress your gorgeous ass. I want to cup and squeeze your beautiful tits and most of all I want to touch and taste your pussy, my pussy. If you don’t want that, tell me and we can go slowly. Wait until you’re ready. What do you want, baby?”

“Oh, my God,” I breathe against Kanye’s ear. “I need you so badly, Kanye. I want you to do all of those things to me, right now.” I rub my sensitive clit against his thigh. My body is in hyper drive and it needs a release now.

“Jesus, Emmy, thank God. I need you so fucking badly right now.” Kanye’s voice is even rougher this time when he speaks and is thick with relief.

His hand lowers and he cups my pussy, the whole thing with his large, warm calloused hand. He tightens his hand on my heat and growls into my neck. “Mine.”

I inhale sharply and my eyes go glassy.

Kanye leaves his hand cupping my pussy as he strokes my clit with his thumb. My body ignites at the first swirl of his finger. My nerve endings going off like fireworks.

Kanye pulls back from my neck and stares down into my eyes while I breathe out in ecstasy from his powerful but gentle strokes on my clit. It’s not long before my hips buck and my orgasm builds fast.

“You like that, Emmy?” Kanye asks against my mouth as he kisses the corners of my lips and around my jaw.

I realize my fingers are still in his hair and grasp on tightly to his strands to show Kanye how much I’m liking what he’s doing. He sucks my neck at the same time he speeds up his circles and strokes on my clit.

“Fuck, Emmy, you’re so beautiful. I would never forget how stunning you look when I had my hands on you and when you’re about to come, but my memory didn’t do you justice.”

I take in Kanye’s raspy, sexy words, but I can’t respond. I can’t do anything except feel the delicious sensation running up my legs and straight to my clit.

Kanye pulls his hand away and my head shoots up to find out why, but before the protest sitting on my lips escapes, Kanye’s mouth is on me and he is sucking and licking my clit. My hips buck once again from the amazing sensation. I grasp the bed sheets as the orgasm rebuilds.

“Kanye,” I pant, my hips pushing my pussy as far into his mouth as they can. I whimper as the explosion is about to hit. My pussy contracts and pleasure slams into me as I scream out Kanye’s name.

I come out of my blissful fog and find Kanye grinning down at me. He sits back on his haunches and strokes his cock. I whimper at the sight. We used to touch ourselves in front of each other and get off on watching the other. Our sex life never lacked anything. Kanye and I were perfect for each other in so many ways.

“You ready for me to take you, Emmy?”

“Yes,” I breathe out, unable to take my eyes from his hand stroking his hard cock.

“Do you want me to use a condom, baby?”

That question instantly pulls me from my sex-induced coma. Does he want to use a condom? We never did before. I was always on the pill. I’ve been on the pill for the past five years. It was the one thing I thanked God for. During the parties, the women had to be on the pill and the men had to wear condoms. Does Kanye think I’m dirty?

“Emmy,” Kanye says my name ever so gently that my eyes swing to his instantly.

“I’m clean,” I blurt out. “I went to the doctor remember, when I came back.” I start moving from the bed; I’m retreating. My confidence has plummeted.

I don’t move far before Kanye has his arm wrapped around my waist and he hauls me back to the bed on my back, hovering over me.

“Baby, I know. Jesus, I love you, Emmy, I wouldn’t care if you went to a doctor, and I trust you. Going bareback with you is fucking heaven. I’m talking about what you said earlier. You don’t want kids, which means we should probably be extra careful. What do you think?”

“Oh,” is all that comes out. He’s respecting my wishing about not wanting to have children. I’ve ruined the moment, the whole night. My stupid insecurities and doubts. “I’m so sorry. I’ve ruined the night.” I turn my head to the side, unable to look at Kanye anymore. And then I hear him chuckle and my head swings back to see what he finds so funny. He’s smiling at me and I narrow my eyes at him.

“Emmy, I’ve waited five fucking years to be inside your pussy again. You did not ruin anything over one sentence that can easily be forgotten because it’s not important. Not as important as we are.”

I nod slowly while my heart pounds against my chest. It’s a good pound; it’s my heart telling me he’s amazing and I’m the luckiest woman in the world.

“I’ll wear the condom tonight and we can talk about it more another time, okay?”

I nod again, unable to speak. I’m too focused on staring at this amazing man of mine. Mine.

Kanye positions himself between my legs. I wrap them around his waist. He grasps the base of his cock and positions it at my entrance. My breathing accelerates as I impatiently wait for him to push inside me.

He does, slowly and gently. I moan in pleasure as the glorious length of him fills me. He stops when he’s all the way in and looks down at me. His eyes are asking me if I’m okay, but I’m frustrated. I want him to push me like he used to, not treat me like something that may break at any minute.

“Kanye, I need you to move. Don’t treat me like glass. I’m not going to break. I want what we use to have; raw, beautiful fucking which always fell into lovemaking. I want that right now.”

At my words, Kanye kisses me hard. My mouth opens and we devour each other. He thrusts in and out in blissful strokes. I moan into his mouth and Kanye pulls back, breathing heavily as he keeps pumping into me vigorously. Whimpers fall from my lips as another orgasm builds.

My eyes close as my legs begin to tremble, pleasure and heat attacks every inch of my body. “Yes,” I breathe out. “Harder.”

Kanye does as I ask and slams into me harder and faster. His growls spur my orgasm to breaking point.

“This is beautiful,” I whisper.

“No, I’m looking at real beauty right now, baby.”

I open my eyes to Kanye starting down at me. My fingers tighten their grip on his shoulders as the wave of pleasure rolls through me. My back arches and I scream out in ecstasy.

As the waves slowly roll away, Kanye buries his face into my neck and growls against my sweat glistened skin as he thrusts in a few more times, then slows and stops. He bites my shoulder and then sucks the bite and kisses it.

“Mine,” he states loudly. “My beautiful girl is home,” he whispers the last part into my neck.

My heart swells and tears fall from my eyes. I am home.

I softly say what’s been on the tip of my tongue since I’ve been home. I say the words I can never take back. There will be no turning around, no hiding away and no trying to save him from my dark and corrupted world. Now, we are in this together.

“I love you, Kanye.”