Chapter Five
“So, you’re telling me some random guy you never met before convinced you of something I’ve been trying to convince you of for years?”
“It’s not that easy, Ava.” I sighed.
“Was he hot at least?” She laughed, and I stayed silent. “He was hot, wasn’t he?”
“Okay!” I scolded. “Levi’s hotness had nothing to do with me realizing that I’m ready to move on, I think.” I tried my best to sound convincing, but my words alarmed even me. I wasn’t in the right mindset, so I’d probably find Santa Claus attractive right now.
“Sure. Whatever you say,” Ava scoffed.
“I’m not a damn hussy!”
“Obviously, I know this.” Ava paused. “What are you going to do?”
I leaned back on the couch and stared at the ceiling.
“I have no idea. I don’t want to have this conversation with him via e-mail while he’s fighting to stay alive. A Dear John letter sounds pretty shitty.”
“Yeah,” Ava agreed. “But you both kind of left it on ending terms. So now you should wait a year to start living? I know you, Rainey, you won’t even look at another guy until it’s official,” she lectured.
“I don’t even care about other men. I just want to be happy.” My heart twisted in my chest. I was happy once, when we were in high school and life seemed so simple.
“And happy you shall be!” Ava professed as call waiting beeped.
“A private number’s calling through. I better get it.”
Ava sighed. “I’ll hold. Kids are napping, thank Christ.” I clicked over.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” Parker’s voice sounded distorted and distant as it rang through my ears. I stumbled on my words at the realization that it was him.
I wasn’t expecting him to call. Quite frankly, he never called, even when times were good. I was always here. No effort was needed to keep me waiting all these years. I was here whenever he needed me. Maybe that was my problem? Making myself so easily attainable and accessible. Little late to realize that.
“Is everything okay?” My senses were on alert, thinking about what could be going on that he needed to call me.
“Everything’s fine. I wanted to talk to you about something.” My shoulders went rigid. That was never a good start to a conversation.
“Okay.” I sat down because I knew this was going to be it. The moment that I knew was coming. The end.
“I’ve met someone.” My throat went dry. That wasn’t what I was expecting at all. Never once had the possibility that he had met someone crossed my mind. Then it all clicked. The text messaging. The smiling. The fucking girl eyeballing me.
“How long?” Something in me knew that this was a while in the making. I wanted to be angry, but my insecurity crept in. I wanted to punch him, call him every name in the book, but I wanted the facts. To know how dumb I’d been and for how long.
“Does it matter?” Back was his tone that always got under my skin but caused me to shut my mouth without question. Not this time. I wouldn’t cower and nod and accept what he said. I was fiercely loyal, had altered my entire life to suit his. I at least deserved to know what the fuck had been going on while I’d been trying to keep our marriage together.
“It matters!” I screamed, not recognizing my own voice. I was shaking, my entire body pulsing with the anger that coursed through me. I felt betrayed and completely stupid. I had given my entire life to this man, not long ago felt his lips against mine, and those same lips had been on someone else’s. “Do you remember when we saw each other after we met for the first time in the diner and you made up that poem?” I closed my eyes and remembered how special I’d felt. I didn’t feel special anymore. I felt used and discarded. I’d been a fucking idiot to think that Parker loved me still.
All eyes were on me as I walked to the front of the classroom and pulled out the roster the teacher had given me. Mrs. Mulligan was my favorite teacher. My AP English Literature and creative writing teacher and mentor. Since I’d finished all my English requirements for graduation, plus aced my AP exam, the principal agreed to let me be a teaching assistant.
I knew all the students on the roster except one, Parker Matthews. I glanced around for an unfamiliar face and didn’t see anyone. Shrugging, I placed the paper down to get the class started for Mrs. Mulligan.
“All right, who has an original work that they are ready to share?” I had hated the first time Mrs. Mulligan asked my class to share our work. I wasn’t a writer. I had never cared for it really, but I loved reading, literature, how someone could string words together and make you feel whatever they wanted. I was envious of that power. I’d tried, repeatedly, but my structured mind never let me go anywhere beyond prose that sounded like something out of The Cat and the Hat. Mrs. Mulligan was kind, though, and never gave up on me.
“No one?” I glanced around at the red faces. “Okay, I guess I’ll have to pick someone.” Walking up and down the aisles, I paused just as the door to the classroom opened. Like a cool breeze, the body, the face, the walk I remembered from that night at the diner stood before me. Looking me straight in the eyes, he found the only empty seat and placed his bag on the ground before sliding his long frame into the seat.
Girls whispered and giggled, causing my cheeks to flush at the realization that I wasn’t the only one who found him captivating. I wanted to stake my claim, but he wasn’t mine. Hell, he’d never even called me.
I couldn’t move or find my voice, which seemed to have left once he entered the room. My mouth opened, then shut, and more giggles filled the air.
“Share your original work, Mr. Matthews.” Mrs. Mulligan entered and nodded to me as she went to the front of the room.
I tried to will my eyes to not follow him as he walked past me. He faced the class, giving the grin that had made me think about him all summer with just one encounter.
He cleared his throat, then began.
“Her voice was like satin, smooth against my warm skin. Each curve of her body visible beneath the black apron that clung to parts of her that she hid from the world. But I’m no stranger to hiding parts that you hate. I saw right through her, to the woman—the perfection—that was underneath.”
I clutched the side of a desk, my mouth hanging open as Mrs. Mulligan looked between him and me. A smile crept on her lips.
“Seems we have a romantic in here, ladies.” More whispers flowed through the room. “Thank you for sharing, Parker. You may have a seat.” He passed right by me, the row between the desks seeming too small for us both to fit. Sucking in my stomach, I inhaled, the soft scent of Irish Spring wafting around me.
“Rainey,” he whispered as he scooted by. And with just the sound of my name, everything Ava had been saying to me came into my mind. Live. Be a teenager. I wanted him. His words, his mouth that said my name like it was the sweetest thing that ever graced his lips. Whether that poem was something he wrote months ago when we first met, or made up from just seeing me now, he remembered me, and damn, did I remember him.
Those were the days that I wanted to remember fondly. The times when there were no struggles between us, when we were just getting to know each other. When we were young.
“We were young, Rainey. Things are different now.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, because you’ve stuck your dick into someone else. What does she have that I don’t?” My insecurities crept in, and I hated it. I stared down at my wide hips and slight pouch of my stomach. Maybe if I was skinnier, fitter. I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts. This wasn’t my fault. No matter what flaws I had, no one deserved to be cheated on.
“Don’t go there. I’m not going to tell you who she is or compare the two of you. You’ll always be my first love. But that’s the thing about first loves, they aren’t always meant to last forever.”
I was dumbfounded. Had I spent my entire life forcing something that was doomed from the start? The high school sweethearts that people said were so strong and so much in love, when really our marriage was slowly dying as each day went on? Parker was right. They weren’t made to last forever. At least ours wasn’t.
“I’ve tried so hard to make this work.” The words escaped my lips, the weight of them releasing the tension from my shoulders.
Parker sighed. “You did, but that’s the problem. Just you tried. I wouldn’t and can’t put in the effort.” He paused. “We’re so different. It’s easier this way. You deserve a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You’ve always been a better person than me. Stronger, smarter. I’m setting you free.”
I held the phone away from my mouth and let out a small whimper. I couldn’t help but feel that even though he was setting me free, I was going to fall. That after years of holding on to a dysfunctional marriage, my wings had grown weak and I had forgotten how to fly. I could live my life the way I wanted, but I was scared. The unknown was never something I embraced, and right now, my life was filled with nothing but uncertainty.
“Goodbye, Rainey.” And with a click, the man I fell in love with at just seventeen years old in a diner, was gone.
Falling to the ground, I clutched my phone to my chest and stared. Where the hell did I go from here?